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Thin Skin

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  • Thin Skin

    What to do if you have thin skin? (Yes, this is about me.)

    I have thin skin. What people say gets to me, too quickly and too often. Sometimes, it doesn't have to be said to me at all. It could be, for example, a comment about a group that I might consider myself a part of, and the speaker wouldn't have me in mind in the least.

    How does one get thicker skin? Put differently, how does one care less what other people think? I know this is a problem with me, and I hate it (believe me, I hate it). What to do about it, beyond faking it?
    I DENOUNCE DONALD J. TRUMP AND ALL HIS IMMORAL ACTS.

  • #2
    I have no idea. I have always had fairly thick skin. Unless someone gets in my face and points stuff directly at me I shrug it off. Wish I could help.

    My way of looking at it is if someone disagrees with me that is okay. If they make disparaging remarks that reveals their own stupidity. It is on them, not on me.
    Micah 6:8 He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

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    • #3
      Learn to evaluate it.

      Is it true? If so, learn from it, atone as necessary and move on. If not, move on.
      Is it important? If so, deal with it. If not, ignore it.
      What is the intent behind it? If malicious, move on. If not, then consider it.
      Would the person help you if you needed it? If so, pay attention. If not, move on.
      Would Jesus worry about this? If not - and the answer is always no - then neither should you.

      When you start brooding over it, stop - find something else to entertain your thoughts.

      You won't ever gain a thick skin - and you don't want one. That process is bloody and painful. You will gain perspective and self control - which is all you really need.

      God loves you and the harsh words of others can't take that away from you.
      "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot

      "Forgiveness is the way of love." Gary Chapman

      My Personal Blog

      My Novella blog (Current Novella Begins on 7/25/14)

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      • #4
        We are all human and have emotions/reactions to things, so don't sweat it too much. I've been called thin skinned by many people (including some on this forum) that fancy themselves as being thick skinned. But usually those people are pretty insincere in their reactions and motivations, and they don't want you to know when they are blowing up inside. It's all they have to feel like they won an argument. When people laugh at your passion or type an out of place "LOL" on a forum, just know they're not really laughing.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Sea of red View Post
          We are all human and have emotions/reactions to things, so don't sweat it too much. I've been called thin skinned by many people (including some on this forum) that fancy themselves as being thick skinned. But usually those people are pretty insincere in their reactions and motivations, and they don't want you to know when they are blowing up inside. It's all they have to feel like they won an argument. When people laugh at your passion or type an out of place "LOL" on a forum, just know they're not really laughing.
          Methinks thou dost protest too much.
          Enter the Church and wash away your sins. For here there is a hospital and not a court of law. Do not be ashamed to enter the Church; be ashamed when you sin, but not when you repent. – St. John Chrysostom

          Veritas vos Liberabit<>< Learn Greek <>< Look here for an Orthodox Church in America<><Ancient Faith Radio
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          I recommend you do not try too hard and ...research as little as possible. Such weighty things give me a headache. - Shunyadragon, Baha'i apologist

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Zymologist View Post
            What to do if you have thin skin? (Yes, this is about me.)

            I have thin skin. What people say gets to me, too quickly and too often. Sometimes, it doesn't have to be said to me at all. It could be, for example, a comment about a group that I might consider myself a part of, and the speaker wouldn't have me in mind in the least.

            How does one get thicker skin? Put differently, how does one care less what other people think? I know this is a problem with me, and I hate it (believe me, I hate it). What to do about it, beyond faking it?
            IMO the secret is to humbly focus less on oneself. Try not to dwell on how other people think of you and how you can change that. When discussing topics here, focus more on gaining understanding and less on "winning." If a conversation is not helping you gain understanding, and shedding rather more heat than light, bow out.
            Enter the Church and wash away your sins. For here there is a hospital and not a court of law. Do not be ashamed to enter the Church; be ashamed when you sin, but not when you repent. – St. John Chrysostom

            Veritas vos Liberabit<>< Learn Greek <>< Look here for an Orthodox Church in America<><Ancient Faith Radio
            sigpic
            I recommend you do not try too hard and ...research as little as possible. Such weighty things give me a headache. - Shunyadragon, Baha'i apologist

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            • #7
              Originally posted by One Bad Pig View Post
              Methinks thou dost protest too much.
              Methinks you're probably an unpleasant person in real life.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Sea of red View Post
                Methinks you're probably an unpleasant person in real life.
                nope. he is a really nice guy with a great sense of humor, who enjoys a good beer. As are you most likely.

                That is one of the blessings and problems with the internet: It is impersonal. Nobody really knows what another person is like, other than what they type. It is like wearing a mask. You don't see what they look like, if they are smiling behind the keyboard, or punching the wall while they are typing.

                And to Zym I say: Nobody knows who you are so don't worry about it. If they call you a name, only you know who you really are. They don't. So don't listen to them.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Sparko View Post
                  nope. he is a really nice guy with a great sense of humor, who enjoys a good beer. As are you most likely.

                  That is one of the blessings and problems with the internet: It is impersonal. Nobody really knows what another person is like, other than what they type. It is like wearing a mask. You don't see what they look like, if they are smiling behind the keyboard, or punching the wall while they are typing.

                  And to Zym I say: Nobody knows who you are so don't worry about it. If they call you a name, only you know who you really are. They don't. So don't listen to them.
                  Well, there aren't that many people in Montana with the name Zymologist.
                  I DENOUNCE DONALD J. TRUMP AND ALL HIS IMMORAL ACTS.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Zymologist View Post
                    Well, there aren't that many people in Montana with the name Zymologist.
                    True. In fact I think there are only about 10 people there altogether. I am amazed you even have internet. Or electricity.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Zymologist View Post
                      What to do if you have thin skin? (Yes, this is about me.)

                      I have thin skin. What people say gets to me, too quickly and too often. Sometimes, it doesn't have to be said to me at all. It could be, for example, a comment about a group that I might consider myself a part of, and the speaker wouldn't have me in mind in the least.

                      How does one get thicker skin? Put differently, how does one care less what other people think? I know this is a problem with me, and I hate it (believe me, I hate it). What to do about it, beyond faking it?
                      Lemme think about this, cause I used to be pretty thin skinned. One night in a deacons meeting, one of the deacons made that comment to me "you wear you feelings on your sleeve - you can be pretty thin skinned".

                      MAN that made me mad, and I stayed mad at that for about 3 days!!!! Which, when I started calming down, made me realize he was right - not only did I prove how thin skinned I was by getting mad, but it made me start questioning why I did that.

                      Part of the "solution" was growing up a bit, becoming more secure in who I was. I think "being thin skinned" has a lot to do with insecurity.

                      Lemme think on this some more.
                      The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by One Bad Pig View Post
                        IMO the secret is to humbly focus less on oneself. Try not to dwell on how other people think of you and how you can change that. When discussing topics here, focus more on gaining understanding and less on "winning." If a conversation is not helping you gain understanding, and shedding rather more heat than light, bow out.
                        OBP is not just blowing smoke here --- I've seen him do this more times than not.
                        The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Zymologist View Post
                          What to do if you have thin skin? (Yes, this is about me.)

                          I have thin skin. What people say gets to me, too quickly and too often. Sometimes, it doesn't have to be said to me at all. It could be, for example, a comment about a group that I might consider myself a part of, and the speaker wouldn't have me in mind in the least.

                          How does one get thicker skin? Put differently, how does one care less what other people think? I know this is a problem with me, and I hate it (believe me, I hate it). What to do about it, beyond faking it?
                          Change the perspective from "what are they saying about me" to "what are they saying about themselves". Turn it into a question: "why do you think or feel that way?" Look for statements of values and perceptions of how others meet those values.

                          You don't have to stop caring what other people think. Quite the opposite, imo.
                          I'm not here anymore.

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                          • #14
                            No one amened my post! They all hate me!!!!






















































                            Sorry, couldn't resist...
                            "He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot

                            "Forgiveness is the way of love." Gary Chapman

                            My Personal Blog

                            My Novella blog (Current Novella Begins on 7/25/14)

                            Quill Sword

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Zymologist View Post
                              What to do if you have thin skin? (Yes, this is about me.)
                              So, thinking about this some more, I think it gets back to fact verses feeling.

                              I have thin skin. What people say gets to me, too quickly and too often.
                              So, first of all, 'consider the source'.

                              I have ONE MAN in my Church who seems to constantly be unhappy with my leadership. I had known him prior to being in the same Church with him, and he was always a very upbeat and positive man. He seemed to be critical of my teaching and leadership. As I got to know him better in this new context - being in the same Church - I discovered that his wife, who had been an amazingly elegant lady, had advanced dementia, and was in a care facility, and this man's life had drastically changed. Understanding that, it was much easier to understand his criticisms... he's a very tortured man.

                              Some people are jealous, others are insecure, others are just mean people. Consider the source.

                              Secondly - fact verses feeling. Is what they are saying true? If not, discard it. If so, think about what you can do to change, if anything, whatever it was they were criticizing.

                              Consider the possibility that they may be God's "spiritual sandpaper". Sometimes, there are people in our lives who are used by God to 'smooth us' or refine us or make us better Christians. It may not be fun, but if it makes us better (as opposed to bitter) it's worth it.

                              Sometimes, it doesn't have to be said to me at all. It could be, for example, a comment about a group that I might consider myself a part of, and the speaker wouldn't have me in mind in the least.
                              Again, consider the source, consider if what is being said is true, and consider if there's anything you can do about it.

                              And remember that prayer --- how's it go? "God give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know where to hide the bodies of the people who....." maybe I didn't get that last part right.

                              How does one get thicker skin? Put differently, how does one care less what other people think?
                              Are they people you respect? Do they have good intentions? Maybe it's not so much about "caring less", but about more properly evaluating their criticism.

                              I know this is a problem with me, and I hate it (believe me, I hate it). What to do about it, beyond faking it?
                              Because you're a Christian, realize that this is nothing unexpected. They hated Jesus, they'll hate you. All who live godly in Christ Jesus SHALL suffer persecution. Bad things are going to happen. There are bad people in the world. Count it all joy when you are falsely accused, etc.....

                              As a Christian, you have far more resources and sources of strength than lost people. Look at this as a "God wants to grow me" and Satan wants to destroy me.

                              An admittedly cheesy and un-PC story of old....
                              An old Indian Chief had become a Christian, and the missionary who led him to the Lord came back several years later to check on him. The missionary asked him, "how's it going - your new Christian life?" The Chief said, "it's like two dogs, one white, one black, constantly at war, back and forth". The missionary smiled, and asked "which one is winning?" The Chief replied "whichever one I say 'sic 'em' to".
                              The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.

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