Christy
January 21st 2006, 05:46 AM
Hi, when I was 13 I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Since then I have been on lots of medicine. I first was prescribed Prozac, I didn't like it because it made me feel like a robot and I ended up having an allergic reaction to it. I think that the next thing I took was Zoloft, but I'm not sure. That didn't work really well either, and they prescibed me to take half a Fuzbar with it. It didn't work to stop my OCD, and my mom said I acted goofy while on it, like I kept spinning around on this reclining chair that can spin all the way around, pushing myself with my feet. I'm not sure that it was the fuzbar and zoloft making me do it though.
I think that I took Paxil afterwards, and it made me feel good, and I was more talkative to people that I didn't know that good, when before I felt more anxious around people, and was really quiet in school. I'm not sure where the anxiety came from. I always thought that I was inferior to everybody else when I went to school. Everybody used to call me ugly in school, all through out my life. I never went out on any dates or anything through out high school. In kindergarden there was a boy that I used to call my boyfriend, but that was about it. An eigth grader asked me out before when I was in the seventh grade when I was crying in the office, but I don't know if he was serious or not, and I was to afraid to talk to him. In the first grade I felt like everybody hated me. People in my class said that I stunk, and once somebody asked me when was the last time I took a bath. There was only one student in the class who was friendly to me. I didn't like recess, because there were people from other classes who said stuff like "hi ugly," when I was walking around. I looked at this kid once when I was walking back home with my little brother, and had a normal look on my face but he told me to stop giving him a mean look or he would put me in the hospital. One of the girls in my class asked a boy that was walking behind me in line to push me down the stairs once. I had to get out of line because he kept pushing me. In my mind, I thought that they hated me so much that they wanted me dead. Once on the playground I was asked to play jump rope with these two other girls. One of the girls who messed with me sometimes, told the other girl to pull on the other end of the rope and she pulled it around my neck trying to choke me with it. I forgot what happened, but I thought they were serious. I was waiting for my little brother another time, when I was still in the first grade, by some stairs that were at the front door of the school. I felt something touching my temple, and looked over and saw either an older girl or a woman, I couldn't tell, with a mean look on her face sticking a gun to my head. I didn't really act shock or anything, I just looked back over to where I was looking before. She walked away. A similar incident happened when I was in the second grade, and we had moved and I was going to a new school. It was during Christmas break, and I was riding in the car with my mom somewhere. I looked out the window and saw a highschooler waiting at a bus stop pointing a gun at me. All of this may have made me more anxious, but I think that I had anxiety around people even before I went to school, and this made people pick on me more. Other students asked me why I didn't talk that much when I was in Kindergarten and I had to go to a special class at another school for a while because I didn't interact with the other kids. It's like I became I completely different person in school, for some odd reason. Teachers thought that there was something bad going on at home, but my parents are good parents. I was afraid of my uncle though when I was little, and used to hide from him whenever he came over. I was afraid of one of my brother's friends for some odd reason too. I didn't find out till later that my uncle was on drugs and did something bad to my two older sisters. They both had children at young ages, and my oldest sister became an alcoholic, and was in an abusive relationship, and I heard them say once that what happened had something to do with it. I was thirteen or fourteen when I found this out though.
I started wanting to commit suicide when I was in the fifth grade. I've been obsessing over things, like when I was a kid I used to always arrange my toys in a certain order, and didn't really play with them that much, and washed my hands a lot and was afraid of catching diseases when I was a kid already. Me trying to kill myself, I think prompted my mom to send me to a psychologist when I was in the seventh grade, and I was diagnosed with OCD. I think that my OCD isn't is bad as what it was, because I used to obsess about alot of stupid things back when I was a teenager. For example, I thought that I was afraid I was going to get fat if I ate in the cafeteria because of food particles floating around. Yeah, crazy. Now I'm mostly worried about being clean, but not as bad as I was before. I mean, I think that it is normal what I do now. I've been on fluvoxamine, and I think that it helps somewhat, but I still have obsessive compulsive symptons. I hate taking it though. There was this time last November, where I was off of it for awhile and I was actually feeling good, and not obsessing about things, but after I took it I got sick and threw up. So, I stopped taking it after awhile after that happened, but started back on it again, because I began watching my hands and stuff a lot. I'm still afraid of germs being in the air, and try to avoid dust from flying on me, and I wash my hands after I touch a door knob before I touch my clothes or anything. I feel, that if I let my guard down something bad would happen. I feel like I am being a glutton, and I know that gluttony is a sin, and I don't want to do it, but I still do it. I eat things that I see sitting out, because I don't want them to go to waste. I don't weigh a lot, I only weigh 110 and am 5 foot 4, but I've been eating alot, mostly a lot of sweet stuff. I think that I have some sort of addiction to sweets. My anxiety around people has gotten worse since my sister died from cancer last June. I had a friend that lives in Louisville that I haven't called since before it happened. There are friends that I knew from college who live around me, but for some odd reason I am afraid to go talk to them. I haven't been getting enough sleep, and yesterday morning I woke up when it was still dark out crying thinking about stuff, like my sister, and couldn't get back to sleep. Now I am up at 4:45 am still typing on the computer. I feel like I need to get this off of my chest though. I think that I may have something else besides OCD, I don't know.
I think that I took Paxil afterwards, and it made me feel good, and I was more talkative to people that I didn't know that good, when before I felt more anxious around people, and was really quiet in school. I'm not sure where the anxiety came from. I always thought that I was inferior to everybody else when I went to school. Everybody used to call me ugly in school, all through out my life. I never went out on any dates or anything through out high school. In kindergarden there was a boy that I used to call my boyfriend, but that was about it. An eigth grader asked me out before when I was in the seventh grade when I was crying in the office, but I don't know if he was serious or not, and I was to afraid to talk to him. In the first grade I felt like everybody hated me. People in my class said that I stunk, and once somebody asked me when was the last time I took a bath. There was only one student in the class who was friendly to me. I didn't like recess, because there were people from other classes who said stuff like "hi ugly," when I was walking around. I looked at this kid once when I was walking back home with my little brother, and had a normal look on my face but he told me to stop giving him a mean look or he would put me in the hospital. One of the girls in my class asked a boy that was walking behind me in line to push me down the stairs once. I had to get out of line because he kept pushing me. In my mind, I thought that they hated me so much that they wanted me dead. Once on the playground I was asked to play jump rope with these two other girls. One of the girls who messed with me sometimes, told the other girl to pull on the other end of the rope and she pulled it around my neck trying to choke me with it. I forgot what happened, but I thought they were serious. I was waiting for my little brother another time, when I was still in the first grade, by some stairs that were at the front door of the school. I felt something touching my temple, and looked over and saw either an older girl or a woman, I couldn't tell, with a mean look on her face sticking a gun to my head. I didn't really act shock or anything, I just looked back over to where I was looking before. She walked away. A similar incident happened when I was in the second grade, and we had moved and I was going to a new school. It was during Christmas break, and I was riding in the car with my mom somewhere. I looked out the window and saw a highschooler waiting at a bus stop pointing a gun at me. All of this may have made me more anxious, but I think that I had anxiety around people even before I went to school, and this made people pick on me more. Other students asked me why I didn't talk that much when I was in Kindergarten and I had to go to a special class at another school for a while because I didn't interact with the other kids. It's like I became I completely different person in school, for some odd reason. Teachers thought that there was something bad going on at home, but my parents are good parents. I was afraid of my uncle though when I was little, and used to hide from him whenever he came over. I was afraid of one of my brother's friends for some odd reason too. I didn't find out till later that my uncle was on drugs and did something bad to my two older sisters. They both had children at young ages, and my oldest sister became an alcoholic, and was in an abusive relationship, and I heard them say once that what happened had something to do with it. I was thirteen or fourteen when I found this out though.
I started wanting to commit suicide when I was in the fifth grade. I've been obsessing over things, like when I was a kid I used to always arrange my toys in a certain order, and didn't really play with them that much, and washed my hands a lot and was afraid of catching diseases when I was a kid already. Me trying to kill myself, I think prompted my mom to send me to a psychologist when I was in the seventh grade, and I was diagnosed with OCD. I think that my OCD isn't is bad as what it was, because I used to obsess about alot of stupid things back when I was a teenager. For example, I thought that I was afraid I was going to get fat if I ate in the cafeteria because of food particles floating around. Yeah, crazy. Now I'm mostly worried about being clean, but not as bad as I was before. I mean, I think that it is normal what I do now. I've been on fluvoxamine, and I think that it helps somewhat, but I still have obsessive compulsive symptons. I hate taking it though. There was this time last November, where I was off of it for awhile and I was actually feeling good, and not obsessing about things, but after I took it I got sick and threw up. So, I stopped taking it after awhile after that happened, but started back on it again, because I began watching my hands and stuff a lot. I'm still afraid of germs being in the air, and try to avoid dust from flying on me, and I wash my hands after I touch a door knob before I touch my clothes or anything. I feel, that if I let my guard down something bad would happen. I feel like I am being a glutton, and I know that gluttony is a sin, and I don't want to do it, but I still do it. I eat things that I see sitting out, because I don't want them to go to waste. I don't weigh a lot, I only weigh 110 and am 5 foot 4, but I've been eating alot, mostly a lot of sweet stuff. I think that I have some sort of addiction to sweets. My anxiety around people has gotten worse since my sister died from cancer last June. I had a friend that lives in Louisville that I haven't called since before it happened. There are friends that I knew from college who live around me, but for some odd reason I am afraid to go talk to them. I haven't been getting enough sleep, and yesterday morning I woke up when it was still dark out crying thinking about stuff, like my sister, and couldn't get back to sleep. Now I am up at 4:45 am still typing on the computer. I feel like I need to get this off of my chest though. I think that I may have something else besides OCD, I don't know.