more on mental illness

[Sonofthunder]

My mental illness is one of the few that still frighten people. I don't tell people what I go through because of how they might react. This place seems be the best opportunity for me to come out, as no one Knows who I am. Therefore I am risking nothing. I have mulitiple personality disorder. As far as I know now I have 28 personalities. As odd as this may sound I am always two at once. My main personality I call Dee. Dee is a normal 50 year old man. But he is not in control of my body. The other 27 of us rotate control. Dee Is just an observer. It is the 27 that are the problem. Not all are adult, rational, or complete. Many lack large areas of experience. Some are child personalities don't know how to pay bills. Some don't know how to do my job. All the wile I just watch helpless. This resembles demon posssession. I wish it were, because I know the one who will overcome. Jesus promises he will keep us from satians grasp, he doesn't promise to heal all our infirmaties. My personalities shut me off from God's love. I can't do anything they don't want to do. I can't do anything they are incapable of doing. I remain shut off from God untill I change to a personality who can or is willing to trust in Him. I need the support of my brothers and sisters at church. I don't believe all of them can handle this. My wife and I told a couple who we thought would be supportive. They are supportive on the surface, but they now limit the time they spend with us and avoid being alone with me. I don't think that they have told anyone. Maybe the next person I trust will not handle it as well as these people. Pastor is the only one I have told that seems unbothered by my problem. He doesn't have time to give me special attention. I would like to know what you all think. Would this frighten you if you knew me personally? Would you feel safe being my friend?

Bill

[SuzieQue]

My mental illness is one of the few that still frighten people. I don't tell people what I go through because of how they might react. This place seems be the best opportunity for me to come out, as no one Knows who I am. Therefore I am risking nothing. I have mulitiple personality disorder. As far as I know now I have 28 personalities. As odd as this may sound I am always two at once. My main personality I call Dee. Dee is a normal 50 year old man. But he is not in control of my body. The other 27 of us rotate control. Dee Is just an observer. It is the 27 that are the problem. Not all are adult, rational, or complete. Many lack large areas of experience. Some are child personalities don't know how to pay bills. Some don't know how to do my job. All the wile I just watch helpless. This resembles demon posssession. I wish it were, because I know the one who will overcome. Jesus promises he will keep us from satians grasp, he doesn't promise to heal all our infirmaties. My personalities shut me off from God's love. I can't do anything they don't want to do. I can't do anything they are incapable of doing. I remain shut off from God untill I change to a personality who can or is willing to trust in Him. I need the support of my brothers and sisters at church. I don't believe all of them can handle this. My wife and I told a couple who we thought would be supportive. They are supportive on the surface, but they now limit the time they spend with us and avoid being alone with me. I don't think that they have told anyone. Maybe the next person I trust will not handle it as well as these people. Pastor is the only one I have told that seems unbothered by my problem. He doesn't have time to give me special attention. I would like to know what you all think. Would this frighten you if you knew me personally? Would you feel safe being my friend?

Bill
I don't think I would be fiightened although I don't have much experience with people who have Dissociative Identity Disorder. From what I've seen, the people experience "switching" largely under stress and with some patience others become familiar with what is happening.
As for real help there is a specialist for DID in Dallas named Dr. Colin Ross at Timberlawn that may be worth investigating for you. The people associated with this doctor treat their patients with dignity. You may also discover that people who have DID are a big help and very supportive to one another. I wish I could be more help to you.

[Sonofthunder]

I'm recieving treatment for DID in Denver. I'm two years into what my psychologist may be a 10 year ordeal. After 2 years I see very little progress.
Bill

[vicki32]

I have worked with a woman with this issue for the last 13 years. With her it is not real obvious most of the time. There are the occasional times when she doesn't show up for work and then we find out she is in the hospital or one of her personalities has 'run away with her' so to speak. Other times she is there but she is just not actking like her normal self. I have invited her to go with my girlfriends and I on little road trips but she never does. I think she is nervous about what might happen because she has at least one personality who takes over and makes her extremely wild. The only trips that I know she takes are too her sisters home in another state.

I have found that people are uncomfortable with anything they don't understand. My parents don't care for my choices of friends most of the time. They apparently are only friends with perfect people and don't understand why I am friends with people once I see that they have behaved in ways others might think are unacceptable. I tend to accept people for what they are and for what they want to be. Having a child with a mental illness caused me to be much more open and understanding to the various issues that all people deal with.

[LindaK]

Your burden seems a heavy one indeed.

I am not unacquainted with various disorders; although, I have not come across someone with your diagnosis before. My guess is that the diagnosis alone would not prevent me from befriending you.

I encourage you to stay with your treatment plan. It is frustrating, I imagine, that after two years you see little progress, but I hope you understand that this does not mean that progress has not been made. Keep good thoughts as best you can, I am a firm fan of positive attitudes being helpful especially to one who is ill.

From reading your post though, it is difficult to understand. Is there a real “you” personality that you say is always watching but not always able to intervene? Are you aware of the personality changes? Are you aware before hand? This might be important for a friend of yours to know so that they are in a better position to be understanding of you.

Has an origin for this been found in your case? Are there triggers?

Are you afraid to make friends because of this?

Is there anything we can do? Anything you want to discuss about this?

Please do not feel obligated to answer any of these questions and I hope I’m not rude to ask them, if I am…I do apologize, I do not want to add to your distress. My intention was to show interest and concern.

I wish you well and wellness.

[Sonofthunder]

I was feeling some dispair as I have only had one other person respond in 5 weeks. People in my condition are often depicted as murders who slice people up in movies and tv. Although there can be mean or even evil personalities It is almost impossible for us to hurt someone. The good personalities in us would be so appalled at violent behavior that they would take control away and stop it.
I do have a main personality that I was born with. Alternate personalities are formed to protect us from pain too hard to face. Most often this is caused by child abuse. My born personality is burryed so deep that he has only made one appearnce sense age 7. I'm 51 now. Progress is being made. Two weeks ago I lost 2 personalities called "alters" I now have just 26. I'm glad to talk about this. It is why I started this post in the first place. I wont lay my whole life out here. If anyone would like to correspond I would love someone to talk to. I would tell my life story if anyone is truley interested.

Bill

[LindaK]

I'm glad to learn that you have gotten a little closer to your born personality by way of loosing two of your alters. That sounds like great news!!!!

I certainly don't mean to diminish the work that still lays ahead of you...you've been given a rocky path to walk, but you seem to be working hard to smooth it out as best you can. Good for you! I hope you are able to acknowledge that and I hope it gives you the fuel to burn the fire beneath you to carry on.

It is a very difficult thing to let go of past pains. I know this and I can't begin to imagine the pain you've had to suffer all these years because of your childhood.

If I could, please know that I would take it all away and leave you with the you that is intended to be, with clear blue skies over head, the sun shining warmth upon you and your bare feet walking on the soft green grass.

Perhaps our paths crossed for a reason. I would feel honored to correspond with you. If there is another medium you prefer I would like to oblige. It's always nice getting something in the snail mail besides bills...who writes letters any more? That might be fun, or e-mail, forum threads, PM's...you name it and color me there. If you need a friend, someone who will listen, someone to talk to…I’m there for you.