Not enjoying Christmas

[Michelle]

Yesterday morning while I was waiting for everyone else to wake up, I read the news. There was a story about a man in a Santa suit who shot up a party, and then set the house on fire. I was intrigued because the house was in the neighborhood I lived in when I was in high school, and for some reason that made the story more interesting to me, so I pursued it some more today.

The first person the guy shot was an 8 year old girl, who, fortunately, is expected to survive her injuries. I'm pretty sure she's not going to enjoy Christmas very much in years to come. Suppose you meet this girl in 20 years. She's now well into adulthood, but she still doesn't enjoy the Christmas season. Would you blame her? Would you think something is bad, wrong, or maladjusted about her?

The reason I ask is that something pretty awful happened to me 20 plus years ago on Christmas Day. I've never enjoyed Christmas very much since then. I try to go along with the festivities as much as possible, but I wouldn't mind at all if they did away with the whole shebang. In fact, I'd be relieved. It's a lot of work pretending to have joy and peace when instead you have bad memories. Am I in need of mental health services?

Before anyone tells me to focus my attention on the birth of Christ, the events that were set into motion on that Christmas in the 80s directly led to me coming to Christ. I thank Him daily for coming to Earth, living, dying, and rising again; all for my benefit, which I totally do not deserve. I don't need a special day to remember that.

[Dee Dee Warren]

Christmas has become so commercialized that I don't really enjoy it. I like going to Church and that is it. I don't really do anything else. Plus, Christmas was a big deal when my mom was alive, and now that she is gone, it just reminds me too much of her and hurts too much, so I choose to just enjoy the day off. We don't have kids, and I no longer have my parents, so it seems there just isn't any reason in it for me to make the big production.

[Brandalf85]

Have you seen a counselor (a Christian one) about this?

:hug: I'm sorry that you feel that way. It seems Christmas often is bad for those who lose something, even if it's not around Christmas. It's just one of those holidays that brings it into focus.

[Michelle]

Have you seen a counselor (a Christian one) about this?

:hug: I'm sorry that you feel that way. It seems Christmas often is bad for those who lose something, even if it's not around Christmas. It's just one of those holidays that brings it into focus.

I've never seen a counselor for anything.

If you're sorry that I feel this way, does that mean it's wrong to feel this way? Do counselors know how to make you feel a different way?

[Dee Dee Warren]

I don't find counseling particularly helpful.

[Brandalf85]

I've never seen a counselor for anything.

If you're sorry that I feel this way, does that mean it's wrong to feel this way? Do counselors know how to make you feel a different way?

I don't think "wrong" is the right word. I do think talking about it helps to some extent. Even if you never really change how you feel or act towards it. If you ever need to talk about anything, you have friends here and I'm sure people there with you that would be happy to listen.

Our family has a hard time during Christmas as well, and I know we're not alone in that. As I said, it's just one of those holidays...

:hug:

[Michelle]

I don't find counseling particularly helpful.

OK, the one and only experience I had with a counselor was that I took my son to see one for a few months when he was 7. His teacher thought he had A.D.D., but I didn't (bear in mind that I'm a teacher as well and I know from A.D.D.) So I took him to this counselor that my church recommended and the counselor was able to uncover that my son was terrified that I was going to die while we were apart from each other and that was all he could think about every day. So I spent more time with him and convinced him of all the stuff I was doing to stay alive and he got better. Then it turned out that the counselor was abusing his wife. Beating the tar out of her. I'm not sure really what that all means...I guess I don't have a whole lotta desire to be counseled :shrug:

[Michelle]

I don't think "wrong" is the right word. I do think talking about it helps to some extent. Even if you never really change how you feel or act towards it. If you ever need to talk about anything, you have friends here and I'm sure people there with you that would be happy to listen.

Our family has a hard time during Christmas as well, and I know we're not alone in that. As I said, it's just one of those holidays...

:hug:

Thanks Brand :hug: You're right, there are tons of people here who are willing to listen.

[lilpixieofterror]

I'd say this... the past is gone and whatever memories you have of it, while they can be happy and painful, they are not who we are today or what goes on today. Live for today and look forward to the future.

[Michelle]

I'd say this... the past is gone and whatever memories you have of it, while they can be happy and painful, they are not who we are today or what goes on today. Live for today and look forward to the future.

Um....ok.

Lilpixieofterror, with all due respect, that sounds optimistic and all, but it's not really what I'm talking about. I love my life and I look forward to the future; I just don't enjoy Christmas and I was wondering if that's wrong. What do you think?

[lilpixieofterror]

Um....ok.

Lilpixieofterror, with all due respect, that sounds optimistic and all, but it's not really what I'm talking about. I love my life and I look forward to the future; I just don't enjoy Christmas and I was wondering if that's wrong. What do you think?

Depends on your reason for not enjoying Christmas. Is it because of something bad happened a long time ago? If so, you might have a problem. I remember I used to not like Sept 10 because it was the day my grandmother died. However I thought; would my grandmother want me to remember her in happiness or sadness? So now I don't use Sept 10th as a day of sadness, but as a day to remember my grandmother's memory. Now if it's because of how commercial the holiday has become, I don't blame you, I can't stand it either. People who throw a fit over not getting what they wanted for Christmas annoy me to no end; why can't they be happy for what they have and that somebody thought enough of them to take the time to buy them something? I think of getting gifts in this light; I am taking my time to find something for those I love, so I really look forward to that moment myself. Sometimes, the holiday seasons annoys me to (the cold weather being part of it), but for all the materialism that often comes up as a result. I really don't know why you don't enjoy Christmas or if it is a problem or simply a combo of things, I was just going off from your OP about the girl that was shot and trying to explain what I would tell her.

[Michelle]

Depends on your reason for not enjoying Christmas. Is it because of something bad happened a long time ago? If so, you might have a problem. I remember I used to not like Sept 10 because it was the day my grandmother died. However I thought; would my grandmother want me to remember her in happiness or sadness? So now I don't use Sept 10th as a day of sadness, but as a day to remember my grandmother's memory. Now if it's because of how commercial the holiday has become, I don't blame you, I can't stand it either. People who throw a fit over not getting what they wanted for Christmas annoy me to no end; why can't they be happy for what they have and that somebody thought enough of them to take the time to buy them something? I think of getting gifts in this light; I am taking my time to find something for those I love, so I really look forward to that moment myself. Sometimes, the holiday seasons annoys me to (the cold weather being part of it), but for all the materialism that often comes up as a result. I really don't know why you don't enjoy Christmas or if it is a problem or simply a combo of things, I was just going off from your OP about the girl that was shot and trying to explain what I would tell her.

Ok, I see. I didn't understand what you were replying to.

[lilpixieofterror]

Ok, I see. I didn't understand what you were replying to.

Hope that explained everything and I hope my advice helped any.

[TheAnalogman]

Michelle,

I don't think anything you've said here is wrong, but I do hope that in the future the memories become less painful during this season. If this whole Christmas "celebration" ended next year, I wouldn't bat an eye. I think it's too much to expect folks to be all happy when horrific events happened that particular day. So, in short, I don't think you need any type of counseling at all.

[Johnny MacManky]

. . . I don't need a special day to remember that.

I'm not a great fan of Christmas at all. In the first place, I almost go further than Michelle to the point where I don't especially even like Christianity having a "special day" - it's almost as if Church is becoming too commercialised over the festive season. We've been having sermon themes recently about remembering the "true meaning" and getting away from all the hype and stressful aspects of being so busy, yet the Church programme has been somewhat hyped and certainly too busy.

Another bad thing about Christmas (and other special holidays) is that it does amplify the impact of bad things that happen around that time. I mean, if we've had a breavement around Christmas or on our birthday, it brings it back every year.

My dad died around St Andrews Day, but I've actually forgotten the exact date he died, and I'm glad because I know I'd despise that day every year. On the other hand, I especially remember him around that time, but in a more positive manner which I think knowing the exact date & minute, etc. would be detrimental.

No, there's absolutely nothing wrong with not enjoying Christmas. If the underlying past events were such that they were causing you bother at other times, sure see if you can get help. Otherwise I figure trying to have a 'normal day of rest' on the 25th would be a good idea. Heck, how many of us who are active in our local churches could call Sunday "restful"!

[Michelle]

Thanks, TAM and Johnny.

I agree with you, Johnny, when you say that the church is as bad as the world when it comes to exploiting the holiday. I love it when it's just a quiet day with family. That's what I did this year. I declined all invitations to parties, but took my parents and my kids out to dinner on the 23rd. I had a very quiet and peaceful day with my daughter, my son, and his girlfriend. We just read and watched movies. It was so peaceful and nice.

[Alan3838]

Yesterday morning while I was waiting for everyone else to wake up, I read the news. There was a story about a man in a Santa suit who shot up a party, and then set the house on fire. I was intrigued because the house was in the neighborhood I lived in when I was in high school, and for some reason that made the story more interesting to me, so I pursued it some more today.

The first person the guy shot was an 8 year old girl, who, fortunately, is expected to survive her injuries. I'm pretty sure she's not going to enjoy Christmas very much in years to come. Suppose you meet this girl in 20 years. She's now well into adulthood, but she still doesn't enjoy the Christmas season. Would you blame her? Would you think something is bad, wrong, or maladjusted about her?

The reason I ask is that something pretty awful happened to me 20 plus years ago on Christmas Day. I've never enjoyed Christmas very much since then. I try to go along with the festivities as much as possible, but I wouldn't mind at all if they did away with the whole shebang. In fact, I'd be relieved. It's a lot of work pretending to have joy and peace when instead you have bad memories. Am I in need of mental health services?

Before anyone tells me to focus my attention on the birth of Christ, the events that were set into motion on that Christmas in the 80s directly led to me coming to Christ. I thank Him daily for coming to Earth, living, dying, and rising again; all for my benefit, which I totally do not deserve. I don't need a special day to remember that.

There's nothing wrong with you Michelle. I find it qiute healthy that you focused on your family in instead of the bad memories. I'm sorry for you that bad memories come to mind. It may be on christmas but it proabably wouldn't be any less painful any other day of the year perhaps a little easier to deal with.

Your post though sounds healthy and it's only human to question ourselves.:smile:

You

[Eeset-Shadowgrl]

The first person the guy shot was an 8 year old girl, who, fortunately, is expected to survive her injuries. I'm pretty sure she's not going to enjoy Christmas very much in years to come. Suppose you meet this girl in 20 years. She's now well into adulthood, but she still doesn't enjoy the Christmas season. Would you blame her? Would you think something is bad, wrong, or maladjusted about her?
No. I would think she has ample reason to be sad around Christmas.

I rejected Christmas commercialism decades ago. Not so much as a wreath graces my door. I am not sad on Christmas but I simply do not enjoy all the hoopla that to me takes away from celebrating the birth of Christ. This year I bought presents for indigent children and worked with other members of the congregation to assemble, wrap and distribute them. My heart was not in having Santa visit them but rather in giving them a few things that would put a smile on those wonderful young faces. I went to an evening service on the 24th and spent Christmas day very quietly with not a single present to open. That is what I prefer. Let the counselors spent their time with those who crave a chaotic commercial 25th of December. Just my opinion.

[Michelle]

Thanks Alan and Eeset.

Eeset, your Christmas sounds great, actually.

[mossrose]

Michelle, Alan said very well what I wanted to say earlier, but couldn't find the words.

We all celebrate our Lord's presence with us in different ways, and I pray, often, that I can remember to be thankful to Him ALL through the year, for His birth and death and resurrection and for all He does for me each and every day. And, I forget, often. I forget that He is with me and I forget how much He has done for me. And I hate that sometimes I think, "well, it's Christmas, let's thank God for His great gift now", and forget about it all the rest of the year.

I also find Christmas somewhat sad.....this year, quite a lot. And even though I know my loved ones are with the Lord and celebrating "Jesus' birthday at HIS house" (as my kids used to say), I still miss them and long for their presence with ME. Which is a normal, human feeling to have.

We love you, sweet girl, and my heart aches that you are sad. My heart would ache for your sadness on any day you are sad, not just Christmas.

:sigh:

I still don't know what I am saying.

:huggy:

[Johnny MacManky]

. . . I still don't know what I am saying. . ..

For the benefit of those who don't know, mossy tends to overdo the liquid celebrations. On Christmas Eve she schnuck (like a Canuck) into the Redneck Bar and staggered off with a crateful of dark chocolate liqueurs.

[mossrose]

:mossrose: :msg:

[RumTumTugger]

Thanks, TAM and Johnny.

I agree with you, Johnny, when you say that the church is as bad as the world when it comes to exploiting the holiday. I love it when it's just a quiet day with family. That's what I did this year. I declined all invitations to parties, but took my parents and my kids out to dinner on the 23rd. I had a very quiet and peaceful day with my daughter, my son, and his girlfriend. We just read and watched movies. It was so peaceful and nice.

Sigh, I wish I could have done that. but with both my husbands and my families being close to us we had to make the rounds or I did. my husband was at his folks keeping his foot up. This year was particularly hard on me with my memories, and with the stress of dealing with what is happening to now in my life.Today I plan to just veg and do something I"ll enjoy. I'm exhausted from all the celebrating and trying not to bring others down when when the sad feelings hit me..

and Michelle I'm with others it is normal.

[RumTumTugger]

for some reason tweb is not letting me edit my post this time darn it.

:hug: Michelle

[Vivian]

Thanks, TAM and Johnny.

I agree with you, Johnny, when you say that the church is as bad as the world when it comes to exploiting the holiday. I love it when it's just a quiet day with family. That's what I did this year. I declined all invitations to parties, but took my parents and my kids out to dinner on the 23rd. I had a very quiet and peaceful day with my daughter, my son, and his girlfriend. We just read and watched movies. It was so peaceful and nice.

I am with you, Michelle.

This was our first Christmas since the death of my husband and although the relatives (especially his side) would have liked for us to have spent the holidays with them, we chose instead to be together just the three of us.

We rented a condo of sorts at a fine ski resort (so that we were not left with trying to do all the things my husband would do - having a staff there to take care of us in his absence) and spent Christmas alone, together. We skied a bit but mostly just hung out, and just let everything come, or not come.

In the end my 11 year old daughter said that although it was not like our other Christmas vacations, with her dad, it was just as much fun (or pleasure/enjoyment) as they were.

It was different, but we as a family are now different so need different things.

I think often the worldly expectations of how things are suppose to be at Christmas cause much distress in our society.

Ours was ours, and so it was ok if we just sat quietly, or laughed outrageously, or cried, or simply did whatever we needed or wanted.

As Jesus said about the Sabbath, Christmas was made for man, not man for Christmas, and so that day, as any day, ought to be just what we require.



Viv

[Michelle]

Mossrose, RumTumTugger, and Vivian :hug: :hug: :hug: hugs to you all! You all have had difficult holidays; I guess it's more common than not. Really, I think there is something charming and, well, more sane about having a simple, relaxing holiday. I hope the trend catches on.

Oh, and if you think about it, pray for that poor little girl. She was shot in the face by Santa and at least 9 of her family members died.

[Zero Tolerance]

Yesterday morning while I was waiting for everyone else to wake up, I read the news. There was a story about a man in a Santa suit who shot up a party, and then set the house on fire. I was intrigued because the house was in the neighborhood I lived in when I was in high school, and for some reason that made the story more interesting to me, so I pursued it some more today.

The first person the guy shot was an 8 year old girl, who, fortunately, is expected to survive her injuries. I'm pretty sure she's not going to enjoy Christmas very much in years to come. Suppose you meet this girl in 20 years. She's now well into adulthood, but she still doesn't enjoy the Christmas season. Would you blame her? Would you think something is bad, wrong, or maladjusted about her?

The reason I ask is that something pretty awful happened to me 20 plus years ago on Christmas Day. I've never enjoyed Christmas very much since then. I try to go along with the festivities as much as possible, but I wouldn't mind at all if they did away with the whole shebang. In fact, I'd be relieved. It's a lot of work pretending to have joy and peace when instead you have bad memories. Am I in need of mental health services?

Before anyone tells me to focus my attention on the birth of Christ, the events that were set into motion on that Christmas in the 80s directly led to me coming to Christ. I thank Him daily for coming to Earth, living, dying, and rising again; all for my benefit, which I totally do not deserve. I don't need a special day to remember that.

You're not in need of mental health services because your experiences make you human. If you were not affected by trauma, then I WOULD suggest that you seek help.

As for the young girl, I would think that the Christmas season would indeed bring back horrible memories. My wife lost her eldest sister during the Christmas season, but simultaneously, this time reminds her how grateful she is to have a merciful and generous God.

Notice that you say "Christmas season" as opposed to the secular "holiday season." That lets everyone know that you have your priorities in order. For this eight year-old girl, let us send up our prayers for her and know that she'll have one hell of a testimony if she becomes a believer.