Help!!!!!

[graceinme]

My son is 8 yrs old, and is the bad one in class. I just don't know what to do. I feel hopeless. I have prayed and prayed. We discipline him and have always taught him respect. It seems that when ever he is away from us he turns into a monster. Please someone help me. I would really like advice from people who have already gone though this, or are going through this. I do not want sympathy or advice from parents who THINK they know.

[spl_cadet]

Does he have any priveliges? Get rid of them. Don't let him do anything fun (be it going outside and playing with his friends or playing on the comp or whatever) until he shapes up.
If that still doesn't work, he's not too old to still be spanked. And spanked hard.

[graceinme]

He has had his privileges taken away, and he has been spanked hard quite frequently, his last one being yesterday. :shrug: Any other suggestions? You see this is why I am so frustrated. We as parents have done everything right as far as disciplining him. I just don't know what else to do?

[spl_cadet]

See if there is a military academy/boot camp you can send him to. If that doesn't change him, nothing will imho.

[Sher]

Grace, Not to be nosy ... but is there an underlying cause? Stress? Diet? A situation at school you are unaware of? Medical condition?

There could be many things that cause this ... and if you have a respectful kid at home ... or as respectful as an 8 year old can be ... that sounds like an indicator ... to me ... of something more than simple misbehavior. I'd get a medical work up first ... check his eyes ... check his dietary needs. Get with the school and find out what the triggers are ... what sets him off?

I have a very good friend whose daughter had similar problems ... she has "issues" ... but also medical problems that, now treated, are helping a lot. The thing is ... there was also constant bullying that the daughter didn't relate home ... she was teased unmercifully ... not liked in school at all.

And with your son being a "new kid" ... he may be having some of the same issues ... it could be triggering an inappropriate response ... yes ... but sometimes dealing with the school issues will resolve the need for him to respond in an incorrect manner. Soon enough he will grow up more and learn how to respond appropriately ... it may be nothing more than removing him to another classroom ... away from someone or a couple someones who are causing problems.

My son, in 5th grade, had kids calling him fag ... and many choice nasty names ... and he is not ... but when he responded back ... HE was the one in trouble ... not the kids with the foul mouths. I went to the classroom ... waited for the teacher who had stepped out and left the class alone :eek: ... and one of these gem of a child asked me what the <bleep> I was doing there. Kids today have no respect ... and it may simply be a culture shock from where you moved from to this new environment.

Just my 2.5 cents ... HTH
Sher

[Solly]

Grace when you find out, tell me.

Sher, my son gets much of the same treatment, and responds, and gets in trouble too. I got the treatment, and hid. *sigh* Fortunately his schoolwork is not suffering; still it is worrying...

[Dr T]

I would agree with what Sher has said.
Has this type of behaviour recently come on, or has it always been a problem that is getting worse.
My nephew had similar problems, the root cause turned out to be his reaction to certain food additives, and food groups (including chocolate). He is okay now, but his diet has to be watched very carefully. Check diet and what is happening at school.

[Solly]

I think my lad finds it difficult being a "church" kid; we don't do what the others do - no TV, video, playstation, much cinema, etc, so he tries harder to show he is like them. Good old peer pressure. But in many ways he is not; he is not street wise for a start, and they know it. He didn't know what gay meant.

[Sher]

Today @ 06:01 AM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=203535#post203535)
Solly:

I think my lad finds it difficult being a &quot;church&quot; kid; we don't do what the others do - no TV, video, playstation, much cinema, etc, so he tries harder to show he is like them. Good old peer pressure. But in many ways he is not; he is not street wise for a start, and they know it. He didn't know what gay meant.

Exactly ... this is a very similar situation. My son plays video games ... and now that he's older, he's allowed certain other older things ... but it is still very restricted, and it caused so many problems in the public school system. The best thing I ever did was pull him out to home educate ... I wish I'd done it from the beginning ... and would choose that if I ever have more kids ... never put them into the system to begin with.

Isn't it so sad when you have to explain things like that before they are ready to hear it? All because of someone that didn't protect *their* child from the ills of this world. :no:

[graceinme]

Thanks everyone! My husband and I are cleaning up the junk food thing. That may be some of the problem. We have home schooled in the past, but I really felt that he needed more social stimulus than what he was getting at home. You see I work a lot of hours, and well boom was on the comp a lot, so my son wasn't getting enough play and peer development. I am going to see how this year goes at school, and if it doesn't work out, we will home school again. I was thinking that maybe some of the problem was him NOT knowing enough social skills? Well, anyway we are talking to the teacher and watching him very closely so I will see how that goes.

Thanks Sher for sharing, you are right about an underlying cause. He has had some bad stuff happen to him in the past, and I know that it causes some of the attitude problems. Please keep us in prayer. I know that sometimes only God can fix something.

[Socrates]

Today @ 01:46 PM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=206356#post206356)
graceinme:

Thanks everyone! My husband and I are cleaning up the junk food thing. That may be some of the problem. We have home schooled in the past, but I really felt that he needed more social stimulus than what he was getting at home.

:hrm: Here's the paradox. Public school teachers often decry home schooling because the kids don't "socialize" enough. But in the classroom, they yell at the kids, "You're here to learn, not to socialize" :huh:

You see I work a lot of hours, and well boom was on the comp a lot, so my son wasn't getting enough play and peer development. I am going to see how this year goes at school, and if it doesn't work out, we will home school again. I was thinking that maybe some of the problem was him NOT knowing enough social skills?

OTOH by staying away from public schools, he may avoid other "social skills" like how to swear, bully, blaspheme, etc. :sad:

Thanks Sher for sharing, you are right about an underlying cause. He has had some bad stuff happen to him in the past, and I know that it causes some of the attitude problems. Please keep us in prayer. I know that sometimes only God can fix something.

All the best :smile:

[Sher]

Yesterday @ 10:46 PM post located here (http://www.theologyweb.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&postid=206356#post206356)
graceinme:

Thanks everyone! My husband and I are cleaning up the junk food thing. That may be some of the problem. We have home schooled in the past, but I really felt that he needed more social stimulus than what he was getting at home. You see I work a lot of hours, and well boom was on the comp a lot, so my son wasn't getting enough play and peer development. I am going to see how this year goes at school, and if it doesn't work out, we will home school again. I was thinking that maybe some of the problem was him NOT knowing enough social skills? Well, anyway we are talking to the teacher and watching him very closely so I will see how that goes.

Hey :gim:

It's hard ... believe me, I understand that more than you know. However, it is very fulfilling to know that you are teaching your child the right things ... and as Soc pointed out, public school socialization isn't all it's cracked up to be for that very reason ... I dunno how many times I've heard kids complain about being told to sit down and shut up ... even on the PE field :eek:. Think of it this way, where in life are we forced to spend hours and hours a day with only people of our own age group? Public schools are only a more recent institutionalization process ... before the advent of public schools, everyone was tutored or home educated ... even the first classrooms had a better process with vast age differences.

I'm not trying to soap box, but if your child was happier ... and you were happier ... with home education ... consider that socialization will come ... and better for it being at church, sports, local home education groups ... or even just with you adults. Family is important too ... and soon enough he will be grown and ready for college ... and really, if you read about home educated children ... they seem to fair far better in college/uni because of their constant exposure to adults ... they are more rounded and better able to focus on their education ... instead of binges and their next sexual conquest.

I doubt it is very much your son, but rather the modern society that does not teach children to respect their elders, their peers, or even themselves.

I was on the bus today, headed back from an appointment ... and I was so embarrassed by some male voices in the back of the bus. Their language ... and some rather loud songs they were singing (and why the bus driver didn't just throw them off the bus is beyond me) with profanity and vulgar themes (I am a grown woman and would not dream of saying some of these things ... especially in public :shocked:). The worst of it was when these boys, whom I had not turned around to look at, got off the bus ... and I saw that they were of younger middle school age ... maybe 12 or 13. To be only 3 or 4 seats away from a lady, and to talk in such a manner speaks of the typical behaviour ... the typical socialization ... that public school children get. It is like sending them off to a prison or something.

Thanks Sher for sharing, you are right about an underlying cause. He has had some bad stuff happen to him in the past, and I know that it causes some of the attitude problems. Please keep us in prayer. I know that sometimes only God can fix something.

Definitely! You are right ... but sometimes we are led by God in the correct direction where we need to do the work.

I hope that you are not offended by my soap box attitudes ... but this is something very dear to my heart. If I have more children some day, I will start from the very beginning with home education ... seeing how even in my son, there are things that he learned in the early years of public school far earlier than I ever wanted him to know them.

Hugs to you all ... I do pray that regardless of your decision that your son will find more peace ... and by extension, you both.

Sher :sher:

[Esther]

Hi Grace,

Speaking as a former target, :help: I agree with Socrates and Sher on the socialization issue. While kids do need to learn how to deal with people, they need to learn the right way. There are plenty of real life opportunities just going grocery shopping. wink1 "Honey, it's rude to loudly mention the unfortunate incidences of flatulence in old ladies."

Out of curiosity, where is he when he's acting up? Is it just at school or is it other places?

I agree with the recommendation to have him physically checked out. If he does have some type of food allergy or sensitivity or some other medical problem, it's nice to know so you can deal with it. One of my sons is definitely adversely effected by refined carbs. He has a hard time concentrating and turns into a trouble maker in general if he has had too much "white" stuff i.e. bread, rice, pasta and sugar.

A couple of good books, I think anyway, are Shepherding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp and The Way They Learn by Cynthia Tobias. TWTL is a very good book to get insight into how people think. It certainly helped with my will-of-steel son.

Of course the other "Good Book" is the best. It has been a real struggle for me to read the Bible with them consistently but when we do it, it is soooo worth it! Even when everything else seems to be going wrong in life and nothing is helping, I've found that reading the Bible and talking to the Living God together reinforces the hope that we have and gives us what we need to do the next thing, whatever that may be. There is power in the Word of God.

May God give you grace, mercy and wisdom to know how to deal with the situation with your son.

Sincerely,

Esther