Would you date/marry a Christian?

[BeHereNow]

For me, when I find out a girl is a Christian it is a major turnoff. And if she's the nominal Christian, the type that doesn't know an epistle from an apostle, all chances of me being interested are completely blown.

There's pretty much no chance I'd want to date a Christian girl. Given that I live in North Carolina, that means I'm gonna be single for a long time.

[stevy]

hello,
why is it a "turnoff" ? are you saved?

stevy, this forum (Naturalism 101) is a non-theist only area. Please refrain from posting here.

[rach12]

I'm not sure. I guess that would depend on how religious he was and if he was okay with me not being a Christian. If he was the live-and-let-live type, I probably could.

[Chuck Lee]

For me, Christian is cool. Smoking is out.

Stevy, the Naturalism 101 section is for non-theists only. Please remember to read forum guidelines before posting.

[Sheepdog]

Christians are better kissers, anyways. :kiss:



:uhoh:

Yes Chuck... Sheepdog should know better... :smile: Please stay out of Naturalism.

[Chuck Lee]

Oh, now Sheepdog's doing it too. He should know better. :bonk:

(But hmm... I have nothing to dispute the concept that Christians are better kissers...)

[LGM]

I did...and I've been a bad influence on her ever since...

LGM
...sooner or later it comes down to fate...I might as well be the one...

[BeHereNow]

(But hmm... I have nothing to dispute the concept that Christians are better kissers...)

I've dated Christians and non-Christians in my teen years, and found that the dirtiest girls are the ones I met at church :)

[Bob the Builder]

I did - marry one that is. She's much better now :wink:

[Gilgaron]

I think it would depend on what sort of Christian they were. I suppose the 'wrong' sort of Christians wouldn't want to date a non-Christian anyway.

[Bob Jenkins]

I did - marry one that is. She's much better now :wink:

Me too - we have more than a first name in common

[Seasanctuary]

I won't. There's enough trouble in a relationship without your significant other thinking you're a cultist or that you have some invisible disease that needs curing.

[BlackOpal12]

I would have no problem dating a Christian that wouldn't have a problem dating a Buddhist...I guess that narrows it down a lot, though. If conversion is a goal in a relationship, that's a crock, and doesn't need to be bothered with.

Ya know?

[SteveF]

Its a tough question and one I've thought a bit about (despite having a lovely atheist girlfriend of 3.5 years!).

I'd like to think that if I loved here then I could put it aside. however there are many things that could act as a barrier. I'd gravitate towards a liberal Christian instinctively so I doubt there would be many problems in most areas of debate, however I would find it kind of hard to go out with someone who basically thinks that I'm going to go to hell.

Also it might prove hard for her, if she loved me a lot then the strain of worrying about me going to hell could be a problem for her. Still, if it were real love then maybe it could be ok.

[SteveF]

I've dated Christians and non-Christians in my teen years, and found that the dirtiest girls are the ones I met at church :)
On the flip side, a good christian friend of mine (who is pretty liberal) has been going out with his christian girlfriend for a year now and they still haven't gone beyond holding hands. I think its a bit weird but each to his own and all that. Further to the extreme, I know a christian girl who refuses to consider a boyfriend because it would interfere with her relationship with God. Now I'm honestly not being facetious when I say I think that is a genuine sign of mental illness.

[mickiel]

I could date one, as an example to me of what I do not want. The women I deal with intimately must be of a certain mindset and spiritual religons do not offer any real mental challange to people to cling to truth, the religon gets them to cling to the religon itself, or the church itself. I would not want a woman who could not think like a true man of God when called for. If I am unable to see deception, then at least let me have a mate who can see it for my blindspot. Christian women are just as blind as their men. The ones who are not selfrighteous, are either in love with their church or praise their pastor more than God. They are a prime target of satan, because I see christian men as beaten by satan. If christianity has any hope of being relevant, that must come from their women, men have embarrased their leadership role in christianity.

Non-Theists only, please... Thanks.

[Harlequin Solit]

I'm not sure. I guess that would depend on how religious he was and if he was okay with me not being a Christian. If he was the live-and-let-live type, I probably could.

I agree. If they were live and let live, then I don't care if they're religious. Of course, I'd care because I'd love them, but you know what I mean.

[Kulindrichnus]

For me, when I find out a girl is a Christian it is a major turnoff. And if she's the nominal Christian, the type that doesn't know an epistle from an apostle, all chances of me being interested are completely blown.

This is a question to which I do not know the answer.

Taking a broad overview, I would of course have nothing to do with a bigot (read, fundamentalist) whatever their religion.

But someone with a dignified personal faith? Again, irrespective of religion, I would like to think I could respect and love that.

Nevertheless, I do suspect that I would be more at ease with someone who did not harbour thoughts of the supernatural. That is unfortunate, as in my experience women tend to be rather susceptible to it: if it's not Yahweh it will be crystal healing or reiki or some other new-age spiritualism. Rule all these things out on principle and one is likely to end up rather lonely, which is surely far worse than having to listen to talk of 'mystic energy' once in a while. So I guess it is better to make judgements of this kind on a personal, individual basis, and not proscribe.

K

[BeHereNow]

Acceptance of one's spirituality in the name of love is one thing. But when I think about choosing a life partner, I think of someone I can relate to 100%. Someone with whom I can share my beliefs with (share, as in both believing, not share as in "explain").

So, if I'm opposed to Christianity, and Christianity is at the core of a girl's belief system, I don't see how that would help the relationship.

[arcadejunkie]

I'm not sure. I guess that would depend on how religious he was and if he was okay with me not being a Christian. If he was the live-and-let-live type, I probably could.
Ditto

[BoPeep]

I am married to a Christian. I was pretty much a fundy when I got married, but now I'd consider myself an agnostic (recent decision).

It's making my life hell because my husband is convinced that's directly where I'm headed and he keeps reminding me of it constantly.:flaming:

[Seasanctuary]

Doesn't he realize it's hard to convince you of Christ's love while badgering you with Christ's eternal hatred? :wink:

[BoPeep]

Doesn't he realize it's hard to convince you of Christ's love while badgering you with Christ's eternal hatred? :wink:
Well, I keep trying to communicate that to him, but he considers it an issue of my everlasting soul which is more important to him than our relationship even. So, he's willing to drive me away as long as he can influence me positively long-term??? I do find it amazingly ironic (particularly now that I'm on the other side of the coin) to see how a Christian's attempts at proselytization can have the oppostie affect on their "target."

[Irish]

I am married to a Christian. If by chance, the marriage ended or something happened to him, I am not sure if I would. If the Xian were not preachy or judgemental, no problem, we discuss and compromise on kids, but I could not go through feeling so alone within a marriage again. But, I know there are wonderful Christians as well as atheists in this world, so perhaps it is more of a matter to find someone who is not a jerk, rather than exclude religious beliefs.

[DarwinianJihadi]

Since this dead thread has been resurrected, I'll throw in my two cents.

As long as she isn't fanatically dogmatic and believing that I'm going to hell for not accepting Jesus Christ as my savior, then I think I would be okay with it.


And if she's the nominal Christian, the type that doesn't know an epistle from an apostle, all chances of me being interested are completely blown. Not to get too personal, but why? I do believe that there are liberal and benign forms of Christianity out there. Personally, Christians of this variety don't bother me.


I'm not sure. I guess that would depend on how religious he was and if he was okay with me not being a Christian. If he was the live-and-let-live type, I probably could. My sentiments exactly.


I'd like to think that if I loved here then I could put it aside. however there are many things that could act as a barrier. I'd gravitate towards a liberal Christian instinctively so I doubt there would be many problems in most areas of debate, however I would find it kind of hard to go out with someone who basically thinks that I'm going to go to hell. Seconded


Further to the extreme, I know a christian girl who refuses to consider a boyfriend because it would interfere with her relationship with God. Now I'm honestly not being facetious when I say I think that is a genuine sign of mental illness. Also seconded...

[Irish]

Since this dead thread has been resurrectedMy apologies...

[Nicholas]

I don't know, women are so confusing as it is, no offense intended. But seriously, I probably wouldn't mind if we share enough in common and she's not uber-religious to the extent that I have to go to church or somthing. I have enough time to wait though, I'm only 17, not like I'm going to burst into flames if I don't get a girlfriend by a certain age.

[BeHereNow]

Since this dead thread has been resurrected, I'll throw in my two cents.

Someone laid hands on my thread! Wahoo```#


Not to get too personal, but why? I do believe that there are liberal and benign forms of Christianity out there. Personally, Christians of this variety don't bother me.

I went out with someone last night who started talking about how she doesn't tip Mexicans when she goes to Mexican restaurants because they are dirty and she can't stand them.

Can I explain to you how quickly I wanted to get the heck out of there?

It made me uncomfortable, to say the least. I don't think she's a bad person because of it, and try not to judge her for it, but her attitude isn't something I'd want as a fixture in my life. Given that, would I be able to look past that fundamental misunderstanding of ours and establish intimacy with her? Not a chance.

In that way, I couldn't harmonize with someone who inhibits herself for arbitrary "moral" beliefs. I'm almost entirely uninhibited, so it's frustrating to spend a lot of time with people who won't join in the fun. In retrospect, perhaps a more liberal type of Christian would work, but still... that's too much restriction. (Someone cue Free Bird!)

Hope that explains a bit :)

[blackthorne]

If she were a "fundie" (and I mean that in the derogatory way) then it'd be a "no". To be honest, I'd be tempted to turn any conversation we might have into a sermon on why her beliefs are so wrong and veritably stupid. Not because they are, but because role reversal is fun! Not really. Though maybe. And certainly if she was YEC. A more liberal Christian who didn't care to make religion an issue would be a nice 'find'. Then again, so is any individual not averse to opening their mind (to a point, which I consider like all skeptics a maxim that should never be emphasized enough). But dating an atheist/agnostic where I live would be the ultimate 'find' because there aren't many, and it's quite the nice interest to share.

[The Bard's Song]

No. Were she a consistent and biblical Christian, she would be insufferably proselytizing and would be a sexual prude. I loathe Christian morality, I'm a little freaky, and think human children are abominations (in the case of marriage). Were she a "liberal" Christian, I would have little respect for her, on account of her ill-applied intellect or weakness of will, whichever was the reason.

Exclusively pagans and atheists for me, thanks. Though I do find some Sadean attraction to the idea of corrupting one of the flock...

[Ryokan]

I've dated Christians and non-Christians in my teen years, and found that the dirtiest girls are the ones I met at church :)
Catholic school girls are defintiely the worst. Or the best. It seemed more fun at the time than it does now. But I agree.

[Ryokan]

I am married to a "Christian", sorta. Actually, she isn't very Christian at all, but she finds the posibility that their is no life far too depressing, so she has defined herself as vaguely theistic and "kinda Christian". How that works I don't understand, but I don't understand how you can be a size 1 and be fat, and she says THAT all the time too. Women are confusing, and I don't expect to understand their religion any more than I understand, say, the way I now have 9 seasons of Friends on dvd.

[The Bard's Song]

Another thought: would you really wish to date/marry someone whose conception of love included eternal torture/torment (whatever the denominational consensus is these days)?

[zorathruster]

Remember that most christians do not actually embrace the presented Christian moral position. They are pragmatic and reject the majority of stupidity that is in the bible and biblical dictates of new testament. After all which mother could haul her beligerent son to the edge of town and have him stoned to death. My Rabbi friend says most of the rules in the Torah are followed pragmatically also. After reviewing most of the rules layed out in the Quoran, it appears obvious that most Moslems do the same. Religion is about power. Who will follow and who will get the effect they want. George Bush will appease the voters who put him in office. Religious leaders took the credit for doing that, they got out the vote. So like the Democrats who appeased the minorities with legislated quotas called affirmative action, the power structure is just paying off their voters.

[Kaervek]

For me, when I find out a girl is a Christian it is a major turnoff. And if she's the nominal Christian, the type that doesn't know an epistle from an apostle, all chances of me being interested are completely blown.

There's pretty much no chance I'd want to date a Christian girl. Given that I live in North Carolina, that means I'm gonna be single for a long time.
Yes, I think I would date a Christian. Of course, probably not a die-hard bible-thumping Christian, but simply one who finds herself believing in God and Jesus as her Lord and Savior (tm). I feel such a relationship could only enhance the interest and strengthen the personal bond that you share with each other. After all, if a non-theist and a theist can live together under one roof, all while still loving and caring unconditionally for one another, what more could you possibly need?

[BeHereNow]

Yes, I think I would date a Christian. Of course, probably not a die-hard bible-thumping Christian, but simply one who finds herself believing in God and Jesus as her Lord and Savior ™. I feel such a relationship could only enhance the interest and strengthen the personal bond that you share with each other. After all, if a non-theist and a theist can live together under one roof, all while still loving and caring unconditionally for one another, what more could you possibly need?

So, as someone who doesn't believe in any gods, you would have no problem being intimate with someone that loves an imaginary god more than you? At any point in the relationship, they could suddenly decide to leave you, or any variety of otherwise irrational decisions, based on a claim that "God told me to." That wouldn't violate your sense of security and trust?

[Kaervek]

So, as someone who doesn't believe in any gods, you would have no problem being intimate with someone that loves an imaginary god more than you? At any point in the relationship, they could suddenly decide to leave you, or any variety of otherwise irrational decisions, based on a claim that "God told me to." That wouldn't violate your sense of security and trust?
I'd much rather not waste my life worrying about such silly and arbitrary possibilities. She could die in a car wreck the day after we marry, and the moments shared would still have been worth every heartache. There are a myriad of possibilities in everything we do, be they negative or positive, but that doesn't keep me locked up in my bedroom every second of my life.

[BeHereNow]

I'd much rather not waste my life worrying about such silly and arbitrary possibilities. She could die in a car wreck the day after we marry, and the moments shared would still have been worth every heartache. There are a myriad of possibilities in everything we do, be they negative or positive, but that doesn't keep me locked up in my bedroom every second of my life.

Interesting you got that from what I said...

Thanks for sharing.

[Kaervek]

Interesting you got that from what I said...

Thanks for sharing.
I'm not sure that I understand your tone - were you expecting a different answer? Do you feel that I may have misunderstood your post?

[EvoUK]

Meh, depends on the person. If she was a pain in the backside christian like some of the nutters on here (and I have a list as long as my arm), then absolutely not. But then if she were like one of the wing-nuts, she probably wouldn't be interested in a non-fundy anyways, let alone a non-christian.

I have no idea about the religious beliefs of my previous few girlfriends- I never cared enough to bother asking them, and they never brought it up either, so either they were non-christians, or just didn't care much about the faith anymore. Both cases wouldn't be suprising in the UK.

[Matthew]

For me, when I find out a girl is a Christian it is a major turnoff. And if she's the nominal Christian, the type that doesn't know an epistle from an apostle, all chances of me being interested are completely blown.

There's pretty much no chance I'd want to date a Christian girl. Given that I live in North Carolina, that means I'm gonna be single for a long time.

Me too, especially if she's the Shirley Dobson, Beverly LaHaye, Jaqi Velasquez type. Being a Christian is a major turn-off for me, especially if she's in the fundamentalist camp. I don't care which kind of fundamentalist be it classical or "Evangelical"- it all turns me off. I'd always imagined myself marrying a minister's daughter who has left the Church and considers the faith to be hogwash. An infidel girl would be very sexy for me! Especially if I helped to deconvert her!

Matthew

[Matthew]

On the flip side, a good christian friend of mine (who is pretty liberal) has been going out with his christian girlfriend for a year now and they still haven't gone beyond holding hands. I think its a bit weird but each to his own and all that. Further to the extreme, I know a christian girl who refuses to consider a boyfriend because it would interfere with her relationship with God. Now I'm honestly not being facetious when I say I think that is a genuine sign of mental illness.

I agree with you about mental illness. I couldn't stand Christian girls who would say "What do I need a (man/husband/boyfriend) for when I have Jesus in my life?" I always think "Oh, so you're a theosexual huh? You're romantically attracted to Jesus? You expect him to marry you? You expect to bear children for him? You expect him to kiss you, cuddle you, get intimate with you?" I once had a college youth minister asked me what could a girl do for me that Jesus couldn't? I wish I had thought of this answer: "Well, I doubt that Jesus would kiss me, hold hands with me, huge me, marry me, and share intimacy with me now wouldn't he?" If he would've asked me why I would even desire those things- it's because I am a human being for Pete's sakes. Any deity forbid that I would dare to have actually desires for romantic fulfillment.

I don't even know why some Christian guys even bother with romance at all? Why aren't all Christian girls romantically attracted to Jesus? I am suprised that any Christian guy ever has a Christian girlfriend or wife. I'm suprised that any Christian girl would ever set eyes on a normal human being when it's all about Jesus.

Matthew

[anthrogirl]

"Christian" is a pretty broad term. I guess it would depend on the particular flavor of Christianity (for example, I wouldn't want to feel obligated to go to church every week--too much of that as a kid). Wouldn't match up with a missionary or an evangelical. No fundamentalists. Obviously, these are extreme categories of "Christian". My boyfriend is Catholic, and it's never been a problem.

ag

[Mentalist]

Yes I would :) and those of other religous beliefs also. I can think of examples of people of Roman Catholic, Protestant, Hindu and Muslim faith whom I would have no problem going out with (though the Muslim would have a problem going out with me, for religous reasons).

I'm an independent person though and I wouldn't be prepared to go to Church or take part in other intrusive religous practices (saying grace at meals, sending children to religous schools/organisations against their will etc.), a Church wedding would likely be acceptable though.

A YEC'er is another story though, I've never to my knowledge met one, hope I never do and I doubt I could spend an extended period of time with anyone with such a closed mind and distorted view of reality. There are many other beliefs based upon religous doctrine/interpretation that I would find unacceptable in a partner also (some anti-homosexuality Christian views etc.), but it would mainly be those beliefs (which would apply to non-religous views on these issues also) rather that what they call their God(s) that would turn me off.

[Kaervek]

I'm not sure that I understand your tone - were you expecting a different answer? Do you feel that I may have misunderstood your post?
...I guess not.

[BeHereNow]

...I guess not.

Hi, I'm sorry Kaervek, I go through looong periods of not reading the Naturalism forum. There's been a little upsurge of activity here the past few days, so here I am again. Just consider this a very belated reply.


So, as someone who doesn't believe in any gods, you would have no problem being intimate with someone that loves an imaginary god more than you? At any point in the relationship, they could suddenly decide to leave you, or any variety of otherwise irrational decisions, based on a claim that "God told me to." That wouldn't violate your sense of security and trust?


I'd much rather not waste my life worrying about such silly and arbitrary possibilities. She could die in a car wreck the day after we marry, and the moments shared would still have been worth every heartache. There are a myriad of possibilities in everything we do, be they negative or positive, but that doesn't keep me locked up in my bedroom every second of my life.

I feel like you misunderstood the thrust of my question. I wasn't asking a "what if", hypothetical question. Rather, the question was mainly focused on the aspect of the person you love more than anyone else loving an imaginary figure more than she loves you.

See, when I was a Christian, it was only acceptable for people to publicly declare God/Jesus as their main love. In a dual Christian relationship, that's fantastic. The bond through such a shared value can be powerful. However, if one partner is atheist, and if that partner is me since I can only speak for myself, I think it would be impossible to ever feel completely secure with that person. Without security, I could never fully love someone.

Also, sorry for the pissy reply last time.

[Kaervek]

Hi, I'm sorry Kaervek, I go through looong periods of not reading the Naturalism forum. There's been a little upsurge of activity here the past few days, so here I am again. Just consider this a very belated reply.

Oh, no problem. I'll be honest, the only time I've visited this forum at all is when I get an email telling me somebody's replied in a thread I've contributed to. Perhaps I'll spend the time to get to know this place a little better in the future...


I feel like you misunderstood the thrust of my question. I wasn't asking a "what if", hypothetical question. Rather, the question was mainly focused on the aspect of the person you love more than anyone else loving an imaginary figure more than she loves you.

See, when I was a Christian, it was only acceptable for people to publicly declare God/Jesus as their main love. In a dual Christian relationship, that's fantastic. The bond through such a shared value can be powerful. However, if one partner is atheist, and if that partner is me since I can only speak for myself, I think it would be impossible to ever feel completely secure with that person. Without security, I could never fully love someone.

Hmm, I think that being in a relationship with a Christian who "only loves God" kind of removes much worry, considering we'd be in the relationship to begin with. If she was really only concerned with her love for Jesus, then we likely wouldn't have gotten very far into a relationship in the first place. Furthermore, I think the love a Christian (or any theist, for that matter) has for their deity is a completely seperate and independant love that they (can) have for another person, and I think that they're well aware of that. The only time I've heard of a theist removing themselves from any type of sexual or physical relationship with another individual (girlfriend, wife, etc.) is when they've devoted their lives to the Church as a Nun, Priest or what have you. Other than that, I think it's generally accepted throughout the faithful community that it's perfectly fine to love both your God and your significant other equally. Somebody please correct me if I'm wrong.

Having said that, I would have absolutely nothing wrong with dating or marrying a devout Christian. Were she to want me to go with her to Church every Sunday for worship, because it was important to her, I'd gladly go with her. Of course, she would be well aware of my disagreement with what may be said or believed by the visitors and herself with respect to the Church's doctrine and study, but that would be fine with her, because we respect eachother, and we fell in love not with our respective beliefs, but the person with whom we've chosen to spend our time. Sure, there would likely be relatively heated and frustrating discussions, even arguments, but nothing to be too upset about, and certainly nothing to change how we felt about one another. Were she to want our children as Christians, that would be fine too. I would expect her to be okay with the chance that they grew up as atheists, of course, but she's put up with me long enough to have children, so it likely wouldn't be an issue. Besides, I can't think of much wrong being raised as a Christian - such faith breeds wonderful values and morals in an individual (not that they're absent from the non-theist!). I would likely argue against displaying any religious images, scripture or otherwise theistic items in the home (Crucifixes, pictures of Jesus, etc.) if only to provide the children with a "religion-neutral" environment to live, and on the same token I wouldn't hang upside-down crosses or goat-heads in the living room :tongue: I suppose I'm running off on a rather long-winded tangent, so I'll leave it at that...

Of course, there's always the chance that I might have a bad relationship with a woman in the future who just so happens to be Christian, but I'd like to think that her religious preference would have little to do with how we felt about each other as human beings, at least on my side of the matter.

I hope this answers your question, and that it came across in a clear manner.


Also, sorry for the pissy reply last time.
Not a problem! It happens. :smile: