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Thread: Thin Skin

  1. #11
    See, the Thing is... Cow Poke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zymologist View Post
    What to do if you have thin skin? (Yes, this is about me.)

    I have thin skin. What people say gets to me, too quickly and too often. Sometimes, it doesn't have to be said to me at all. It could be, for example, a comment about a group that I might consider myself a part of, and the speaker wouldn't have me in mind in the least.

    How does one get thicker skin? Put differently, how does one care less what other people think? I know this is a problem with me, and I hate it (believe me, I hate it). What to do about it, beyond faking it?
    Lemme think about this, cause I used to be pretty thin skinned. One night in a deacons meeting, one of the deacons made that comment to me "you wear you feelings on your sleeve - you can be pretty thin skinned".

    MAN that made me mad, and I stayed mad at that for about 3 days!!!! Which, when I started calming down, made me realize he was right - not only did I prove how thin skinned I was by getting mad, but it made me start questioning why I did that.

    Part of the "solution" was growing up a bit, becoming more secure in who I was. I think "being thin skinned" has a lot to do with insecurity.

    Lemme think on this some more.

    1 Tim 2:5 For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.

  2. Amen Teallaura, Rushing Jaws amen'd this post.
  3. #12
    See, the Thing is... Cow Poke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by One Bad Pig View Post
    IMO the secret is to humbly focus less on oneself. Try not to dwell on how other people think of you and how you can change that. When discussing topics here, focus more on gaining understanding and less on "winning." If a conversation is not helping you gain understanding, and shedding rather more heat than light, bow out.
    OBP is not just blowing smoke here --- I've seen him do this more times than not.

    1 Tim 2:5 For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.

  4. Amen Teallaura, Rushing Jaws amen'd this post.
  5. #13
    tWebber Carrikature's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zymologist View Post
    What to do if you have thin skin? (Yes, this is about me.)

    I have thin skin. What people say gets to me, too quickly and too often. Sometimes, it doesn't have to be said to me at all. It could be, for example, a comment about a group that I might consider myself a part of, and the speaker wouldn't have me in mind in the least.

    How does one get thicker skin? Put differently, how does one care less what other people think? I know this is a problem with me, and I hate it (believe me, I hate it). What to do about it, beyond faking it?
    Change the perspective from "what are they saying about me" to "what are they saying about themselves". Turn it into a question: "why do you think or feel that way?" Look for statements of values and perceptions of how others meet those values.

    You don't have to stop caring what other people think. Quite the opposite, imo.
    I'm not here anymore.

  6. Amen Teallaura, Rushing Jaws amen'd this post.
  7. #14
    tWebber Teallaura's Avatar
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    No one amened my post! They all hate me!!!!






















































    Sorry, couldn't resist...

  8. Amen Jedidiah amen'd this post.
  9. #15
    See, the Thing is... Cow Poke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zymologist View Post
    What to do if you have thin skin? (Yes, this is about me.)
    So, thinking about this some more, I think it gets back to fact verses feeling.

    I have thin skin. What people say gets to me, too quickly and too often.
    So, first of all, 'consider the source'.

    I have ONE MAN in my Church who seems to constantly be unhappy with my leadership. I had known him prior to being in the same Church with him, and he was always a very upbeat and positive man. He seemed to be critical of my teaching and leadership. As I got to know him better in this new context - being in the same Church - I discovered that his wife, who had been an amazingly elegant lady, had advanced dementia, and was in a care facility, and this man's life had drastically changed. Understanding that, it was much easier to understand his criticisms... he's a very tortured man.

    Some people are jealous, others are insecure, others are just mean people. Consider the source.

    Secondly - fact verses feeling. Is what they are saying true? If not, discard it. If so, think about what you can do to change, if anything, whatever it was they were criticizing.

    Consider the possibility that they may be God's "spiritual sandpaper". Sometimes, there are people in our lives who are used by God to 'smooth us' or refine us or make us better Christians. It may not be fun, but if it makes us better (as opposed to bitter) it's worth it.

    Sometimes, it doesn't have to be said to me at all. It could be, for example, a comment about a group that I might consider myself a part of, and the speaker wouldn't have me in mind in the least.
    Again, consider the source, consider if what is being said is true, and consider if there's anything you can do about it.

    And remember that prayer --- how's it go? "God give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know where to hide the bodies of the people who....." maybe I didn't get that last part right.

    How does one get thicker skin? Put differently, how does one care less what other people think?
    Are they people you respect? Do they have good intentions? Maybe it's not so much about "caring less", but about more properly evaluating their criticism.

    I know this is a problem with me, and I hate it (believe me, I hate it). What to do about it, beyond faking it?
    Because you're a Christian, realize that this is nothing unexpected. They hated Jesus, they'll hate you. All who live godly in Christ Jesus SHALL suffer persecution. Bad things are going to happen. There are bad people in the world. Count it all joy when you are falsely accused, etc.....

    As a Christian, you have far more resources and sources of strength than lost people. Look at this as a "God wants to grow me" and Satan wants to destroy me.

    An admittedly cheesy and un-PC story of old....

    An old Indian Chief had become a Christian, and the missionary who led him to the Lord came back several years later to check on him. The missionary asked him, "how's it going - your new Christian life?" The Chief said, "it's like two dogs, one white, one black, constantly at war, back and forth". The missionary smiled, and asked "which one is winning?" The Chief replied "whichever one I say 'sic 'em' to".

    1 Tim 2:5 For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.

  10. Amen Zymologist, mossrose, Jedidiah amen'd this post.
  11. #16
    Professor Zymologist's Avatar
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    Thanks for the posts, everyone. Cow Poke, I liked what you had to say. "Spiritual sandpaper" indeed. I recently read "The Crook in the Lot," and it had some similar things to say. (Great book--I'd recommend it heartily.)

    I think it is rooted in insecurity--I've always disliked several of the things that make me who I am. How skinny I am, how awkward I am, etc. It's an ongoing process.
    Hofstadter's Law: It will always take longer than you expect, even if you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

    "Metal is an apple--everything's good but the core."

  12. Amen Cow Poke, Teallaura amen'd this post.
  13. #17
    See, the Thing is... Cow Poke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zymologist View Post
    I think it is rooted in insecurity--I've always disliked several of the things that make me who I am. How skinny I am, how awkward I am, etc. It's an ongoing process.
    Then the real "serenity prayer" (attitude) may be more applicable.

    1 Tim 2:5 For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.

  14. Amen Carrikature amen'd this post.
  15. #18
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    Zym, I have a lot of insecurity problems too. Its gotten better over the years. For example, I'm really good at ignoring people on the internet (well at least better) at pretending they don't exist. Its like hey your a nameless faceless dweeb why should I be listening to you. Where I have really big problems is if I mess up with someone and they have anything to do with me anymore. Or I lost a lot of friends because of my prior relationship (ex-husband) and I have no chance to even apologize to the people who got hurt or I isolated from, because I wasn't allowed to have contact with them. That's one that hurts more than anything.
    A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
    George Bernard Shaw

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