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Hello. By this point some of you have met my acquaintance. It has been quite the journey these past months. I would say I first heard of Christianity as a child and at the time I found it nonsensical. Not because of matters dealing with theology but because of the many hypocrisles I saw. Growing up I also took up a misplaced pride in being Jewish. I suppose I did so as I tried to figure out who I was as a person. I teased Christians. I saw themy as fools at best and lying hypocrites at worse. Of course I never won any argument I ever had with a Christian. It was a long time before I would think again of Christianity. This time I was to look at it in a classroom setting. I figured I would hate the class that it would be a blowout. That they wouldn't stand up to my criticisms. To my shock I couldn't come up with any criticisms. Questions yes but I couldn't bring myself to disrespect my teacher. The irrational contempt I had slowly peeled away, When it came time to learn about the new testament I found myself aggravated. I tried desperately to rationalize away Christianity. That didn't happen. Instead a couple of things contrary to that happened. My fear of death was revisited at the passing of my great grandfather. A good Christian man. He and my grandparents were perhaps the only Christians I never made the mistake of challenging their faith twice. I remember once telling my grandmother that Jesus never existed. She pulled out a copy of Josephus. We didn't read it but she told me about what was inside. I never then accepted the idea Jesus didn't exist. Instead I figured he was an apostate or a collage of myths. I learned quickly in new testament as well as from old testamentioned history at University that this was a preposterous position. Now atheism I found ridiculous. Their was to much that seemed designed for their to be no God. Still my concept of God was rather weak. As I reread the old testament in class and as the gospel was read to us I began to deeply introspective. Did God love Humanity? Was God truly all Powerful? Was the trinity Possible? Could Jesus be telling the Truth? These questions bubbled inside me. I woke up one day in a cold sweat and found the answer. I felt sick. As if something was eating me. A swarm of bugs gnawing at my insides. It was then I heard a question. What are you doing with your Life? I was scared. In that time I tried to find anything that would cement Jesus as not being the Messiah. However as I read I found the opposite. I found clear evidence of old testament fulfillment. I saw the truth and I prayed. I felt something then. Faint. I felt safe. I let go of grudges, forgave those who hurt me, I found a new interest in the bible. I always enjoyed new and old testament history class but now I saw it as truly incredible. I told the class some time in January I believed in Christ. I cried then. I feLtd alive. I grew slowly from there. My grandparents were overjoyed. Around that time I found Mr Holding and WLC. I was fascinated. I came to see myself in a new light. I got rid of some sinful habits easily. Others I struggle with but I am no longer a slave to. I still have much to learn. Much growing to do. It hasn't always been easy. Many have scoffed and derided me. I find in many ways my story is familiar. Joy Lewis had similar experiences. I hope to one day be baptized. To go to church with others around my age. To grow not only as a person, but a person in Christ.
I tell you as someone who was once angry and confused the answer is in the gospel. The things that are confusing do have answers. That faith is not blind but firmly cemented in facts. That God does love us and that he is not cruel or just some force. My hope is that this may touch my elder peers who are with me in faith. To remind them that at one point we were all at some points novices in our faith. Yet I also hope it may reinvigorate.
I have much to learn. Much I hope to do. I know however that my faith has saved me.
This is my journey.
Godspeed.
TheWall.
I tell you as someone who was once angry and confused the answer is in the gospel. The things that are confusing do have answers. That faith is not blind but firmly cemented in facts. That God does love us and that he is not cruel or just some force. My hope is that this may touch my elder peers who are with me in faith. To remind them that at one point we were all at some points novices in our faith. Yet I also hope it may reinvigorate.
I have much to learn. Much I hope to do. I know however that my faith has saved me.
This is my journey.
Godspeed.
TheWall.
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