NSMinistries
July 22nd 2005, 11:51 PM
Written by R. Adam Quigley
Friday, 22 July 2005
Frantically looking for my glasses the other morning after dropping my contact has opened my eyes as one would say. You might wonder why that would set my heart to racing faster than riding a roller coaster. Well to let you know I am going blind slowly. True my wife was just in the other room sleeping and I could have just asked her to help me out, but I am bound and determine to learn to do these things by myself. Not to say too much about why I am going blind, I will say I have lost the function of one eye and the other without the correction of glasses or contacts I am legally blind.
I have had to learn how to do many things over again just like they are the first time doing them. It is quite frustrating. I wonder how many emotions one can actually have in one day. Anger, depression, pity, and determination. Imagine having a headache that just won’t go away and add a few bumps and bruises from running into things. Having no depth perception and spilling your drink onto the counter just because you misjudged how close the mouth of the milk jug is to the top of the glass. Standing at the top of a flight of stairs and not knowing exactly how many there are or how wide they might be so taking the first few steps wondering if you might over shoot them and have to grab for the hand rail with both hands just to make sure ya don’t take that tumble for the next bruise. Oh and my favorite is turning the corner at work and running straight into someone who grumbles really loudly about watching where you are going. “Ya sorry about that a little blind here…”
It is amazing how much it can cut to your very soul after hearing a coworker or friend ask you to do something and then have them try to take it back saying oh I didn’t realize you couldn’t do that. Its not that they are trying to hurt your feelings or anything, far from it.
You have to work hard everyday trying to be like everyone else so they don’t comprehend there is anything wrong in the first place. A good friend gave me that advice early into my journey to that dark side as I call it. Even though it might be a path to no more light in the world around me I really have to thank God for somehow allowing me to keep a sense of humor about it.
It is amazing to learn you really can’t get bored during this process. Prayer begins to take on a different meaning. At a time I when I thought my Bible studies were really taking a nose dive I got so mad at God for what was happening that I remember yelling at Him saying “Fine if you are going to allow this to happen to me Ya better tell how me how I’m gonna get it done…”, and a few other choice words I’m still saying sorry for.
That night a friend called me said he needed to come over. Ya strange I thought. Yes we hang out and work together but he hates to drive at night and it would have been out of his way. He pulled up and came to the door carrying this TV looking thing. I was like ok he needs to have me look at it and see if I can fix what ever is wrong with it. (Kinda a hobby of mine “tinkering”). NO this was a gift from him to me. It was one of these CCTV machines that help magnify whatever is under it to help you read. By the way… Thanks Scot.
Blessing or curse loosing one’s sight tends to have a few bumps in the road. Next time you see me smile because I might be a little grumpy but I can tell you I’m smiling a little myself. NO matter how bad it gets just remember everyone has something they are trying to hide, and for once I don’t have to pretend I’m not seeing it.
Adam Q.
NSM :nsm:
Friday, 22 July 2005
Frantically looking for my glasses the other morning after dropping my contact has opened my eyes as one would say. You might wonder why that would set my heart to racing faster than riding a roller coaster. Well to let you know I am going blind slowly. True my wife was just in the other room sleeping and I could have just asked her to help me out, but I am bound and determine to learn to do these things by myself. Not to say too much about why I am going blind, I will say I have lost the function of one eye and the other without the correction of glasses or contacts I am legally blind.
I have had to learn how to do many things over again just like they are the first time doing them. It is quite frustrating. I wonder how many emotions one can actually have in one day. Anger, depression, pity, and determination. Imagine having a headache that just won’t go away and add a few bumps and bruises from running into things. Having no depth perception and spilling your drink onto the counter just because you misjudged how close the mouth of the milk jug is to the top of the glass. Standing at the top of a flight of stairs and not knowing exactly how many there are or how wide they might be so taking the first few steps wondering if you might over shoot them and have to grab for the hand rail with both hands just to make sure ya don’t take that tumble for the next bruise. Oh and my favorite is turning the corner at work and running straight into someone who grumbles really loudly about watching where you are going. “Ya sorry about that a little blind here…”
It is amazing how much it can cut to your very soul after hearing a coworker or friend ask you to do something and then have them try to take it back saying oh I didn’t realize you couldn’t do that. Its not that they are trying to hurt your feelings or anything, far from it.
You have to work hard everyday trying to be like everyone else so they don’t comprehend there is anything wrong in the first place. A good friend gave me that advice early into my journey to that dark side as I call it. Even though it might be a path to no more light in the world around me I really have to thank God for somehow allowing me to keep a sense of humor about it.
It is amazing to learn you really can’t get bored during this process. Prayer begins to take on a different meaning. At a time I when I thought my Bible studies were really taking a nose dive I got so mad at God for what was happening that I remember yelling at Him saying “Fine if you are going to allow this to happen to me Ya better tell how me how I’m gonna get it done…”, and a few other choice words I’m still saying sorry for.
That night a friend called me said he needed to come over. Ya strange I thought. Yes we hang out and work together but he hates to drive at night and it would have been out of his way. He pulled up and came to the door carrying this TV looking thing. I was like ok he needs to have me look at it and see if I can fix what ever is wrong with it. (Kinda a hobby of mine “tinkering”). NO this was a gift from him to me. It was one of these CCTV machines that help magnify whatever is under it to help you read. By the way… Thanks Scot.
Blessing or curse loosing one’s sight tends to have a few bumps in the road. Next time you see me smile because I might be a little grumpy but I can tell you I’m smiling a little myself. NO matter how bad it gets just remember everyone has something they are trying to hide, and for once I don’t have to pretend I’m not seeing it.
Adam Q.
NSM :nsm: