Christians and Dating/Courting..?!?!?!?

[Xmansmommy]

Well, here goes......... As a new Christian, and a single one at that, I have been confronted with the idea of dating/courting on occasion. While I have learned a great deal since I have been saved, this is not an area in which I know much at all about. :frown: I do however know, that a believer should not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. And I also feel that for me personally, I would desire to be likeminded with someone I would consider dating/courting. So, I'm hoping that my TW family might step in and help a sister out in an area that she desires better understanding on. I do prefer this to be addressed by Christians only, but any sound advice is welcome. :wink: Thanks in advance All.

Blessings in Him,
Linda

[Socrates]

Yesterday @ 11:40 PM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=103081#post103081)
Xmansmommy:

Well, here goes......... As a new Christian, and a single one at that, I have been confronted with the idea of dating/courting on occasion. While I have learned a great deal since I have been saved, this is not an area in which I know much at all about. :frown: I do however know, that a believer should not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever.

Absolutely correct, although some professing Christians try to justify themselves in their disobedience.

And I also feel that for me personally, I would desire to be likeminded with someone I would consider dating/courting. So, I'm hoping that my TW family might step in and help a sister out in an area that she desires better understanding on. I do prefer this to be addressed by Christians only, but any sound advice is welcome. :wink:

Indeed, even dating an unbeliever would violate the "unequally yoked" rule. Any "dating" relationship could develop into marriage, so why even enter into such a relationship if marriage is not an option? What often happens it that the Christian becomes too emotionally attached to the unbeliever, and the emotions can overpower one's thinking. And so the dating relationship does indeed end in marriage.

[InquisitorKind]

Linda,

I just finished, and absolutely recommend Boy Meets Girl for this subject. It discusses Christian "courtship," as opposed to dating, in simple, easy, yet profound terms, providing a much needed perspective on the dating scene and how to go about making a wise, Christian, decision for marriage. (It's the follow up to I Kissed Dating Goodbye.)

~Matt

[Xmansmommy]

Socrates, thanks for your response. Great comments!

[Xmansmommy]

Matt, might I find this book in a Christian book store or somewhere online? Sounds like a book I could really benefit from. I thank you for the suggestion. :thumb:

[Patroclus]

I disagree with Joshua Harrison. From what I have seen, it seems that he is coming from the perspective--and for him, this may have been true--that a man is unable to avoid the sexual impulse. Also, he seems to ignore the fact that people are very varried in their emotional states.

With that being said, except when you consider people like Mr. Harris, there is really very little distinction between dating and courtship. More often than not, I see the word "courting" being used to sanctify a relationship. Harris makes courting a process that includes much group and family time. This is not necessarily bad, unless you are a person like me.

When it comes to relationships, I am very private, and I covet quality time. I also need isolation in order to feel comfortable with another individual. There are certain things that I will not do in front of my parents (for instance, kissing my spouse for the first time on our wedding day--I do not even like the idea of having a bunch of people to see the wedding day). When I am in a group of people, I can almost never discuss issues of any substance--especially not personal issues. When I am alone with a person, male or female, I am quite different. I think it is because I cannot read people's psyche in a group.

Anyway, I fear that was a bunch of incomprehensible babble.

[mickiel]

I think in dateing, christian or not, the cloest you can get to commonality, the better for the both of you. Also the least you allow input from others, still the better. For the spiritual minded, one must remember that often romance can overshadow God. All of us want to love and be loved, but the desire to mate can be heavily influenced by our flesh, or what looks good. I do not allow others input on my choice of women, nor will i ever, that is just my personal way. I have chosen some wonderful women during my life time, and some not so wonderful. I am not selfish to not admit i have not been so good a choice myself all my life, but to this day i am the best of freinds with all the women i have dated. I have learned more about dateing, FROM my experience with the women God has blessed to will into my life. Hindsight being often better than foresight, i can see that some dateing experiences were actually improved by the PREVIOUS dates, i learned from each one. God put some very powerful spiritual women in my life, i now know partly because my hardhead was very powerful, and these women helped crack it. I think one of the finest prayers a single person can pray, is to ask God to help you be a blessing to those you date, and vice versa. The dateing experience is a joy.

[Socrates]

Today @ 07:42 PM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=103994#post103994)
Patroclus:

More often than not, I see the word "courting" being used to sanctify a relationship. Harris makes courting a process that includes much group and family time. This is not necessarily bad, unless you are a person like me.

When it comes to relationships, I am very private, and I covet quality time. I also need isolation in order to feel comfortable with another individual. There are certain things that I will not do in front of my parents (for instance, kissing my spouse for the first time on our wedding day--I do not even like the idea of having a bunch of people to see the wedding day). When I am in a group of people, I can almost never discuss issues of any substance--especially not personal issues. When I am alone with a person, male or female, I am quite different. I think it is because I cannot read people's psyche in a group.

Anyway, I fear that was a bunch of incomprehensible babble.

Not at all, and your points are well taken. After all, if you're going to spend a lifetime with another person, it makes sense that the people can get to know each other well in that setting. If the couple is always chaperoned or in a group, then how can they really get to discuss deep personal things?

But this makes it even more important for a Christian to date or court only another Christian.

[themuzicman]

The difference betwee "dating" and "courting" is mainly the setting. "Dating" is where two people go out alone and do stuff together. If the couple doesn't know each other, there is the inevitible "putting on one's best side" to impress the other that goes on.

"Courting" generally involves the families of those courting. The guy goes and visits the girl and her family (and vice versa), and the families spend time together.

The advantages of courting are that the family can get to know and evaluate a potential mate from first hand knowledge of him and help the person involved make a better decision, there is constant accountability for the couple, so they don't fall into sin, and courting tends to let the couple get to know the real person, not the front that people put on for dating.

Just my thoughts on it.

Michael

[Xmansmommy]

I want to thank all of you for participating in this thread. I have more questions and comments, but time isn't permitting now. I will have to get back to this thread, hopefully sometime this weekend. Again, thanks all. :thumb:

[India]

My husband was in InterVarsity in college and they suggested doing things in public places (e.g. going out to dinner vs. having dinner alone in your house).

[Xmansmommy]

Thank you India. I guess some of the questions I have pertain to the do's and don'ts of courting. I mean some things are glaringly obvious while some are a little less apparent. So if any of you have any thoughts on things that are appropriate and things that are not, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks. :xmm:

[Jacob]

05-31-2003 @ 05:10 AM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=113384#post113384)
Xmansmommy:

Thank you India. I guess some of the questions I have pertain to the do's and don'ts of courting. I mean some things are glaringly obvious while some are a little less apparent. So if any of you have any thoughts on things that are appropriate and things that are not, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks. :xmm:

Xmansmommy,

I'm going to be blunt.

I think "courting" makes sense. One reason is because it recognizes our sinful tendencies, and keeps us in areas of accountability. When it comes to sexual morality, believers are told to "flee".... show it "elbow & heels".

I see 4 levels of "dating" or courtship & intimacy.

0 - Brother/Sister in Christ. No romantic inclination.
No-physical affection.
1 - non-exclusive dating.
No-physical affection.
2 - exclusive dating (committment to not date others)
Hand-holding.
3 - engagement
??? grey zone ???
4 - marriage.
:-)

For the purpose of building relationship, I'd reserve anything more than hand holding until engagement. Sooooo..... don't go into social situations where you'd be comfortable getting more physical than is appropriate for your mutually agreed upon level of committment. I think physical affection earlier in the relationship undermines the spiritual/social/intellectual relationship. Give as much time to focussing on these dimensions, as they are the foundation for the relationship.

I speak as one who got saved at 18, and remained a virgin until I got married at 28. I didn't want to be a statistic.

Jacob

[India]

Jacob:
I speak as one who got saved at 18, and remained a virgin until I got married at 28. I didn't want to be a statistic.


Jacob, you rock!!

XMM, I suggest determining what is definitely inappropriate (things beyond kissing, IMO) and from there determining what sorts of things would make you (or your date) more likely to do those inappropriate things. Kissing, hand-holding, etc. aren't wrong in and of themselves IMO, but it depends on what you and your boyfriend can handle without feeling too tempted. E.g. when my husband and I were engaged, we found that we couldn't go beyond a quick peck on the lips; otherwise it was really hard to be good. For those of us who know what we're missing when being chaste, it's best to err on the side of caution, since it is really hard to be pure.

Be sure you have women who will hold you accountable and pray for you once you start dating.

[Xmansmommy]

Jacob,
Thanks so much for your post. BTW, I appreciate your bluntness. :xmm: And PTL you were faithful to your committment! I know it must have been difficult but sooooo well worth it. What an encouragement. Thanks again.

Blessings,
Linda

[Xmansmommy]

India,
I value your comments on this topic greatly, as I am a new sister and struggle with knowing what's appropriate and what's not. Having lived a worldly life, I know just how real my struggles will be when I begin to court. I realize that I have to set the perameters long before I find myself in a situation that is compromising. Thanks for the advice. I hope to find mature sisters who can hold me accountable (although to be totally honest, I don't fully understand this concept either :frown:) and pray for me. I know a few online, but I truly hope to find one in my local assembly as well. Thanks for your post.

In Him,
Linda

[India]

Xmansmommy:
I hope to find mature sisters who can hold me accountable (although to be totally honest, I don't fully understand this concept either :frown:) and pray for me.

My understanding of it is someone (or a small group of someones) who will lovingly check up on you, either meeting with you regularly or contacting you and asking how you're doing spiritually and how things are going with whatever issue it is you're struggling with. E.g. if you were seeing someone, then you might call them or they might call you the next day and discuss how things went with regards to purity. (I'm just making this up as I go along; I didn't actually have an accountability group when I was dating.)

The purpose is not for them to berate you or make you feel guilty if you mess up, because eventually we all mess up. Rather, it's that if you know someone is going to ask you about what you did, that gives you further incentive to not sin.

[Xmansmommy]

Thank you India. That helps a great deal! I have some very special relationships with sisters via the internet who are very helpful to me. We just call and talk about whatever is going on in our lives. But I understand an accountability partner is much closer. I pray that I can find a great sister who can be that for me. Growing up spiritually can be very lonely at times to say the very least. Thanks for your insight sis. Very much needed and appreciated.

Grace and peace,
Linda

[Jacob]

Today @ 01:06 PM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=115938#post115938)
India:


My understanding of it is someone (or a small group of someones) who will lovingly check up on you, either meeting with you regularly or contacting you and asking how you're doing spiritually and how things are going with whatever issue it is you're struggling with. E.g. if you were seeing someone, then you might call them or they might call you the next day and discuss how things went with regards to purity. (I'm just making this up as I go along; I didn't actually have an accountability group when I was dating.)

The purpose is not for them to berate you or make you feel guilty if you mess up, because eventually we all mess up. Rather, it's that if you know someone is going to ask you about what you did, that gives you further incentive to not sin.

Good advice!

This last year, in my small group, I found that one guy was sexually active with his girlfriend and one guy had a drinking problem. They wanted accountability. With the drinking brother, it was easy. With the sexually active brother, I had to ask very particular questions to get truthful answers ("Have you compromised in your level of affection with _____" was the only question that would get truthful answers).

Then, 2 weeks ago, my wife & I found out about another brother who was sexually compromised. When we asked him about the relationship, suggesting that we knew of some problem areas, he never mentioned that sexual intercourse was involved. While he admitted to it when I brought it up, he's still hard hearted about it.

Find someone you trust, who really cares about you and will keep confidentiality. Then ask them to be persistent in getting clear answers on intimacy. Agree that the pastor or elders should be involved if the intimacy crosses a pre-determined line.

God Bless,

Jacob

[Xmansmommy]

Thank you Jacob! That's great advice as well. I do value all your input and advice. I just wish I had a closer relationship with people at church sometimes. :frown:

If you all would keep me in your prayers I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks in advcance.

All for Him,
Linda

[Jacob]

Today @ 05:45 PM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=116117#post116117)
Xmansmommy:

Thank you Jacob! That's great advice as well. I do value all your input and advice. I just wish I had a closer relationship with people at church sometimes. :frown:

If you all would keep me in your prayers I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks in advcance.

All for Him,
Linda

Sometimes getting closer relationships at church requires time. Sometimes it requires getting another church! Ask about small groups where you could be involved. I think most people have shallow relationships with the people they meet on a Sunday morning, unless you get together in a smaller group / situation.

Jacob

[India]

Jacob:
I think most people have shallow relationships with the people they meet on a Sunday morning, unless you get together in a smaller group / situation.

That's what I've found - the really close friendships I had at my former church (I moved recently) were from a small-group Bible study where we shared prayer requests as well. It was a mixed group (all ages, genders, etc. - actually it started out as a Bible study for internationals, which I got accidentally placed in because of my name :smile:) but I became good friends with some of the women there and we got together on our own for prayer.

[Jacob]

Today @ 08:39 PM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=116357#post116357)
India:



That's what I've found - the really close friendships I had at my former church (I moved recently) were from a small-group Bible study where we shared prayer requests as well. It was a mixed group (all ages, genders, etc. - actually it started out as a Bible study for internationals, which I got accidentally placed in because of my name :smile:) but I became good friends with some of the women there and we got together on our own for prayer.


The other place where I've really gotten to build relationship is on ministry teams. I found this to be especially true when working with youth. The youth group volunteers and the youth pastor & his wife seem to become pretty good friends. Sharing vision & struggle in ministry seems to build strong bonds. Praying together has a powerful "bonding" effect.

When I was an elder, we also had a very challenging problem (woman with borderline personality disorder making BIG waves) that 3 of us were assigned to handle. I feel like our sharing of this experience really bonded our relationship.

Working closely with people will either drive you apart or bring you together -- kind of like parenting & paying the bills in the family arena...

Jacob

[quetzalphoenix]

Has anyone considered having your parents or your church choose your spouse? It would save a lot of hassle, time, and energy, and leave that for the work of building a marriage based on mutual respect and commitment....:teeth:

Actually, I'm kind of joking. But not entirely. I think that the community should be involved, if not in the sense of matchmaking. Isolation when dating or when making friendships of any sort is not what God intended for the body of Christ. Whether we have hard and fast rules of courtship, or "date" with an eye towards what our elders (as in older/wiser people and church officers both) intuit, our approach to uniting to another person for the rest of our lives should be as rooted in the corporate life of the Church as every activity... especially since that union will then become part of the Church.

I'm relatively young and yet have made a lot of tremendous mistakes in "dating" and relationships, mostly because I've tried to go it alone, and let my heart and hormones lead. Or, I've done a pendulum swing and tried to chart out the characteristics of my significant other and our relationship. Neither is what God desires for his children... we have significant freedom and significant responsibility. Thank God I am single right now so I can learn what that means!

[Sher]

05-21-2003 @ 08:40 AM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=103081#post103081)
Xmansmommy:

I do however know, that a believer should not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever.

05-21-2003 @ 10:03 AM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=103147#post103147)
Socrates:

What often happens it that the Christian becomes too emotionally attached to the unbeliever, and the emotions can overpower one's thinking. And so the dating relationship does indeed end in marriage.

:hi: Linda,

I definitely agree with you two here ... from experience. Let me preface by saying I love my husband dearly ... but this was a hard period in our early marriage. He was not a rabid atheist, but he wasn't a believer either (came from apathetic background ... as did I in some ways, but I found my own way early on) ... and this made for some very difficult decisions and compromises ... sometimes not in the good sense. I've since repented (long ago). He was very sad that he missed things like our son's baptism/christening (I was an Episcopalian at that time) ... and other power struggles over Christian issues ... and it's been a tough time with him flip-flopping since he said he was saved about 5 years after our marriage. So :thumb: on this issue ... definitely don't even date unbelievers ... (though, please don't take this as knocking my spouse).

The second most import thing to me is to build the friendship. In the midst of the aforementioned struggles ... and money issues, etc. ... our friendship has pulled us through the rough spots. He is my best friend ... and he feels the same way. So building up the friend ... as well as the romance ... is important. Friendship and respect are every bit as important in a relationship ... and a marriage ... as love is.

God's blessings for you Linda ... I don't think I could start all over again :eek: It is a rough world out there, full of compromise and heartache. Lots of loving friends and lots of prayer will see you through though.

Sher

[Sher]

{bump} :joy:

[Socrates]

06-04-2003 @ 02:55 PM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=116854#post116854)
quetzalphoenix:

Has anyone considered having your parents or your church choose your spouse? It would save a lot of hassle, time, and energy, and leave that for the work of building a marriage based on mutual respect and commitment....:teeth:

Actually, I'm kind of joking. But not entirely.

It's not so silly. This would be the norm in the world even today, and was the usual practice in biblical times. Paul tells us to love the one we're married to, not marry the one we are "in love" with. I dunno how it would work in today's individualistic Western culture though.

[Sher]

/me runs screaming at the thought of who my parents would have picked for me

Seriously, though, it probably wouldn't be a bad idea in theory. I don't know how well it would work in actual application.

(I realize we aren't supposed to talk to each other ... but where's Xmansmommy?)

[Xmansmommy]

She ran off and got married.......














NOT! :lol: I don't mind if you guys talk amongst yourselves. XMM has been extremely busy lately and hasn't had much time to spend on TW. :frown:

[yxboom]

Today @ 07:01 PM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=127228#post127228)
Sher:

* Sher runs screaming at the thought of who my parents would have picked for me


Seriously, though, it probably wouldn't be a bad idea in theory. I don't know how well it would work in actual application.

(I realize we aren't supposed to talk to each other ... but where's Xmansmommy?)

You aren't supposed to debate amongst yourselves :teeth:

[Xmansmommy]

Today @ 02:46 AM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=126135#post126135)
Socrates:



It's not so silly. This would be the norm in the world even today, and was the usual practice in biblical times. Paul tells us to love the one we're married to, not marry the one we are "in love" with. I dunno how it would work in today's individualistic Western culture though.

Socrates, I agree that we should love the one we are married to, but is it wrong to marry the one we're in love with? Sigh, this is difficult. :frown:

[Xmansmommy]

Today @ 10:38 PM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=127255#post127255)
yxboom:



You aren't supposed to debate amongst yourselves :teeth:

:rofl:

[yxboom]

At this day and age you are but left to marry the one you are in "love" with, but I understand Socrates' point in that love is more of an extension of commitment than anything else. The more you offer and commit to the other person magically you will say you are that much in love with that person. Ergo people fall out of love when the commitment dies.

[Xmansmommy]

:yx:, While agree that love is an extension of committment, I don't believe it's impossible to commit to the one you love. I could be wrong, but for me, they are intimately intertwined. And yes in today's society when the love is gone, the commitment can easily go out the door, so I see your point there too. But I think when one is truly committed, they don't fall out of love so easily and perhaps even, that loves grows as the commitment is tested. But hey, whadda I know? :shrug:

[Xmansmommy]

*sigh*!!! Today I had a friend ask me some of the very same questions on the topic of marriage that I'm struggling with and I didn't know how to answer him. I hear that IF it's God's will, we will know it. I don't know How we will know it. When I came out of Mormonism I struggled greatly with knowing when God was leading me and guiding me. Not to go off topic, but when I prayed for God to teach me and guide me to the truth and which church would be good for me...I was literally bombarded with different opportunities to attend various churches. I suppose my real issue isn't Christian dating/courting after all (although that is the issue I need His guidance and leadership on) but learning what He's doing in my life and tuning into that so I am not making wrong decisions. Thanks for listening guys.

[Sher]

Yesterday @ 10:38 PM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=127255#post127255)
yxboom:

You aren't supposed to debate amongst yourselves :teeth:

:whack: Quit provoking me then :teeth:

[Sher]

You're welcome Linda ... Sorry I couldn't be more help.

But I'll keep praying for you :pray:

[Socrates]

Today @ 01:40 PM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=127258#post127258)
Xmansmommy, replying to:

Socrates: It's not so silly. This would be the norm in the world even today, and was the usual practice in biblical times. Paul tells us to love the one we're married to, not marry the one we are "in love" with. I dunno how it would work in today's individualistic Western culture though.

Socrates, I agree that we should love the one we are married to, but is it wrong to marry the one we're in love with? Sigh, this is difficult. :frown:

I didn't say that was necessarily wrong, but rather that it is not a requirement. The notion of "being in love" is not a biblical idea. And the trouble with it can be, if we marry only because we are "in love", then can we divorce if we are no longer "in love"?

On another matter you asked about, I recommend the article by Hebrew Christian scholar Dr Arnold Fruchtenbaum, The Spiritual Life and Divine Guidance (http://www.ariel.org/ff00142f.html).

[Xmansmommy]

Socrates,
Thank you for the link. I'll bookmark it. I don't believe I would marry simply for love either. Although I would love to marry a brother that I love :xmm:.....there would be many other factors that would play into that decision. I believe God expects us to make sound, biblical decisions. I pray that whenever the time comes in my life that I'm faced with this issue, I'll make decisions that are wise. Thanks for your input Soc. :thumb:

[Xmansmommy]

No, no Sherry. Please don't be sorry. The things I struggle with are not really something anyone can help me with. Time, trust, reliance upon Him, really is the answer. But I am still looking for sound biblical advice so any and all input is greatly appreciated. I can better learn to make decisions when I know what the bible says on the issue. And also what others have experienced and know to be good advice. Thanks for all your comments sis. And thanks to all who have been participating. :smile:

[themuzicman]

I don't remember if I've said this or not, but, I define love as "the desire to meet the needs and desires of another person. The depth of love, then, is measured by what you're willing to sacrifice to meet those needs and desires."

Thus, you can love other Christians, but only to the point that you'll only give 10 minutes (or an hour, whatevery) to them, whereas you love your spouse to the point that you'll give up anything for them.

If two people go into a marriage with this view of love, I think it's a good start.

Michael

[Aravis]

I didn't say that was necessarily wrong, but rather that it is not a requirement. The notion of "being in love" is not a biblical idea.

If by "not biblical" you mean that there is a book of the Bible, namely Song of Solomon, that deals almost exclusively with it, you are right. :)

Seriously, I agree with your logic that a marriage should be based on something deeper than those temporary emotions of being "in love"--but that doesn't mean those emotions will always lead us astray. Personally, I believe that real love is a decision, not an emotion, and those emotions that we often associate with being in love are God's gift to us to make marriages more fun at times. The really rewarding times, however, are the times when the superficial emotions are gone, sacrifices are made, and the couple can really feel something more solid, if less glamorous.

I base this all on my relationship with Christ--for instance, the highs that one often experiences at youth camp compared to the joy of a calmer reliance on God on a day-to-day basis. I can't see a better model for marriage and love than what God has demonstrated to his church. But I'm nineteen and single, so I really know nothing.

[Xmansmommy]

Great post Aravis! I think you made some very valid points. You expressed some of the things that I felt but didn't know how to articulate. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. And btw, you sound very wise for a 19 yo. :thumb:

[Socrates]

Today @ 03:12 PM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=129284#post129284)
Aravis, replying to:

Socrates: I didn't say that was necessarily wrong, but rather that it is not a requirement. The notion of "being in love" is not a biblical idea.

If by "not biblical" you mean that there is a book of the Bible, namely Song of Solomon, that deals almost exclusively with it, you are right. :)

Well, even then the modern idea of being "in love" is not there. I agree that the Song deals with eros type of love during courting. I have no time for allegorical eisegesis that restricts it to talking about the love between Christ and His Church.

Seriously, I agree with your logic that a marriage should be based on something deeper than those temporary emotions of being "in love"--but that doesn't mean those emotions will always lead us astray. Personally, I believe that real love is a decision, not an emotion, and those emotions that we often associate with being in love are God's gift to us to make marriages more fun at times. The really rewarding times, however, are the times when the superficial emotions are gone, sacrifices are made, and the couple can really feel something more solid, if less glamorous.

I agree.

I base this all on my relationship with Christ--for instance, the highs that one often experiences at youth camp compared to the joy of a calmer reliance on God on a day-to-day basis. I can't see a better model for marriage and love than what God has demonstrated to his church. But I'm nineteen and single, so I really know nothing.

More than a lot of people who rely too much on the "in love" feeling. I wonder if some of that is due to endorphins, and people get sorta drunk on them. So in reality they make an important decision of who to mary while they are "drunk".

[markporter]

Has anyone considered having your parents or your church choose your spouse? It would save a lot of hassle, time, and energy, and leave that for the work of building a marriage based on mutual respect and commitment....

being a student at my church there seems to be no way to avoid having the leadership try to matchmake you. Sometimes it works for people, they certainly haven't found anyone for me yet......(I hear stories of being invited up to the vicar's office and given a list of 5 names to choose from.....). It doesn't help that I have my eyes on someone from a different church

[Xmansmommy]

:eek: Is that anything like "The Green Mile?" :lol:

[themuzicman]

:gravedigger:

[Xmansmommy]

:yes: