Submit Your Candidates for February's Screwballs of the Month

[jpholding]

Just post 'em and I'll figure out how to use 'em. Only rule, it has to be from between Feb. 1-28, 2005.

[Sparko]

Jim Eisele:

I think that you want to go to heaven when you die. Well, so does an atheist. Who’s to say that an atheism god doesn’t exist?

http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/sh...3&postcount=294 (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showpost.php?p=902643&postcount=294)

[Gideon Brown]

http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showpost.php?p=907613&postcount=906


You don’t “choose” Christianity any more than you choose your gender.

[Sparko]

Johnny Skeptic who believes the path to truth consists of polling idiots and going whichever way the vote goes (ala Jesus Seminar I guess)


James Holding et al presuppose that the New Testament is true, and skeptics presuppose that the New Testament is false. How can we overcome these obstacles? In my opinion, by consulting the undecided crowd, who have no presuppositions one way of the other. http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showpost.php?p=906831&postcount=519 (http://showpost.php?p=906831&postcount=519)

Besides the obvious fallacy of something like that, I wonder how they would vote? .could it be... "undecided?" :rofl:

:lmbo:

[Piebald]

"Who’s to say that an atheism god doesn’t exist?"

:lol: !!!

[Mark_S]

Jason: You're contesting an ACTUAL HISTORICAL RESOURCE with your own reasoning? Oh please.

Johnny: And you are disagreeing with the Encyclopedia Britannica.

Well That about sums it up doesn't it?

Reposted just for you JP:smile:

[Cynic Sage]

I nominate Vivian (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=46159&page=4) on pretty much everything she posts. And a HILLARIOUS ONE was YourMaster (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?t=47736).


Hello Chrisian slaves:

I thought I would break into TWEB to try and convert you silly Christians into the true and only religion, it's called meism! First, let me explain the pitfalls of christianity.

1) none of it is true
2) you guys believe in guys that split seas with their staff, walked on water, ordered his followers to drink his blood and eat his body, in a prophesy that holds one day there will be a beast who will mark all his followers, four horsement, angels, golden chariots, the reincarnation of all dead people, etc. And all without a shred of evidence. Ridiculous! Santa Clause and the toothfairy make more sense.

Now here's how your Master sees it:

All who follow this silly childhood fairytale are fools. You are the poor, working and middle classes who follow a religion promulgated by the rich and powerful. The oil barrons and the like keep what should be a cult religion alive because they want to keep you enslaved.

They send your teenage sons to war at their whim, to protect their assets. You, who are their slaves, are brainwashed into patriotism, love of God, etc. And you voluntarily do the bidding of your current masters. They prey on the underachievers of the working and middle classes to fill the ranks of their army, they exploit the mythology of Christianity so that you don't fight for things they have or will have. They brainwash you into believing things like using embryos for research is against some god, while they will enjoy the fruits of this technology and live far longer and far more healthy lives than you will ever have a chance to while under their control.

They have you sold on multi-culturalism, a system designed for the sole purpose of keeping the working and middle classes down. By allowing floods of immigrants into America your masters are able to keep your wages down, and to keep the diverse population at odds with each other so there's no chance of unity and organizing against them.

I would be willing to be your new master if you insist on having one. I will ask for nothing from you. In fact if our shores are ever attacked again by terrorists, I will simply deport each and every muslim arab in America. None of your sons will die, however, we won't have any problems with Islamic extreemists again. I will also simply nuke the nation responsible. I don't care if it turns out to be a terrorist organization, any country who provided them with even a nickles worth of support will be blown into the stone age. How will I catch guys like Usama? I would kidnap every blood relative he has. I will start with the most distant and start torchering and killing them one by one. I will televize the torcher and killing and send Al Qaeda the body parts bit by bit. This will end terrorism immediately. Next I also promise to end our dependence on petroleum so if we have to we can blow up the entire mid east. I won't ask auto manufacturers to coorperate, they will be required to. All of those hundreds of billions spent on war will be spent on a five year program to eliminate the need for petroleum in the USA and on genetic science to eradicate diseases like cancer and "death"!

We will also spend our money on things like preventing the arctic ice caps from falling into the seas and flooding our shores, we will unravel the mysteries of dark matter and energy and figure out why our universe is expanding, we will make sure we can defend ourselves against an incoming missle and even an incoming meteor if necessary, we will spend our money only on things that will benefit us all!

This is the new world order. So throw off your shackles slaves and follow me. I am the truth, the way, the future!

Master
what was really funny was that this guy posted two different threads of this.:lol:

[Pilgrim]

can there be a better candidate than Magdalene Brother?

[Sparko]

I thought the point was they were supposed to be atheist/agnostic quotes?

Vivian and Magbro are theists.

[jpholding]

I thought the point was they were supposed to be atheist/agnostic quotes?

Vivian and Magbro are theists.

I'll go ahead and take any screwball quotes on this one, even if from Christians.

[BeHereNow]

When you're desperate, you take what you can get.

Sorry, couldn't resist. :lol:

[jpholding]

When you're desperate, you take what you can get.

Sorry, couldn't resist. :lol:

Oops. You just made the list. :wink:

[Slayer-2004]

I submit myself . Im sure you can find something of mine from ExC that you can decontextualize to make it sound irrational . :)

Technically both your "screwballs of the month" and "fundies say the darndest things" are just satrical takes that do just that . I find reading them both to be entertaining at least .

[jpholding]

I submit myself . Im sure you can find something of mine from ExC that you can decontextualize to make it sound irrational . :)

Sorry, but you disqualifed yourself with your candid admissions about me in the Locker Room. Honesty of that level disqualifies anything else you could ever say. Too bad. Have a crate of Rice a Roni as a consolation prize.

Maybe I'll submit Steve Hays...

[Slayer-2004]

awww ...

[jpholding]

It's March 1, so I will ask moderators to close this thread. I will start another for March submissions.