I think I should be worried about this.

[Leonhard]

I just went a whole week without going to any of my classes. I couldn't get myself out there, couldn't get myself out of bed. I'm hoping come monday my situation will be better, but I know I'll probably wake up even more blue than I am now. This is getting frustrating, I've lost more and more motivation to do anything, even things I like doing, over the past year. Once things you like start to feel like a second job I think its time to be worried.

Everything that I like feels as if all joy is getting sucked out of it. I have to set aside a whole day to do one simple little thing that my little sister could do in an hour, after coming home from eight hours of work and having a massive headache. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, but I'm starting to be afraid. I try doing things I like... running, walking a good walk, eating food that I like, talking to people I like, or seeing a good movie. I just don't feel anything... well.. except sadness, and fear and shame and guilt, those lovely emotions are still the same, yay me!

I tried discipline: Just do it! And I tried, and I couldn't make myself go through, I TIRE SO EFFING QUICKLY!!!!! I've tried it repeatedly hoping that the twentieth time is the lucky one. I would hurt myself if it would make me do things, but that's an effort onto itself eh?

I tried talking to my loved ones about it, and they give nice encouraging words but... I feel as if I'm slipping down a black hole of lifelessness. What can I do? Why isn't this stopping? Why aren't I getting any better? Even when I was a Christian I prayed to God many, many times about this and it didn't help.

I just don't know what to do anymore, it can't keep going on like this.

[Dee Dee Warren]

Go see your doctor. I know how you feel. You need medical intervention as far as I can see, but your doctor could tell more. Don't wait.

[Kelp]

Your doctor might also recommend therapy. That doesn't help everyone, but you might find it works for you.

[Rayado]

Please seek professional medical help as soon as possible.

[RumTumTugger]

Leon, you do what Rayado and the others are telling you get yourself to your doctor now.

and you know where I am if you need to talk :hug: Leon.

[gharfish]

How are you these days, Leonhard ? I care about you; you were suffering. Perhaps it continues, unrelieved. I missed seeing this thread. I was gone for two weeks. You have been 'silent' here on TWeb since this OP here, only once after that previous last one on your own longer thread about Hell (right ?). You needn't answer me, for depression does a number on you; even just talking about it may worsen it. It oftentimes does, I've found.

I saw a few minutes back that you are online around here, "looking." That's cool. I wish you well.

Hey, more than that: may God help you,
Vance




>

[Leonhard]

Thanks guys for your concern :smile:

Well I might as well give people an update since my OP is drawing quite a bit of worry. After posting it I got into contact with a friend of mine who'll arrange a meeting with a psychologist and I'll be able to get an appointment sometime in April. Yes its late, but this is the only way I can afford right, but its being done.

I havn't been to college since the OP, I just get sicker and sicker. I sleep to around 1pm now, and no matter what I do I just can't get up. I lie for hours just staring ahead. It doesn't help at all that I have to prep for two exams. I'm eating plenty though.

My will is still as weak as a stale leak of water. I still don't really get excited about anything, and stuff that I like is just.. blah. I have a lot of trouble concentrating and as I am now, I'm not functional or fit for work. I tire so quickly. It makes me feel awful being dependent upon other people, but I have accepted that for now. I just long to be... able to do stuff again. Get up at 8am, go to work, come back and clean my own home with my own hands. As it is now I have to set aside a whole day to clean up my apartment.

I am deeply worried about this, so I hope I can be helped, I don't want to live in the shadow of this.. whatever the heck is causing me to feel like this.

Yes I'm a lurk around here, and I chat now and then. I just rarely have the energy to post. I loved the hell discussion, but it seems two jerks took over it in the end who weren't interested in discussion, only evangelizing me. I'll keep lurking in the background like I've done this past year until I feel better, or the doctor gives me medication or therapy that works or something...

See ya around.

[semmie'ssister]

Thanks guys for your concern :smile:

Well I might as well give people an update since my OP is drawing quite a bit of worry. After posting it I got into contact with a friend of mine who'll arrange a meeting with a psychologist and I'll be able to get an appointment sometime in April. Yes its late, but this is the only way I can afford right, but its being done.

I havn't been to college since the OP, I just get sicker and sicker. I sleep to around 1pm now, and no matter what I do I just can't get up. I lie for hours just staring ahead. It doesn't help at all that I have to prep for two exams. I'm eating plenty though.

My will is still as weak as a stale leak of water. I still don't really get excited about anything, and stuff that I like is just.. blah. I have a lot of trouble concentrating and as I am now, I'm not functional or fit for work. I tire so quickly. It makes me feel awful being dependent upon other people, but I have accepted that for now. I just long to be... able to do stuff again. Get up at 8am, go to work, come back and clean my own home with my own hands. As it is now I have to set aside a whole day to clean up my apartment.

I am deeply worried about this, so I hope I can be helped, I don't want to live in the shadow of this.. whatever the heck is causing me to feel like this.

Yes I'm a lurk around here, and I chat now and then. I just rarely have the energy to post. I loved the hell discussion, but it seems two jerks took over it in the end who weren't interested in discussion, only evangelizing me. I'll keep lurking in the background like I've done this past year until I feel better, or the doctor gives me medication or therapy that works or something...

See ya around.

keep us posted...:pray:

[gharfish]

Leonhard,

Could you afford to see a general practice physician sooner (than April)? You sound like you are clinically depressed; a GP could decide, I'm sure, after questioning you for [all] your symptoms. The high-dollar psychiatrist will give you the same medicines that a GP would. They typically do nothing else, but meds (no psychotherapy). It's almost a sure thing that you'd be prescribed one of the latest and/or thought to be most promising SSRIs by either kinds of MDs here. Beyond that, the psychiatrist would try to find for you a counselor. So too, could the general practitioner. A good fit there (with a counselor) can be a hit and miss sort of thing. Having a variety of potential counselors on hand may be profitable. Did you know that there are sliding-scale fee counselors that work for/in Christian counseling centers ? They, specifically, are the least costly I've found, and the people are usually friendly and warm--supportive, emotionally. I'm pretty sure that this or "pastoral" counseling is actually a category name for these centers under the large heading: Counseling, in the yellow pages. They are not likely to be preachy; no, but rather treat you in an ordinary fashion. If you live in a large city, or just outside of one, there will be organized and led depression support groups that are free to attend. That may be of some good benefit; who knows (?) N.A.M.I., the organization, usually lists those that are active in a given region. My city has several going on, constantly, and consistently. You can crash three different ones having sort of fellow travelors there in attendance in a single week if you wanted to ! Ha !

I suffer from (and I do mean suffer) mixed state dysphoric manic depression and depression depression. These things (clinical depression) happen! and you are far from alone, numerically, in your suffering of this.

You're in my thoughts, Leonhard. I wish you better health, soon.

Vance

[Brandalf85]

Just saw this thread.

Yes, it sounds like depression. I've been there, once. You feel all energy just drained and you go to sleep because you just can't do anymore.

I also am glad you are seeking professional help. Keep us posted. :pray:

[Dee Dee Warren]

dude you described what happened to me. It is clinical depression. I wish you could get help sooner. There is hope. Hold on to that. Remember you have to plan for any medications to take a month for full effect, but because my depression was so bad, as yours sounds, I did get some immediate relief. The anti-depressant they put me on isn't so widely prescribed any more as it is contra-indicated by anyone who might have liver problems, but it worked wonders to get me out of that severe phase, it was Serzone. It did have some mad side effects, but it was well worth it. I am now on something milder, Zoloft.

Be realistic though. You are going to have side effects. If the side effects of one once you are stabilized are something you can't tolerate long-term have your doctor try different meds. Usually a combination works best. I take both Zoloft and Wellbutrin. Talk about the side effects right up front so you know what to expect. You may not need to be on the meds indefinitely. My first clinical depression I was on them less than 6 months, but the doctor did recommend a year. I went almost five years without any meds. Now I am on them as a maintenance. You may not need that. The reason, at least a part, that it recurred with me is that I already had OCD from as far back as I can remember. Also once you have a clinical depressive episode it makes you more vulnerable to have a normal situational depressive episode turn into a medical depressive episode. Since I have a pretty dramatic life in some respects (i.e. I am exposed to a lot of situations which can easily bring situational depression), it is best for me to stay on them long term. But I re-evaluate this about twice a year because I do not like several of the side effects. One of them for me is that at times, my hands shake badly. It is publicly embarassing, and sometimes incapacitating for short periods of time (i.e. I cannot type for a few minutes until it passes). A prior med I was on was not an SSRI but was a tricyclid which was effective, but it gave me continual dry mouth. I HATE dry mouth. But the reason I got off it is that I have very very low pressure. I am normally around 90/67. The tricyclid caused the world to go black from a sharp dip in blood pressure whenever I stood up.

I am telling you the good and bad to know what to expect. But meds probably saved my life. If you ever feel so bad that you feel suicidal (I am being really frank with you here because I know; I have been there), don't wait for your appt. Your life is worth more than waiting until you can afford it. You can't afford to let yourself get that bad. If you feel that bad, get yourself to an emergency room. Or have a friend you can call that will get the appropriate help to you. If you don't have a "real life" friend that you want to do this with because of embarassment, ask someone here if you can get in touch with them if you feel that bad and give them in private where you live so that they can intervene in an emergency. Or at somewhere else you frequent. Just do it. Have someone who can make a call you may not feel up to.

Do not be ashamed. This is not a failure on your part. It is a medical condition.

[Adam]

Thanks guys for your concern :smile:
Well I might as well give people an update since my OP is drawing quite a bit of worry. After posting it I got into contact with a friend of mine who'll arrange a meeting with a psychologist and I'll be able to get an appointment sometime in April. Yes its late, but this is the only way I can afford right, but its being done.
See ya around.
Yes, you could use help before April. Some GPs might recognize that you need pills. The tricyclics (like Elavil) are very cheap.
Two other things--have you ever in your life been really UP? I mean REALLY up in mood. If so, you probably have bipolar disorder, and will eventually need the expertise of a psychiatrist. It's very hereditary. Do you have any relatives who had or have manic depression? Any suicides? Either could indicate you have bipolar. (I have Bipolar, though it's the milder form, Bipolar II.) Or this depression may have come first, the manic phase coming years in tyour future.
The second thing I want to tell you about is another condition I have. It's Celiac Disease, Gluten intolerance. It won't even cost you anything to try to escape your depression. Stop eating all foods from wheat, rye, barley, or oats. That's right, no bread, no white flour, not even beer! For me in 1976 my intestinal distress soon stopped, later my mood became happy, and most surprising of all, my chronic back pain went away (that chiropractors couldn't fix). Only about one person in a hundred has Celiac Disease, so you'll most likely need meds.
Adam

[RumTumTugger]

Leonhard, asked me to update you guys on his condition it is getting worse and he is trying to get to see a doctor this month he's calling again tomorrow.

[The Curtmudgeon]

:pray:

[Adam]

Leonhard, asked me to update you guys on his condition it is getting worse and he is trying to get to see a doctor this month he's calling again tomorrow.
I forgot to mention Seasonal Affective Disorder.
Noticing that Leonhard lives in Jutland, he presumably has had little to no sunlight for five months. High latitudes make SAD quite a presence in the wintertime. Don't wait until springtime, get exposure to artificial bright light. preferably full-spectrum light.
However, Leonhard's condition seems so severe that it is not likely just SAD. Don't just depend on sunlight for a cure, get medical help. But do remember in future years to get as much sunlight as possible late in the Fall and early in the Spring.
Adam

[djdavo]

i'm sure other people have said this,but see a professional.

if the chemicals in your brain are out of whack, then they are. it's as serious as being a diabetic. (which MOST people don't realize). I went through 1 1/2 year of therapy on top of 1 1/2 years of medication to help me through my rough times.

it's worth it, trust me!

[gharfish]

Leon,
You sound like you're in a rather deep depression. My guess is that you probably brought it on yourself. How? By doing something that you thought was very wrong. Get on your knees and ask for God's forgiveness. If you are Catholic, go to confession . Or do both. I don't know what you've done, but my guess is it isn't as bad as you think.
Hang in there!*emphasis on quote*

Oh, no. Come on now. That's your best guess for the *cause of this man's depression ? Don't guess !

[Leonhard]

*emphasis on quote*

Oh, no. Come on now. That's your best guess for the *cause of this man's depression ? Don't guess !

I can see a post was deleted, I wonder what that was about? :huh:

Anywho, I've had a session with the psychologist. He didn't quite think it was depression, I told him all that I knew. So far, and without getting into detail it might be life crisis of sorts whatever that means. I'm too hung up on the names of the conditions or what they are, in the end I hope to find some specific problems which I can tackle. Be it by therapy, councilling or medicine. My worst fear is being told that I'll never get better, that I'll always be like I am now, that my percieved abillities are greater than my actual ones and I don't need to toughen up but adjust myself to living a life, where the greatest achievement I could sing about would be that I can keep my house decently clean. Loss of freedom scares me.

I know I'm lurking and I'm not responding too much these days, I just rarely have the strength to write a post. I like writing well, so I put effort into whatever I write, however I never seem to have to energy to do it anymore. Only if its an issue that can get me angry, then I seem to have some. Are there any libertarians in the house I can yell at? I seem to have the energy for a proper fist fight with them. Any pro-lifers I can flame?

You on for some mutual ranting DeeDee? :rant:

[Adam]

Anywho, I've had a session with the psychologist. He didn't quite think it was depression, I told him all that I knew. So far, and without getting into detail it might be life crisis of sorts whatever that means. I'm too hung up on the names of the conditions or what they are, in the end I hope to find some specific problems which I can tackle. Be it by therapy, councilling or medicine. My worst fear is being told that I'll never get better, that I'll always be like I am now, that my percieved abillities are greater than my actual ones and I don't need to toughen up but adjust myself to living a life, where the greatest achievement I could sing about would be that I can keep my house decently clean. Loss of freedom scares me.
....
A psychologist? No wonder you didn't get any help. Psychologists aren't allowed to prescribe meds, so they try to fool themselves (and you) that mere talk can help you. It can't, at least not by itself.
You have a serious condition that requires (eventually at least) a psychiatrist. Or at least an M. D. who can give you some meds. If your psychologist didn't give you a reference to someone worth seeing, he's a quack.
Adam

[Jnthn]

Leo -

What you've described is pretty much what I've been going through over the past two years. The important thing is get yourself to a general practitioner AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

Let me give you some words of encouragement: As a result of an ongoing course of medication, I have benefitted from stability that has relegated the depression to no more an inconvenience than remembering to take the pill each night.

Let me also encourage you to deal with it now. In hindsight, I had depression during my University days, but i didn't seek treatment for it until my mid-thirties. Get it sorted now. It's a worthwhile investment.

J

[Rapalyea]

Leon

I have been interested in these things for a long time. Research the following items and discuss them with you doctor. Trazodone. Paroxetine Hydrocloride, and especially Mirtazapine. Alprazolam or Lorazipam at doses of 1-2 mg for anxiety and helping to sleep are also worth discussing.

Also, low levels of testosterone can make one feel, well, like the underdog. This hormone is replaceable with rub on gells. I would avoid the injectible type.

[Rapalyea]

Leon

Incidentally, these items are not exclusionary. For instance, I know of one patient who takes 60 mg Paroxitine Hydrocloride in the morning. Then 50 mg Trazedone and 15 mg Mirtrazapine and 1 mg Lorazepine at bed time.

It can take decades to get the proper combination....

[Catholicity]

Hi Leon, hope your ok. I am a psych student, so if you need to pm me feel free. But, I recommend an evaluation from a local clinic. Medicines can be hard on you, so always go with the lowest dose possible. Do you have insurance? if you do, great, find a highly qualified psychiatrist who will help you and do a full work up, some conditions are hard to dx. You are the patient, and have full rights. Just get in with a good educated psychiatrist and a good therapist who can help you with your issues, medically and mentally.

[Leonhard]

Uhm, Rapalyea and Catholicity26 thanks for your concern but you guys really need to pay attention to the posts you're reading. This is over a year old. I was going through a lot of bad depressions back then. I'm much, much better today having gone through therapy and I'm now recieving medication. Plus I don't have the financial problems I had back then.

Right now I'm on 30mg of Mirtazapin daily. It has helps alot, though with the odd sideeffects of killing my sexdrive completely and making a bit sleepy in the morning.

[Zeta Metroid]

Quit going to your classes.