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[princesa]

just when I was getting used to the other one, you're throwing me off here!?!? just kidding, it's adorable. ok, let's see...a name....i smirk b/c only i know what a bad choice it was to ask someone like me.

How about Cuddlypuff or Schwooshiecheeks?!?! or Onyx Eyes or Baby Onyx......aaaaaargh, somebody stop me!

[I was never good with giving names, I didn't even name my own children! It was forbidden! what's wrong with "Zarelya" anyway?]

[Vigilante]

Everything is wrong with it. You know, you'd be define as one of these "new moms", part of pop culture who has to name their kids funky stand-outish names like Zahara and Colt and Trayten and Piper and Sailor.
Now, I agree that some names can be worn out, some names can seem "old fashioned". Like you don't see a lot of new little girls named Cheryl or Barbara, Marge or even Mary. Some names like John, Elizabeth, Rachel, Jennifer will probably start wearing out soon. But they are such pretty names, I don't think Xanthenelly as a girl's name is going to replace Sarah any time soon as a popular name.
I think it's OK to find less-used names, but still not 100% unique. There is a Gavin in my family, and a Miles. Not too unique or weird, but at least it's not John or Michael. There are a lot of really cute and popular girl names right now, actually Jennifer is one of my favorites, as is Elizabeth (mainly because Lizzy is a such a cute nick name). Also Emma, Hannah, Emily, and so forth. Madison seems to be one of those modern popular names.

Just understand something. A mom picks a name based on meaning and family and what she likes. Fathers base names on making sure they can't be made fun of in school. I mean, is it so hard to find a name that can't be made fun of?! Jake the snake! Josh the squash! That's dad's biggest worry! lol



At what point in marriage do either person stop caring whether they are sexy or look good at all? And do you think you should always try to look your nicest for your spouse?

[Petrus Caietanus]

wife must live to please the husband, husband must live to please the wife.
try to satisfy each other.

non?

[Vigilante]

Well their bodies belong to each other, I think that's what you mean. But I'm not talking about sex. It just seems to me that at some point you reach the "well I'm married so I don't have to care any more about myself". And you don't care for you hair, or your hygiene, or your clothes, or your smell, or anything?


Shouldn't a married couple continue to "care about themselves" just as much as when they were dating? Doesn't it seem like they should continue to try and be attractive to each other?

[Manwë Súlimo]

sounds reasonable to me.

Et tu, Brute?

[Petrus Caietanus]

I do think the same.

does anybody disagree?

[princesa]

i sure as heck disagree, i've been married 11 years and as much as i love my husband he'd better get used to seeing me look my worst on saturday mornings because with all the cleaning, catching up, homework, bills, taking kids all around town, refereeing etc....he can't expect me to put on red lipstick with heels.

Now that that's out of the way, there has to be a balance. I believe as long as the couple engages in 'dates' alone every once in a while (set an appt if needed) than that is an effort to maintain the 'spark' that would prove fruitful in the relationship. Otherwise there's the very real possibility that, especially when children are involved, you become a business unit only there to give each other updates on household activities and planning the next appointment etc...

My parents have been married over 40 years and I've heard my dad say countless times how much he loves my moms long white hair and that she doesn't wear a stitch of makeup. So of course we do consider length of time together. Newlyweds come with a set of different rules. We want to impress until we get to the point of there no longer being 'mystery' or 'newness' in the person we're with and so the comfort zone begins...as long as you recognize this is happening, if your partner shows disinterest or better yet, if it is mentioned (i.e) "Hey honey, why don't you wear that pretty red dress, I haven't seen you in that in ages...." than there is hope. That's a good indicator that they miss the 'you' that they fell in love with before family life became one busy monotonous ritual.

Vigilante - It just seems to me that at some point you reach the "well I'm married so I don't have to care any more about myself". And you don't care for you hair, or your hygiene, or your clothes, or your smell, or anything?

Married or not, one should always groom themselves with the basics. Just b/c i wake up Saturday mornings tired as heck b/c I know it's going to be a busy day doesn't mean I'm not brushing these pearly off whites or putting my hair up in a bun...maybe I'll just throw on a tshirt but these are things you should do even if your single. If you don't it would seem someone not even caring to perform the basic grooming is showing symptomatic signs of a sort of mild depression perhaps.

Do you love humanity as a whole but can't stand to be in the room with a stranger for more than 5 minutes without his breathing getting on your nerves?

[Vigilante]

Only when it smells. I have to say I don't care for smoke breath, coffee breath, and so forth. Or she has to be really hot, but even then it's a turn off.
I'm the kind of person that gets annoyed by little things but am surprisingly calm at the big things. If I walked outside and my car was stolen, I'd be like "dang, that sucks, where's my phone?" But when I fumble the keys twice trying to unlock the door, or drop my soap again, or miss the nail with my hammer a couple times, I'm ready to break a window. I can't stand it!

(P.S. Re: last question: I don't mean makeup and high heels. And yes some people don't like makeup. The point is that however your spouse is most attracted to you, some kind of effort to be attractive in that way seems appropriate. Not a panic on Saturday morning, but at the same time not looking like a witch ALL day, lol. Experts say that you should let your spouse pick out your clothes, your perfume and so forth. Dress the way THEY like you, smell the way THEY like you. Rather then do it only for yourself even when your spouse can't stand it. I can't stand high heels really, blue socks would be more attractive, so even if my wife (to be) likes high heels, she aught to sacrifice that. If I like wearing disco shirts and my wife hates them, I aught stop wearing them. This is what I mean by an effort to be attractive, pay attention to what they enjoy about you, and maintain that as you can. I see these couples go out where the man not only smells like a pig with breath that would knock Satan out, but he feels he has to share it with the world by wearing a tank top, and this is his date? People should care about themselves for the sake of their spouse. Marriage isn't an excuse to turn in to a bum. That's all I'm saying. It's a good thing to keep "pursuing" your spouse even though you've already "caught" them.)


When you see an E-mail that says "PLEASE DON'T DELETE!!!" or, "You MUST read this!!!" and "Very important!!" and "re:re:re:re:re:re:re:re:re:re:" and "add your name to the bottom and forward it on, we need 5,000 signatures!!" and it comes from your friends, do you delete right away? Read and delete? Or *gasp* find them important and forward them on?

[princesa]

I never get any emails like that and if a friend of mine were to send one of those I would probably question his sanity/sobriety and maybe call him or her to see if they were "ok".

Vigilante - Experts say that you should let your spouse pick out your clothes, your perfume and so forth.

I'd love to meet the person who deems himself an expert on all marriages considering the many different personality types out there lending to all kinds of family dynamics. Picking out my spouses clothes sounds like too much of a motherly role for me and I'm pretty sure my husband would scoff at the idea. But this may a warm bonding and even joyous chore for some other wife who feels it's just another way her and her husband are so close and she would never dream of not picking out his clothes. Customs, culture etc...play a role.

If my husband asked me never to wear tight jeans again b/c he doesn't want men looking at me in 'that way' I would understand. [not that anyone cares but i don't wear them anyway, not my taste]. My point is that it makes sense to me to not want your spouse to display her assets to the world in the flimsiest way possible. If my husband had a six pack and was out there flexing on the stoop on a hot summer day and I saw a pretty lady look at him, I'd take notice. Then he'd look at her looking at him and would be satisfied that his body was worth of notice. Aside from the self esteem issue he would have, I, as his wife would rather he cover up his chest to avoid awkward situation and I would hope he would respect that.

Now if out of the blue, once we're married he decides he no longer wants me to wear my hair long and wants me to have a buzz cut, that's a whole other issue. Even if he longed for me to have a crew cut, I wouldn't do it. Because as much as he desires me to shave it all off I draw the line b/c I find it unreasonable/unhealthy were he to persist in something so superficial, especially knowing that his wife has personal reasons against it.

Otherwise, he can pick out my perfume any day. But I do agree with not letting yourself go. I find my husband unattractive when he needs a haircut and is bumming around the house [has nothing to do with love]. I've noticed that, even after 11 years of marriage, when he does cut the short cut he knows I like, I follow him around the house and feel his haircut and joke with him about how handsome he looks. I become attracted to him. I'm sure it's no different when I dress up, except he's not as vocal/silly as I.

How does your personality change, if at all, when you are at work amongst your coworkers?

[Vigilante]

I work alone at the moment, that's how I like it. Otherwise I'm pretty much myself. I have a very laid back environment.
And when I say pick out clothes or perfume, I don't mean shop FOR them. I just mean, when you BOTH are picking stuff out, and suppose you have two perfumes and he likes one better than the other but you like the other, you should go with the one that he is attracted to, rather than your personal preference. Because you are trying to be attractive to your husband, not other people. Why should you pick the one you like? So you can impress others? You should be trying to impress your husband right? For clothes, same thing, when shopping if he finds something particularly attractive on you, but you like some other thing that he doesn't care for, go for the stuff he likes, why not? You trying to look good to others instead of your husband? Or do you shop for stuff just for your own pleasure, isn't that a little more selfish? So let your spouse be your guide, not that they do it all FOR you, but that their input is the most important input. But this is a dead topic.



Is physical discipline of children valid in some situations?

[Petrus Caietanus]

I believe so.

or do you prefer this "modality" of "no physical contact"?

[princesa]

I work alone at the moment, that's how I like it. Otherwise I'm pretty much myself. I have a very laid back environment.
And when I say pick out clothes or perfume, I don't mean shop FOR them. I just mean, when you BOTH are picking stuff out, and suppose you have two perfumes and he likes one better than the other but you like the other, you should go with the one that he is attracted to, rather than your personal preference. Because you are trying to be attractive to your husband, not other people. Why should you pick the one you like? So you can impress others? You should be trying to impress your husband right? For clothes, same thing, when shopping if he finds something particularly attractive on you, but you like some other thing that he doesn't care for, go for the stuff he likes, why not? You trying to look good to others instead of your husband? Or do you shop for stuff just for your own pleasure, isn't that a little more selfish? So let your spouse be your guide, not that they do it all FOR you, but that their input is the most important input. But this is a dead topic.

It's not a dead topic, Beren isn't here to enforce the thread rules.

I see what you mean, I don't believe anyone should sacrifice too much of themselves for the sake of their husbands likes/dislikes, otherwise resentment will come into play. If I buy a perfume b/c I like it and not my husband (which I've done) it is most certainly not because I want others to be attracted to me, it's because I just happen to like it better and there is no hidden agenda. Yes, I shop for stuff for my own pleasure. I can't say I pick up every blouse thinking "will my husband like this?", I don't think that's a healthy way to think marriage should be. Sometimes I see a pretty dress and think "Oooh, I can't wait for my husband to see me in this!" and I believe that's good enough.
Is physical discipline of children valid in some situations?

I never understood spanking. You put a child over your knee and hit them repeatedly for bad behavior, that sounds just awful. HOWEVER, if a small child runs into the street I will take that moment to smack his hand or bottom to show them the severity of the situation. I think it would garner the same fear in them to not repeat that behavior as spanking would, but with less emotional/physical scarring.

Why is it so hard for people to discipline themselves to not overindulge in food!? Why!?!?

[Whateverman]

Food is often used as a drug; it's taken to relieve stress or anxiety. There are times when food becomes ritual, as well - a particular snack isn't seen as food, but as part of a daily routine; a habit rather than a necessity.

There really are "eating disorders", and while I wont claim the term is never misused, you have to look at the average American's weight, and wonder if they're not more common than we'd like to think.

The solution? Show people how they're treating food as a drug; show them that it's a form of addiction. And then expose them to cultures where the body is treated as a temple, or where food isn't so plentiful.

---

Why is "atheism is a religion" used as an insult?

[Vigilante]

Good question. Probably because there are Atheists that use "religion" as an insult to others. And we feel they are delusional because they act just as religious with their own beliefs and so we turn the "insult" back on them.
In other words, it's like you going around insulting everybody that they use a MAC, but then you go home to your own MAC as if you were somehow different from them just cause you have other software or something. At some point somebody is bound to insult you about your MAC just as you did to them.


What is so horrible about spanking a butt for bad behavior? Seriously, you can't damage a big lump of fat, that's what butts are for, and all you do afterwords is hug and talk about what happened. When I was like a 5 year old boy, you couldn't spank me hard enough with a belt on a my wet naked behind to keep me from smiling or laughing at it. It's not as horrible as you think, it's just meant to get the kid somber enough to think about what they did and feel a real tangible punishment for it. No lasting damage. None of this sissyfoot "if you stab your sister in the eye with a pencil one more time I'll take your plasma TV away that's in front of your bed for a whole hour! THEN you'll be sorry!"

[semmie]

spanking is good as a form of discipline. what's wrong with it is that in our power-hungry, out-of-control, lack of propriety, a "spanking" can become very abusive, very quickly. in theory, however, i don't think spanking as a form of discipline is wrong in any way.

do you guys understand that this is a spam room? the longer your posts are, the less spam points you get...