outrageous metaphors

[mrsnacks]

I have been developing an exciting and
outrageous form of expression for the past year and I would welcome all to participate.

For example if someone would ask me if i were on top of a certain situation---instead of responding a boring ' yes I am on top of it. " I would say " I'm on top of it like a pirrahna on a corn dog."

Or " I'm over it as a fist on a doorknob."

A few more examples :


Are you happy ??

I'm as happy as a dog with 2 tails.


How do you feel ??

Like a centipede with 98 missing legs.


So list the subject matter or question -then follow up with an outrageous metaphor and it doesn't have to really make sense. A friend came up to me yesterday and said I looked confused. I responded that I had parked my head and forgot where I left it. She laughed and that's the whole point. To bring more life into what we say and how we respond. A few more :

confused : as confused as a termite in a yo yo .

funny : funny as a wagon load of monkies

gun control : if worms had guns - birds wouldn't pick on them

throwing the baby out with the bathwater : It's like cutting your hands off cause you lost a glove.

Dressed up : all dressed up and no place to drool.

Kicking back : chewing the breeze

love : love will make a dog howl in tune.

relief : took a millstone off my neck

beginning : starting at square zero



See what you can come up with . The more bizarre the better.

[Sheepdog]

:rofl: we have to bring jpholding in here. he'd love this.


really happy: my bowels are exploding with joy (or constipated, or diarrhea)

[mrsnacks]

I find that I have been using" the language "on a daily basis. It's become a part of me. Here's some more :

in control : I've got the universe under my thumb

nervousness: I'm quivering like a spastic jellyfish

judging : people in glass houses shouldn't throw parties or
people who live in hay houses shouldn't throw pitchforks

fear : don't chicken out and cry sheep

[Sheepdog]

tired: well, there was this... one time..... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[FirstSunday33ad]

tough time: Its like a kick in the shin with cleats

[Em7add11]

leaving: i'm out like your hairstyle

[Sheepdog]

annoyed: i have amonkey on my back that i can't reach

frustrated: Where's my sledgehammer!?

[Em7add11]

I'm out like a deaf kid in musical chairs.

[mrsnacks]

The other day someone tried to talk me into buying something. I responded --

" I'm sorry, but I cannot be swayed, rehung, or framed."

My daughter asked me the other night - "Dad where ya going ?? i responded -

" taking the moon out for it's midnight walk. "


One of my favorites;

We need to iron out our bread and butter.

:huh:

[dizzle]

Nuttier than a squirrel's breakfast.

[Patroclus]

Confused: Like a bee on a popcorn ball

[Patroclus]

Confused: Like an ant stuck on a peanut butter-smothered cellery stick.

Great idea, MrSnacks!:thumb:

[Patroclus]

Lost: Like a pencil in my afro. :pat:

[Patroclus]

Bored: as a rubber ball in a padded cell.

[Patroclus]

Here is one that I don't get - "Funny as Hell."

Nailed like a stray cat on Halloween.:eek:

[Patroclus]

Lucky as a six-year-old lemonade stand proprieter with cranky neighbors.

[mrsnacks]

Thanks Dee Dee and Patroclus.

A few more :

Evil is the money of all roots

The early bird gets to smell the coffee

For Patroclus :

surprised : My face was popping out of my eyes

needs : (a little poetic ) I need fruits and vegetables - for only living things can feed the span of wings.:rofl:

[Patroclus]

/me sings "You love gave such bill! But you love won't pay my thrills; I need worms!

[SaintMorpheus]

I'm mad as a cardiac that just got arrested.

[SaintMorpheus]

Of course, I'm better now. Better like an upgraded horse.

[SaintMorpheus]

And now I'm in better equilibrium than two equally-weighted pigeons stuck inside a pork barrel, if you know what I mean.

[SaintMorpheus]

And if you don't like that, why don't ya just twist the knob on an electric dog-slapper when the rooster eats its cornflakes.

[mrsnacks]

Thanks Saint Morpheus. I would've thought there would've been been a greater response to this thread , but You can't win them all. Well into each cellar some rain must fall.

I guess my" outrageous metaphors" was as welcome here at Theology Web as a rattlesnake at a square dance.

All i wanted to accomplish was to have one of the most popular threads ever outside of a theological or philosophical issue. I thought the " outrageous metaphor "thread would be as funny as a pay toilet in a diarrhea ward. I guess I was wrong once again. In the meantime I'll just dance the fire dance in iron shoes.

[SaintMorpheus]

Hey, Mrsnacks, don't get down -- no sense in taking the cap off a Sharpie when there's grass to be mowed, you know.
I, for one, thoroughly enjoyed your outrageous metaphors. I haven't had this much fun since Niels Bohr ate four concepts with both shoes on.
I hope more people participate in this thread. Right now the participation level is about as low as short donkey with a neutron star on its back.
But I'm hopeful -- like the time when crickets jumped the fence after trying really hard.

[mrsnacks]

Thank you so very much for the kind words. i can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel.

For a while there I was feeling like a badly- wrapped brown parcel. I thought what could be worse ? I am very fortunate and blessed . I count my hatches before they chicken every day .I mean I could wake up one morning and find myself dead.

I realize it is difficult living in this here bowl of fish tiptoing thru a minefield of emotions. But I refuse to let life pull the eyes over my wool . God created me and he did so not out of zombie circumstances. God has given me a good deal of an oyster so I will continue to spread sweetness and light as long as I live in this time capsule headed for the 21st century.

My thread may not get the response I wanted , but I have a verse in the Word to cling to . I think ( correct me if I'm mistaken ) it's in Matthew 89: 99. " A day without sunshine is like night ."

Well I better go and take on the world. I may not be the sharpest crayon in the box , but that don't mean a thing. .I am not as weak as pond water and even a blind man on a galloping horse can see that. I am strong and i am able to handle a little dissapointment at times.

Maybe one day I will have one of the most popular threads ever. It may not be "Outrageous metaphors." I was thinking of starting one in the "Philosophy " section titled --

"If our knees were on the back of our legs --what would chairs look like. "

What do you think ??? Or maybe this one in the theology section-

" Are you telling the truth if you lie in bed ?"

What do ya think ??? Am i rolling the sun backwards or do i have a chance ??

You know I am going to do it and see what happens.



:rofl:

[SaintMorpheus]

Mrsnacks,
Please forgive me for my delayed response. I had more work than a pickel's got penpals, and believe you me, that's a lot of work. Additionally, the last time I had energy was when Somalia had a stable government, that is to say, I've been drained.
I think your idea of a philosophy post is outstanding. Why, I haven't seen such creativity since Sherwin Williams attacked Kentucky with a moose on both eartips.
Meanwhile, I'm trying to figure out the meaning of 1 Corinthians 7:40 in another post, but I'm about as intelligent as riboflavin on a hot Sunday.
Hope you have turkey-slammin' good day!

[mrsnacks]

Hey SaintMorpheus: Sounds like you've been busier then a one-armed sewer scrubber . I was so busy this week i didn't have 2 mintes to rub together. Work had sucked dry my brain pan if you know what i mean.

While you are out there this summer - wear short sleeves and support your right to bear arms. You gotta slow down and not take on too much . You'll get old fast . Stop and smell the horse's mouth. Go to bed early. Take a long walk on a short pier. That's what I do to relax. i hope what I say won't go in one ear and out the other thumb. Take my advice. It's all on you . the foots on the other hand.

:shrug:

[mrsnacks]

By the way : I did take your advice and went to the 'philosophy ' section and started a thread there. It's " Questions for Philosophers. " I'm curious how those philosophical minds there will respond. i invited them over here. I'm not giving up. I intend to have at least one very popular thread. I'm just a tomato struggling for self -expression. :doh:

[SaintMorpheus]

Mrsnacks,

I'd be a hot dog's chin if I didn't inform you of these excellent sayings I've recently heard from my mother:
1. Writing well is like water off a balloon.
2. That's almost as bad as a cucumber in need of a haircut.
Additionally, I would like to express my gratitude for your most excellent advice. Such advice is worthy of a roundtrip certificate with batteries included.
I am pondering your suggestion to take a long walk on a short pier. I'm wondering if it might be more appropriate to fly like a beagle into the sea; to fly like a beagle, and let the gear shift set me free.

The racquet is now in your left field. I pray you don't eat the chickens before you count your legs.

[mrsnacks]

SaintMorpheus : Hey - I love using words as a vehicle for advice. The problem with doing that is that you never know whose mouths the words have been in so you must be careful.

Anyway that's what friends are for. God does command us to love one another . Love must be the reason for the week. I would "dye "for you by the way.

I have lived in my body all my life and if it's one important thing I would want pass on to you- I'm going to take you to the next level of " outrageous metaphors ." I think you are ready for it grasshopper. So fasten your seatbelts.

It is that you never put on a pair of shoes until you've worn them for 5 years.
Think about it and put that dot on the suicide squeeze.

Stay away from those psychobabble self help books. They are a quick fix like MSG. I call them dried up tulips in someone else's garden box baby. You've got to allow the Lord to weave your abstract internal furniture into a coat of shimmering fabric. You can't do it on your own power. That's walking barefoot in a place where barefoot has no name . You need the power that only God can provide. allow the wind to blow thru your soul. Don't be the ice man's ice monkey making the air you breath turn blue. Be like the sky, but chase the Son instead.

Go to the beach and jump in get wet . It will do your body good. I mean emerge from the ocean like a rainsoaked sheepdog ,cold like fire fluffing yourself out and down like a woman after a shower shaking her hair .Yeh --you'll feel much better and think more clearly.

Gotta go -

[mrsnacks]

Im back : Well Saint Morpheus. It seems your the only one here with me . it's fun but what happened to the rest of the bunch. I guess they'd rather be elsewhere. i posted in the philosophy section and got only one clever response so far. Maybe I'm just a wierdo maybe if i restart some threads such as

Great Trib ; past or present ?

Do we have free-will ?

Is God ,God ?

What's heaven like ??

evolution or creation ?

Well i'm sad . It seems i couldn't hit sand if i fell off a camel. :help:

[semmie]

heaven is like a goose wearing a pink bowtie while it shaves...you just don't know until you drop your bucket and take off your socks.

(i thought it was worth resurrecting...come on, guys--some of you'd be really good at this game! and others of you would be as pathetic as the blind, swahili-speaking rock who pulled through the drive-thru in front of me last night...but it'll still be as funny as a purple pigeon rollerblading through the pentagon! so try it! or i'll kick you!)

(okay, i won't kick you, but try this game anyway!)

[Teallaura]

...dumb as a black bird in an orchestra playing cymbals off key....
:shrug:

[semmie]

woot!

that's about as funny as an arrogant butterfly on its way to a beach part just outside the North Pole!

[Hitch]

My granny used to say;


'thats like stirring pigeon milk with a frog feather'

[semmie]

:lol:
that's a good one, hitch

[mrsnacks]

Hey Semmie : Thanks so much for resurrecting my dead thread. You have lifted the roof off of my head and made me as happy as a gorilla in high heels. Hopefully this thread will fulfill my dream and be one of the most popular threads in TheologyWeb history. You are truly a leaf on a branch of a million leaves.

And thanks to you all for jumping in and shading my day in a major key. Well hopefully this thread will pull a few fire alarms and more will chip and come up with a few bizarre metaphors. Let us leave no worm unturned by putting the cart before the egg.

[semmie]

shading my day in a major key actually, that's good...i might use that sometime.

You are truly a leaf on a branch of a million leaves. thanks, snack-cake...your words to me are like frozen butter sticks on a green park bench.

[Teallaura]

...battier than a chipmunk on a cereal box...

[semmie]

:yes: teallaura...but only if you're wearing a pink tutu and wrapping christmas presents in candle wax...

[semmie]

purple like the shade of dog hair sprinkled on spaghetti

[FreezBee]

whiter than a snowman boiled in milk

[mrsnacks]

I am so hungry I could eat the southend of a northbound mule.

[Lazarus]

He's so fat the back of his neck looks like a package of hot dogs.
He's so slow his shadow has to wait for him to catch up.
I'm so hungry my stomach feels like my throat has been cut.
It's so humid I feel like I'm breathing butter.

[historic salve]

She's blushing so much her skin looks like red licorice.