The key to understanding women!

[Jade]

/hide Brother Vinny! Front and Center!

[yxboom]

:rofl:

I see you have even made that your avatar.

thats another :rofl:

[Sher]

that face is priceless! (:lol:)

[Ric]

:rofl: That's so true! :rofl:

[Socrates]

(even during conflict, we have to make time for a laugh)

think it was St Paul who said that it is better to marry than to burn........then there's this collection of opinion:

Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener.

A successful man is one who makes more money that his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Any married man should forget his mistakes...there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman: before marriage and after marriage.

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.

A man said his credit card was stolen, but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Cosmetics: A woman's means for keeping a man from reading between the lines.

Marriage is grand -- and divorce is about 20 grand.

Married life is very frustrating

... In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak, and the neighbors listen.

******************

A gentleman, fresh out of gift ideas, bought his mother-in-law a large plot in an expensive cemetery.

On her next birthday, he bought her nothing.

She was quick to comment, loud and long, on his thoughtlessness. The gentleman said only one thing - "Well, you haven't used the gift I gave you last year."

[Socrates]

"Words Women Use"

FINE - This is the word women use at the end
of any argument that they feel they are right
about, but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine
to describe how a woman looks. This will cause
you to have one of "those" arguments.

FIVE MINUTES - This is half an hour. It is
equivalent to the five minutes that a football
game will last before taking out the trash.
Women consider this an even trade, so don't
push your luck!

NOTHING - This means something and you
should be on your toes.

"Nothing" is usually used to describe the
feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you
inside out, upside down, and backwards.
"Nothing" usually signifies an argument that
will last "Five Minutes" and end with the
word "Fine."

GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows) - This is a
dare. One that will result in a woman getting
upset over "Nothing" and will end with the
word "Fine."

GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows) - This means "I
give up" or "do what you want because I don't
care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead"
in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing"
and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about
"Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH - This is not actually a word, but
is still often a verbal statement very
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means
she thinks you are an idiot at that moment,
and wonders why she is wasting her time
standing here and arguing with you over
"Nothing."

SOFT SIGH - Again, not a word, but a verbal
statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few
things that some men actually understand.
She is content. Your best bet is to not move
or even breathe and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY - This is one of the most dangerous
statements that a woman can say to a man.
"That's Okay" means that she wants to think
long and hard before paying you retribution
for whatever it is that you have done. "That's
Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and
used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow
"Go Ahead." At some point in the near when
future she has plotted and planned, you
are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO - This is not a statement, it is
an offer. A woman is giving you the chance
to come up with whatever excuse or reason
you have for doing whatever it is that you
have done. You have a fair chance to tell
the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't
get a "That's Okay."

THANKS - A woman is thanking you. Do not
faint, just say 'You're welcome.'

[Yog^sothoth]

:eek: i'm never dating again!

[dizzle]

Oh boy Soc you are spot on!! And this is not just dating issues... it is for any male-female relationship, friendship, co-worker whatever.

Boom will testify whenever he is irking me he gets the "fine." That is standard.

[Jade]

Let's hear one of those heavy sighs, Dee Dee. :wink:

[dizzle]

SIGH

[mickiel]

05-11-2003 @ 04:14 PM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=93479#post93479)
Jade:

Let's hear one of those heavy sighs, Dee Dee. :wink:

Or for the dishonor, whichever is your intent. I must admit, i am a sinner, i do need more of God in my life, i am not a righteous person, i often do not like myself, so i understand when others do not. Sometimes i wonder how God feels about me, i know my time at this website is short, i do not fit in with any group, i am searching for truth, and i do not like traditional views of God or women. I personally prefer women who are independant, strong willed, very spiritual, free, and can wear the pants if the man cannot. I like women who don't need men, but just want one. I like a woman who both knows what she wants and doesn't want in a man. I think woman is Gods finest creation that i have seen, i have not seen an angel. I apoligise for any irritation my views may have created within any of the females here, i will soon leave this place, i know when to leave places, i do not enjoy irritating others, i will be finished shortly. I do not apoligise for my views, only the irritation i know that comes when you disagree with others. The spirit that reins here will continue to rein.

[Solly]

Wow, understandng women, what ever next. Never mind the genome project, CETI, or The Historical Quest, let's have a government funded project on understanding women.

Anyone recognise this?

Moi: Are you all right dear?

*slam* YES, *slam* I'm alright *bang* nothing wrong here *clatter* you go out and enjoy yourself *slam*

Ahh, women such sweet things.

:eek:
:ddw:

[Jaltus]

Worst words my wife evers says:

"No, really, I AM fine. Just go."

I am in SOOOOOO much trouble when I hear that.

[Solly]

Now you know why we have to have a licence to marry one. :deal:

[Sher]

Fine .... (loud) SIGH

[Solly]

Don't >BANG<...bang the door on your way out *sigh*

[Sher]

Oh ... I never double bang the door, Solly ...

Once is usually sufficient :teeth:

[Solly]

:ahem:

[Sher]

:yipee:

[Solly]

:love:

Women!! don't you just love 'em. With all their faults.

[Socrates]

A man is strolling along the beach when his foot hits something hard buried just beneath the sand. He carefully digs out strange and very old bottle with a cork in the top. When he pops the cork a Genie appears....

Genie: Oh great master I grant you one wish.

Man: One wish? I thought I got three wishes?

Genie: Sorry great master I am only able to grant you one wish, so think very carefully about what it is you desire.

The man sits down on the beach and contemplates for many, many hours about what his one wish is to be. Finally.....

Man: I really love going to Hawaii, but I have always hated flying. My wish is for you to build a road from the mainland to Hawaii so that I can drive to the islands.

Genie: Oh great master, I fear you have asked for too much!! For me to grant that wish I would have to part the Seas and shift the Continents themselves. Although I am one of the greatest, most powerful genies in the universe I fear that wish is virtually impossible. I must ask that you wish for something else.

Once again the man sits on the beach for many, many hours contemplating what his next wish might be. Finally.......

Man: Help me to understand women.

Genie: <ponders deeply> ....
Umm, was that one or two lanes?

[Solly]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Xmansmommy]

This thread is so funny! Thanks for all the good laughs guys! :thumb:

[graceinme]

I represent all these statements!!!!:teeth: It is not easy being such a complex creature. I thank God all the time I am a woman and not a man, cause I would not want to live with a woman.






:gim: Love Grace

[Shaolin]

i am so glad there is no road that connects hawaii to the mainland...whew :pray:

[Sheepdog]

why does Hawaii have an Interstate, anyways


.... oh wait, this isn't the red herring thread. my bad :shrug:
:wink:

[Sheepdog]

wait a minute, Mononoke is female, isn't she? suddenly the world makes a little bit mroe sense......

[Lizbeth]

If you only knew how incredibly simple it is to please us.....You'd be a god. :frown: How we (all womankind) pray that you (all mankind) figure it out. :thumb:

[theist]

I think I have women figured out.... just act like you don't need them. OR act like a jerk so they will want to "change" you.

rustyb

[Solly]

Men will never figure out women. Why?

Men - one mood, all the time.

[graceinme]

:hrm: it's called balance. If men are always in one mood, women need to spice things up.

[Sheepdog]

you know what would be really funny? i bet women would make perfect sense, but only while understanding some inherent truth which for some reason always eludes mankind :shifty:

[Entropic Gnosis]

men have only one mood? *looks at blood under micoscope, sees y chromosome, rubs face, needs to shave* well i'll be edited i gues i must have missed the memo . . . .

[Socrates]

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter." With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only onebman. God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I createdbyou in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?" And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here.

[Solly]

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I wear the trousers in my house. My wife says I can.

A secret for a good marriage. Let her think she's getting her own way.

[Socrates]

:eek: Note the brave (or foolish) person holding a yellow placard :shocked:

[dizzle]

Oh my goodness!!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Drummer]

Hello everybody.
I am new and this is my first post. I may seem to be a bit forward, as I don't know anybody. Oh well, here is my take on women.
Women are humans, as such I have always treated them as human. I have had no problems with this. I like women very much and have no desire to cover them with any fabric because a preacher told me to. Why would a God even care ?
Oh well, there you have it. My first post.
Gotta luv the girls !

[David O]

That reference to "because of the angels" did it for me. I'm a guitar playing lead singer who was a pretty good feminist back in my old days. I even played in a lesbian folk duo. Go figure. I decided to be really careful with the Bible after realizing that the things I had rationalized were not really OK. The Bible says that women should have a sign of authority on their heads. Baseball guys wear their team name on their heads in a similar fashion. If you read all the references to angels covering themselves (like in Ezekiel 1 and 10), it won't seem like such an imposition at all.

Girls always like the drumers most, don't they?

[SynchroKnight]

Welcome Drummer!

You are the first person I've ever welcomed to TWeb (another first!).

Now about "understanding women":

I've gradually come to the conclusion that despite the fact women "seem" to a man's eyes to be so contradictory and mysterious, when all is said and done, they are usually right.

The women in my life are a treasured source of wisdom and clarity. It would be hard going without them.

But hey, what do I know. I'm still single. :uneasy:

[Sheepdog]

Drummer, what you see in this thread is light-hearted humor. if we take ourselves and each other too seriously, life will be boring. not to say i don't take women seriously-- i do. just, nuttin wrong with a little humor, as long as it isn't hurtful when it shouldn't be.

[themuzicman]

:gravedigger:

[Jade]

Muz, you didn't do a good enough job. :gravedig:

[jesusfreak]

/hide Brother Vinny! Front and Center!
what does that pic have to do with understanding women

[Jade]

what does that pic have to do with understanding women

The pic is pretty self explanatory. The picture explains why women nag. Guys are always complaining about women nagging. Hence the picture. We HAVE to nag or we'll blow up. Do you get it yet or do I have to go over it again. :wink: