John Reece
January 5th 2004, 01:09 PM
http://www.firstthings.com/ftissues/ft9202/public.html
The people at Wittenburg Door (yes, they know Wittenberg is spelled with an "e") think they are so very funny. They are. They think it is past time for Christians, and evangelical Protestants in particular, to get attuned to the times. The feminists at the National Council of Churches who put out that inclusive language lectionary are altogether too timid. A Bible that is relevant to TODAY!!! needs a much more thorough reworking, and the editors show us how to go about it.
Here, for example, is the Wittenburg Door version of Mark 8:13-19: "And he went around to the other side of the hill and called to him those whom he desired; and they came to him. And he nominated twelve to be with him, and to be sent out to dialogue and to have authority to cast out racists; Simon, whom he surnamed Shabazz; James, the son of Zebedee and John the lover of James, whom he named Boaner-Gays, that is thighs of thunder; Tawana and N'krumna, Mary Magdalene and Salome, Hirioshi, and Jugdesh; Running Buffalo; Che the Zealot; and Judas the Caucasian who betrayed him."
Or consider this politically superior rendition of Matthew 12:10-13: "And behold, there was a person who was manually challenged. And they asked Jesus, 'Is it lawful to heal on the sabbath? Not that there was anything particularly wrong with him in the first place, mind you!' so that they might accuse him of bias against the differently abled. He said to them, 'What person of you, if he or she has one sheep and it falls into a pit on the sabbath, will not lay hold of it and lift it out? Of how much more value is a sheep than a man! But people have rights too. So it is lawful to do good on the sabbath.' Then he said to the person, 'Stretch out your hand.' And the person stretched it out, and it was temporarily abled like the other."
The improved version of Mark 10:46-52 should meet with the approval of the right thinking: "And they came to Jericho; and as he was leaving Jericho with his disciples and a great multitude, Bartimaeus, a visually challenged welfare recipient, the son of Timaeus, was sitting by the roadside. And when he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to cry out and say, 'Jesus, Child of David and Michael or Bathsheba, or Abishag, have solidarity with me!' And Jesus stopped and said, 'Call him.' And throwing off his mantle he sprang up with great agility unmatched by most sighted folk, and came to Jesus. And Jesus said to him, 'What do you want me to do for you?' And the visually challenged person said to him, 'Comrade, affirm me in my differently abledness.' And Jesus said to him, 'Go, your way, your attitude has proven your wellness; indeed, you are weller than the rest of us.' "
Then there is Mark 2:16-17: "And the scribes and Pharisees said to his disciples, 'Why does he eat with Republicans and sinners?' And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, 'Those who are temporarily abled have no need of a physician, but then, neither do the differently abled. Come to think of it, I'm not sure why I eat with them.' "
Having stolen so shamelessly from this delightfully mischievous publication, it seems only fair that we tell you how to get a sample copy with an eye to subscribing: Write Wittenburg Door, 1565 Cliff Road, Suite 3-450, Saint Paul, MN 55122-9956.
http://www.firstthings.com/ftissues/ft9202/public.html
The people at Wittenburg Door (yes, they know Wittenberg is spelled with an "e") think they are so very funny. They are. They think it is past time for Christians, and evangelical Protestants in particular, to get attuned to the times. The feminists at the National Council of Churches who put out that inclusive language lectionary are altogether too timid. A Bible that is relevant to TODAY!!! needs a much more thorough reworking, and the editors show us how to go about it.
Here, for example, is the Wittenburg Door version of Mark 8:13-19: "And he went around to the other side of the hill and called to him those whom he desired; and they came to him. And he nominated twelve to be with him, and to be sent out to dialogue and to have authority to cast out racists; Simon, whom he surnamed Shabazz; James, the son of Zebedee and John the lover of James, whom he named Boaner-Gays, that is thighs of thunder; Tawana and N'krumna, Mary Magdalene and Salome, Hirioshi, and Jugdesh; Running Buffalo; Che the Zealot; and Judas the Caucasian who betrayed him."
Or consider this politically superior rendition of Matthew 12:10-13: "And behold, there was a person who was manually challenged. And they asked Jesus, 'Is it lawful to heal on the sabbath? Not that there was anything particularly wrong with him in the first place, mind you!' so that they might accuse him of bias against the differently abled. He said to them, 'What person of you, if he or she has one sheep and it falls into a pit on the sabbath, will not lay hold of it and lift it out? Of how much more value is a sheep than a man! But people have rights too. So it is lawful to do good on the sabbath.' Then he said to the person, 'Stretch out your hand.' And the person stretched it out, and it was temporarily abled like the other."
The improved version of Mark 10:46-52 should meet with the approval of the right thinking: "And they came to Jericho; and as he was leaving Jericho with his disciples and a great multitude, Bartimaeus, a visually challenged welfare recipient, the son of Timaeus, was sitting by the roadside. And when he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to cry out and say, 'Jesus, Child of David and Michael or Bathsheba, or Abishag, have solidarity with me!' And Jesus stopped and said, 'Call him.' And throwing off his mantle he sprang up with great agility unmatched by most sighted folk, and came to Jesus. And Jesus said to him, 'What do you want me to do for you?' And the visually challenged person said to him, 'Comrade, affirm me in my differently abledness.' And Jesus said to him, 'Go, your way, your attitude has proven your wellness; indeed, you are weller than the rest of us.' "
Then there is Mark 2:16-17: "And the scribes and Pharisees said to his disciples, 'Why does he eat with Republicans and sinners?' And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, 'Those who are temporarily abled have no need of a physician, but then, neither do the differently abled. Come to think of it, I'm not sure why I eat with them.' "
Having stolen so shamelessly from this delightfully mischievous publication, it seems only fair that we tell you how to get a sample copy with an eye to subscribing: Write Wittenburg Door, 1565 Cliff Road, Suite 3-450, Saint Paul, MN 55122-9956.
http://www.firstthings.com/ftissues/ft9202/public.html