"Honor thy father and thy mother": The hardest commandment?

[Matt the Bat]

This one came to mind recently.

How are we supposed to honor this commandment effectively if our own parents were very immoral and doing something destructive to themselves, us, or others?

[Crow]

You do it the best way you can.

I have a mother who interferes in her children's marriages, not as in offering unsolicited advice, but as in trying to break them up and sow dissent between husband and wife. She is also a vicious gossip.

When she starts sharing the perceived or real wrongs in a marriage, I tell her that I won't discuss a married couple's private business. I tell her that I'm not interested in so and so's personal business. If she persists, I leave.

The way I can honor her is to not participate when she does this stuff, but talk with her if she wants to talk about something more appropriate. There are times that the best I can do to honor her is to stay away if my being there will encourage her to start up.

It sure isn't fun. It was a whole lot easier to honor my father because he was really an honorable man.

God doesn't expect us to do the impossible. He doesn't expect us to honor what is dishonorable in another person, not even a parent. Sometimes the only way you can honor someone is to change the subject and pray for God to change their heart.

[Teluog]

You are to honour whatever good there is in your parents. And since no one is completely and purely evil there is at least something to honour.

At least give them some respect, which I think is what the commandment is saying.

[Adrift]

I think its a matter of perspective to say its hard or not. My parents are the gentlest and most loving people I know. They've touched more lives in more people's hearts than most people I know. For me to honor my parents is a pleasure, but I sometimes don't feel that I'm as thoughtful and honorable to them as I should be. The bar is set high.

My girlfriend comes from a broken home with a father who was at one time verbally abusive and her mom emotionally abusive. Her father is now doing his best to make amends (which my girlfriend finds awkward), but her mother is still a bit of a mess. To me, it doesn't seem that it should be that hard for my girlfriend to honor her parents, all it really takes is a bit of forgiveness, patience, and the understanding that she needs to mentally tune her mother out when she gets on her nerves. Still, my girlfriend struggles with honoring her mother and it drives me nuts :smile:

Its a work in progress for that family, and I think as time goes on and my girlfriend grows stronger in faith she'll be handle this particular commandment easier.