This is just a Brief post as a starter for 10 as I don't want to leave the subject matter in heiatus, but I haven't had a spare minute to sit and compose my thoughts yet. I am also aware that this is a very personal, most private, secretive and sometimes difficult subject matter to tackle and would hate to go where "Angels fear to tread" :angel: so to speak, also keeping it within the boundries of decency and not overstepping things that should remain private or confidential. :shy:
Forgive my candidness ……. first of all welcome to the Board you are amongst Christian friends here so you’re going to get a straight answer. :smile: Secondly I’m not a psychologist or a psychiatrist. :uhoh: You have raised many questions in your OP and without getting entangled I think we need to do a bit of unravelling, set some boundries and clarify some terms. Reason must precede, then feelings may (but won't necessarily) follow.
actor 1 : one that acts : DOER
2 a : one who represents a character in a dramatic production b : a theatrical performer c : one that behaves as if acting a part
3 : one that takes part in any affair
acttransitive senses
1 a : to represent or perform by action especially on the stage b : FEIGN, SIMULATE c : IMPERSONATE
2 : to play the part of as if in a play <act the man of the world>
3 : to behave in a manner suitable to <act your age>
intransitive senses
1 a : to perform on the stage b : to behave as if performing on the stage : PRETEND
2 : to conduct oneself : BEHAVE <act like a fool>
We have to understand that there is consequences to our actions good or bad. When we play “chicken” we are playing a very dangerous and damaging game. Part of growing up is learning about who you are and that may mean you go to the school of hard knocks. :fight: This situation is not being an actor in the professional sense, this is play acting. there is a big difference.
It is a form of coplay. Competencies develop and we become immersed in our “role”. Independence and communication skills are fostered, established and consolidated. :yes: So does this mean we can never change back to what we were or are. :no:
1 Corinthians 1533Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character
I don't know about any one else, but often teenage years are the worst. Growing up is difficult and we have to be guided as we grow, we don’t just hit adulthood and have all the answers to all of life’s problems, :huh: and yes we make mistakes, hey I still make mistakes, but that’s ok, The same with becoming a born again believer, we don't have all the answers straight away but one hope to cling to is that we are a new creation there is now no more condemnation, whoever the son set free is free indeed :stunned:
Often the move to adulthood is the age that presents most difficulty, we have more responsibilities, we are told to "grow up", “Pull yourself together” or “Cheer up” or “trust the Lord, don’t be such a drip” :bawl: This doesnt help because there is no way you can pull yourself up by your own shoe laces.
So thats when all our troubles start..........................
We are all unique, and differences are hard to come to terms with. But we have to learn to be happy with who we are. :bravo:
Thats when we start our quest for acceptance. As a Christian I am able to overcome feelings of abandonment and being overwhelmed by drawing close to Jesus.
James 4:7-10 Submit therefore to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.
The healing and our solid foundation is found in Him. As we acknowledge Jesus in our lives He strengthens us to do what we are called to do in life. We are rooted and grounded in Him , we have security, a peace that surpasses all things
]Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. [/COLOR]
However instead of running to the Lord,or talking about our feelings we put barriers up. We don't want to seem weak,
:whack:
Christianity seems to be full of weak and boring people. :zzz:
We have to survive :fencing: so we often do that by hardenening ourselves and becoming a delinquent. :rock:
But oh when we look back we wish we could turn back the clock, if only…. :frown:
The world is so tempting and there is such pressure to be part of the crowd, hence we turn to sex, drugs and rock and roll. It's a jungle out there and it's not easy, especially at a time when we are becoming men and women and finding our Identities.
So often we spend years pursuing the world, thinking of me and only me being vain, selfish, angry, a thief, a liar, unforgiving ,a fornicator some even murderering. We fulfull the lusts of the flesh, which never satisfies. :uhoh:
So as we don’t like ourselves or vulnerability is seen as weakness we “act” This is very dangerous and is a lie and leads us into all kinds of dangers.
If a person thinks we are clever or stupid or whatever, they will treat us that way. If we are treated as if we are clever, stupid or whatever, we will act, and even become, this way. The person has thus had their prophecy about us fulfilled!
People need to seek confirmation of their self-concept. Even if the self-view is negative, afterall isn’t it cool to be bad! But it sets up conflicts within us and we end up not liking ourselves very much.We even prefer to live with people who maintain our self-concept, which may explain why some people live with a partner who is abusive and unpleasant.
When we believe something about ourselves and then do something against that belief we set up a conflict. If I believe I am good but do something bad, then the discomfort I feel as a result is cognitive dissonance.
Cognitive dissonance is a very powerful motivator which will often lead us to change one or other of the conflicting belief or action. The discomfort often feels like a tension between the two opposing thoughts. To release the tension we can take one of three actions:
• Change our behavior.
• Justify our behavior by changing the conflicting cognition.
• Justify our behavior by adding new cognitions.
Feelings of foolishness, immorality and so on creep in to our self view.
If a behaviour or habit has been established and cannot be undone, then we are compeled to change our beliefs. If beliefs are moved, then we are often forced to take actions we would not have taken before. All these can be unlearnt you just have to revert to who you are and stop playing a game.
When you start feeling uncomfortable, stop and see if you can find the inner conflict. Then notice how that came about. If it was somebody else who put that conflict there, you can decide not to play any more with them.
Finally while studying the bible and praying and thinking on your concerns some very simple truths came to mind. I am assuming a “commitment” to the lord has been made but struggles with faith are also cropping up,
So 1) this person needs discipled by a mature believer that way
Truths like; if I teach my children about the Lord and his ways they will have great peace and when they grow older they will not depart from Him. learn about the Lord, - get to know Him
- Arthur Pink (1886-1952)
ponder on that which is good and the rest will be given unto you as your heart is opened
don't neglect the fellowship of the saints
pray without ceasing
also if I need wisdom I just needed to ask God for it and He gives it liberally We know these things right? Sure, in our minds but does it translate to our businesses, our everyday relationships…
Then while on my search a gem from my own beginings as a christian jumped out to me in Jeremiah 29:11-13. Which reads:
For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, They are plans for good and not evil, to give you a hope and a future. in those days when you pray, I will listen. You will find me when you seek me, if you look for me in earnest.
That scripture I realized shows that the same God that created the universe has a definite plan for me, my family, my brothers and sisters in the Lord, my neighbours, the strangers not known to me in fact everyone, and that our success was already in His plan. He is our soverieign Father, I needed to look to the Master Builder’s blueprints, to the original plan, from the Ultimate parent - God!
my Counselor was and is the Ancient of Days and through the Holy Spirit, I have instant access to Him 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I realized that being a covenant child of the most High God myself also meant my husband and I have a Senior Partner in our marriage and our family who never runs out of answers and is always available.
What a simple revelation, but no one can describe the amount of relief that I experienced with my new perspective.
God was/is just as interested in my destiny as I am, if not more. He was so interested that He invested His own blood to ensure all of our success.
So what do I do? I have to trust the Lord with all my heart and lean not to my own understanding. If I don’t know what to do that very second, but I acknowledge Him in all my ways he will direct my path, my husband's path, and my children’s path.
I am now finally begining to place my children, my friends and my family into the hands of a very capable Father- my senior partner. Do I still do the stuff I need to do? Yes, absolutely, but only with the knowledge that the destiny God has is set in stone. My job is to be a steward over them mentally, emotionally, and physically. To encourage them to uplift them with spiritual songs and psalms, to pray for them to lead them to the word of God when they are weak and battle weary. Every person we cross paths with are a gift not a possession. They teach me I teach them , Iron sharpens Iron. That perspective is a point of agreement with the Word of God and the Holy Spirit in the name of Jesus, not agreement with the worry.
My children are growing so fast but I can rest in God's promise and plans for their lives. God’s plans are for good and not evil, to give all of us a hope and a future! Yes, my precious blessings love skateboarding, climbing trees and video games, but they also love to read about the Lord, to pray and fellowship with their peers in Christ. No, “they are not done yet”, but none of us are. God is directing their paths. I can thank God that I am a wife and mum who is not stressed out about their future. So don't worry about tommorow enjoy today before it is gone.
And as two car bumper stickers say :
why worry when you can pray and
Get on your knees and fight like a man :pray:
well I’m not a psychologist so I had to get some smart comment in there. :whistle:
Remember… You may not do everything perfect but the Perfect One is always perfecting us.