As a Naturalist: How do you handle set backs in life

[autoartist]

As some of you know I have been deconverted now for about 4 weeks.
Things are great by the way. I can't believe I was so scared to leave Christianity. I am so glad I did.

I was always a naturalist at heart.

Anyway, I was thinking as I was walking to my car from Wal-mart.
"How am I going to handle set backs in life?" You know the things that happen to us that are un-desireable.

Thanks for your input

[wiseman]

As some of you know I have been deconverted now for about 4 weeks.
Things are great by the way. I can't believe I was so scared to leave Christianity. I am so glad I did.

I was always a naturalist at heart.

Anyway, I was thinking as I was walking to my car from Wal-mart.
"How am I going to handle set backs in life?" You know the things that happen to us that are un-desireable.

Thanks for your input

Set backs are a part of life. I actually look forward to having set backs because they enhance the feeling when things turn out great. Its like when you need to piss real bad, and you hold it in even when there is a tree or a toilet right next to you. You hold it in for as long as you can before you think you are going to explode and then you let it out. And that feels much much better then if you had pissed half an hour ago, you would have just wasted it.

That is what set backs are like, keep accumulating them and one day when things work out great you will be flying.

[jellybene]

As some of you know I have been deconverted now for about 4 weeks.
Things are great by the way. I can't believe I was so scared to leave Christianity. I am so glad I did.

I was always a naturalist at heart.

Anyway, I was thinking as I was walking to my car from Wal-mart.
"How am I going to handle set backs in life?" You know the things that happen to us that are un-desireable.

Thanks for your input
Not frequenting theologyweb that often, I'm not sure of your story. I'd be greatly interested in knowing what made you turn from Christianity. Was it for emotional rather than rational reasons? I think Atheistic evolution is logically impossible. I'd be greatly interested in your comments on that subject (see my thread).

This area of the website is for atheists only. Please read forum guidlilnes before posting.

[bandecoot]

Not frequenting theologyweb that often, I'm not sure of your story. I'd be greatly interested in knowing what made you turn from Christianity. Was it for emotional rather than rational reasons? I think Atheistic evolution is logically impossible. I'd be greatly interested in your comments on that subject (see my thread).


HI jellybene. you do know this is an area for NON-Theists to post only? I have not brought this to the mods attention as you are new and may not know that.

If you are an atheist or an agnostic its fine to post here, if you are a theist it's not. Just a friendly heads up.

[Barry Desborough]

As some of you know I have been deconverted now for about 4 weeks.
Things are great by the way. I can't believe I was so scared to leave Christianity. I am so glad I did.

I was always a naturalist at heart.

Anyway, I was thinking as I was walking to my car from Wal-mart.
"How am I going to handle set backs in life?" You know the things that happen to us that are un-desireable.

Thanks for your input

It can be very hard when really, really bad stuff happens, but it happens anyway. Talk of an unfathomable 'God's will' could never cut it for me. What real comfort can that possibly give?

Cultivating a sense of black, ridiculous or ironic humour is good. I like reading Kurt Vonnegut, Frederick Pohl and Douglas Adams among others.

Another approach is to take your share of responsibility for trying to make this uncaring universe a better place. We can't stop all the crap from happening, but we do what we can.

Cheers

Barry

[Seasanctuary]

One way to handle setbacks is to step back and appreciate what is good in life. It's rare that absolutely everything goes bad at the same time, but it's common for people to focus on one problem and mistake it for the whole world.

As always, it helps to have friends or family who care about you, setbacks or not.

[bandecoot]

As some of you know I have been deconverted now for about 4 weeks.
Things are great by the way. I can't believe I was so scared to leave Christianity. I am so glad I did.

I was always a naturalist at heart.

Anyway, I was thinking as I was walking to my car from Wal-mart.
"How am I going to handle set backs in life?" You know the things that happen to us that are un-desireable.

Thanks for your input

Prior preparation is always good. By this I mean things like planning your budget so you always have what you need. Look after your body, its the only one you get. Eat well and get enough rest.

As for things like personal relationships? I'm not sure, I have been married so long I cant really recall dating. I did have some very good female friends as I recall, they helped with things.

Try not to make mountains out of molehills. Read Douglas Adams to gain a lack of perspective. ( sorry but you will get that when you read his stuff)

Oh and just because you can do things now does not mean you should do them all at once. You are responsible now for your own actions, if you do something bad there is no forgiveness in fact there are only consequences.

But at the end of the day Stuff Happens, if your preparations dont work sometimes you just have to soldier on as best you can until it gets better.

One other piece of advice I can give you. dont pick fights in the real world with theists. If they offer you a tract, Smile, thank them and keep moving. If you argue with them, they will just get annoyed and so will you. How peaceful your life is in that area is up to you now. I personally like a quiet life.

Thats all I can think of just now.

[Jimmy Higgins]

Anyway, I was thinking as I was walking to my car from Wal-mart.
"How am I going to handle set backs in life?" You know the things that happen to us that are un-desireable.

Thanks for your inputTime, friends, reflection, acceptence, becoming better from it.

[Mentalist]

Copious amounts of alcohol :ale:

[autoartist]

Cool, Thanks for all the responses. Great advice.
I wonder how many people stay Christians for fear of how they will handle bad things?

You know when you are a Christian, you simple say, "It was God's will," or, "Some how this will bring glory to God," and etc. It was comforting when dealing w/ bad things.

But the truth is 90% of what we fear will never happen. And we are responsible for most of the bad things that happen to us anyway as Bandecoot eluded to up top.

[LGM]

Cool, Thanks for all the responses. Great advice.
I wonder how many people stay Christians for fear of how they will handle bad things?

You know when you are a Christian, you simple say, "It was God's will," or, "Some how this will bring glory to God," and etc. It was comforting when dealing w/ bad things.

But the truth is 90% of what we fear will never happen. And we are responsible for most of the bad things that happen to us anyway as Bandecoot eluded to up top.


Actually certain Christians can get much more upset and disillusioned when they experience a terrible, unexpected tragedy. They have to sort out why "god would let this happen", then they have to rationalize as you say above. Look at 9/11, you had nut cases like Robertson and Falwell blaming gays and feminists for angering god. You had other nutcases claiming that a tiny empty church near ground zero that survived was a "sign from god". And of course you had Osama claiming it was the hand of Allah that made the attack succesful.

It's this kind of superstitous mental illness that makes rational people shake there heads.

Setbacks, tragedy, and ultimately your own death, are simply things you need to be psychologically prepared to deal with in life. Don't expect an invisible god to care about you, but do expect your family and friends to, when the chips are down.

Always remember you live in one of the most incredible eras for overcoming hardships of all kinds. Think about how your ancient ancestors faced the same things 10,000 years ago, and you will have some perspective on how good you have it.

They couldn't drive to Walmart when they needed food or clothing.

[Bagger_Vance]

Whatever works at the time. Sometimes all you can do is just accept it and make the very best of it you can. Cool thing is that there is no wrong answer. You can shoot yourself if you want since you don't have to worry about some big bad god knocking on your door and keeping tabs on you. Do whatever feels right at the time.

[EvoUK]

Preparation, experience, friends and family, being stubborn etc. The stuff that usually gets you through hard times in life works just as well from an atheist standpoint than a theist stand point.

I very much doubt christian theists handle set backs in life any different than I do, generally speaking- I just waste less time praying and spend more time getting on with it.

[BeHereNow]

Anyway, I was thinking as I was walking to my car from Wal-mart.
"How am I going to handle set backs in life?" You know the things that happen to us that are un-desireable.

What do you mean? Are you referring to your past habit of "turning to God" whenever there was a problem?

Perhaps now, when something bad happens, you could think about how silly you used to be turning to a pretend God and have a good laugh. That might make you feel better.

Also, there are copious coping methods, from copulation to copping out, cropping the family to a narcotic panoply. You may try meditation, yoga, driving your fist through a wall, torturing insects and small children, emotional abandonment, suicide, booze, supportive network of friends, journaling, or whatever else is suggested at the self-help reference library we've come to know as the modern book store.

Personally, when unfortuante events occur in my life, post-Christendom, I've gone through the normal phases - shock, anger, dismay, and recovery. I move through the phases rapidly, because the important part is recovery, where you devise a new plan and get to work.

For example, I lost my iPod a few weeks ago. When I discovered it was missing, I shouted profanities and stomped around for a few minutes. Then I slumped down and thought about how much I will miss having music on long train/plain/automobile rides. Then, I said "**** it, **** happens" and by the next day I was simply disappointed. My new plan is to find a kid listening to mp3's and beat him up and steal it.

[Griggsy]

She who helps herself ,helps herself perio! I find something to do.

[neonmagek]

Set backs are a part of life. I actually look forward to having set backs because they enhance the feeling when things turn out great. Its like when you need to piss real bad, and you hold it in even when there is a tree or a toilet right next to you. You hold it in for as long as you can before you think you are going to explode and then you let it out. And that feels much much better then if you had pissed half an hour ago, you would have just wasted it.

That is what set backs are like, keep accumulating them and one day when things work out great you will be flying.
Yay, my car broke down, I can't wait to get if fixed... heh (had to torment you)

[neonmagek]

I take set back as a learning experience. Sometimes we have set backs because we were expecting too much, our actions were counter-productive to our goals or it might be a case of "crap happens". Sometimes we are at fault for the set backs and don't even know it. If we learn from the set backs we have, we will have less of them. If things ever get to the point to where you don't know if you can handle it, remember, getting stressed out about the whole thing does no one any good. I remember plenty of times were I took out my frustrations by splitting wood. It didn't solve my problems, but I felt better about it, and I didn't need to split anymore wood for a month heh. Having at least one person we can go to with our problems when we feel the need to talk about something is also helpful. Sometimes others might notice something we haven't. I have also been known to hold conversations with my self, hey it helps me think clearer if I hear it hehe.