When is Divorce OK?

[David O]

I treated my wife like she was an equal and she ended up being the boss. I was good at it. I took a lot of crap and gave up a lot of dignity. I was wrong to skip out on doing my own work. I am not subject to my emotions in the same way that you are subject to yours.

I live in Madeline Murray O'Hare's town. My Father was an atheist when I was growing up. I disagree with Atheism but mostly admire those people with enough guts to defend it. They very often know more about Christianity than Christians.

Thanks for the love and sunshine, I wish you peace.

[Prakk]

In reading through this thread, I found a LITTLE bit of Biblical truth, but not a lot of it. Divorce is only ok for one reason, that is adultery on the part of the wife, and only the husband may divorce. Beleivers who are in a marriage with an unbeliever are not said to be divorced in 1st Cor 7 when the unbeliever leaves, the marriage is just over, immediately. Divorce is a specific tool introduced in the Law for husbands who are getting rid of an adulterous wife. There is no other application for believers.

Hugh McBryde

[Ryokan]

You know what I think Elysian. I am just going to say I hope things get better, one way or another. You have had enough trial.

[Cynic Sage]

My advice is this. Seek professional counseling. An internet forum isn't the best kind of place for guidance at in a situation like yours.

[elysian]

You know what I think Elysian. I am just going to say I hope things get better, one way or another. You have had enough trial.

Thanks. I appreciate the thought. As I'm looking at this thread again (and it's been floating around for some time) I can honestly see where God has worked and continues to work healing in my marriage. Yes I have gotten professional help, and yes I am still living with my husband and don't plan on divorcing him.

I won't say that things are ideal, but much improved. I can only hold on to the hope that God will give me the grace I need to continue to live with the *unique* conditions.

[just Johnna]

Just trolling for some insight and objective opinions.

Anyway, there are only two Scripturally correct options that I see. Because my husband thoroughly enjoys making me miserable and derives great joy from keeping me awake at all hours by playing loud music and partying with buddies, by demanding that I fix him food in the middle of the night, in cutting me off from my family, and friends and especially making it hard for me to be involved in my church, he won't leave me. So the following applies to me: "And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him." 1 Corinthians 7:13 (NIV)

I understand if he left me then it would be OK for me to divorce him and start again without it being sin: "But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace." 1 Corinthians 7:15 (NIV)

This OP started long ago; I hope and pray that long since the escape which the Lord made for Elysian has been found by her, that she would be able to bear.

Isn't it Biblical to refuse to cooperate with such a spouse? If God's idea of marriage is not having you yoked with someone who wakes you up in the middle of the night with music, parties, and demands for food, can't you act as if he did--refuse to provide 2 a.m. food, "steal" the money to pay bills, communicate with your family regardless of his unrighteous demands? In other words, sometimes aren't Christians called to make the ungodly uncomfortable? If we can hassle the PTA by standing up for what's right, why not the same to the wayward spouse?

If the guy abuses you, wouldn't the appropriate consequence be withholding your person, by moving out? If it doesn't measure out to abuse and you are safe with your inconsiderate and selfish spouse, should you witness by how you live that you are worthy of respect and consideration?

It seems to me we're not called to make the unbeliever comfortable in demeaning us. Make him uncomfortable. Perhaps he will learn from the standard of decency and respect and become a true husband. If he leaves, let him go. You will have made possible the best possible solution.

just Johnna

[elysian]

This OP started long ago; I hope and pray that long since the escape which the Lord made for Elysian has been found by her, that she would be able to bear.

Isn't it Biblical to refuse to cooperate with such a spouse? If God's idea of marriage is not having you yoked with someone who wakes you up in the middle of the night with music, parties, and demands for food, can't you act as if he did--refuse to provide 2 a.m. food, "steal" the money to pay bills, communicate with your family regardless of his unrighteous demands? In other words, sometimes aren't Christians called to make the ungodly uncomfortable? If we can hassle the PTA by standing up for what's right, why not the same to the wayward spouse?

If the guy abuses you, wouldn't the appropriate consequence be withholding your person, by moving out? If it doesn't measure out to abuse and you are safe with your inconsiderate and selfish spouse, should you witness by how you live that you are worthy of respect and consideration?

It seems to me we're not called to make the unbeliever comfortable in demeaning us. Make him uncomfortable. Perhaps he will learn from the standard of decency and respect and become a true husband. If he leaves, let him go. You will have made possible the best possible solution.

just Johnna

Yes I have done several of these things. For instance I will provide him an evening meal. If he chooses not to eat at a decent hour, then that is his choice, but I will not get up in the middle of the night to fix him special food. It took a few nights of me going to a 24 hour grocery parking lot and sleeping in the car- to curb the loud music as well as the late night food demands- but eventually he got the point. Once he understood he couldn't annoy me with his behavior, because I wouldn't stick around to be annoyed, then the behavior lost its charm. Thankfully he has come to the understanding that if it is after 10 PM and I'm in bed, that the only reason he should even think about waking me is if the house is on fire or somebody died. This is a major improvement.

I don't have as much trouble with being able to participate at church either, lately (and this will be on trial again during Advent and Lent...as I'm at church a lot more often during those seasons of the church year) for which I am very thankful. He has even come to some kind of an understanding, that if not for my faith I would not, and could not endure him. He does understand that if I must make a choice between him and God that God's going to win, so he has pretty much refrained from commenting on my church involvement.

[just Johnna]

....This is a major improvement....

My dear elysian,

---and you are dear to me though I'm a stranger. I know you through your many posts and love to find them archived and read them. I gained a high opinion of you before coming across this surprising thread.---

We cross-posted; I was asking my question about Biblical strategies for difficult marriages in general. So I was delighted to see your update and feel so blessed to get hear of improvements. The situation you described earlier was untenable! And even now, it's only tenable as it continues to grow into something else.

I know you to be a wise person from your posts, and trust the Lord will continue to lead you through difficult times.

I find I look to 1 Corinthians 9:9-10 a lot. I was curious what passages other people use to strengthen themselves and clarify what's right and what's selfish.

just Johnna

[basspro]

I really feel for you. I have been through it. You might find help from David Instone-Brewer's Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible: The Social and Literary Context. Also see Instone-Brewer.com.

[ssienth]

A possible option that I am not sure anyone mentioned in this thread:

First, I am unclear on how exactly to interpret what the Bible says about divorce and remarriage. But unless you believe that celibacy in marriage is a sin, then can't you just separate without divorcing? This means, of course, that you are still considered married in God's eyes, and so cannot morally remarry. In fact, even if you get a legal divorce, does that mean you are divorced in God's eyes? Probably not. If you get a legal divorce and never remarry, perhaps from a Biblical perspective this would just be considered separation?

Maybe?

[sonador1969]

I am seeking answers to this question and am thoroughly confused in the matter. If two people rushed into marriage and very quickly realize they've made a huge mistake, is it permissable?

Thanks,

Laura

[Abykale]

You'd probably do better to start a new thread on the subject.

[themuzicman]

I am seeking answers to this question and am thoroughly confused in the matter. If two people rushed into marriage and very quickly realize they've made a huge mistake, is it permissable?

Thanks,

Laura

No. The vows have been taken, the marriage consummated. Any two people can be married to each other, if they're willing to make it work.

Michael

[brother vinny]

No. The vows have been taken, the marriage consummated. Any two people can be married to each other, if they're willing to make it work.

Michael

Didn't know you came down on the side supporting same-sex marriage, Muz.

[ginger_cup]

Hello elysian, Your post tells my story to a T. I also married my husband in disobedience, and also, to get out of the house of my restrictive parents. Now I find myself married to a gambling alcoholic.

I believe that I may not be able to Biblically divorce him, however, I believe that although I am married to him - i do NOT have to live with him. I have taken the steps i need to separate our finances so I am no longer paying for his addiction to gambling and drinking.

I don't know if you are still battling for your marriage - but I do wish you the best and I pray for peace at your home.