mossrose
November 24th 2003, 05:42 PM
http://www.betweenfriends.org/articles/parenting/stressbusters.htm
Top Ten Stressbusters for Juggling Parents
Maybe you’re an employee who has successfully negotiated flexible working hours; perhaps you are an employer who has already implemented creative working patterns for your staff, and who reacts positively when a parent needs to stay at home with a sick small child.
But with or without flexible hours, if you are a working parent you will still be juggling. Work time, free time, quality time, me time – it’s hard to keep all the balls in the air. Finding a childcare provider whom you trust and you can afford is sometimes almost impossible. And when you come home after a hard day, all you want is to put your feet up with a drink, while the kids really want some of your time just for them.
So what can you do to make your life less stressful and create more time to spend with your family? I have put together a list of ten stressbusters for domestic jugglers – try one or two and ease the strain a little; or try all ten to feel that you are in control of your life rather than the other way round!
1. Work out your way of doing things and stick to it. We all see domestic goddesses in the glossy magazines; you probably know someone who hangs out their whiter than white washing before breakfast. But if that’s not your way, don’t waste energy even thinking about it. If you want to clean up the kitchen before you go to bed, do it; if you would rather face the mess in the morning, then leave it till then. Remember, there is no right way of doing most things – only what works best for you.
2. Learn to let go. Accept offers of help. Nobody is going to think any more of you because you do everything yourself. And who benefits if you are constantly overtired and feeling martyred? If letting go means you feel you are lowering your standards, take a realistic approach. Isn’t a little less perfection worth it, if it achieves a calmer you and a happier home life?
3. Cheat without feeling guilty. Use ready meals sometimes if they look good, taste good and save you time. Spray fabric refresher on those clothes that don’t really need a wash yet. Put a bright bunch of flowers on the table and nobody will notice that you haven’t had time to dust and vacuum for a fortnight.
4. Learn to say no – and mean it. There’s a saying ‘If you want to get something done, ask a busy person’. But when your boss, your friends and your family load their requests onto you, only you know how well you’re really coping. If you operate on the swan principle (serene on the surface but paddling madly under the water), then stop sometimes, be honest with yourself about what you can achieve, and say a calm and polite No.
5. Do your housework little and often. Cleaning the whole house is pretty daunting, especially when it takes all Saturday morning. Try doing 15 minutes a day, in a different room each time – it is surprising how much you can achieve in a concentrated spurt. Combine cleaning with doing something else – for instance you can clean the rest of the bathroom while the kids are in the bath. And even young children can clean their own bedrooms, particularly when motivated with a treat or a small pocket money increase!
6. Make effective use of alternative ways of shopping. A monthly hour or so online can sort out all the dry goods and the heavy ones that take ages to buy and bring home yourself. In between use the time you have saved to buy fruit and vegetables at a farm shop, choose fresh bread at the baker’s and make food shopping a more pleasant experience.
7. Negotiate with your family. For instance, If you lead a stressful job and need a calm, uncluttered home as a haven, then do a deal with the kids. Let them wreck their bedrooms (you can always shut the door on the mess) but on condition they keep the living areas entirely clear.
8. Always underpromise. Whether you are writing a report for your boss, or agreeing a time to take your teenager clothes shopping, always set a generous timescale. Then you can delight them by handing in the report two days early, or going to the shops the weekend before you said you would. Less stress for you and happy faces all round!
9. Don’t take everything personally. Juggling is difficult and you will forget things or let people down sometimes. This is simply a fact of life, it happens to us all and it is no reflection at all on you as a person.
10. And finally - look after yourself. Self-care is pleasurable and essential! Eat healthily at least sometimes; drink loads of water, which clears your head and raises your energy levels. And timetable treats for yourself in your diary, such as a relaxing massage or a walk in the autumn sunshine. When you appreciate and care for yourself, other people do too.
About the Author
Rosalind Haigh,
ros@roshaigh.co.uk
roshaigh.co.uk
Rosalind Haigh is a Life and Business Coach with a special interest in helping people achieve their best possible work-life balance. She works mainly with women entrepreneurs and company directors.
Top Ten Stressbusters for Juggling Parents
Maybe you’re an employee who has successfully negotiated flexible working hours; perhaps you are an employer who has already implemented creative working patterns for your staff, and who reacts positively when a parent needs to stay at home with a sick small child.
But with or without flexible hours, if you are a working parent you will still be juggling. Work time, free time, quality time, me time – it’s hard to keep all the balls in the air. Finding a childcare provider whom you trust and you can afford is sometimes almost impossible. And when you come home after a hard day, all you want is to put your feet up with a drink, while the kids really want some of your time just for them.
So what can you do to make your life less stressful and create more time to spend with your family? I have put together a list of ten stressbusters for domestic jugglers – try one or two and ease the strain a little; or try all ten to feel that you are in control of your life rather than the other way round!
1. Work out your way of doing things and stick to it. We all see domestic goddesses in the glossy magazines; you probably know someone who hangs out their whiter than white washing before breakfast. But if that’s not your way, don’t waste energy even thinking about it. If you want to clean up the kitchen before you go to bed, do it; if you would rather face the mess in the morning, then leave it till then. Remember, there is no right way of doing most things – only what works best for you.
2. Learn to let go. Accept offers of help. Nobody is going to think any more of you because you do everything yourself. And who benefits if you are constantly overtired and feeling martyred? If letting go means you feel you are lowering your standards, take a realistic approach. Isn’t a little less perfection worth it, if it achieves a calmer you and a happier home life?
3. Cheat without feeling guilty. Use ready meals sometimes if they look good, taste good and save you time. Spray fabric refresher on those clothes that don’t really need a wash yet. Put a bright bunch of flowers on the table and nobody will notice that you haven’t had time to dust and vacuum for a fortnight.
4. Learn to say no – and mean it. There’s a saying ‘If you want to get something done, ask a busy person’. But when your boss, your friends and your family load their requests onto you, only you know how well you’re really coping. If you operate on the swan principle (serene on the surface but paddling madly under the water), then stop sometimes, be honest with yourself about what you can achieve, and say a calm and polite No.
5. Do your housework little and often. Cleaning the whole house is pretty daunting, especially when it takes all Saturday morning. Try doing 15 minutes a day, in a different room each time – it is surprising how much you can achieve in a concentrated spurt. Combine cleaning with doing something else – for instance you can clean the rest of the bathroom while the kids are in the bath. And even young children can clean their own bedrooms, particularly when motivated with a treat or a small pocket money increase!
6. Make effective use of alternative ways of shopping. A monthly hour or so online can sort out all the dry goods and the heavy ones that take ages to buy and bring home yourself. In between use the time you have saved to buy fruit and vegetables at a farm shop, choose fresh bread at the baker’s and make food shopping a more pleasant experience.
7. Negotiate with your family. For instance, If you lead a stressful job and need a calm, uncluttered home as a haven, then do a deal with the kids. Let them wreck their bedrooms (you can always shut the door on the mess) but on condition they keep the living areas entirely clear.
8. Always underpromise. Whether you are writing a report for your boss, or agreeing a time to take your teenager clothes shopping, always set a generous timescale. Then you can delight them by handing in the report two days early, or going to the shops the weekend before you said you would. Less stress for you and happy faces all round!
9. Don’t take everything personally. Juggling is difficult and you will forget things or let people down sometimes. This is simply a fact of life, it happens to us all and it is no reflection at all on you as a person.
10. And finally - look after yourself. Self-care is pleasurable and essential! Eat healthily at least sometimes; drink loads of water, which clears your head and raises your energy levels. And timetable treats for yourself in your diary, such as a relaxing massage or a walk in the autumn sunshine. When you appreciate and care for yourself, other people do too.
About the Author
Rosalind Haigh,
ros@roshaigh.co.uk
roshaigh.co.uk
Rosalind Haigh is a Life and Business Coach with a special interest in helping people achieve their best possible work-life balance. She works mainly with women entrepreneurs and company directors.