Super Awesome Story Thread

[Jawa Man]

Hopefully this will turn into a super awesome story. I am a Jawa, by the way.

One day Mr. Spoon man was going to the market to purchase a lobster for a pet. Since it was night time and it was illegal for him to be out past his curfew, he set explosive charges on the roof and descended into the store through the front door. This may not make any sense, but it sure does through the police off.

Anyway, he stole a lobster that happened to be foaming at the mouth, and brought it back home. He named the lobster Jim - and Jim was a talking lobster, not to mention a rabid one. Their first conversation went something like this.

"I am Jim. Give me your money."

Upon saying this, Jim and Mr. Spoon went back in time, and became spearmen in a Japanese army. Will they win the battle? Find out next time...

[Sher]

:hrm:




::blink, blink::




:eek:

[djnoz]

Is this forum role play? do I continue the story?
I love forum rpgs :teeth:

And is your character called Jawa? or do does everyone control all the characters?

[jpholding]

Yesterday @ 12:34 AM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=87529#post87529)
JawaMan:

Upon saying this, Jim and Mr. Spoon went back in time, and became spearmen in a Japanese army.

Unfortunately "spearmen" meant that they were USED as spears, not that they carried them. Mr. Spoon ruefully recalled the time as a child he had been asked to "play second base" and something similar had happened.

A week later the Japanese army met a horde of roving rhinos who carried mini-nukes. The soldier who carried Jim and Mr. Spoon immediately drew out both of them, one in each hand, and hurled them at a charging rhino. Jim bit the rhino who immediately passed on in a rabid froth, partially due to the insanity of having a live lobster chucked at him. Mr. Spoon registered a clean miss and found himself poking through a eucalyptus tree. Undaunted, Jim plucked his wallet from Mr. Spoon's pocket to take his money. But he said, "Curse you Karl Malden! All he has is American Express traveller's checks!"

How will Jim respond to this turn of events? How will he ever buy his little lobster prom dress? Stay tuned.

[djnoz]

Mr Spoon decided that for in order to get Jim his money, he would have to embark on an epic quest across the plains of Japan to acquire some ‘GP’, the native ancient Japanese currency.

In order to obtain some GP, he would have to kill things to steal their money, and get experience to level up. Leveling up would allow him to kill bigger, and richer monsters. He asked Jim to join his party, and he accepted. They noticed the army only had 20 people in it, so the first thing they did was kill everyone in the Japanese army, three at a time. Then they stole all the GP and put all the spears in their pockets.

Mr Spoon said ‘Hey Jim, let’s go to the nearest town and sell all this 5w4g.’
To which Jim replied ‘Where’s the nearest town? I’m a n00b, can you lead me :]’

[Jawa Man]

To which Jim replied ‘Where’s the nearest town? I’m a n00b, can you lead me :]’

h4x0r 1337ness :)

The party decided it would be best to stop at the local diner first, since it was the closest place to them (and just as in the games, full of lowlife, weak scum who have tons of money and weapons for you to abuse innocent bystanders with).

Mr. Spoon sat down at a cozy, lemon-clad booth. As he sat, his lemon squirted into the eye of a local - also a rhino from the other day's battle. This rhino was named Ted. The rhino named Ted proceeded to Mr. Spoon's table, holding a large pointy chicken in his direction.

"I'm sorry, sir," began the nervous Jim, "My friend here is a complete idiot and he owes me money."

"I hate rhinos!" bursted out Mr. Spoon. "They all have the weirdest hairstyles! Oh man, if only you knew we bit your comrades in a large battle."

The rhino turned out to be a midget in a costume, and he hired the two to appear on his show. Since there were many people, Jim and Mr. Spoon contemplated killing them and taking their money.

Will their plan suceed? Does Mr. Spoon's mommy miss him? Find out next time...

[jpholding]

Today @ 12:30 AM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=89335#post89335)
JawaMan:


The rhino turned out to be a midget in a costume, and he hired the two to appear on his show. Since there were many people, Jim and Mr. Spoon contemplated killing them and taking their money.

Will their plan suceed? Does Mr. Spoon's mommy miss him? Find out next time...

It turned out that Mama Spoon not only did NOT miss Mr Spoon, but was having the life of the party at home, now glad she no longer had to move him off the sofa to clean house. In fact she was appearing on the midget's show under the title, MOTHERS WHO HAD TO KICK OUT LAZY SONS SO THEY COULD CLEAN. In an atomic horror of coincidence, that show was that very night and Mr Spoon was behind the curtain as a special surprise guest for his mother.

"WHAT!" she shouted when he came from behind the curtain holding Jim. "You're trying to bring ANOTHER rabid lobster into the house?"

"It's only the third this week," Mr Spoon answered petulantly as Jim tore off his left ear and then, realizing it would be worth nothing at the pawn shop, put it right back.

Mama Spoon took up the chair she was sitting on and hit Mr Spoon with it. "Ouch," he said somewhat dramatically. "Ouch ouch ouch."

"Shut up," Jim meddled as he pinched Mr Spoon's lips together with a hammer.

Just then, the midget announced a special guest star. Who is it? Stay tuned...

[Jawa Man]

:huh: That was a quick response. But that means more juicy story then.
Just then, the midget announced a special guest star. Who is it? Stay tuned...

A large, chubby polar bear tackled the curtain to knock it down. His belly-flop utterly destroyed the guest. Realizing that this may be the moment to take a fallen man's wallet, Jim ate the polar bear and reached underneath the curtain...

"Mom!?"

"Oh, that's right," said Ted, "Today is the Mother's Day Program. You fool. You mugged your mother."

"I am your father."

Immediately, Ted fell down crying. "My father?"

"No, I meant your sister."

"Well, okay then. I will be your squire, Good Sister."

Will the party ever stop? Get it? I made a joke about party. And will Jim ever find a place to spend his money? Find out on the next episode of I forget the name.

[Steven]

Upon eating the polar bear, and snatching the wallet, Jim called his broker, Juan Valdez (and his mule), finding to his horror that his portfolio of shrimp futures had been through a blustery quarter. Shellshocked, Jim gripped the wallet and ran out the studio exit, straight into a pot of boiling water where Emeril threw a lid on top of him with an excited, "BAM!! That'll make ya red!"

Stay tuned for Lobster Humidor next episode...

[efta777]

Upon finding himself in a potentially disastrous situation such as this, Jim struggled with all his might to escape from the near-boiling froth surrounding him, and, just as Emiril opened the pot to check the status of his delicacy, Jim thrashed around violently, splashing Emiril with the hot water, stunning him for just long enough to allow Jim a daring escape, where he met back up with Mr. Spoon and his mother for more hilarious misadventures...

[Ryokan]

As it turns out, jim had been in the pot for several days, softening for Emeril. When he catches up with Mister Spoon, he discovers Spoon has sold all his shrimp futures and spent the money on loose women, wine, and a $500 a day bubble rap habit, in an attempt to drown his sorrows after losing his mothers love. Enraged, Jim calls the Ninja Monkey: Assassinations in a Split! hit company to deal with mister Spoon. Fortunately for Spoon, a giant barrel of.....

Will Jim kill Spoon? Is the barrel full of Pickles? Will Emeril vote for Ryokan in the race to the finish Alumnus of the month Competition? Find out next week! Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel!

[themuzicman]

And then he woke up, and said, "What a STRANGE DREAM!" I wonder what it means!

[Stoopid Redneck]

So he thought a while as he ate breakfast...

[Sher]

... which consisted of a bowl of cornflakes with skim milk and fresh strawberries, whole wheat toast with low-fat spread, and a glass of fresh squeezed orange juice. Suddenly, out his window he saw ...

[Ryokan]

a chipmunk. Which wouldn't be note worthy, except that this chipmunk was doing calculus on a chalkboard it it had lain at the bottom of a neighbors tree. So he...

[dawnghost]

so he thought to himself:

"a chipmunk doing calculus on a chalkboard? that ain't at all possible"

and he immediately woke up.
then he went to eat breakfast but this time the orange juice wasn't that great so he reached for some apple juice instead. And then he looked out his window and there was the chipmunk again, writing something in latin on the chalkboard.

and he immediately woke up.
then he went to eat breakfast but this time the apple juice wasn't that great so he reached for some watermelon juice instead. And then he looked out his window and there was the chipmunk again, writing a molecular formula on the chalkboard.

and he immediately woke up.
then he went to eat breakfast but this time the watermelon juice wasn't that great so he reached for some lemon juice instead. And then he looked out his window and there was the chipmunk again, but this time he was just scratching at the chalkboard.

he thought to himself: "oh great, now I am finally awake."

he put his clothes on and went to work. but while leaving his house, he took a last look at the chalkboard and noticed the chipmunk was no longer there.

at the chalkboard, 3 letters were visible: J - I - M...

[Jawa Man]

Unfortunately, because he dropped out of first grade to help ma and pa on the farm, he thought the chalkboard was telling him to go to the gym. As soon as he registered, all the big, muscular, Austrian men laughed at him like Arnold.
"You have no meat, girly man!" said one Arnold.
"Yes, I do," said our hero, who was eating a steak while lifting weights.
"I will pump you up!" said one Arnold. There was a big street fight kind of like in West Side Story, especially with the singing and dancing. Soon Spanish cows were running towards them.
"The bull run!" yelled the Arnolds. They unsheathed their swords and went into Legion formation. This gave our hero the chance to organize an army of cantaloupes from Albania to fight back. Soon the bulls and the cantaloupes crushed the Arnolds, and our hero gained 50 experience points.

What will happen to our hero next? Stay tuned...

[truthman]

Discouraged by always having to use other people's money and armies, our hero spent his last few dollars and bought some mercenary :badger: :badger: :badger:s and trained them himself. He and the badgers went many sleepless nights and foodless days training to defeat the next foe, whoever that might be.

Turns out, their next foe was Hal Lindsey, Benny Hinn, and Bill Gothard (that scary Christian fundie). HalBennyBill had raised their own army of Americans, Jews, and bored grandmothers to fight any animal insurrections they could find as this might mean the end of the world and the return of the completed Jewish State. HalBennyBill thought, when they saw the badger army, that this meant the ultimate end and was ultimately a symbol of the European Union uniting together with Gog and Magog to crush Israel on the desert sands of Kazakhstan.

Our hero had trained the badger army well enough to hold off the apocalyptic forces of this mighty evangelist trio, and they did, but not where you think. Turns out, the desert sands of Kazakhstan are really the original location of the garden of Eden.

Just then, over the horizon......

[themuzicman]

Several female :badger:s came and distracted his badger army, and they all married and settled down in the surrounding regions, which is why there is a badger population there, today.

Meanwhile, our hero went....

[truthman]

AWOL, and the badgers took over.