"Mixed Marriages"

[elysian]

In mixed marriages I am referring to a Christian couple who are different denominations. For instance, my Mom is Roman Catholic and my Dad is Regular Baptist.

I know it bothers Mom that they don't have much in common in their faith life and honestly I can't think of two Christian denominations that are more opposed. The odd thing is that both Catholics and Baptists can be prone to legalism but in really different ways. Dad doesn't understand Catholic Lenten regulations (Baptists don't "do" Lent, or Advent either :( for that matter) and Mom finds it hard to believe Baptists are tee-totalers when she contends Jesus drank wine, so why not? So my upbringing was weird- I had my Mom saying, "you know all Protestants go to Hell" (she doesn't believe that any more) and my Grandma saying "I wish she wouldn't drag those kids off to the Mary worshippers." But oddly enough my Mom and my Grandma have reached detente over the years.

Dad is really freaked by Catholicism in general. When he was introduced to it Mass was still said in Latin and I can see where someone raised in a Baptist church would be freaked out by worship in a foreign language, and a church full of ornate statues and gilded artwork. The Baptist church he and my Grandma went to was a plain auditorium type room with folding chairs and the only artwork was a mural of a pasture and sheep that was painted on the wall above the baptismal pool. One of his more pithy observations on Catholicism was "why does the preacher wear a dress?" Mom couldn't get much further along in Catholic apologetics at that point. I can see where it would seem really weird if you weren't raised in that tradition- any liturgical tradition would seem weird if you're not raised in it.

Mom on the other hand seems to be a lot more open toward Protestants (she didn't used to be) than she once was. Her best friend is Lutheran (a church organist to boot) and she's surrounded by Protestants in the family as well. She's gone to my church with me before (admittedly a traditional Lutheran worship service is remarkably similar to Catholic Mass) and she even went to my sister's Southern Baptist church when we were visiting her in North Carolina. Dad on the other hand, on the rare occasion he will go to church will only go to a Baptist church.

Admittedly a "mixed marriage" is better than being married to someone who is atheist or agnostic, but ideally I can see where it would be better if both spouses are of the same denomination.

[Pilgrim]

Nothing much in common in their faith life? They have Christ in common which is the most powerful thing of all!

[elysian]

Today @ 11:25 AM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=353986#post353986)
Pilgrim:

Nothing much in common in their faith life? They have Christ in common which is the most powerful thing of all!

I think that their common faith in Christ might be the only thing that has kept them from strangling each other!:lmbo:

Seriously, they do argue a lot and pick at each other constantly, but after 38 years of marriage I think they must enjoy it. There's some element of sport in it that I simply don't comprehend. Their arguments were far more heated when they were younger, though, including their theological disagreements. At one time Mom was thoroughly convinced "all Protestants go to Hell" and she was trying to convert everyone (and Dad and Grandma just scratched their heads.) Dad couldn't get beyond "why does the preacher wear a dress." Grandma was fixated on the "Mary worshipper" thing and kept trying to get Mom clued on The One True Church- which was in her mind, the Regular Baptists.

I think the opinions have moderated all the way around as there's a lot of "religious diversity" in my family. I have one sister who is a Southern Baptist, the other is a Presbyterian. I am Lutheran. (We were all raised Catholic.) Mom is still Catholic, Dad and Grandma are still Regular Baptist. I think Mom has finally come to the conclusion that Protestants don't necessarily go to Hell, and that we won't try to "convert" her as long as she doesn't try to "convert" us. Just because I have some doctrinal/theological differences both with my Mom and with my Baptist relatives (the one sister who is Presbyterian is probably the closest to being in agreement with my beliefs) doesn't mean they aren't Christian or that I can't pray with and for them. There are some things we as Christians are free to disagree on.

[Durthorin]

Thats not mixed.. mixed is a Pagan and a Southern Baptist. :smile: I will admit I was Christian when we married.

Danu Bless, Dur

[Patroclus]

Hmmm... My family's religious history...

When they came over on the Mayflower, they were Puritan. We haven't had agreement since. My Dad's side of the family is primarily Methodist. My Mom's side of the family is decidedly Catholic. My Mom became a sister in the Episcopal church (I have pictures!), but left after a few years. My parents married in '79 and became Presbytarians, then Methodists, then Nazarenes, then Assemblies of God. I started going to a non-denominational church when I was eighteen. Now that I have moved out of the house, I am going to a Lutheran church. My parents are disenchanted with the AG by now, but they have not yet considered that reason enough to leave their present church.

[Mr. 5020]

My mom is Baptist. My dad is Catholic. Coincidentally I only live with one of them now. :huh:

[Rahab]

I agree with Pilgrim that having Christ as the main foundation ought to be the focus. When we think about it, what does church doctrine have to do with a couple going thru the life long process of sharing all things pains and joys included? Who cares which church doctrine is endorsed as the mother to be pushes a new life out of her womb while her husband encourages her to achieve that wonderful moment? who cares what church doctrine is to prevail as they face the loss of a loved one? what they will feel together and how they will help one another is what matters.

So many religious wars are blinding "mixed couples" from the reality that God intervenes in our humanity no matter what we believe or not believe. As if were in control of it all! I grieve situations where couples tear each other apart over theological differences. I mean what kind of love did they have to will so much to control the other significant one? They drift away from Christ's call to see us unified by focusing on Him rather than ourselves.
Does it matter as we hurt deeply who has the right theology? are not the embrace and hug and comforting terms all led by empathy for someone else's humanity what will make the difference?
There we are..... christians equipped thru the example of our Savior and how He responded to human beings in need , to follow a similar path.
The need to take control of someone else's spiritual walk is so destructive to many marriages. As if we lose the sense of trusting God to do His Work with them.
I am married to an agnostic. I am blessed that he wills for me to grow in my christian faith. I have never considered my husband a lesser person in need to be changed by me to experience harmony in our marriage. I focus on his potential as a human being and I welcome his love for me. "Me" includes how he respects my faith and how I live it. My main focus is that each time he has voiced that " he loves my heart or mind" I always tell him that God is the author of anything lovable in me. So we do not battle....we make the best out of our opportunity to be helpmates to each other.

I do deplore marriages torn by religious wars.

[Paul]

12-24-2003 @ 09:09 AM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=353998#post353998)
Durthorin:

Thats not mixed.. mixed is a Pagan and a Southern Baptist. :smile: I will admit I was Christian when we married.

Danu Bless, Dur

In Catholic circles "mixed marriage" has a specific meaning of a marriage between two baptized Christians where one is Catholic and one is non-Catholic. A marriage between a Christian and a non-Christian is termed in ecclesiastical parlance a "disparity of cult."

Here is something from the Catechism which may be beneficial to some here, Catholic and non-Catholic alike:

1633 In many countries the situation of a mixed marriage (marriage between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic) often arises. It requires particular attention on the part of couples and their pastors. A case of marriage with disparity of cult (between a Catholic and a non-baptized person) requires even greater circumspection.

1634 Difference of confession between the spouses does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage, when they succeed in placing in common what they have received from their respective communities, and learn from each other the way in which each lives in fidelity to Christ. But the difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated. They arise from the fact that the separation of Christians has not yet been overcome. The spouses risk experiencing the tragedy of Christian disunity even in the heart of their own home. Disparity of cult can further aggravate these difficulties. Differences about faith and the very notion of marriage, but also different religious mentalities, can become sources of tension in marriage, especially as regards the education of children. The temptation to religious indifference can then arise.

1635 According to the law in force in the Latin Church, a mixed marriage needs for liceity the express permission of ecclesiastical authority.137 In case of disparity of cult an express dispensation from this impediment is required for the validity of the marriage.138 This permission or dispensation presupposes that both parties know and do not exclude the essential ends and properties of marriage; and furthermore that the Catholic party confirms the obligations, which have been made known to the non-Catholic party, of preserving his or her own faith and ensuring the baptism and education of the children in the Catholic Church.139

1636 Through ecumenical dialogue Christian communities in many regions have been able to put into effect a common pastoral practice for mixed marriages. Its task is to help such couples live out their particular situation in the light of faith, overcome the tensions between the couple's obligations to each other and towards their ecclesial communities, and encourage the flowering of what is common to them in faith and respect for what separates them.

1637 In marriages with disparity of cult the Catholic spouse has a particular task: "For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband."140 It is a great joy for the Christian spouse and for the Church if this "consecration" should lead to the free conversion of the other spouse to the Christian faith.141 Sincere married love, the humble and patient practice of the family virtues, and perseverance in prayer can prepare the non-believing spouse to accept the grace of conversion.

elysian, your avatar of Jesus as depicted in the Divine Mercy devotion given to St Faustina was awesome btw. Your present avatar is pretty cool too. :smile:

[Esther]

Elysian,

Personally, my husband and I are of the same religion and denomination and have enough disagreements within that context. I can't imagine the trial of more differences than the ones we already have. :lol:

[elysian]

Comparatively speaking my Mom has it easy- Dad IS Christian, and over the years they have come to a sort of detente. She doesn't expect Dad to go to Mass with her or to become Catholic, and Dad has pretty well accepted her faith and desire to express it, even if he feels uncomfortable with many aspects of Catholicism. I am married to an agnostic who had bad experiences with Christianity as a child, so with him it's "God, prove to me that you're there, and while you're at it convince me that you really are good like you say you are."

It has made it more difficult to allow for religious education for my son- he has been baptized of course (we Lutherans practice infant baptism- he was three months old) and he participates in worship as well as in catechism and in Bible study. My husband has made no prohibition against this but he is not actively supportive either. So it's harder to be consistent.