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princesa
02-01-2014, 12:08 PM
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supton
02-01-2014, 12:19 PM
As someone who's all but weirded out by kisses in person I'd have to say I'm weirded out by someone sending "kisses" in anything written.

That said, it's probably just her nature, and it means nothing. Just my guess.

Juvenal
02-01-2014, 12:21 PM
What can I say, cuz ...

:flowers:

I resemble those remarks.

She's probably over-reacting, but if it's a real concern he needs to find an accommodation with her. Some of our reactions aren't rational, but they're our reactions anyway, and affect our relationships. Counseling is great even for well-adjusted couples, too. There's no such thing as a marriage that can't be improved by engaging with an objective, outside view.

As ever, Jesse

Juvenal
02-01-2014, 12:28 PM
That occurred to me, which is why I mentioned counseling, p.

I don't think it's useful to judge natural reactions as "right" or "wrong," but rather, as you suggest, as "healthy" or otherwise. If they're viewed clinically, rather than judgmentally, the focus turns to finding a cure, rather than fixing blame.

As ever, Jesse

Juvenal
02-01-2014, 12:29 PM
Hmm ... ghost post!

Hey, I didn't quote it, so it never happened, but I'm still leaving my response up for you, p.

princesa
02-01-2014, 12:31 PM
lol, I think i'll delete the whole question if my time doesn't run out, I just feel weird, I don't want to give him a hard time about something that's perfectly innocent but bothers me, sometimes you need to be smacked in the head with 'that's nothing!" or "yeah, he should stop"

Juvenal
02-01-2014, 12:40 PM
You can have it deleted at any time by asking the mods, p. "Report post" invokes their magic!

You want weird? I have Hispanic females and Arab males who kiss me regularly, and I have to respond as part of the job description: respect your students' cultures. But srsly, if it bugs you, and you're not comfortable with getting whacked over the head, look up a relationship counselor. I'll bet my own virtual money you'll find it was worth your real McCoy.

Listen to your Uncle Tao! He's got your best interests at heart.

As ever, Jesse

princesa
02-01-2014, 12:42 PM
oh lol thanks, i'm actually very comfortable with virtual strangers whacking me over the head with their true feelings, i'm too close to see things clearly, I think, I have a tendency to blow things out of proportion

Juvenal
02-01-2014, 01:23 PM
I have a tendency to be a girl!

Yeah, I kinda got that from the whole "princesa" thing. Relaxeth and get thee to thy bubble bath, girl, then call your best girlfriend. That's what she's for!

Darth Executor
02-01-2014, 06:22 PM
You want weird? I have ... Arab males who kiss me regularly, and I have to respond as part of the job description: respect your students' cultures.

Thanks liberals.

Darth Executor
02-01-2014, 06:23 PM
Some people are just friendly by nature and sending kisses through text is normal for them especially between cousins and especially when they're just checking in on a family member who is ill. The wife needs to understand that the relationship is not under threat by this cousin texting her husband and ending it with kisses. He says it's not like he's doing the same, it's just her personality and they are blood cousins who just happened to be back in touch after a family illness to one of the sisters.

Is the wife overreacting or should the husband stop engaging in texts with his cousin because she's too darn friendly with the kisses.

Women text kisses all the time for some reason. If you're worried hire a private eye.

KingsGambit
02-01-2014, 06:50 PM
I don't see anything fishy about it at all. The vast majority of people would never be romantically interested in their cousins (and if they were, they wouldn't be as open as they apparently are about their texting habits here).

Andius
02-01-2014, 06:52 PM
Lao Tzu is correct. I can definitely confirm that Hispanic folk, the greeting with a kiss (although a brief contact with the cheek coupled with a kissing motion and sound can also suffice) on the cheek is the norm amongst us. Even being greeted with a kiss on part of men is a very normal thing for me, due in part from my contact with Argentinians, which notably inherited a lot of customs from Italy. In regards to texting, many of the girls here also use a lot of "Hugs and kisses" in their texts, For example; "ĦOkay un abrazo y besos!" (Okay, a hug and kiss!) when closing a conversation, same deal with a simple "ĦBesos!". Perfectly normal on this side of the world, but I can understand why it is not perfectly normal on your side of the world.

But yeah, when it comes to folk who come from primarily what I consider "Germanic" cultures (A good chunk of US customs, being historically inheritors of English culture, and English culture belonging to the wider spectrum of Germanic cultures ((Netherlands, Germany, Sweden, Norway)), they share many many common cultural habits and traits) tend to be not too fond of anything approaching their personal space, let alone kissing, heheheheh. So I would consider the husband's reactions fairly legit. It appears to be a question of cultural clashing that a simple "get over it" will simply not do. If said husband would have been from some Latin background, say Mexico, Italy, Paraguay, Brasil, etc. then an overreaction is a foolish reaction that would earn him a right laugh or scolding from his peers. But since I don't think he is from said background, let alone embrace it, then perhaps the overreaction may not be too out of place.

So yeah, Lao Tzu's advice seems most wise, have the counselor serve as intermediary and try to sort this out with a compromise conducive to keeping that marriage intact and healthy.