Parody Atheist Quotes

[jpholding]

DE made a good suggestion for a project like http://www.tektonics.org/parody/bandoli09.htm in which folks (and me) can parody famous atheist quotes. Submit them here. You can use even the bogus ones as models.

[Darth Executor]

Here are some quotes. Feel free to make your own versions of them.

Originals

Bertrand Russel, British Philosopher
A stupid man's report of what a clever man says is never accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.

Dan Barker, former preacher and co-founder of Freedom From Religion Foundation
Not thinking critically, I assumed that the successful prayers were proof that God answers prayer while the failures were proof that there was something wrong with me.

Clarence Darrow, lawyer
I don't believe in God because I don't believe in Mother Goose.

Benjamin Franklin, revolutionary
Lighthouses are more helpful than churches.

Byron Danelius, educator
Religion provides the solace for the turmoil that it creates.

Immanuel Kant, great philosopher
He who has made great moral progress ceases to pray.

Mockery
Bartrand Russel, British spiky haired cartoon
A stupid man's report of what a clever man says is never accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand. - Review of Russel's autobiography

Ban Darker, former preacher, now moron.
Not thinking critically, I assumed that the successful prayers were proof that Jesus was a gumball machine while failures were proof that I didn't bring any quarters.

Clarence Sparrow, pirate
I don't believe in God because my mother was a goose.

Benjamin Franklin, american currency
Lighthouses keep me from walking into walls.

Byron Daedalus, greek airborne old man
Atheism provides no solace for the turmoil Stalin&Co. creates.

Immanuel Kent, superhero
He who has made great moral progress ceases to bathe.

[Darth Executor]

PS: I didn't make fun of Russel's pic because I don't make fun of decrepit old men and I didn't make fun of Franklin's pic because the original is funny enough.

[Meh_Gerbil]

Bertrand Russel, British Philosopher
A stupid man's report of what a clever man says is never accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.

MG Version:
A clever man's report of what a stupid man says is never accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can ridicule.

-------------------------------------------------

Dan Barker, former preacher and co-founder of Freedom From Religion Foundation
Not thinking critically, I assumed that the successful prayers were proof that God answers prayer while the failures were proof that there was something wrong with me.

MG Version:
Not thinking critically is something that hasn't change despite the fact I left Christianity.

--------------------------------------

Clarence Darrow, lawyer
I don't believe in God because I don't believe in Mother Goose.

MG Version:
I don't believe in Evolution because I don't believe in Mother Goose.

-------------------------------------

Benjamin Franklin, revolutionary
Lighthouses are more helpful than churches.

MG Version:
Depending on the need, an outhouse is more helpful than a lighthouse.

-------------------------------------

Byron Danelius, educator
Religion provides the solace for the turmoil that it creates.

MG Version:
Unbelief provides no solace whatsoever.

--------------------------------------

Immanuel Kant, great philosopher
He who has made great moral progress ceases to pray.

MG Version:
He who ceases to pray is likely to believe he's made great moral progress.

[Cynic Sage]

Dan Barker, former preacher, still a Fundy.
Not thinking critically, I assumed that the successful prayers were proof that God answers prayer while the failures were proof that there was something wrong with me. Thinking less critically, I began to believe I was perfect and that the problem was on his end.

[OfficialPro]

Richard Lewontin (atheist and evolutionist) original quote:

‘We take the side of science in spite of the patent absurdity of some of its constructs, in spite of its failure to fulfill many of its extravagant promises of health and life, in spite of the tolerance of the scientific community for unsubstantiated just-so stories, because we have a prior commitment, a commitment to materialism. It is not that the methods and institutions of science somehow compel us to accept a material explanation of the phenomenal world, but, on the contrary, that we are forced by our a priori adherence to material causes to create an apparatus of investigation and a set of concepts that produce material explanations, no matter how counter-intuitive, no matter how mystifying to the uninitiated. Moreover, that materialism is an absolute, for we cannot allow a Divine Foot in the door.’

Parody:

We've got nothing, we've got nada, we've got bupkis. But we can't accept the idea of a god in ANY WAY, so we're stuck with this unscientific mess. So we have to pretend it's legit.

[Minnesota]

Well the submissions certainly live up to the definition.

Main Entry: 1 par·o·dy
Pronunciation: 'par-&-dE
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural -dies
Etymology: Latin parodia, from Greek parOidia, from para- + aidein to sing -- more at ODE
: a feeble or ridiculous imitation

[TheOneAndOnly]

Bertrand Russel, British Philosopher
A stupid man's report of what a clever man says is never accurate because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.

I don't know why people are mocking this quote. The quote, regardless who said it has a lot of merit in it. And the fact that it comes from one of the 20th century's greatest minds makes the mockery all the more odd.
Couldn't you find an actual quote of Russell that is silly enough to need mocking?

[Darth Executor]

I don't know why people are mocking this quote. The quote, regardless who said it has a lot of merit in it. And the fact that it comes from one of the 20th century's greatest minds makes the mockery all the more odd.
Couldn't you find an actual quote of Russell that is silly enough to need mocking?

I wouldn't have used it if it weren't for the fact that, to him, stupid men = christians and clever men = atheists.

[Meh_Gerbil]

I don't know why people are mocking this quote. The quote, regardless who said it has a lot of merit in it. And the fact that it comes from one of the 20th century's greatest minds makes the mockery all the more odd.
Couldn't you find an actual quote of Russell that is silly enough to need mocking?

The object was to parody famous atheist quotes.
They didn't have to be silly quotes to begin with or anything.

[Darth Executor]

It looks like we offended Minn. I guess this thread has fulfilled its destiny.

[Meh_Gerbil]

It looks like we offended Minn. I guess this thread has fulfilled its destiny.

Pfft... if you wanna offend Minn just express your faith publically and he'll be in a poopy mode for weeks.

[Gromit45]

Richard Dawkins

Original:
Biology is the study of complicated things that give the appearance of having been designed for a purpose.

"Revised":
Biology is so very, very complicated that it obviously had to be designed for a reason, but I'm just going to ignore that.

[Minnesota]

Pfft... if you wanna offend Minn just express your faith publically and he'll be in a poopy mode for weeks

:lol: that only happens after eating too many gerbils in one day. URP!!!!

[attachment]

[Meh_Gerbil]

:lol: that only happens after eating too many gerbils in one day. URP!!!!



[attachment]
Hahaha....

Wait... that isn't funny.

Bucket 'O Gerbil -- do you want fries with that?

[Darth Executor]

Do you want fries with that?

Hey, that's Minn's mantra. I hear him say it every day when I stop by Burger King. As a side note, I just came back from riding my bike and my fingers are so numb I can barely type.

[The Empty Hours]

Hey, that's Minn's mantra. I hear him say it every day when I stop by Burger King. As a side note, I just came back from riding my bike and my fingers are so numb I can barely type.

Jenny Craig is always there for you, friend :lol:

[Meta Knight]

:bump:

This is still a good idea.

[Mr Minder]

I will see if I find anything laughable.

[Hamster]

Who needs to parody people who choose something like this as their national symbol:

[Mr Minder]

http://sv.wikiquote.org/wiki/Christer_Sturmark:

Om det här är kvalitén på kyrkans källkritik förstår jag att de tror på Bibeln.

:smug: And, to mess even more with you, I will not even try to translate it! It has, however, to do with Sturmark commenting on the present Swedish bishop and a priest falsely accusing the association Sturmark belongs to, Humanisterna.

[Theostudent]

Who needs to parody people who choose something like this as their national symbol:

The Next Comic Books Series!

The A-Men!

With no Supernatural Abilities Whatsoever!

Because The Supernatural Does Not Exist!

[Frogwarrior]

the new A-Team!
They go through their lives focusing only on their self-interest because there's nothing more to life, after all!

[lilpixieofterror]

Is there some way to take everything Dimbo says and post it on here automatically? I think his words are parody enough.

[Meta Knight]

the new A-Team!
They go through their lives focusing only on their self-interest because there's nothing more to life, after all!
Don't you DARE mock the A-Team like that, or I'll unleash the fury of B.A. Baracus on you! :mrt:

[Hamster]

It looks like it was designed by 15 year olds in a "DESIGN A REALLY RADICAL HOOD ORNAMENT" contest.

But I guess it's better than the "Atomic A" symbol?

FYI if you want to be taken seriously as a philosophical movement, don't hire Stan Lee to do your marketing logos.

[Cynic Sage]

It looks like it was designed by 15 year olds in a "DESIGN A REALLY RADICAL HOOD ORNAMENT" contest.

But I guess it's better than the "Atomic A" symbol?

FYI if you want to be taken seriously as a philosophical movement, don't hire Stan Lee to do your marketing logos.

Hey Hamster. Long time, no see. :hi:

[Hamster]

Hey Hamster. Long time, no see. :hi:

Sorry, World of Warcraft

[Meta Knight]

Sorry, World of Warcraft
I should've known...

[Cynic Sage]

Who needs to parody people who choose something like this as their national symbol:

Hey hey hey!, They spent a long time bending that Toyota hood-ornament out of shape.

[Hamster]

I should've known...

I'm about to hit 70 for the first time this weekend


Horde Rogue

[Truth be Told]

Rook Retard Hawkins (on the Bible):

"Never has there been in a book in the history of human writing that has contained so much rape, murder, THEFT (?)......."

Translation:

"I don't know what the hell I'm talking about so I throw in additional words to demonize the Bible as the most evil book in the world."

Richard Dawkins (Root of All Evil? - Christianity):

"If God wanted to forgive sins, why didn't he forgive them? Who is he trying to impress? Presumably himself, as he is both judge and jury, as well as execution victim...."

Translation:

"I fail to see the connection between setting an example or human reference for the sake of mankind and just assume that God could just forgive sins. Oh, and, Adam of course has to be a literal person for Christianity to be valid, even though we as humans tend to put our standards way ahead of animals in our thinking and actions!"

Here's the YouTube link by the way:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IFcZUe0ADpY

[RumTumTugger]

Sorry, World of Warcraft

:glomp: :hamster: mine is Everquest II

[RumTumTugger]

I'm about to hit 70 for the first time this weekend


Horde Rogue

Hey Hamster is WoW why I don't see you on IM anymore?

[Raptor]

It looks like it was designed by 15 year olds in a "DESIGN A REALLY RADICAL HOOD ORNAMENT" contest.

But I guess it's better than the "Atomic A" symbol?

FYI if you want to be taken seriously as a philosophical movement, don't hire Stan Lee to do your marketing logos.

:lol:

It looks like a reversed Fantastic Four symbol.

[Hamster]

I'm bad about turning on my instant messages ... I re-installed Trilian and it seems to work, so I am gonna start up another IM account. For yahoo and AOL instant messenger

[Teallaura]

:mb: (www.meebo.com)

[energyman]

:lol:

It looks like a reversed Fantastic Four symbol.

The Astounding Atheists
We will astound you with our (lack of) critical thinking and (wacky) logic!
You see, those stupid theists are rolling on the floor in pain (or is it laughter?).

[Hamster]

The problem is that it looks like it was generated by some focus group who wanted to appeal to adolescent boys. I mean, is that the only thing they could have done? How about an old fashioned quill? Makes you think of the englightenment period, great thinkers of the past, etc.

Or how about a single flame? Age-old symbol of enlightenment, fire from prometheus and all that

But no, Hey guys, check out this RADICAL NEW SYMBOL. We're Atheists . . . To the extreme! *raises fist in defiance*

[Theostudent]

The problem is that it looks like it was generated by some focus group who wanted to appeal to adolescent boys. I mean, is that the only thing they could have done? How about an old fashioned quill? Makes you think of the englightenment period, great thinkers of the past, etc.

Or how about a single flame? Age-old symbol of enlightenment, fire from prometheus and all that

But no, Hey guys, check out this RADICAL NEW SYMBOL. We're Atheists . . . To the extreme! *raises fist in defiance*

Say an Amen for the A-Men.

[Teallaura]

Say an Amen for the A-Men.
Shhh! It would have taken them a couple months to notice that....

[Theostudent]

Shhh! It would have taken them a couple months to notice that....

har de har har

[Meta Knight]

I'm about to hit 70 for the first time this weekend


Horde Rogue
What?

[Frogwarrior]

What?

it's WOW
don't ask

[Mr Minder]

Yes, do ask!! See if he gets all that nerd-talk! :popcorn:

[aikidoka]

Boris B

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah and blah blah blah blah blah therfore blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

[Spheniscine]

"Never has there been in a book in the history of human writing that has contained so much rape, murder, THEFT (?)......."
Translation: I have never read the news in my entire life.

[Meta Knight]

(Alright, alright, this won't be atheist only. Cynic Sage will appreciate this one :teeth:)

Original:
The RRS/WOTM debate, in it's entirety.

Parody:

Onlooker--Look, I think something exciting is happening!

WOTM--Blah blah, card games, blah.

RRS--Blah blah blah, attack mode, blah.

WOTM--Blah blah blah?

RRS--Blah!

Onlooker--Oops, my mistake.

[MrManNo1]

Benjamin Franklin, american currency
Lighthouses keep me from walking into walls.

Franklin wasn't an atheist. He was likely Christian, just not the same as other Christians at that time.

[Truth be Told]

Franklin wasn't an atheist. He was likely Christian, just not the same as other Christians at that time.

Franklin was a deist, mistaken for an atheist.

[xtreem5150ahm]

Sorry if i've repeated anything, just started reading this thread..
BTW, the gerb hit the nail on the head on all of them... fantastic.



Dan Barker, former preacher and co-founder of Freedom From Religion Foundation
Not thinking critically, I assumed that the successful prayers were proof that God answers prayer while the failures were proof that there was something wrong with me.

This one needs no help... it is a parody of itself.


Clarence Darrow, lawyer
I don't believe in God because I don't believe in Mother Goose.

i don't believe in God because someone goosed my mother.

Byron Danelius, educator
Religion provides the solace for the turmoil that it creates.

When used incorrectly, education provides the turmoil for the need for religious solace.


Immanuel Kant, great philosopher
He who has made great moral progress ceases to pray.

actually, if you look at this one from the perspective of "he who is without sin, let him cast the first stone", Kant's quote could make him look rather Christian.

[OfficialPro]

DE made a good suggestion for a project like http://www.tektonics.org/parody/bandoli09.htm in which folks (and me) can parody famous atheist quotes. Submit them here. You can use even the bogus ones as models.

link ees brokey.

[Spheniscine]

Dat becuz itz old. :tongue: The post was made in 2005.

edit: New link: http://www.tektoonics.com/etc/parody/bandoli00.htm

[OfficialPro]

This goes with Atheists, but it also goes with the Voluntary Human Extinction movement. I saw a bumper sticker today on the back of a truck, with a woman in her 50s/60s driving it.

The bumper sticker said: "May we live long and die out"--Voluntary Human Extinction Movement

I figure this smacks of several things including hypocrisy, which is why I came up with these little numbers:

"May we live long and die out, Because we're too chicken to off ourselves"--VHEM

"May we live long and die out--then the religionists and right wingers can inherit the earth"

"May we live long and die out--and never have the kids to carry on our important work"

"Hey, if we all die off, who's going to agitate for the environment?"

[AngelDragon]

Christopher Hitchens, author of God is not Great

"Religion kills"

Mock: "Religion kills less than atheism."

[Truth be Told]

John Powell: "Saul of Tarsus and Paul are not the same person."

Translation: "I think Mormonism is historically reliable despite my deconversion from it."

Speaking of which, this is the perfect atheist song!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=sOetaP5fIIQ

[Dr. Jack Bauer]

Well the submissions certainly live up to the definition.
"Well my idiocy certainly lives up to the depictions!"