a letter to my friends

[tamlin]

"Why did you decide to be a Catholic?"
>
> Once you asked me the above question, a very good question, and I have
> been thinking about it ever since. By the time I get through with this
> you will wish you have never mentioned the subject! Because you are my
> friends I know
> that you will tolerate me as I try to answer it.
>
> I want to first say that I am not an expert on anything, except
> possibly parts of my job, and am a pathetic Christian in any case.
> Further, I am a miserable unregenerate sinner who evaded the whole
> issue of Christ until my wife became ill and I was terrified that she
> would die, and I promised God anything if she would be allowed to
> live. (Can you imagine me as a single father, with Adam and Emerald?
> Enough said about that.) Although she denies
> it, she was close to death on at least the occasion when she had to go
> back
> into the hospital for the infection which poured out of her abdomen like
> poison broth.
>
> Also, I am not qualified to make judgments on any other denomination
> or church, except the Mormon Church which I was raised in. The Mormon
> Church has baptism, a priesthood, a Prophet, a communion, (which they
> called Sacrament), and so on.
>
> In regard to the Sacrament of the Mormons, there is no conception
> whatsoever that the pieces of bread or the grape juice are the body
> and blood of Christ
> present in the sacrifice and I knew that it was hollow even when I was a
> boy
> helping the Bishop serve the bread and juice. It was obvious to me then
> that
> the Mormon doctrine was a degenerate and distorted copy of something that
> was real. But I didn't know what was real. What was Mormonism a corruption
> of?
>
> For a while I decided that if the Mormon doctrine was an invention,
> then all faith was arbitrary and therefore I could believe or not as I
> chose.
>
> I felt very distant and detached from Christ on the cross. I
> intellectually understood the "Christ phenomenon", but was not
> affected by it.
>
> So what changed?
>
> Many small things over the course of several years led me to
> conversion.
>
> My wife and I have had trouble with our girl, and felt that we had to
> worship to at least give her a chance, but I wasn't happy with Unity
> Church, because the pastor said something that bothered me, and I
> couldn't reconcile
> myself to it. I have always felt affinity with Judaism, but culturally I'm
> a
> redneck hillbilly and couldn't graft myself to the liberalism of American
> Judaism.
>
> I actually at one point prayed that God tell me whether to be a Jew or
> a Christian. The following day an alcoholic man from my neighborhood
> walked by me and showed me a painting of Jesus that he had taken from
> a trash can. "Why would anyone throw away something this beautiful?"
> he asked.
>
> Other things happened. Many small things happened.
>
> My mother in law was quietly Catholic. I learned about Saint Padre
> Pio, who only died recently, who had the wounds of Christ for 50
> years. I spoke to two different people who saw an apparition
> (appearance) of Mary at Medjugorje in Bosnia, one a Jewess, and one an
> Egyptian Coptic, whatever that is. The Pope in his obvious goodness
> kissing the ground in Libya as he
> got off a plane.
> I started to listen to EWTN Catholic television and to Catholic scholars,
> among them Frs. Corapi and Groeschel and Archbishop Fulton Sheen, the most
> entertaining and erudite person I have ever listened to in regard to
> morality and America and patriotism and love between men and women.
>
> What may have pushed me over the balance point was one morning when
> Juke was back from the hospital, and I was changing the dressing on
> her abdomen wound, which had to have strips of wet gauze stuffed into
> it daily, and removed the following day to keep the edges abraded and
> healing cleanly.
>
>>From one moment to the next I (this is going to sound stupid) was
>>pierced by
> joy so complete that it was like a shaft of light coming down on my
> head. There could have been an angel singing in the room, I felt so
> much love and happiness. I knew that Juke was out of danger at that
> moment. I tried to tell her this but she was in a lot of pain and
> didn't feel well, and she didn't understand what I was trying to tell
> her.
>
> One day my car had to go to Firestone downtown to be fixed, and I
> walked by the Holy Ghost Church on my way home. On an impulse I went
> inside, and when
> the secretary told me that the sandwich line was closed I managed to
> convince her that I wanted to speak to a priest, which I did. It just so
> happened that RCIA (Roman Catholic Initiation for Adults) classes were
> beginning and I went to catechism for nine months before both Adam and I
> were baptized on the Easter Vigil.
>
> One thing happened in RCIA that completed a lifelong search for me. I
> could have closed the circle at any time, but I had to be led by grace
> to the point where I could. I'm also selfish, stubborn, and mean and
> did I say stubborn?
>
> One day in March or April we were introduced to an evening of
> Eucharistic Adoration, and a consecrated host, (bread and wine,
> SYMBOLIZING, I thought, the body and blood of Christ) in a gold
> monstrance was brought into the room
> so we could have close proximity with it, and also say a few words about
> the
> experience.
> As usual, I was prepared with a few words, which I felt expressed well my
> thoughts about my time in RCIA and what I had learned and observed. What
> happened instead was that when I knelt in front of the Holy Eucharist I
> knew
> for a fact that Jesus Christ was really present in the consecrated host
> and
> all I could think was that I was sorry for wronging him and sorry for my
> sins.
>
> So I now understand what the Mormon Church doesn't, that the bread and
> wine is the body and blood of Christ and that it is a sacrament in
> which Christ promised to be with us always.
>
> I love the sacraments. I love the beauty of the altar and the statues
> of Mary and the saints. I love the smell of incense, the old women on
> their knees in the pews, and the Rosary. I love the saints with bloody
> feet and hands, and the truth, and everything more and more.
>
> I am so blessed that my wife changed at the same time I did, that we
> both experienced conversion. We were remarried in front of the altar
> by Father Barron, witnessed by two friends and my daughter and son,
> and my wife's mother. (Our first pagan marriage ceremony was pale by
> comparison, although we did sing "Dumbarton's Drums").
>
> I honestly didn't see this coming. If someone had told me that at age
> 49 I would become a Catholic I would have laughed at them. I believed
> in God didn't I? I was spiritual too. Wasn't that good enough?
>
> Apparently not, because I have been shepherded for many years to this
> point, led by the Holy Spirit to where I was supposed to be. I can
> only see how obvious it is in retrospect, because I had no idea that I
> would end up where
> I am.
>
>
>
>

[Rdr. Arsenios]

Tamlin:

What a wonderful story!

Thank-you.

A Copt, by the way, is an Egyptian Orthodox Christian...

geo-Arsenios

[tamlin]

Tamlin:

What a wonderful story!

Thank-you.

A Copt, by the way, is an Egyptian Orthodox Christian...

geo-Arsenios

[tamlin]

Thank you geo-Arsenios. I am pretty ignorant, but I know that you and I have the Blessed Eucharist in common. Why did most of the Protestants discard the beauty of The Lords Supper?

[Rdr. Arsenios]

I know that you and I have the Blessed Eucharist in common.


Well, we both do celebrate the Euchrist, yet not in common, for we are not in communion, even though the Roman Pope recognizes the EO sacraments.



Why did most of the Protestants discard the beauty of The Lords Supper?


Beginnings are so important, and the beginnings of the Protestant Reformation are the individual conscience [of Luther] holding forth against the apostatic, authoritarian, and schizmatic Roman Church, with his authority of the Bible in hand and in print against the Church in which he was [I think] a scholastic monk... So that by doing this, in the mindset of the west, he elevated the written word of the Church over and above the Church as a corrective of the Church... He failed, of course, for the Church he sought to correct did not allow itself to be corrected, and thousands upon thousands died in the religious wars that ensued between Papists and Protestants, and neither side really won...

Yet the idea that the book is above the Body of Christ Who is its Head prevailed in the west outside the Roman Church, and the idea that individual conscience reading that Book has ultimate authority is still with us, for they had been burned once, and were not about to be burned again, and so they proclaimed the Bible over the Church... And the individual over the Church... And especially the individual with his own Bible guided by the Holy Spirit - That is ultimate authority, disdaining the "doctrines of men" and cleaving only to God's word as recorded in scripture by the Church...

And you can see the results, in division upon division in Protestant denominations, while the Orthodox do not divide hardly at all, and the Catholics very little, yet so wedded are we all to our origins that even seeing that the ONE body of Christ has, in their Reformation tradition, become the MANY bodies of many Christs, and even seeing this, and acknowledging it asutterly unbiblical, as is the printing press Bible and individual interpretation of its revelation[s], even with all this, they cling to the origins of a man with a Bible standing alone against the great and awesome and powerful and oppressive and abusive [Roman] Church...

And Communion is communal, and 'of the Church', and a 'tradition of men', and the hstoric Church itself is but human tradition, in their view, so why should they do communion - Are they going to FORGET Christ??? And while they think they do not forget Him, I can only confess fo myself that I forget Christ more minutes every day than I spend with Him firmly in the forefront of my thinking, and from what I see, in unChrist-like behavior, even on this list, I can only assume that not all are remembering very well our Lord...

We in the west uphold the individual over the collective, yet the Body of Christ has no individualists, but only loving persons in Christ who take little thought for themselves, if any, and only think in terms of their brothers and sisters, and what is good for them... Yet here, we find everyone trying so hard to figure it all out, aqnd define their 'position', and then defend it... You would not find an Orthodox in his or her right mind doing such a thing, for our entire focus is the changing of self in conformity to Christ, and that includes thoughts... Repentance is so fundamental and so profound and so life changing and so had and requires so much effort and toil, and instead of all that we find people arguing over nothing more than personal opinions about the Bible...

And that is, as I am understanding matters, the reason so many have abandoned Communion, for to these, salvation is individualism with God, and not communion in union with one's brothers and sisters in the Cummunion of Love that Christians are...

And I don't know how to reach them, for they are but spinning in their own individual orbits, and have no understanding of the Communion that the Church is in Christ's Holy Body... And no idea of what it takes to acquire the Holy Spirit in repentance... And the role of the cross, one's own cross, in the working out of one's salvation in fear and trembling... The great and lifelong work of the transformation of the human soul from worldly to spiritual in Christ... And the grace that flows forth in that praxis within the Church...

They all just want to get along and be friends, and claim commonality in Christ, in Whom we all believe, yet this is not enough, but the real and ontological and actual physical repentance in the taking up of the suffering of one's own cross within the communion of the historical Church - THIS is what is needed, and not the loose thinking that we all agree that Christ is Lord, so we are all Christians, aren't we?? I mean, even within the apostolic Church, salvation is so hard - Outside it, Lord have mercy...

[geo] Arsenios

[tamlin]

Since I am so new to repentance and to conversion, I can only just comprehend this non Western idea of losing myself in service to others. Every nerve is screaming that this is obliteration. Yet I know that in whatever submission I am led to by the Holy Ghost, there is my only salvation. I have a lot to learn and experience, and I hope I can write yaou sometimes.

[Rdr. Arsenios]

Since I am so new to repentance and to conversion, I can only just comprehend this non Western idea of losing myself in service to others. Every nerve is screaming that this is obliteration. Yet I know that in whatever submission I am led to by the Holy Ghost, there is my only salvation. I have a lot to learn and experience, and I hope I can write you sometimes.


You can write me anytime.

Losing oneself in service to others is not the meaning of repentance. That is the meaning of service to others, for the disregard of self in the service of others is a very high calling, and few are they who can do this...

Christ said, "If anyone is willing to be my follower, let him deny himself, take up his [own] cross, and follow me." Self-denial is the fundamental feature of discipleship in Christ, for this is a call to discipleship. But the crucial feature is willingness on the part of the person desiring to follow Christ. The Greek reads *ei tis thelei* and literally says "if anyone is willing", and willing means not a state of willingness, but the [transitive verb form] activity of actually doing the willing...

And willingness in self-denial is NOT submission to imposed authority, but instead is the seeking of the relationship of obedience to Christ, and this involves seeking obedience to those in the body of Christ, the Church, who are the elders and fathers in the Church, who have the responsibility of fathering children in Christ. Paul wrote: "Ye have many teachers, but few fathers, in Christ..." It is important to understand that it is the disciple who needs to seek obedience, and not the Church that needs to impose its authority... That is why Christians are free men, for their slavery is willingly sought, and the arduous rigors of the discipleship of self-denial are willingly embraced and treasured...

And as we progress in self-denial, we make room for the Holy Spirit, and repentance by repentance, from glory to glory, we overcome our sinful and fallen self, and make progress in the faith of Christ...

And denial of the fallen self is not the denial of the newborn creature in Christ acquired in the Mystery of Baptism, but is instead the means of the growth of this newborn, and without repentance, the newborn cannot grow, but will be choked out by the weeds of the cares of the world... And it is these cares from which we repent, and turn to God, calling on the Name of the Lord in Spirit and in Truth, in the obediences of discipleship, which start small and grow steadily, we pray...

Outside this process of askesis, self-denial, and repentance, we cannot even tell the difference between demons and angels spiritually, for this discernment is a gift that is given as one makes progress, and not at the beginning... So that a beginner can think he is being led by the Holy Spirit, when instead, the reverse is true, and this is why the having of a spiritual father to oversee one's discipleship is important.

I started making a little prooogress when I decided to regard ALL my spiritual experience, however 'holy' it might seem, as demonic and filled with deception and aiming at my own vainglory... It is amazing how much garbage can be left in the can by that simple decision... If you are not burdened with 'spiritual experience', you can much more simply and humbly [and yes, rapidly] make real progress in repentance and thereby in the acquisition of the Holy Spirit...

The greatest gift I have so far found since becoming Orthodox is being able to pray for people with confidence and assurance, and knowing that God rewards prayers, and seeing lives change in prayer, and most especially, my own... The prayers of the Church are not optional in Orthodoxy - We are each enjoined to a daily rule of prayers, in addition to infusing our lives throughout the day in prayers... A big part of discipleship is the acquisition of a life of prayer, day by day, and in the night, and throughout the day, and upon arising, and upon the sun going down, and upon retiring for sleep... For in these prayers we find our spiritual lives, and not in the discussions of business, finance, and medicine... [fer instance!] Nor in theological argumentation... But in the struggle to live spiritually in prayer each and every day, and in the strugle against our fallen selves that want us only to go out, relax, have a beer, watch the game, shoot some pool, and on and on, the soulish and fleshy lives, whatever they might be, that we had prior to conversion...

That is why James challenges us to show our faith in works, for it is in deeds, and not in mere profession and professed belief of correct doctrine, that the faith exists...

'nuff!

[geo] Arsenios

[Jezz]

Hey tamlin, that was indeed a beautiful story. I have only one comment to make here:



> I actually at one point prayed that God tell me whether to be a Jew or
> a Christian.
I just want you to know that there is no reason why this needs to be presented as an either/or question. As Christians, we hold that we have become the true heirs of the promise to Abraham through Christ - thus, we are actually Jews. Jewish history likes to speak of the 1st temple period and the 2nd temple period - the latter ended in 70 AD when the temple was destroyed. I like to think of Christianity as the "third temple period" of Judaism - where the body of Christ is the temple. After all, the 2nd temple was destroyed by the Romans and remains destroyed, but the 3rd temple was destroyed by the Romans and raised within three days and still lives on today...

[Dee Dee Warren]

You got that spot on Jezz.

[brother vinny]

You got that spot on Jezz.

Depends upon one's interpretation. :noid:

[tamlin]

Thank you for that affirmation, I have heard the term "fulfillment" of Judaism, just recently from a friend who attends a Messianic Synagogue. While I am firmly in love with the spiritual architechture of Catholicism, I will visit this synagogue. Judaism is also too precious to forsake entirely.