Re: Parenting survey
If one wants to be unBiblical like Viv or apply modernist psychobabble techniques or create fake worlds around their kids and let the universe revolve around them, that's their choice. If it works, great, but 18 is hardly the peak of their achievements, come back when they are 40 and actually lived some life, dealt with heartache, been beating to the ground with bills and expenses and pressures of life. Let their relationships crash, their children get hurt, their car stolen. Let them get fired right before a promotion, let their wallet get stolen a couple times, let their reputation get ruined in a nice church family by a gossiper, let their friends die in an accident, let their parents get divorced, etc... etc... etc...
If they can hold firm, and if they "do not depart" from their training when their childhood bubble of reality starts to collapse, then I say well done.
Since I'm not Christian, I don't concern myself with whether or not my parenting style was Biblical. I concern myself with whether it was loving, affirming, and encouraged her to grow. It was and it did.
I never said that 18 was the peak of her achievements. I certainly hope it isn't. But she has dealt with heartache in the form of loss of a long-time boyfriend, loss of a grandparent and an uncle within weeks of each other, is learning how to live paycheck to paycheck and how to deal with events like the car breaking down the same week the rent is due. A couple of years ago, the apartment we lived in was broken into and several expensive electronic items were stolen from her bedroom. She's dealt with not just gossip, but a psychotic classmate who was obssessed wth her boyfriend and who actually came to our home and exhibited behavior so bizarre that it scared my husband. He isn't generally frightened by teenage girls. Her dad and I never married, but she dealt with her stepdad's and my divorce. Granted, under the circumstances, she wasn't exactly heartbroken when we split up, but it did change her living situation drastically when she and I had to live on my paycheck alone, which meant moving to a less-than-desirable area of town to find an apartment we could afford that would allow us to keep her pets. She's already dealt with more in 18 years than some people have to deal with in a lifetime, and is not only stills tanding, but thriving.
Viv's whole philosophy can be summarized in these statements:
"...my family Psychologist counsels..."
"I guess this has been our philosophy all along, if our children misbehave, it is because there is a problem in the family, and we the parents are responsible, not the child."
What more is there to say? Everything is the parents fault, of course. When your child succumbs to peer pressure and drinks himself silly, has sex, drives drunk and falls off a cliff, well of course he is just an innocent angel, and the parents should be punished. When a child scribbles permanent ink all over the walls, well duh, it's the parents fault for having the gall to own markers and put the child where walls are present, darn parents. When a child steals a toy and hits his sibling, well duh, the child is innocent and pure and downright angelic, Christ-like in every way, it's just those darn parents for letting the children be in the same room as a toy they both want to play with at the same time. Of course, everything is the parents fault. It is so very Biblical, sin doesn't actually exist, only situations that breed sinful behavior exist. If only we remove all these possible situations, sin would go away and we'd be pure again!
I don't think it's necesasrily the parent's fault when a child behaves badly, although that is sometimes the case. I taught high school until I was beaten up by one of my students. When his father was contacted, his first question was "What did she do to p*** him off?" I'd say that father owns a substantial part of the blame for that event, but the son also must bear the responsibility for his choice to attempt to strangle his teacher..
Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive. -- Tenzin Gyatso, 14th Dalai Lama
I look at the world and I notice it’s turning.
While my guitar gently weeps.
With every mistake we must surely be learning,
Still my guitar gently weeps. -- George Harrison