Depression and a love of life

[dizzle]

Does that seem like a contradiction? I am that walking contradiction I suppose. I go through black depths of depression, but I love life perhaps because I feel it so keenly.

What I find an interesting psychological study is that I tend to enjoy moody and dark themes, movies, songs, etc (Xena is actually a very dark-themed series) - but if you were to look at my wardrobe you would be hard pressed to find anything that would be considered "muted."

When the time came for my father's funeral, I went to my closet and realized I had not one black thing to wear. To say that I am a colourfully apparelled person would be an understatement.

I just got in this great fringed leather fuschia skirt. Lemme see if I can find a pic.

[dizzle]

I have these pants

http://www.lernercatalog.com/lerner/product/product.asp?pf_id=65450&dept_id=3504&parent_id=623&

http://www.lernercatalog.com/lerner/product/product.asp?pf_id=65443&dept_id=3504&parent_id=623&

Here is the skirt

http://www.lernercatalog.com/lerner/product/product.asp?pf_id=73865&dept_id=3504&parent_id=623&

I didn't get the boots.....


yet.

Lerner clearance is the bomb.

[gnosticmary]

Does that seem like a contradiction? I am that walking contradiction I suppose. I go through black depths of depression, but I love life perhaps because I feel it so keenly.

What I find an interesting psychological study is that I tend to enjoy moody and dark themes, movies, songs, etc (Xena is actually a very dark-themed series) - but if you were to look at my wardrobe you would be hard pressed to find anything that would be considered "muted."

When the time came for my father's funeral, I went to my closet and realized I had not one black thing to wear. To say that I am a colourfully apparelled person would be an understatement.

I just got in this great fringed leather fuschia skirt. Lemme see if I can find a pic.


Hi Dee Dee.

You might be interested in studying the dual nature of fallen existence. The swings that you describe are caused from our partaking of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. Such knowledge is based on a self or separative perspective, where all is seen as either good for the self or bad, hence we swing between egoic depression and happiness.

All of us bound to this world suffer the same, Dee Dee. You are not alone.

The Truth that brings Freedom from this world and the egoic separative nature can be found as we follow in the footsteps of Jesus, walking the path of self denial and Love for God and others.




mary

[Shadow Phoenix]

DDW. I learned to appreciate running more after I had my surgery and couldn't run for sometime. I think depression can make you appreciate joy more as well.

[mossrose]

Deeds, my Dad loved colour. He would have hated to see us all dressed in black at his memorial.

I bet your Dad would have not minded at all if you wore your colours to his memorial.

:hug:

[dizzle]

Deeds, my Dad loved colour. He would have hated to see us all dressed in black at his memorial.

I bet your Dad would have not minded at all if you wore your colours to his memorial.

:hug:

Prolly not, but to others it would have been wierd. Plus I am somewhat of an artistic person in that I use images and colours and my clothing and body as my "art." So it was appropriate to express the mourning - the same way I use my avatars to express my moods.

My dad loved the flashy colours. My mother was very flashy. I might post some old pictures of her in her platinum blonde piled high hair and go-go boots. She was just as wild of a dresser as I. My sister is nothing like that - nor my maternal grandmother. I don't know where she and I got such a wild hair.

[Gromit45]

Playing *amatuer psych* which means "off-the-cuff without basis in much fact" perhaps your bright colors are a mask to hide the struggle and "pain" (or pseudo-pain) inside? It's a defense method so people don't see what is inside where they might accidentally dredge up some of the past?

[spiritmech]

I can definitely understand this sensibility. I don't really get super-depressed lately, (although I do get lonely or anxious) but I'm sure I'd be if my Dad died.

In these times, though, one can really appreciate life and the hope for resurrection becomes even more real to me.
sm

[dizzle]

Playing *amatuer psych* which means "off-the-cuff without basis in much fact" perhaps your bright colors are a mask to hide the struggle and "pain" (or pseudo-pain) inside? It's a defense method so people don't see what is inside where they might accidentally dredge up some of the past?

Perhaps, I have an extraordinarily complex inner life

[spiritmech]

Perhaps, I have an extraordinarily complex inner life

:nods: Girls are complex. :tongue:
sm

[dizzle]

I can definitely understand this sensibility. I don't really get super-depressed lately, (although I do get lonely or anxious) but I'm sure I'd be if my Dad died.

In these times, though, one can really appreciate life and the hope for resurrection becomes even more real to me.
sm

Yes me as well. I am reaching that age where this will be more and more of a common occurence. My husband still has both parents. My brother may have cancer and he is going to refuse treatment (he has been treated for cancer before and it was tortuous for him)

[dizzle]

:nods: Girls are complex. :tongue:
sm

Especially chronically depressed, OCD girls are :tongue:

[spiritmech]

Especially chronically depressed, OCD girls are :tongue:

Yeah, I think I married one at one point. lol. Lord, have mercy!
sm

[Pilgrim]

The highs and lows in extremes, if that is what you are describing, are fairly normal during a time of grief and stress. If it continues you might be a little more concerned but for now, just feel what you feel and we'll just keep loving you.

[dizzle]

The highs and lows in extremes, if that is what you are describing, are fairly normal during a time of grief and stress. If it continues you might be a little more concerned but for now, just feel what you feel and we'll just keep loving you.

Pilgrim I am typically like that. I am tuned very keenly on the emotional side. Commericals make me cry.

[Tassadar237]

Especially chronically depressed, OCD girls are :tongue:
Maybe, but chronically Manic Depressive, OCD, ADHD guys can be worse.

[spiritmech]

Maybe, but chronically Manic Depressive, OCD, ADHD guys can be worse.

Let me guess: you want food and sex.

Dang, you ARE complicated! Why would any girl want to put up with that? :tongue:
sm

[Tassadar237]

Let me guess: you want food and sex.

Dang, you ARE complicated! Why would any girl want to put up with that? :tongue:
sm
Not true. Personally, I understand why you would put that, and it is usually true. The vast majority of guys are motivated by three things: Food, sleep, and sex. In my case though, this is quite wrong. I have no wish to have sex until I find a decent person to start a family with. Food is on my list of things to do only as an upkeep/maintenance task. What I really enjoy is reading. Philosophy, Theology, Psychology, and similar interests, all sprout from that. I have started my own personal Library in fact. My other love is Strategy and Tactics. Everything from Fencing, to Battle simulators, to Strategy games. I like the logical aspect and I like the gut instinct aspect. I like the variables, the unknowns, the sheer vastness of the information required. Also, I am a hopeless Romantic. I like helping people, though I admit I prefer helping females to males, it is not a matter of how good they look. I am a sexist through and through. I think that females are the superior half of the species. I lose my motivation often, and get depressed regularly. I get bothered by little germophobic things, and I find it hard to pay attention to stuff unless I have had my medications. My life is much more complicated than most.

[spiritmech]

Wow! You are completely unique! No one has ever had those feelings before! Holy cow! :ahem:
sm


Not true. Personally, I understand why you would put that, and it is usually true. The vast majority of guys are motivated by three things: Food, sleep, and sex. In my case though, this is quite wrong. I have no wish to have sex until I find a decent person to start a family with. Food is on my list of things to do only as an upkeep/maintenance task. What I really enjoy is reading. Philosophy, Theology, Psychology, and similar interests, all sprout from that. I have started my own personal Library in fact. My other love is Strategy and Tactics. Everything from Fencing, to Battle simulators, to Strategy games. I like the logical aspect and I like the gut instinct aspect. I like the variables, the unknowns, the sheer vastness of the information required. Also, I am a hopeless Romantic. I like helping people, though I admit I prefer helping females to males, it is not a matter of how good they look. I am a sexist through and through. I think that females are the superior half of the species. I lose my motivation often, and get depressed regularly. I get bothered by little germophobic things, and I find it hard to pay attention to stuff unless I have had my medications. My life is much more complicated than most.

[dizzle]

Do you carry around a bottle of germicide yet? <mumbles, I got it on sale>

[Jade]

Maybe, but chronically Manic Depressive, OCD, ADHD guys can be worse.

That's redundant.

[Tassadar237]

That's redundant.
True, that is redundant. Its only there because to start with I copied what was already said, then modified it to fit me, but forgot to erase the chronically part.

[Tassadar237]

Wow! You are completely unique! No one has ever had those feelings before! Holy cow! :ahem:
sm
Are you claiming that it is common to think this, and yet it is also common for all guys to be the same? You contradict yourself. Its a paradox: We are all unique, just like everyone else. So your statement is not only self-contradictory, its redundant.

[Adam]

Are you claiming that it is common to think this, and yet it is also common for all guys to be the same? You contradict yourself. Its a paradox: We are all unique, just like everyone else. So your statement is not only self-contradictory, its redundant.
Don't worry about him, he's just jealous.
But if he had any real idea of what you have had to go through, he would not be jealous at all.
Adam

[vballer8]

hun... i think your answer is in your title: depression and a love of life. The two go hand and hand. There is a verse that says one should not love the world or anything in the world. When you are depressed, you have a big void that needs to be filled. I feel that if you try to fill that void with the world and life then you may not get anywhere. Try to fill that void with God. I can promise you one thing...that the more you pray, the more you read His Word, the more time you spend thinking about Him and only Him....not letting yourself get distracted with anything else about life....then the more happier you will be. Ask God to heal you mentally. He will. Keep looking to Him and only Him and you should see a change.

[dizzle]

hun... i think your answer is in your title: depression and a love of life. The two go hand and hand. There is a verse that says one should not love the world or anything in the world.

I think you have grossly misunderstood the meaning of "world" in that verse.

When you are depressed, you have a big void that needs to be filled. I feel that if you try to fill that void with the world and life then you may not get anywhere.

Again, I think you are mistaken - and I think you are mistaken about where I am coming from. My title was about the apparent "mystery" - how one can be bummed (which is stereotyped by suididial tendencies in some cases) yet still love life as life is a gift from God who through the Pslamist instructed us - this is the day that the Lord has made we will rejoice and be glad in it.


Try to fill that void with God.

I have, that is why I love life. God is the author of life.


I can promise you one thing...that the more you pray, the more you read His Word, the more time you spend thinking about Him and only Him....not letting yourself get distracted with anything else about life....then the more happier you will be. Ask God to heal you mentally. He will. Keep looking to Him and only Him and you should see a change.

I ask for healing for all areas of my life, but I don't think anyone is guaranteed healing this side of heaven. I also don't think happiness is the goal of life, but rather holiness. I know you mean well, but I have been down this path many years. I look to God and the provisions that God has given us. Depression is a medical condition in many cases, and needs to be treated that way.

I find the paradox bittersweet. Having depression has taught me to love life because I don't take joy or a bouyant mood for granted. Also as Ecclesiastes says it is better to go to the house of mourning than that of celebration for in mourning one's heart is made wise. Paradoxical.

So in closing, Ido believe Christians are to love life, I do believe that Christians are to look to God, and I do believe that Christians are to seek ALL the provisions that God has provided, including medical intervention should that be necessary.

In two occasions in my life I have been on anti-depressants - when medically necessary and only for as long as medically necessary. I also have OCD and have had it my entire life. That too is a medical condition. Fortunately, as OCD goes, I can adjust my lifestyle to accomodate my handicap and have never had to have medical intervention solely for OCD - but primarily for depression which can incapacitate my good judgement for my handicap adaptions to OCD.

What kind of adaptions? I am upfront with my friends and associates. I tell them what may trigger OCD with me and ask them to assist me by avoiding those types of situations with me. I ask for their understanding and tell them upfront about things I may do or say so that they understand. It has worked very well for me. It is like the person who has trouble hearing - they tell their friends that things may need to be repeated, assistance devices may need to be provided, and if they speak loud, it isn't because they are yelling it is because they can't hear.

[Tassadar237]

hun... i think your answer is in your title: depression and a love of life. The two go hand and hand. There is a verse that says one should not love the world or anything in the world. When you are depressed, you have a big void that needs to be filled. I feel that if you try to fill that void with the world and life then you may not get anywhere. Try to fill that void with God. I can promise you one thing...that the more you pray, the more you read His Word, the more time you spend thinking about Him and only Him....not letting yourself get distracted with anything else about life....then the more happier you will be. Ask God to heal you mentally. He will. Keep looking to Him and only Him and you should see a change.
Its a good converter message, and I'm an asshole, I know, but I have to point out that more happier is bad grammar.

That word is not allowed.

[Adam]

Its a good converter message, and I'm an asshole, I know, but I have to point out that more happier is bad grammar.
I don't know whether that language is allowed, but I'm a bigger one than you, I guess. Your sentence should have read as follows:

It's a good converter message, and I'm an asshole, I know, but I have to point out that "more happier" is bad grammar.

I'll bet no one even noticed I changed the first word.
Yeah, yeah, I should have set quotation marks around the whole quote, but then I would have had to put the second correction as 'more happier', cappish?

Watch the language people.

[Rahab]

Does that seem like a contradiction? I am that walking contradiction I suppose. I go through black depths of depression, but I love life perhaps because I feel it so keenly.(((Dee Dee)))

I do not think it is a contradiction. Rather a manifestation of the bio chemical interaction in the brain. Your emotional response to reality IMO being dependent on how you percieve it. Your "lows" not allowing you to see the glass half full. Those lows tend to alternate with a sense of well being which you probably feel and live in a more emphatic way than someone who does not suffer of a bio chemical unbalance. Thus "I feel it so keenly". What may seem as a "thorn in the flesh" to some, IMO may be a blessing in disguise as you are able to be in touch with certain things and live them with great intensity. An intensity not too many people may be able to relate to.

.What I find an interesting psychological study is that I tend to enjoy moody and dark themes, movies, songs, etc (Xena is actually a very dark-themed series) - but if you were to look at my wardrobe you would be hard pressed to find anything that would be considered "muted." It reminds me of my mother who had what I refered to as a "joyful" wardrobe. She could even be exhuberant in her choice of what to wear from one day to the other. Even in her Golden Years, she would wear colorful, "flashy" themes not what you usualy envision for her age. I had thought that it was her way to overcome her illness.Something she could still have control over.Her appearance was important to her and one she chose to be the opposite of the distressing thoughts occupying her mind at times. Maybe a way to correct the entire ordeal. Maybe to disguise it.


.When the time came for my father's funeral, I went to my closet and realized I had not one black thing to wear. To say that I am a colourfully apparelled person would be an understatement.

I just got in this great fringed leather fuschia skirt. Lemme see if I can find a pic. My take on that is: whatever gives you a sense of being beautiful, wear it! Indulge in whichever makes you want to twirl in front of a mirror again and again:wink:

PS: I cry during some commercials too. The one about a little girl fixing pancakes early in the morning and her dad comes back from his night shift in his cop uniform...It always grabs me.