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Personality issues and such

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  • Personality issues and such

    This is about me, isn't it? Yes, yes it is.

    So I'm a bit of a weird guy. I know what the responses to this will probably be: something like, "Welcome to Tweb!" or "Then you're in the right place." Well...not really.

    Bottom line: I have never fit in, anywhere in my life. The only exception that I can really put forward to this is my own home right now, with my wife and my kids. Every single other environment I've ever been in I have felt like the odd one out. (Side note: this isn't a "poor me" thread--I'm going to try to make a point with all this.) I feel out of place even here at Tweb, on an anonymous internet forum. Even with my family (brothers and sisters), which I'm relatively quite comfortable with, I'm still the odd one out. It's inevitable. I feel out of place at work, at church, you name it.

    Some examples:

    1. A guy that I've worked with for years will give me some friendly ribbing, which doesn't really bother me. Something about my reaction, which is always awkward, communicates to him that I'm offended, when in reality I'm not in the least. I just don't communicate that, apparently. On the contrary, sometimes I will think that his joke was kind of dumb and not really worth commenting on. I'm invariably misunderstood.

    2. This might sound like it contradicts the above, but it doesn't really. I'm not typically a guy who other people like to joke around with, precisely because of my awkwardness and the misunderstanding I described above. And I can't--and don't--fault them for this, because it has been so ubiquitous in my life that the problem must, frankly, lie with me. It's unfair to everyone I interact with, and unreasonable besides, to conclude that the problem is somehow with all of them.

    3. I may ask a question on some topic. Somebody will take a superficial interpretation of this question and answer it accordingly, thus making me look like an idiot who just hasn't thought it through very well. In reality, I've actually thought through the question deeper than they might have, and (apparently) didn't phrase my question in such a way to make that clear. When this happens, I'll just give up and let them think that my question was simply stupid and I'm an idiot, because attempting to convince them otherwise is pointless. Also, and this is a real motivation for me, I've never liked pointing out flaws in other people. I would rather somebody else think I'm dumb than point out to them that my question was actually a lot more sophisticated than they assumed. Not sure why--something about pointing out that sort of thing just doesn't sit well with me. (Side note: I'm also not trying to say that I'm some misunderstood genius, or some such pretentious garbage.)

    Consequently, I feel like any time I interact with people, it serves only as encouragement not to do it again, because I'm so incredibly bad at it and people just don't get me at all. Nor I them.

    Basically, I've always been super awkward and socially inept, but my recent attempts to rectify this and get better at socializing feel like utter failures. It has never gotten easier for me, and shows no signs of improving. Sometimes I'm amazed that I managed to get married, given how hard of a person I am to get to know.

    So there's no doubt that the fault for all this lies with me. With my personality, specifically. And as far as I can tell from my attempts, there's nothing I can do to change it. Am I doomed to be a person with few real friends, a guy who's easy for everyone to ignore because I'm just too hard to interact with otherwise? Does the above make sense? I don't want to make this sound like I'm having some sort of personal crisis, because I'm not. So don't worry about me. But for some reason these thoughts have been on my mind a bit lately, and I kind of wanted to put them out there and see what people think.
    I DENOUNCE DONALD J. TRUMP AND ALL HIS IMMORAL ACTS.

  • #2
    Zym, in the times we've conversed on the shoutbox or when I've read posts of yours I don't see this awkwardness you mention. I have no trouble liking you from your writing and conversation alone. And I would love to be a friend of yours. I don't perceive this awkwardness you stated in anything I've seen from you.

    HTH
    (HTH is an abbreviation I'm using for "Hope that helps")
    3 For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, 4 that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures --1 Corinthians 15:3-4 (borrowed with gratitude from 37818's sig)

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by Zymologist View Post
      This is about me, isn't it? Yes, yes it is.

      So I'm a bit of a weird guy. I know what the responses to this will probably be: something like, "Welcome to Tweb!" or "Then you're in the right place." Well...not really.

      Bottom line: I have never fit in, anywhere in my life. The only exception that I can really put forward to this is my own home right now, with my wife and my kids. Every single other environment I've ever been in I have felt like the odd one out. (Side note: this isn't a "poor me" thread--I'm going to try to make a point with all this.) I feel out of place even here at Tweb, on an anonymous internet forum. Even with my family (brothers and sisters), which I'm relatively quite comfortable with, I'm still the odd one out. It's inevitable. I feel out of place at work, at church, you name it.

      Some examples:

      1. A guy that I've worked with for years will give me some friendly ribbing, which doesn't really bother me. Something about my reaction, which is always awkward, communicates to him that I'm offended, when in reality I'm not in the least. I just don't communicate that, apparently. On the contrary, sometimes I will think that his joke was kind of dumb and not really worth commenting on. I'm invariably misunderstood.

      2. This might sound like it contradicts the above, but it doesn't really. I'm not typically a guy who other people like to joke around with, precisely because of my awkwardness and the misunderstanding I described above. And I can't--and don't--fault them for this, because it has been so ubiquitous in my life that the problem must, frankly, lie with me. It's unfair to everyone I interact with, and unreasonable besides, to conclude that the problem is somehow with all of them.

      3. I may ask a question on some topic. Somebody will take a superficial interpretation of this question and answer it accordingly, thus making me look like an idiot who just hasn't thought it through very well. In reality, I've actually thought through the question deeper than they might have, and (apparently) didn't phrase my question in such a way to make that clear. When this happens, I'll just give up and let them think that my question was simply stupid and I'm an idiot, because attempting to convince them otherwise is pointless. Also, and this is a real motivation for me, I've never liked pointing out flaws in other people. I would rather somebody else think I'm dumb than point out to them that my question was actually a lot more sophisticated than they assumed. Not sure why--something about pointing out that sort of thing just doesn't sit well with me. (Side note: I'm also not trying to say that I'm some misunderstood genius, or some such pretentious garbage.)

      Consequently, I feel like any time I interact with people, it serves only as encouragement not to do it again, because I'm so incredibly bad at it and people just don't get me at all. Nor I them.

      Basically, I've always been super awkward and socially inept, but my recent attempts to rectify this and get better at socializing feel like utter failures. It has never gotten easier for me, and shows no signs of improving. Sometimes I'm amazed that I managed to get married, given how hard of a person I am to get to know.

      So there's no doubt that the fault for all this lies with me. With my personality, specifically. And as far as I can tell from my attempts, there's nothing I can do to change it. Am I doomed to be a person with few real friends, a guy who's easy for everyone to ignore because I'm just too hard to interact with otherwise? Does the above make sense? I don't want to make this sound like I'm having some sort of personal crisis, because I'm not. So don't worry about me. But for some reason these thoughts have been on my mind a bit lately, and I kind of wanted to put them out there and see what people think.
      So my husband is socially awkward IRL. And I tend to think there are a lot of people on this website are. I am. I swear this sit attracts "awkwardness" so we can all be awkward together. Ironically there seems to be a REALLY high number of people who are either on the Spectrum or close to it. I'm not, I'm just a genuine mental case
      A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
      George Bernard Shaw

      Comment


      • #4
        Due to multisensory deficits, I tend to have issues with social skills. Leads to akwardness because I can't understand why behaviors may not be acceptable but they aren't unethical so...
        If it weren't for the Resurrection of Jesus, we'd all be in DEEP TROUBLE!

        Comment


        • #5
          I realize that sometimes all anyone wants is to be listened to, and not have someone try to fix the issue. This might be one of those times, and if so just ignore my advice. But I'm a guy, so I gotta fix things. :)

          Anyways, I think part of the problem is that there's a part of you that over-analyzes what others must be thinking (or actually are thinking) and this in turn leads to that feeling of being out of place. I think if you can somehow ignore that part of your brain that wonders what other people are thinking, you'll find yourself more confident, and eventually less of an outsider in turn. So, I've found that a lot of being comfortable in your own skin comes down to just not caring that much what other people think. When you really think about it, no one fits in, because we're all so dang unique, but most people get past that by just not caring, and realizing that no one else really cares either.

          As Christians I think this can sometimes be a weird line to balance because, through the love of Christ, we empathize so much with others. But there must come a point in our relationship with others where we need to distance their concerns, and their thoughts from our own.

          Ironically, I've spent much of my life in counterculture scenes where most people are purposely outsiders, and are more comfortable being outsiders than attempting to belong, but even within the scene there's a sense of belonging, and also silly ostracizing of folks who they don't think should belong. I have a good friend though...real simple guy...who totally either doesn't care or isn't aware what anyone might think about him. He talks slowly, is very methodical, and often in his own little world, but he's so dang sincere, and so not hung up by what anyone thinks that everyone can't help but love him.

          On another note, as I've gotten older I've found myself with fewer and fewer close friends. On purpose. I just don't connect with as many people as I once did, and purposely distance myself from those who want more intimate friendships. I've found that the only person I need as a super close friend is Jesus.

          Anyhow, this might also be one of those issues you've thought through to the end, and that I'm superficially interpreting. If so, also ignore.
          Last edited by Adrift; 02-25-2016, 06:08 PM.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Adrift View Post
            I realize that sometimes all anyone wants is to be listened to, and not have someone try to fix the issue. This might be one of those times, and if so just ignore my advice. But I'm a guy, so I gotta fix things. :)

            Anyways, I think part of the problem is that there's a part of you that over-analyzes what others must be thinking (or actually are thinking) and this in turn leads to that feeling of being out of place. I think if you can somehow ignore that part of your brain that wonders what other people are thinking, you'll find yourself more confident, and eventually less of an outsider in turn. So, I've found that a lot of being comfortable in your own skin comes down to just not caring that much what other people think. When you really think about it, no one fits in, because we're all so dang unique, but most people get past that by just not caring, and realizing that no one else really cares either.

            As Christians I think this can sometimes be a weird line to balance because, through the love of Christ, we empathize so much with others. But there must come a point in our relationship with others where we need to distance their concerns, and their thoughts from our own.

            Ironically, I've spent much of my life in counterculture scenes where most people are purposely outsiders, and are more comfortable being outsiders than attempting to belong, but even within the scene there's a sense of belonging, and also silly ostracizing of folks who they don't think should belong. I have a good friend though...real simple guy...who totally either doesn't care or isn't aware what anyone might think about him. He talks slowly, is very methodical, and often in his own little world, but he's so dang sincere, and so not hung up by what anyone thinks that everyone can't help but love him.

            On another note, as I've gotten older I've found myself with fewer and fewer close friends. On purpose. I just don't connect with as many people as I once did, and purposely distance myself from those who want more intimate friendships. I've found that the only person I need as a super close friend is Jesus.

            Anyhow, this might also be one of those issues you've thought through to the end, and that I'm superficially interpreting. If so, also ignore.
            I actually think you're right about my over-analyzing things. It's probably like going to a gym...as long as you're not doing something totally ridiculous, it's likely that nobody will pay any attention to you. It's not like the big ripped dudes are actually laughing at me, the skinny guy, trying to better myself. They really don't care. Even so, I hate going to the gym because of how out of place I feel. (To this end, I bought some basic equipment and put it in my basement so I don't have to.)

            So I guess I know that I'm very probably overthinking all this and being somewhat irrational, but I've never known what to do about that. Ah well, life goes on....
            I DENOUNCE DONALD J. TRUMP AND ALL HIS IMMORAL ACTS.

            Comment


            • #7
              I saw this on a TV show but it is true nonetheless.

              The secret is that EVERYONE feels like they are different and don't belong.

              Comment


              • #8
                I've written like five different responses and erased them.... I somehow want to convey that you are not the only one who feels that way...and not that that "helps".... I really don't know what else to say...I've really just had to accept (again) that people just don't "get" me. Actually, I have been in a group that does, and I "got" them...it was one of the BEST seasons of my life...but I'm not in that group anymore (life changes). I pursue topics that other people have such little interests in and I have no "support group" that "supports" who I really am.

                But, like adrift....I've come to see Jesus as my truest intimacy. Only Jesus...only He truly understands me...

                And, I feel that right now, at least for me...I feel a call on my heart to continue to study the things I'm learning about Him and one day I want to teach them. But, even if I don't get to teach what I'm learning...I'm learning and growing and it is the truest delight of my life.

                So, while I don't have the social interaction that I feel I should have as a member of Christ's Body...I focus all the more on understanding Him. Understanding Him is my goal, my purpose, my joy...even above my family....

                Anyway, for what it's worth.

                Thanks for sharing...it IS nice knowing I'm really not alone in feeling alone :)
                Last edited by Wildflower; 02-27-2016, 10:48 PM.
                Aragorn: What do you fear, my lady?

                Eowyn: A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them and all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire.

                Aragorn: You are a daughter of kings, a shield maiden of Rohan. I do not think that will be your fate.

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