Parenting survey

[Vivian]

Viv, I believe if we were able to get a glimpse of what God's idea of perfect holiness and purity is, we'd be freaking terrified. And your innocent little 5 year old would probably look like a demon in contrast to it.


Peace

Peace to you as well, vigilante.

I could not let this go, for this is where my understanding of parenting originates. Having had glimpses of God's Perfect Holiness.

Take a look at this:

7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings.
8 And they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden.
9 Then the LORD God called to Adam and said to him, “Where are you?”
10 So he said, “I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.”
11 And He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat?”

Do you see, vigilante? Adam and Eve's sin was not a problem for God, He still did as he always did. Adam and Eve's sin was a problem for them. Even in God's warning this was made clear, do not eat for if you do you shall surely die.

And likewise God does not today have a problem with our sin. God sees us as he has always seen us, perfect, indeed very good.

It is we who have a problem. It is we who fear and are ashamed and sin to protect ourselves, fearing to be naked. It is we who keep ourselves covered in sin and cannot bear to be in God's Presence.

One glimpse of God's Perfect Holiness reveals this to us.

And when our heart is filled with God's Love - not our own, but God's, our heart sees as God sees. Our heart sees all as perfect, for through the eyes of God, all is perfect, as was proclaimed in Genesis Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good.

Each and everyone of us is perfect. It is we who feel naked, it is we who feel ashamed and seek to cover ourselves in sin, hiding behind a body of sin.

It is we who have made ourselves imprisoned, captive to sin.

It is we who hide in the bushes.

It is we who have the problem with our sin, not God.

And everything that God does, including the curse in Genesis, is for our benefit, to help us see what we have done to ourselves so that we can through Grace find our way out of it. All that God does is to help us find the Truth that will make us free, even defeating satan - or our accuser, for us!

[So we can either join in satan's work - accusing humanity of being sinful, or join in God's work, helping humanity find freedom from sin.]

For being in God's Presence requires complete spiritual nakedness. And those who believe in the Son, those who trust, are those who are no longer afraid, no longer feel a need to clothe themselves in the body of sin, and come out of the bushes, into the Light, allowing themselves to be naked again.

He who believes in Him is not condemned; but he who does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. 19 And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. 20 For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. 21 But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God.



Do you see, vigilante? He who believes comes out from behind the bushes, into the Light, no longer afraid of being naked in God's Presence.

Being forgiven takes away the affects of sin, takes away our fear and longing to be covered by a body of sin.

Go and sin no more.

And so when we have a glimpse of God's Perfect Holiness, we see our sin, for it is into and through ourselves that we must peer to see God. As is said in scripture, when we see Christ, we will see ourselves. But presently we see darkly, for our sin is standing in the way, our fear keeping us bound to that sin so that we cannot see and know and be known.

However, when we are filled with God's Love, when we are seeing as God sees and we look out into this world, we do not see sin, we see all as perfect, all indeed as very good, everyone, everything. The presence of sin becomes evident, through the eyes of God, when there is fear and hiding, when there is desire and need to sin to protect our selves from being naked, thus hiding in the bushed, hiding from God's Presence.

All of God's Law and Judgments, all of his Mercy and Love, all the revelations, and the divine messengers born into this world, the incarnation of Christ, all of the anthropomorphisms of God in the Old Testament, all that has been given or inspired by God, have been given to help humanity through the millennium overcome their fear and thus their need to sin, so that we would be ready for the Grace and Power and Love that Christ is even now bringing into the world.

So that we would be ready to let go of our body of sin. Ready to come out from behind the bushes, into God's Presence.

God thus from God's perspective a new born is perfect.

But the new born, as it matures and ages, being born into sin, into a world of sin, takes on the fears of humanity, and in that fear feels a need to protect itself with sin, to cover itself with a body of sin.

And so if we love and parent our children as God loves and parents we will see our children as perfect , as God does, and do everything to help them with their growing fears and this growing need to protect themselves with sin. We will help them to trust. Help them to find the Truth that will make them free..

But since it is not possible in this world to go without any sin, it is not possible to raise children without any sin. But our children can be raised to trust, to have faith, thus not being afraid, and ready to go into Christ's Light, relinquishing their body of sin when Grace appears.

It is my prayer that you, vigilante, and all, will come to know these things too, and see and love through the eyes of God.

I pray that all be illuminated with God's Perfect Holiness.


Peace and such blessings to you, and to all.



Viv

[Vigilante]

[QUOTE=Vivian;2333433]It is my prayer that you, vigilante, and all, will come to know these things too, and see and love through the eyes of God.[QUOTE]

Well I respectfully request you do NOT pray for this, as your views are completely unBiblical and twisted and I hope some day you get your theology and exegesis working correctly.

To say God has no problem with sin is about the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

Hopefully you stop leading God and the Bible around by your personal feelings and desires and instead listen to what God is really teaching.



Peace

[Lepidopteryx]

Age to allow TV watching:
When they're old enough to turn it on, but monitor what they watch

Age to use computer:
When they know their alphabet

Age to use the Internet:
Under supervision when they know how to read

Age to have a cell phone (with/without camera?):
When they have sufficient income to pay overage charges

Bikini as a swimsuit? (only younger, only when older, never?):
Depends on the suit

Age to gender split bedrooms (i.e. no boy/girl sibling room sharing):
If they begin to feel uncomfortable undressing around each other - preference would be for each kid to have own room from birth if space allows

Age to get own room (is this ever a must anyway?):
See above


Age to stop allowing kid to sleep with parent (do you ever demand they have to stay in their own room? Example I know is an 11 year old girl who will switch beds almost every night, is there a problem with that? And what is it?) It's not because she is afraid of monsters or has bad dreams, but I think she just plain prefers to sleep with her mom.
Depends on parents' level of desire for privacy - if parents are ok with kids in the bed, I see no problem

Age to stop group baths or showers or allow undie/topless streaking through the house: (i.e. when to start getting serious about modesty and 'protecting' one's self) I ask because I know a couple people on tweb who don't like such things and are basically in-home nudists in that regard, they don't care about such modesty, though probably more so in public. So how important is it for kids not to see their siblings or parents naked? Is there an age limit, or is it never at all?
I have no problem with nudity - took my daughter with me to a clothing optional spiritual retreat when she was 12

Age to own weapons like knives, guns (BB or pellet etc):
Only after passing a weapons safety course and old enough to understand the concept of death

Age to allow sleepovers in non-family homes:
When they're toilet-trained

I was going to ask about boy/girl parties, but this doesn't seem to be an issue these days as most parents I know have both at birthday parties and what not. So do you make any rules in this regard?
As long as there is an adult present, not a problem

Rules about swearing? Do you mind if your kids pick up your own language?
Not a problem - taught her how to judge when it was and wasn't appropriate to use certain terms

Do you follow movie ratings or prescreen every movie? Just watch all movies with your kids and answer questions later? Or only buy super-safe movies until they are much older?
Followed my gut based on what I thought she would be able to handle

Rules about music?
Use headphones if you want to play it loud

What about chores and giving allowance?
Your room is your space as long as there is no food left in there to attract vermin. Shared space is everyone's responsibility to keep clean. I provide all the necessities and extras for holidays and birthday. You want extra money - find a way to earn it

OK, can't get away without asking when to have "the talk". You let the schools do it? You have a set age? You wait until you see signs or get asked? I actually heard it said that doing this is funny because chances are good whenever you think it's time, your child already knows more about it then their parents. I also heard Focus on the Family talk about having a more generic "before puberty" talk that doesn't even encompass that talk because it's more important to warn your child about some important changes that are going to happen in their life. So how do you handle one of the more important child development issues? (For me personally, my parents did nothing at all. No puberty talks, no warnings, no advice, and no "the talk". I don't agree with this approach, though I do think it would be awkward to try and have such a talk with parents).
When my daughter was 4, we had a bathroom door with a broken lock - the landlord wouldn't fix it and I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of doing it myself when he wouldn't let me deduct it from the rent. She walked in on me changing a tampon and was concerned about the blood. I explained to her in as much detail as I thought she could process what was going on and assured her that it was perfectly normal. Another time she walked in on her dad in the tub and wanted to know why he had parts she didn't have. Again, she got as detailed an explanation as we thought she was capable of processing - no freaking out, not mad attempts to cover up, just matter of fact answers to her questions. By the time she entered first grade, she knew exactly how babies were made.

Age to have a "boyfriend/girlfriend". When they are younger, they can have friends of opposite sex, but at what age is conversation about bf/gf become more serious and real? When do you start crossing the line of distinction between a guy friend or a boyfriend?
If they want to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend at any age, what's the harm? As long as they're both too young to drive, their dating options pretty much consist of sitting on your sofa playing video games.

Do you have a talk about drugs or alcohol? What if you the parent drink or smoke, what do you tell your kids about it?
My daughter knew that I had smoked before getting pregnant with her, and I explained to her why it was not the smartest thing I ever did. I allowed her small tastes of whatever I was drinking at home, so the forbidden fruit lure was gone. As she got older, I allowed her to have alcohol under my supervision. Better for her to learn her limits at home than out somewhere where she could get hurt. I told her that I had smoked pot, snorted coke, and dropped acid before getting pregnant with her, and explained why those also were not the smartest things I ever did. I also told her that if she decided to try those things, i'd rather she do it openly at home than sneak around.

To spank or not to spank? In other words, does physical punishment play a necessary role in serious discipline? I personally like the idea, I know of nobody who was every really messed up by it when used right.
I do not hit people unless I am defending myself. There are plenty of other ways to teach a child what is and is not acceptable behavior.

Age to be responsible for a pet:
Dont' get a child a pet unless YOU want a pet.

[Lepidopteryx]

[QUOTE=Vigilante;2315325]I mean, "privacy" is a big thing, but what does that even mean? Privacy to sit about naked or play with yourself? I assume not.

Don't you think masturbation should be done in private?

I take the opposite, I think sharing is excellent, because there is a level of accountability so nobody gets in trouble, they'll watch their behavior closer lest anybody see.

So kids should share a room so they can be informats?

The children keep each other company, play games, and generally entertain and enjoy each other.

My sister and I shared a room from the day she was born until the day I got married. It's not all it's cracked up to be.

What does a child do by themselves? Read? Dance to a CD alone?

As a child, I was happiest with my nose in a book and my headphones on.

[Lepidopteryx]

Vivian,

My daughter is also very strong-willed. My ex (her step-dad) thought that the thing to do with strong-willed children was to break their will and make them compliant. He thought that spanking and sending them to bed without dinner were both acceptable forms of discipline. I disagreed. It was one of the many reasons we divorced and my daughter now wants nothing to do with him.
I believe that the thing to do with strong-willed children is to teach them to direct that will constructively.

[Vigilante]

So kids should share a room so they can be informats?

I believe I said "accountability", not spies.

[Vigilante]

Bikini as a swimsuit? (only younger, only when older, never?):
Depends on the suit

Are some bikinis less bikini then others? What would be an example?

I have no problem with nudity - took my daughter with me to a clothing optional spiritual retreat when she was 12

Maybe you don't want to talk about it, but I have to ask anyway out of curiosity. Did you both go nude? What was your daughter's reaction to the whole thing? Was she comfortable? What did her father think, if he was around? Did you not worry how others would see the two of you or that there might be, for lack of a less-evil term, "predators" roaming about? Was she in shock and big-eyed, or totally casual like nothing out of the ordinary was going on?
I don't know how a 12 year old girl's mind works, so that's why I'm asking. How old is she now? Does she reflect on that event in a positive/negative/neutral way?
And I also must say what type of "spiritual" retreat is clothing optional? And what does nudity have to do with spiritual things anyway? And just WHY is 24 so popular? OK, never mind the last one.

Use headphones if you want to play it loud

Personally I think headphones are physically damaging, especially at such a young age. I think I would try to avoid as much headphones time as possible. This isn't a moral complaint, I just think the data is out that sound pressed against the ear (especially when you say "loud") is just plain damaging.

By the time she entered first grade, she knew exactly how babies were made.

And you think this was the best possible outcome? That is, she was introduced to some things you mentioned "by accident", basically. So had she not accidentally seen a naked male, would you have introduced the subject on purpose anytime soon? Had she not seen you when she did wouldn't menstruation have been a subject saved for later? Would you have preferred that she learned some of that a little later, ideally?

I do not hit people unless I am defending myself. There are plenty of other ways to teach a child what is and is not acceptable behavior.

"Hitting people" is emotional language that doesn't help. Spanking is nothing like punching someone in self-defense, to think they are the same is ludicrous.
And yes, there are many ways to train children, spanking is on equal grounds, if not holding an especially strong position in the list. I think bribery and "making deals" with kids about stuff is especially damaging, personally. It teaches them that they should only behave good when they get something for it or receive rewards, or that they should never obey anybodies command unless they've struck a deal to benefit from it or reduce the level on which they must obey. But I think they should do good because it's good, and obey rules because there are people of authority above them that they should obey, period. If I tell my kid they are allowed to do X and not Y, I don't want them subconsciously trained by their upbringing to start bartering with me to extend X and reduce Y and haggle their benefits and reduce their restrictions. No they simply need to obey. Too many kids grow up thinking the world revolves around them and everybody owes them something, that they should be rewarded for gracing us with their presence.


Thanks Lepidopteryx, I don't mean to start a debate here, so don't take my response that way. You've basically stated "this is what happened in our family", which is great, except that you didn't really state what you think is the ideal way to go. Is it the ideal way to go to have your daughter accidentally see naked daddy? Or would you rather talk about it and show an anatomy chart? Or a picture? Or purposefully model daddy in a non-accidental way? And would 4 years old have been the age you chose to do it? Etc... If you could expound on these a little, that would be great. I'll try not to debate, but no promises!


Peace

[Vivian]

Vivian,

My daughter is also very strong-willed. My ex (her step-dad) thought that the thing to do with strong-willed children was to break their will and make them compliant. He thought that spanking and sending them to bed without dinner were both acceptable forms of discipline. I disagreed. It was one of the many reasons we divorced and my daughter now wants nothing to do with him.
I believe that the thing to do with strong-willed children is to teach them to direct that will constructively.

Hi lepid -

My philosophy on parenting is still evolving and my children are 18 and 11!

What I have found is the biggest problem is when parents decide how to parent before knowing the child they will be parenting.

Each child is completely and totally different, each needing completely and totally different things and interactions in life. And parents pre-deciding how to parent sometimes just plow through completely blind to the unique child they are plowing over.

Children raised by such parents often end up rebellious, not feeling understood. They are angry, they act out, and do 'all the things' proving to their, well, idiot parents, that they were worthless to begin with and deserving of all the harsh parenting the parents threw at them!

We will end up with the children that we set out to parent, so how we view our children from the get go is of the utmost importance.

I'll be honest, lepid, I am appalled by some of the stuff I am reading on this thread. Such attitudes towards kids are archaic, and harmful and damaging and I know most of them will go down the toilet once the childless voicing these opinions become parents.

Strong will kids are tough. I thought my son was strong willed, and while parenting him I actively voiced against the Dobson-style advice for strong will kids.

And then I had my daughter and I have had to throw out everything I thought and read about parenting out the window [I even tried some of the strong will advise], and come up with a unique style of parenting, just for her.

And this is what I advise to all parents: Make sure you have healed all your big and little wounds from your own childhood before having children. And make sure you have lived the life you want and done all that you want to do before having children.

Because to raise children in today's world requires all of you, and if any of you is still seeking for your-self, you will damage your child.

So to all thinking of becoming parents, I advise...

Deny self.

Pick up your cross daily.

Follow Christ in all humility and surrender, allowing what your child needs to flow from Christ, through you to them.

And when necessary ask for help.

Being a parent will consume all of you, all of your thoughts, and time and energy, 200%. Anything less is a second rate job.

Lepid, I have found that strong will kids are the most afraid. Their will is a result of deep seeded fear, deep-seeded fear covered over by a super strong personality, and to raise them properly, in love, requires a special kind of parenting. One that first creates a super safe and secure environment, one where the parent or parents proves their trustworthiness without fault, and only then, when the child learns they can trust the parent or parents fully, will the fears begin to surface and the true work of parenting can begin.

I unfortunately did not figure this out until my super strong will child was 7.

So, as you instinctively knew, lepid, the very worse that a parent of a strong will child can do is to react or respond to the child's will, as your husband and others say, parenting to break the will.

That only proves to the strong will child that they are right, that this world is not safe and so they must use their own will to protect themselves (strong will behavior comes from a child who does not trust, who only trust themselves to get what they need and want, and so the parent has to prove to the child that they need the parent and that they can trust the parent, that the parent will be there always for them, on their side. And 'punishment' is viewed by a strong will child, or at least the ones I know, as proof that the world is not safe and that they can only count on themselves.)

Such punishment based parenting may possibly result in changed behavior, by the child on the inside becomes even more damaged.

And to vigilante - children are not pets.



Vivian

[Raphael]

And to vigilante - children are not pets.

where does he even remotely hint at that?

[Vigilante]

I'll be honest, lepid, I am appalled by some of the stuff I am reading on this thread. Such attitudes towards kids are archaic, and harmful and damaging and I know most of them will go down the toilet once the childless voicing these opinions become parents.

Oh really Viv? Do explain.
Classical parenting has produced the greatest minds, thinkers, explorers, inventors, soldiers, revolutionaries, speakers, that the world has ever seen, they fill our history books. Tell me, where are the heroes produced with modern parenting advice given by the psychologists of our time? What great moralists and revolutionaries were produced by pushing self-respect and pride and self-esteem down kids throats from the cradle? Where are the modern inventers trying to improve the world? Where are the great business men of our time? Where are the heroes Viv?
This "archaic" parenting you disregard, that has only been around for, oh, all human history, and pretty much established by God, seems to have done quite well for the most part, producing citizens that are honorable and respectful, not selfish and arrogant and prideful.


My advice, Lepid, is to completely ignore Vivian on parenting, she has shown herself to be utterly unbiblical and seems to latch on to modernist thinking in many ways. She thinks we should build customized fake worlds like bubbles around kids so, rather than learn from mistakes or learn what sin is, or learn how to deal with the real world, they live in a fake world where nothing they do is wrong or harmful in the first place. When you live in a world of water soluble crayons, drawing on the walls cannot be "wrong".
Kids have to live in this world, and they have to learn right from wrong. The world will not hand them a customized life where they can do as they please with no consequences, and neither should we. You will not raise wise children when you custom tailor their life to suit your ideals.
She refuses the Biblical truth that humanity is depraved and conceived with a sinful nature, she thinks we are born saints. If only we could never ever let sin enter the consciousness of our children, they will be little Adams and Eves all over again "not knowing good and evil".



As far as a strong willed child goes, I can't guess what that actually means regarding your child. A strong will isn't automatically bad or anything. A strong will toward sinning, well that is unfortunate indeed.



Peace

[Raphael]

I'll be honest, lepid, I am appalled by some of the stuff I am reading on this thread. Such attitudes towards kids are archaic, and harmful and damaging and I know most of them will go down the toilet once the childless voicing these opinions become parents.

My second child is on the way, and I'm using the same techniques my own siblings need (which includes kids from their late teens down to our unborn one). And you know what, they work, they aren't archaic, and they aren't harmful and they aren't damaging. And they are tried and trusted.

[Zeluvia]

----
Age to allow TV watching:

Never..movies on DVD yes, commercial TV NO

Age to use computer: 2

Age to use the Internet: 8 with controls, 15 without

Age to have a cell phone (with/without camera?): when they can buy their own

Bikini as a swimsuit? (only younger, only when older, never?):
younger = no, protect from sun as much as possible. Older = when THEY want to buy one

Age to gender split bedrooms (i.e. no boy/girl sibling room sharing):
9

Age to get own room (is this ever a must anyway?):
13

Age to stop allowing kid to sleep with parent (do you ever demand they have to stay in their own room? Example I know is an 11 year old girl who will switch beds almost every night, is there a problem with that? And what is it?) It's not because she is afraid of monsters or has bad dreams, but I think she just plain prefers to sleep with her mom.
2

Age to stop group baths or showers or allow undie/topless streaking through the house: (i.e. when to start getting serious about modesty and 'protecting' one's self) I ask because I know a couple people on tweb who don't like such things and are basically in-home nudists in that regard, they don't care about such modesty, though probably more so in public. So how important is it for kids not to see their siblings or parents naked? Is there an age limit, or is it never at all?
Underwear mandatory, keep bare butts off furniture, rest doesn't matter

Age to own weapons like knives, guns (BB or pellet etc):
Never

Age to allow sleepovers in non-family homes:
8 if you know the parents

I was going to ask about boy/girl parties, but this doesn't seem to be an issue these days as most parents I know have both at birthday parties and what not. So do you make any rules in this regard?
No, see above, know the parents

Rules about swearing? Do you mind if your kids pick up your own language?
Warn them not to do it in public or at school, and if they do, they take the consequences


Do you follow movie ratings or prescreen every movie? Just watch all movies with your kids and answer questions later? Or only buy super-safe movies until they are much older?
Pre-screen until 6, to avoid endless questions. Then go by ratings, to promote questions.

Rules about music?
This is actually pretty critical. They have to afford it themselves, no ear pieces till they can buy them themselves, monitor what they listen too.

What about chores and giving allowance?
Do what I say, no allowance

OK, can't get away without asking when to have "the talk". You let the schools do it? You have a set age? You wait until you see signs or get asked? I actually heard it said that doing this is funny because chances are good whenever you think it's time, your child already knows more about it then their parents. I also heard Focus on the Family talk about having a more generic "before puberty" talk that doesn't even encompass that talk because it's more important to warn your child about some important changes that are going to happen in their life. So how do you handle one of the more important child development issues? (For me personally, my parents did nothing at all. No puberty talks, no warnings, no advice, and no "the talk". I don't agree with this approach, though I do think it would be awkward to try and have such a talk with parents).

You have to explain it to girls when they start menstruation, you don't have a choice. Boys need to know what is up too when they start experiencing random wood. Explain parts of it whenever the opportunity arises, cause it's a large subject, and goes into attraction and how you feel about yourself and other people.


Age to have a "boyfriend/girlfriend". When they are younger, they can have friends of opposite sex, but at what age is conversation about bf/gf become more serious and real? When do you start crossing the line of distinction between a guy friend or a boyfriend?
Let them figure that out for themselves. If it is getting serious, have the
sex talk = p

Do you have a talk about drugs or alcohol? What if you the parent drink or smoke, what do you tell your kids about it?
When your brains are done growing at 24 you can do what you want, till then it's stupid, and makes you stupid. See Beavis

To spank or not to spank? In other words, does physical punishment play a necessary role in serious discipline? I personally like the idea, I know of nobody who was every really messed up by it when used right.
Spank formally no. Bonk them ONCE when they hit your last nerve, yes.
Kids have to learn limits, and learn to notice other peoples moods.

Age to be responsible for a pet:
8


Age to teach your kid to read 2
Age to teach your kid math 2
Age to buy your kid a chemistry set 8
Age to buy your kid a telescope 6
Age to buy your kid models to assemble 8
Age to buy your kid books 2
Age to start paying them for doing chores "by the chore" 8
Age to expect them to help around the house and give them little jobs 5

[Vivian]

where does he even remotely hint at that?

The way he ponders about what to do for his future children remind me of the way my friends and I talk about our pets.

Should we have two dogs, so one can teach the other, or keep the other accountable?

[I once brought in a new puppy who taught the older well behaved dog how to misbehave! So I had to separate them!]

Should the dogs share the same kennel, and food and water bowls?

Etc.

When we talk of our children, we talk about their hearts.

Sharing and bedroom arrangements are things that just work out, the family together working them out as the issues rise up, without any prejudgments or attitudes regarding what our children should do, or might do.


Viv

[Vivian]

My second child is on the way, and I'm using the same techniques my own siblings need (which includes kids from their late teens down to our unborn one). And you know what, they work, they aren't archaic, and they aren't harmful and they aren't damaging. And they are tried and trusted.

I hope and pray that your children continue to be blessings to you, and to all.

Again, each child is different, and I look to the heart, not the behavior.

Misbehavior in a child indicates a heart problem that needs attention.


Viv

[Raphael]

The way he ponders about what to do for his future children remind me of the way my friends and I talk about our pets.

Should we have two dogs, so one can teach the other, or keep the other accountable?

You mean you never talked to your late husband (my sincerest condolences by the way) about how you were going to teach your children right from wrong?
You never considered that accountability does kids some good?

[I once brought in a new puppy who taught the older well behaved dog how to misbehave! So I had to separate them!]

Yes, that happens with dogs.

Should the dogs share the same kennel, and food and water bowls?

Etc.

All valid questions. Should kids share the same bedroom, a valid question as well. The fact that the questions are similar does not mean that he considers children to be like looking after a pet.

When we talk of our children, we talk about their hearts.

I should hope you talk about more practical things with regards to kids as well.

Sharing and bedroom arrangements are things that just work out, the family together working them out as the issues rise up, without any prejudgments or attitudes regarding what our children should do, or might do.

You mean you didn't plan anything? Surely if you're in a one bedroom apartment you going to say to yourself kids would be bad right now.
Or if you've got seven kids, you're going to make plans on how to get them to atleast have only two per room (a guy I work with has seven kids. eldest 21, youngest 5....guess what, he uses the same parenting techniques I do and the same techniques Vigilante talks about)