How to parent a 1st grade girl beginning puberty?

[Jacob]

My 7 year old daughter is physically beginning puberty (so says my wife & the pediatrician). She's also become very demanding of explanations & presume the right to argue about every decision she's not pleased with.

I think we should treat her more like a 1st - 2nd grader. My wife thinks we should treat her more like an adolescent.

Anyone go through something similar?

Help...

Jacob

[yxboom]

Egad man.

[Jacob]

Today @ 05:09 PM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=101215#post101215)
yxboom:

Egad man.


Indeed!

Jacob

[Ryokan]

Ouch, Jacob, that is very bad luck. Well, I am not a parent, so take anything I say with a bolder of salt, but the way I look at it, if puberty confered any sort of maturity on an individual, a. teenagers wouldn't be so dumb, and b. we wouldn't say 13 year olds aren't ready for consensual sex. Having the equipment doesn't make us adults. Your daughter is 7, not 11-13, even if her body is a little confused and her hormones are messing with her.
And in my experience, 7 year olds are rather pushy and demanding to begin with, and she got hormones messing with her to, so what to do?
Good Luck

[Jacob]

Today @ 08:20 PM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=101356#post101356)
Ryokan:

Ouch, Jacob, that is very bad luck.


Actually, I see this as a difficulty, but ultimately a good thing (by the grace of God). This is how God created her, and I'm grateful for a wife that helps me to think about my children as individuals.



Well, I am not a parent, so take anything I say with a bolder of salt, but the way I look at it, if puberty confered any sort of maturity on an individual, a. teenagers wouldn't be so dumb, and b. we wouldn't say 13 year olds aren't ready for consensual sex. Having the equipment doesn't make us adults. Your daughter is 7, not 11-13, even if her body is a little confused and her hormones are messing with her.


I appreciate the idea that her body is out of sync with her maturity. If a child has a late puberty, do we treat them as less mature just because the "plumbing" is not up to speed? I think not -- but I'll run this perspective past my wife for review...


And in my experience, 7 year olds are rather pushy and demanding to begin with, and she got hormones messing with her to, so what to do?
Good Luck

Hold on there, I'm the one asking the question. :smile:

BUMP to the top....

HELP
(From both my daughter & myself)....

Jacob

[Ryokan]

Well, don't look at me! I only have experience as being a pushy 7 year old, not dealing with them.:shrug: :smile:

[Patroclus]

secular trend: the tendency over the last hundred or so years for each succeeding generation to mature earlier and become, on the average, larger.

http://www.webref.org/anthropology/s/secular_trend.htm

If she is already menstrating, she is well into peuberty. By definition, she is an adolescent. The good news is that you are not alone. As per the definition of this phenomenon known as "the secular trend," there are many parents dealing with similar issues. I suggest that you read Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-form/104-8415703-6490365).

Numerical age is not necessarily the best standard of maturity. Beacuse of her changing hormones, I think that you might be dealing with somebody closer to an average ten-year-old. The entries in the following journal are more or less anecdotal. But they might answer some general questions.

http://www.nmmle.org/2001Article%201.html

[Jacob]

Today @ 09:39 PM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=101418#post101418)
Patroclus:
I suggest that you read Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-form/104-8415703-6490365).
[/url]


Thanks, I'll look into it.

Jacob

[Patroclus]

By the way, the fact that your daughter is challenging you and trying to reason with you, may show that she is at a more progressed stage in her cognitive development.

[Xmansmommy]

Jacob,
Whew, I sympathize with you bro! As a mother of 4 girls, (of which I have, and continue to go through these things with) I know to some extent, what you are going through. Although I can't hardly imagine going through these things with a 7 yo. :doh: I don't know how biblical or sound this advice is, but I'm going to offer anyway since you asked........
I would treat her like the little girl she is. For a few years before my girls became "young women" they had attitudes. I don't want to get too personal or descriptive here...but if you pay close attention to her "cycle" of behavior you will notice that there is a pattern to some extent. She will have mood swings, attitude, etc. and I think it really is hormones that are reeking havoc on her body. I know she's not even aware of these things, but you can be. And that will help you, I believe, to better deal with the situation and with her. She doesn't need at this age, to understand how babies are made..but you can talk to her about her changing body. Let your little girl be one who enjoys Barbies, baby dolls and tea parties, even if she's fiesty, rather than burden her with adult cares. She'll only be a little girl once. Enjoy her. Just my thoughts. Take them for what it's worth. :xmm:

[Jacob]

Today @ 02:01 PM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=103087#post103087)
Xmansmommy:

Jacob,
Whew, I sympathize with you bro! As a mother of 4 girls, (of which I have, and continue to go through these things with) I know to some extent, what you are going through. Although I can't hardly imagine going through these things with a 7 yo. :doh: I don't know how biblical or sound this advice is, but I'm going to offer anyway since you asked........
I would treat her like the little girl she is. For a few years before my girls became "young women" they had attitudes. I don't want to get too personal or descriptive here...but if you pay close attention to her "cycle" of behavior you will notice that there is a pattern to some extent. She will have mood swings, attitude, etc. and I think it really is hormones that are reeking havoc on her body. I know she's not even aware of these things, but you can be. And that will help you, I believe, to better deal with the situation and with her. She doesn't need at this age, to understand how babies are made..but you can talk to her about her changing body. Let your little girl be one who enjoys Barbies, baby dolls and tea parties, even if she's fiesty, rather than burden her with adult cares. She'll only be a little girl once. Enjoy her. Just my thoughts. Take them for what it's worth. :xmm:

Thanks Xmansmommy,

She's not to the point of a regular cycle.

I want to treat her like a 7 yo little girl - which includes demanding that she treat adults - including her parents - with respect. My wife thinks we need to treat her with more respect so that we don't alienate her.

You give good advice from one who's been there...

Jacob

[Ryokan]

Actually, and no offense Jacob, I don't think its good to teach kids that there is anything inherently respectable about adults. Rather, you should teach them to respect everyone. I can think of alot of 4 year olds who deserve more respect than many forty year olds. Being treated as a second class citizen like that, or thats the way I percieved it, did make me, at least, feel alienated. I am not saying to let your daughter to mouth off to everyone, or do whatever crazy thing seems like a good idea, but rather let her know she has the same level of respect from you that you demand out of her.

[Xmansmommy]

Jacob, I totally undestand you demanding respect from your daughter. Trust me, little boys who don't have a "cycle" go through this struggle, as well, so it's not exclusive to little girls. You have every right to demand that she respect you, your wife and other adults. I don't necessarily believe that type of rebellion, if you will, is propagated soley because of her pre-pubescent situation, however.
What I meant by "cycle" is that there is pattern before the cycle. You'll know what I'm talking about as you pay attention to her body language, attitude, temper flair, moodiness, etc. It may all seem chaotic (and it is, I don't envy you) but there does, at least in my experience, seem to be a pattern of behavior changes for a few years before the actual "cycle" begins. Hope that clarifies my thoughts a little. Thanks for listening. :smile:

[Jacob]

Today @ 02:48 PM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=103134#post103134)
Ryokan:

Actually, and no offense Jacob, I don't think its good to teach kids that there is anything inherently respectable about adults. Rather, you should teach them to respect everyone. I can think of alot of 4 year olds who deserve more respect than many forty year olds. Being treated as a second class citizen like that, or thats the way I percieved it, did make me, at least, feel alienated. I am not saying to let your daughter to mouth off to everyone, or do whatever crazy thing seems like a good idea, but rather let her know she has the same level of respect from you that you demand out of her.

Good point. We actually do teach them to be respectful to everyone. But I especially demand it toward people in right positions of authority over her - and this is critical. It is more an issue of respecting authority - like teachers & parents - that has become the problem lately. A lack of respect for authority is a sign of a rebellious heart. The OT punishment for cursing your parents was death. That's in respect for their authority, not their personalities. She is quite respectful toward her teachers and her classmates, but doesn't do so well with her brother or her parents.

Jacob

[Jacob]

Today @ 02:53 PM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=103140#post103140)
Xmansmommy:

Jacob, I totally undestand you demanding respect from your daughter. Trust me, little boys who don't have a "cycle" go through this struggle, as well, so it's not exclusive to little girls.


Which is also verified by my 5 yo son's behavior. He has punched (in the face) & kicked (in the back) his mother, whom he dearly loves (most of the time) ... It took a few rounds, but I think that we have convinced him that this is a very bad idea.


What I meant by "cycle" is that there is pattern before the cycle. You'll know what I'm talking about as you pay attention to her body language, attitude, temper flair, moodiness, etc. It may all seem chaotic (and it is, I don't envy you) but there does, at least in my experience, seem to be a pattern of behavior changes for a few years before the actual "cycle" begins. Hope that clarifies my thoughts a little. Thanks for listening. :smile:

Thanks for clarifying your suggestions. I'll be more observant.

Jacob