How Frequently should I attend Church?

[draw2much]

So, I have a question about church attendance. Please keep in mind I'm not asking whether it's good or not to go. I believe it's good, so that's not what I'm struggling with.

The question I'm asking is should I (or do I) have to go every time a service is held? And if I don't go, does that mean I'm putting something or someone (depending on the reason I'm not going) above God?

I ask because the church I go to right now teaches you should go to church whenever the doors are open for a service. The only time you shouldn't go is if you're sick or weather doesn't permit. So if you don't go it means in some way you're doing something "bad" and selfish. In essence, if you don't go you're putting something else before God. (They do not teach your salvation is tied to church attendance, in case you're wondering.)

Well, I hate mornings, and so does my husband. We like nice, relaxing stress-free weekend mornings. Going to church in the mornings is none of that. We (try to) go consistently Sunday evenings and Wednesday evenings, there's even a Tuesday night (3 hour!) Bible study we attend. This doesn't always work out, and it's disappointing when we don't go, as we generally like to go.

But we have a few people who tell us we should go in the mornings, and how we're "missing out" by not going. And last week my friend told me she was very concerned that I don't go in the mornings. She says she always hears things there that she thinks would help Mike and I. She also said I should be careful I'm not "not" going just because people say I should go. (Aka, don't miss out just because you're being rebellious.)

*sighs* This leaves me confused. I can't tell whether I object out of rebellion or just on the principle of the matter or what. I just don't know.

The thing is I like church. I like to learn, I like to be around other Christians, I like all that. I just don't like doing it in the morning!

Does that make me a bad person? Am I ruining my fellowship with God by not going in the morning? When I miss a service (morning or evening or whenever) does that mean I'm putting something else in God's place? Is attendance THAT important to God?

Gah, it's frustrating. I think and feel like the answer should be No. Going to church is good, but it's not that important. But I don't know... even my very good friend is getting concerned about it! Maybe I'm wrong?

The thing is I don't really feel (think?) I'm "missing out". I study on my own, read my own Bible, discuss things with my husband. (Nothing like a good long discussion about something in the Bible with the hubby to get the juices flowing.) We learn a lot just doing that. In fact, we'll learn things and then have those very things preached about in a sermon *shortly after*! (Encouraging but not really helpful.)

The preaching is more of a reminder of what we already knew than feeding us something "new". We get more "new" things from private study than from services. But services are valuable in that they remind us of things we were taught a while ago but maybe stopped actively living.

Of course there's fellowshipping with other believers, which is a very good thing. I like doing it. In fact, I pretty well didn't do it for 2 years and I know exactly what type of drain that is on the spirit. I don't want to repeat it.

But going to a church service is not fellowshipping! At most you spend an hour (if you're there 30min early and stay 30 min late) where you're actually interacting with people, the rest is singing hymns and listening to someone preach. Any real fellowship is done outside of the church at lunch or dinner or at a friend's house.

In terms of fellowship, I often feel going to my (Christian) friend's house is more productive in that sense than going to service. I'm not being pulled in 5 different directions to talk to people (some of who I barely know). I can actually get to the nitty gritty about life with my friend. At church I shake everyone's hand and ask/get asked meaningless things like "How are you doing today?" where you're expected to say "Just fine!". Ugh. Do you get what I mean?

It's things like the above that make church seem "fake" to me. I can't figure out why anyone would WANT to go every time there's a service. What's the value in it?

Unless, of course, I have some ministry there to other people. To me that's the only reason I'd go in the mornings, is if I was doing something more than sitting on my duff absorbing more stuff I already know. ( :lol: ) If I could teach other people, or serve or something.. that would be "of value".

But in this church, you kinda need to go to ALL the services before they consider you trustworthy and (I guess?) mature enough to handle any sort of leadership type roll. So if I don't go in the morning and all the evening services, then I can't do a ministery (teach a Sunday school) which will make me MISS those services anyway...

Well, I'm just really confused and frustrated! I don't know if I want help or a sympathetic ear! (Which just makes me feel annoyed at myself.) :sigh:

Anyway, this was VERY long... and I'm sorry for that. But please be gentle when you reply... :blush:

[spiritmech]

Is your church large or small? I find smaller churches a little easier to really get to know people.
sm

[Soyeong]

I personally think that if you regularly spend time in the Word and in fellowship with other Christians, then it doesn't matter where or when you meet.

[One Bad Pig]

We've had a discussion about this from a slightly different angle here (http://www.theologyweb.com/campus/showthread.php?t=81795).

[draw2much]

First I need to mention that all the churches in my area are "military churches" since I'm over seas. There is a constant influx (and outflux!) of people because every 2-4 years someone is moving. This type of situation makes it more difficult to get to know people. (Since you might start getting chummy with someone only to find out a month later they're moving!)

This also has an affect on how many members there are in our church. Just a few months ago I would have said over 50, but now it's more near 20. (That's not including "Visitors" some of which come regularly.) Just the nature of the moving military..

So it is small. But that doesn't exactly help me much. Because 20 or 50 or 100 are still more people than I can possibly get to know in a church service. There just isn't enough TIME to really get to know them that way, and that's usually the only time I have for one-on-one with most of them.

Now there are certain people I do know quite well, but I don't "fellowship" with them at church. I see them at church in passing and then go fellowship afterward.

Also, thank you Pig for the link! I read the whole thing, but was disappointed that it seemed to go off track and start talking about celibacy and priests. There were some really good questions in there that seemed to get glossed over because of that.

[One Bad Pig]

Also, thank you Pig for the link! I read the whole thing, but was disappointed that it seemed to go off track and start talking about celibacy and priests. There were some really good questions in there that seemed to get glossed over because of that.
Please feel free to dig them up and get the thread back on track. :smile:

[Heartablaze]

I think that the time is irrelevant, but why not try it once, if only for the love of your friend? If that makes you obliged to return, then maybe not, but showing your friend that you're listening is kind, at least. If you think it useless(as you're already going at a different time), then don't go. But in all of this, pray to God and ask for his discernment. Always be open to his leading.

[Zguy28]

In the ancient church, people commonly stopped on their way to work and on the way home for prayers. Everyday.

They also didn't have daily commutes except to the other end of the village though.

[Chocobear]

Go as often as you can.


So if you don't go it means in some way you're doing something "bad" and selfish. In essence, if you don't go you're putting something else before God. (They do not teach your salvation is tied to church attendance, in case you're wondering.)

That's an unfair assumption. Since when did church become the only place where a person can worship and honor God? And how do they know that the reason you didn't go to church one day was because you were doing something selfish? For all they know, you could be helping someone.

When someone who goes to my church doesn't show up one day, I don't spend my time thinking to myself, "Well, shame on them for missing church." I wonder where they are, and I miss them. But I don't think they're doing something bad. It's when they miss several Sundays that I start to worry.

These people who are telling you this nonsense need to focus on what they're doing in church. My advice to you would be: explain to them why you don't go to church every single Sunday. If they can't handle that, then politely and respectfully tell them to back off and mind their own business.

[draw2much]

I have been thinking about this for a while and I think I have an idea what the problem is.

Simply put: I do not like the church I go to. I could add more but I don't think I should in this thread.

Not liking my church and attendance are two different topics. So I will probably start a completely new topic for this.

Thank you for all your responses! I appreciated them all! :)

[spiritmech]

Did you used to like it? Or did you never like it, and it took a while to recognize?
sm


I have been thinking about this for a while and I think I have an idea what the problem is.

Simply put: I do not like the church I go to. I could add more but I don't think I should in this thread.

Not liking my church and attendance are two different topics. So I will probably start a completely new topic for this.

Thank you for all your responses! I appreciated them all! :)

[draw2much]

From the beginning it's been a love-hate deal. There are certain things I really like, and certain things I really don't like. I thought I could handle what I didn't like about it, sort of just ignore or look past the differences. I think that was my first mistake.

[spiritmech]

From the beginning it's been a love-hate deal. There are certain things I really like, and certain things I really don't like. I thought I could handle what I didn't like about it, sort of just ignore or look past the differences. I think that was my first mistake.


:pray: for you and your family. I hope you are able to listen to that still small voice within you to find a spiritual home. Don't beat up on yourself, because I've done worse.
sm

[MooseOnTheLoose]

In the 18th century in the UK it was actually against the law not to attend church.

[spiritmech]

For the whole century? Or just under a specific reign?
sm


In the 18th century in the UK it was actually against the law not to attend church.

[MooseOnTheLoose]

As a 18th century historical novelist my research only extends to that period of time but my impression is that before the mid to late 1800s non church attendance was not the done thing, if not legally then certainly socially.

[spiritmech]

Did David Hume attend?
sm


As a 18th century historical novelist my research only extends to that period of time but my impression is that before the mid to late 1800s non church attendance was not the done thing, if not legally then certainly socially.

[draw2much]

How often did they have church back then? (Not that this is really pertaining to what my OP, but it's an interesting history lesson.)

[One Bad Pig]

Fresh from my reading of 1776, indications are that services were held twice on Sundays, morning and evening.

[RedTulipMoon]

If i were you i wouldn't go to church because you feel obligated or because others are pressuring you. If you feel comfortable with going to your Sun and Wed nights and your Tues night bible study then thats great. sounds like your too worried about what MAN thinks. Fear God not Man...i think he knows your heart.

[Ishida]

I think you're good. I'd ask the Lord though. It'd be pointless to go if you're just another tally on the attendance mark..

[phase]

You would question going at all with the churches in this neck of the woods. They are falling like dominoes to the new world order. Holiness being equated with economic status. Feel good because you are giving tithes and come to church on Sunday morning, (then people leave behaving every way but Christ like). On the news children were being interviewed after leaving a Christmas service were asked what they got out of the service and not one, not one said anything about the birth they were suppose to be celebrating.
However, where there are two or more gathered in Jesus name - he is there.
In the past when attending church, always like the Sunday evening service and Wednesday night bible study. Less ritual and more meat.

[Mattmulligan]

"In 1945 a scroll was discovered in Nag Hammadi, which is described as "the sayings of the Living Jesus." This scroll, the gospel of St Thomas, has been claimed by scholars around the world to be the closest historical record we have of the words of the historical Jesus. The vatican refuses to recognize the gospel, and has described it as heresy."

The quote in it was "The kingdom of God is inside you and all around you. Not in mansions of wood and stone. Split a piece of wood and I am there. Lift a stone and you will find me."

The idea is that these "mansions of wood and stone" are the churches, and going by this i would say you dont necessarily have to go at all.
This forum is for Christians only. See the guidelines posted here. (http://www.theologyweb.com/campus/announcement.php?f=164)

[phase]

A lesson has been learned.
Granted that there is a very active war against Christianity, a Christian still needs the fellowship of other Christians. Per another post, by a smart person, it was stated that no matter what denomination that a person decides to choose there will more than likely be a handful of devout Christians in the church. Judging all churches by the dozen or so that have been compromised is in error.

[Dracula Girl]

Go as often as you can.



That's an unfair assumption. Since when did church become the only place where a person can worship and honor God? And how do they know that the reason you didn't go to church one day was because you were doing something selfish? For all they know, you could be helping someone.

When someone who goes to my church doesn't show up one day, I don't spend my time thinking to myself, "Well, shame on them for missing church." I wonder where they are, and I miss them. But I don't think they're doing something bad. It's when they miss several Sundays that I start to worry.

These people who are telling you this nonsense need to focus on what they're doing in church. My advice to you would be: explain to them why you don't go to church every single Sunday. If they can't handle that, then politely and respectfully tell them to back off and mind their own business.
I'm just going to add a few questions I've thought of on a similar sort of issue with the "whenever you can" answer. I'm not looking necessarily for an exact answer for each one, but at least some sort of reply on what that means.

How do you know how often you can go? Couldn't it be said that can is partially determined by priorities?

If there are multiple services at your church on Sunday, should you go to all of them? If you can go to one weekday service at your church and another weekday at another church, should you do both? If given the option, should you sacrifice a great job if you can have a job that puts food on the table and pays the bills that allows you to attend multiple services? If you can in the forseable future still graduate without doing well in your classes, should you never skip a service because you can live without the other thing?

[Vigilante]

Hi there.

I think the answer is simple enough. I think you should prioritize!
1 you are a Christian, and your relationship with God matters first.
2 you are a wife, and your relationships with hubby matters second.
3 you are a mother (if you are) and your relationship with kids is next.
4 you are a worker (if you work) and your relationship to bosses next
5 you are a friend, and your friends come next.

From top down, when something of lower priority is interfering with your relationships above, something is not right. In other words, trouble with the boss should not be causing issues with your spouse. Prioritize!

In your situation, if it is better for your relationship with God to hit morning services and chill with the hubby and kids come evening, then do it that way. If it is better for your relationships with God to study in the evenings and spend time with family in the mornings, then do it that way.
If you are attending 2 or 3 services/studies a week, then you can hardly be faulted for not going "enough". If going to a morning service to sing and hear stuff you already know, and it puts a strain on your weekend quality time with hubby, then don't do it.
IF, for example, you really needed that morning service to worship God and stay connected and it blesses you and grows you in Christ, this would have to come first before hubby. It doesn't sound like this is the case. It sounds like the services they have don't grow you. But having Bible studies and close friends to study with does grow you.
I would stick with what you are doing. What helps you most grow in Christ? Then what grows your relationship with spouse and kids next? Then what makes you a better employee and friend?

Hebrews 10:24,25:
And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

There is a purpose for church even if the preaching is old news. The Holy Spirit convicts through preaching, when the preacher says something and you feel they are talking to you even when they didn't name you. This conviction is a part of growing. It is necessary to hear preachers preach, they can often nail you to the wall on something or another. But in any case, you are not neglecting to meet simply because you choose an evening service or a midweek Bible study. There is nothing particularly special about mornings, although Jesus himself favored early morning for prayer and meditation.

To feel pressured or obligated starts to turn the page in to legalism. It isn't about "when" or "how much", it's just that you don't neglect to gather with other believers to encourage each other and stir each other up. For the preacher to speak truth into your life, to sing praises with other believers, and to show an example for your kids. If kids get the idea that their parents think church is a throw-away experience that is more bothersome than anything, they will take that in to adulthood as well. They need to see mom and dad dedicate themselves to a local church that they regularly attend, support, and serve the body in. And not as that annoying obligation every week.

I would tell your friend something along the lines of what you do now, and how often you go, to what and when, is what best grows you in Christ and allows you to spend time with family.
I wouldn't let this become a "holier than thou" debate, that is religion, it's legalism, it's wrong.
I guess their argument was that the preacher often says things that would help you? I suppose the same could be said about any sermon anywhere at any time. If a preacher is peaking the truth, it will always convict someone in some situation.

It is not required to go as much as possible every time the doors open. The idea is to grow in Christ, not to simply show face at every event so you look good and holy.
Go to services to grow and worship, fellowship and encourage and stir up. If you do that, if you gather with the saints on a regular basis, then you're doing just fine. But if you are convicted to go to morning service and believe you should be doing so, then do that and appease your conscience.

That's about all I can say!



Peace

[95th]

As a 18th century historical novelist my research only extends to that period of time but my impression is that before the mid to late 1800s non church attendance was not the done thing, if not legally then certainly socially.

how times have changed....