Telling someone they've been wronged

[India]

Christians only, please:

I have a real-life ethical situation which I'd like to hear people's opinions on, but I'm also interested in answers to the more abstract questions it raises.

The real-life situation involves two acquaintances of mine, A and B. (Some readers will recognize who A and/or B are, but I request that their identities not be revealed. FYI, neither person is currently a member of TWeb.)

I've recently discovered that A has publicly posted a private letter which B sent to him, without B's knowledge or permission. The question is whether or not B should be informed of this. Ordinarily, this would be a no-brainer: inform B, and he can take whatever measures are needed with A to have the letter taken down. However, for various reasons B will be much more upset than the average person to discover that A has done this - so much so that I'm actually afraid to tell him. I even approached A about this myself in order to avoid telling B, but I don't think A is going to remove the letter.

It seems to me that I ought to inform B, because 1) the damage being caused (i.e. the violation of privacy) will continue until the letter is taken down and 2) B can theoretically do something about it, e.g. convince A to take it down or threaten legal action.

However, the situation has caused me to think about when it's right to tell someone that someone else has wronged them and when it's wrong. For instance, if A had posted mean things about B but not done anything else, the only thing that would be accomplished by telling B would be upsetting B, therefore it wouldn't be right to tell B. If, however, A were harming B and there was something B could do about it (or if B would need to know in order to take preventative measures, e.g. if A were threatening B), then one should tell B so that he could act.

One situation in particular that I've thankfully never encountered, but always wondered about, is whether or not someone should be told that their spouse is cheating on them (assuming that the third party is absolutely certain that it's occurring). Perhaps in this case the better action would be to confront the cheating spouse, rather than telling the innocent spouse?

[darcutm]

Although No one can give any advice for the exact problem under scrutiny I would say in the absract sense that some one in your position isn't compelled by love or forgiveness like A or B... But look in the scripture and see how much is spoken of busybodies and gossips....(I'll let you look it up...Sometimes you find more answers on the way :read: :thumb: ) And you'll see that really you don't have much you should do...besides pray. You don't want to cause more damage by getting in the middle.
And all the best with whatever happens.

[Solly]

India,

Is the posted letter doing the person B any harm - reputation, embarrassment, etc?

If not, I would leave it for the moment, continue with A, but point out you feel duty bound to inform B if they refuse. It is for A to face the consequences.
If B is being harmed, then you have a duty there.

Is the place where it is posted able to address the matter, by a moderation; or is it exclusively available through A?

I would address that point, informing them that A has posted without permission, and again you would feel obliged to inform B if nothing is done, which would reflect upon them also.

As for the second issue, I think it depends in part on your relationship with the persons involved. If your opinion carries any moral weight with the guilty party, then it should be brought to bear, with the ultimate sanction of disclosure.

slly5