frustrated and new

[mykidsmom]

Im a SAHM Of 3. 2 of them step kids and one my own, we made togehter. and i have been married over 8 years. he has always been distant and doesnt talk. in the last yearhe has been cold hearted, verbal abuse, including name calling. (which sometimes i give back) try to not anymore. hes a clean freak and has to get everything organized and the do it agin even better. so i have watched my stuff go from the house out into the gargae and now hes telling once again to toss more away. its crafts and childhoodmemories. i am a roomate in hte house.sleeps on couch most of hte time for years. hes not affectioned. my weight is proberly that problem. im a cook, in his words a lousy clearner. be mom to our kid, but dont talk to his kisd, hes is a christian but i dont think anyone acts like one here. hes used to be more gentel to me, now hes harsh in word and deed. anytime i dont do something to his satisfaction hes critismzes it and then he says i will give it to my 12 yr old daughter she wont mess it up like u do. hellllooooooooooooooo she had no clue what to do. he tells me to do something without instrucitons and then gets mad whn i dont do it his way...

at what point do i say enough is wenough and leave??? i get advice from call the cops if he starts tossing my things.... whick i not sure about??? to stay and grin and bear it... any ideas??
would be willing to give more information.

[Bill the Cat]

Wow, it's definitely a difficult situation. Have you talked to him about it honestly? Get away from the kids and really lay it on the line. Things have to change. And always remember to pray!! Even when it seems there is no way, God makes ways.

[mykidsmom]

i talk and he doesnt listen
wont listen
treats me like a child and the child like an adult
this stinks big time
he is deciding htings now.
i say its my house too.
and he says no its not. so hes deciding htings.
all i do is pray and i dont think im being heard.

[Bill the Cat]

So stop doing anything for him if he says it's not your house. Civil disobedience, as Thoreau called it. No cleaning, no doing his laundry, no sex, no nothing.

[Xmansmommy]

mykidsmom,
I wish I knew what to say to help....I'm not married and I've never experienced that kind of attitude from a man. My "wisdom" says to get rid of the loser, but I don't exactly know how sound that would be biblically. :nsm: I'll be praying for you. :pray:

[yxboom]

SAHM= Stay at home mom???

[mykidsmom]

STAY at home mom

[Bill the Cat]

Stay at Home Mom... probably. That's what my wife is.

[mossrose]

Is there anyone close that you can talk to about this? A family member, a pastor, or even a counsellor? I will certainly be praying for you until it is all resolved.

[mykidsmom]

thanks for the prayers.

im at odd wit hwhat to do. my parents want me to leave or call the cops whens hes being like that and i dotn know what to do or what i want to do. im afraid to do anything.

today he was of course nice and we spent a good day togehter. hes also sick so maybe he will sleep and get nicer.

[Esther]

Hi mykidsmom,

I'm sorry you're having a rough time of it. I just wanted to tell you there is hope. While my husband and I have never gone through exactly what you've described, we've been to the point several times where we have both thought, "I have got to get outta this! I can't take it anymore!!!" There was a time when he told me he didn't think he loved me anymore and thought we should consider other options. (Ouch!) We both can honestly say now that we are so glad we never gave up!!

I agree with the others about finding someone to talk to. Do you know any older married Christian women that you could talk to and trust that they would give you sound advice and not blab?

Your husband sounds pretty insensitive to your needs. This is going to sound cliche or trite or something but please hear me anyway. Look for God's approval instead of your husbands. Look to God to help you to become the woman He wants you to be and let God be your source of validation. He will not let you down. He will be there for you at all times. (And He won't throw your cherished treasures out!)

Let God worry about your husband. Your husband will answer to Him for the way he treats you. Ask God to give you the grace you need to respond the way He wants you to respond to your husband. Go to Him to fill your unmet needs. The next time you're feeling hurt and lonely, give it to God - easier said than done sometimes - and ask Him to redeem your pain and make something beautiful out of it for His glory. He really will!

One of the most important things you can do is to pray for your husband. Ask God to draw him to Himself and to bless him. I honestly believe that my husband and I are put together by God for this reason, if for no other. The bulk of our marriage has been one mess right after another but through it all I have come to the realization that one of my primary purposes in this life is to pray for my husband. I know more about him than anyone else does. I know of his most painful mistakes, things he'd never tell anyone else. Because I know about these things, I can pray him through. He'd never in a million years tell another living soul about some of his struggles. But I know about them, mainly because I've lived through them too. Rather than use them as a stick to beat him with (as is my natural inclination, unfortunately), I believe the Lord would have me use them as opportunities to show love to my husband by praying for him to get through these things, to find answers, to succeed, whatever. I think you will find, too, mykidsmom, that if you pray for your husband with God's good in mind, God will help you to love him and bear with his crud. I can't promise that your husband will become a loving, nurturing husband but I know God will give you everything you need, including wisdom, to deal with whatever comes along.

On another note, I'm wondering if your husband has always been so picky about organization. I mean, could his behavior be more than mere pickyness? Has he been diagnosed with anything?

I'm sorry you're going through this, friend. Praying that God will help you!

Sincerely,

Esther