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Thoughtful Monk
01-05-2015, 05:20 PM
Now that the Holyday is over, I want to bring this up.

My wife and I had a small disagreement over giving money to relatives. She wanted to give money to some out-of-state relatives that we never hear from. I didn't want to as apparently they have expressed how important we are to them. We ended up giving the money. A couple days ago she was complaining that we haven't heard a thank you from them.

By the way, this is not a can we afford to do it issue? Yes, we can.

I want to give for the following reasons: to show I appreciate you in my life or to help met a need. Just because you're family, I don't want to feel obligated to give to you. (My mother excepted because of the "Honor your father and mother" commandment.)

Am I out of line?

Obsidian
01-05-2015, 06:46 PM
Honestly, I think giving money is kind of a lame gift anyway.

You were right. Your wife was wrong. Should've stood up to her.

Pentecost
01-05-2015, 07:48 PM
I have received money from out of state relatives I never heard from in previous years, and I always forgot to write a thank you note. I disliked the guilt I would get after I realized it was February and I never wrote the note. I do not intend to give money to relatives I never hear from just because it's a holiday, it seems a little silly to me, and it seemed at least in my case a little rude. My aunt is much wealthier than my father (my mother passed away) and rather than offering support (as my family very much needed), once a year she sent her nephew and niece $20 each. A kind gesture, but it seemed sometimes like flaunting her generosity without actually being generous.



... I struggle with classist tendencies.

Cow Poke
01-06-2015, 06:40 AM
Sounds like the motivation to give was for personal gratification. A gift is best given with no expectation of getting something out of it. When gratitude IS expressed, it's nice, but to give a gift EXPECTING a "thank you" is a bit contrived, IMOHBAO.

Thoughtful Monk
01-08-2015, 03:59 PM
Your wife was wrong. Should've stood up to her.

Possibly but the issue was not worth a fight over. As I've done before, I stated my position and wait for her to decide its a good idea.

Cow Poke
01-08-2015, 04:01 PM
Possibly but the issue was not worth a fight over. As I've done before, I stated my position and wait for her to decide its a good idea.

Are you old enough to be that wise? :huh: