Sibling Rivalry

[Rubia Warren]

Hey, everyone! As most of you know, I have 3 children close in age- 6,5, and 3. Sibling Rivalry runs rampant in my house, and I have found several ways to make it better, but I am interested in seeing how others handle this thing (or even what you experienced from your parents, if you don't have kids), especially the parents that homeschool. I am learning as I go along- I was an only child until I was 14, so I don't know firsthand of what parents do when little brothers and sisters get cutthroat with each other. LOL If anyone would like to share their experiences, anything that they have learned, anything that they've tried, or just a memory of when you were a kid, please post it here!! I will post some things later on tonight when I have more time, that I have been doing that seems to be working, and I am interested to see how other people respond as well. Maybe we can all learn from each other!

[Jade]

I am also interested to hear others' responses.

I am an only child, too. But now I have three children and my two oldest (my children's ages are 4 y/o, 19 mos, and 3 mos.) are just now getting to the age where they are interacting with each other most of the day.

[Salus]

I have three children as well (ages 6, 4, 2). I put them in boxing gloves. :rofl: :rofl:






Seriously, my wife and I struggle with this daily. Therefore, I will be watching this thread closely to see what other people's responses are.

[Xmansmommy]

Well here goes...
I know there is not a "Parent Handbook" (other than the bible) that clearly lays out all the do's and don'ts of parenting. I can tell you from my own personal experience that the best way I have been able to deal with sibling rivalry, is to try to find out what exactly it is that they are fighting over. Oftentimes it's not a particular "toy" that is really the issue. Sometimes I've allowed them to 'duke it out." Other times I have stepped in for various reasons. I think it depends on the situation to be honest. But they know they better not make mom mad :xmm:

[Rubia Warren]

Wow! I guess I am not the only one interested in this!
In my house, I never know when to let them duke it out, or when to step in and referee, so I end up stepping in all the time, even for petty stuff, which is probably why they constantly come to me wanting to tattle every 5 seconds. Yep. I made them into a bunch of whiny tattlers. *shrugs* I said before, I don't have experience- I was alone during my childhood, just me & my dog, but I am making improvements to the situation.
The bickering was sooo bad, I mean, it was, like, literally, every 5 seconds. They'd argue over who was going to use which cup at mealtime, who was going to get to sit in the middle chair, who sits where in the car, who gets to pick what movie to watch, just stupid stuff, and no matter what decision I made, it was not good enough. My daughters are 11 months apart, and they are sooo competitive and jealous over one another! I mean, no matter what I decided, the other one would claim it wasn't fair and get mad.
So, I devised the picker system. Every day, starting with birth order, one kid is the "picker" for the whole day. The picker has rights to everything: picks out movies, the coveted chair at the dinner table, the picker also is the only one who gets to pass out things to everyone, etc. The down side is that the picker is also the one who has to go do special favors for me (it used to be that I would call one to go get me something or whatever, and they would whine: Aww, mom! You never call on her to do it!!! (which isn't true, BTW- it just seems like that in their minds). So, now there is no question as to who gets more turns, who never gets to do anything, and blah blah blah. If someone asks me something, I say, "Are you the picker today?" and if they go "nope" then I reply, 'Well, then I guess you answered your own question. You have to wait until it's your day, everyone gets their day." It's nice this way, it's cut down a lot on the bickering and cries of unfairness, because everyone has their set day, and that's that. They caught on quickly (except my son, who is 3.) and they know better than I do whose turn it is that day! It has also helped them learn how to step back and let other people have their turn, and wait for what they want to do. My son still gets upset at times, like when he wants to sit somewhere, and the real picker is already there, he'll cry, "Make me the picker today, mom!" but I just remind him that everybody has to get a turn to be the picker, and I let him know if it's one or 2 days 'til he's the picker, and he gets excited and goes to another seat with a little bit more patience.
They still bicker quite a bit, but this has made things so much easier, and now the little fights are just because one wants to irritate the other.
Now, my daughters:
They share a room, and because they're so close in age, I have made them share EVERYTHING. Bad idea in my house. There was so much confusion as to whose responsibility it was to do what, and what belonged to whom, and who had it first, etc. and my oldest girl is ultra-responsible, and the other is very very unmotivated to organize. So..... I went to Wal-Mart, and bought each of them a plastic thing with 3 big drawers. I then marked their things with their names in an inconspicuous spot, and separated all their toys and stuff, each keeping their stuff in their own drawers. The rules are: If I find it with your name on it, YOU are the one, without an argument as to who put it there, who has to pick it up. Also, no one can touch the other's stuff without that girl's permission.... but just remember.... just because you don't have to share your stuff, and mom will not step in and make you, doesn't mean that the moment YOU want to borrow the other girl's stuff that she has to let you, either....
I was kind of nervous about it at first, I thought that they would be stingy with one another, but it has actually made them WANT to share with each other, and WANT to clean up their own stuff. They are, for the most part, each pulling their own weight, sharing because they choose to, and fighting much much less. I am glad now that I did it. Before, it was unfair, as the older one, who likes to have everything organized, would pick up after the other one, and the other one EXPECTED her to. Now, the younger one is being a lot more responsible for herself and like I said, pulling her own weight. She is acting more "mature" (I can't think of a better word), and the other one is having more patience with the younger one. It's worked out quite well. And since they like this system so well, I don't have to constantly stay on top of it, they are pretty much handling it themselves without me having to hover over them.
If anybody has any of their experiences or anything they'd like to share, please post them!!! This job didn't come with a handbook, and we can all learn from each other. I love to hear about what others are doing with their kids, I've gotten such good ideas from the experiences of other people.