Funny Preacher Moments - or things I wish I could take back

[Cow Poke]

I came up with a BRILLIANT sermon one time... it just kinda kept forming in my head. I would be mowing the lawn, and this sermon would be developing... I would be stuck in traffic, and this sermon would be evolving...

It was going to be called "But GOD"

Not like... God told Noah to build the Ark, and Noah said "But GOD"...

MORE like... Eph 2.... where it's talking about all our living according to the prince of the air, etc... and bad stuff.. BUT GOD, who is rich in mercy.....

I had several wonderful points like that, building up the yukkie and ugly and hopeless.. BUT GOD, who loved us SO MUCH.....

Well, I was going along just fine, and was on my third major section of how horrible and lost and hopeless we were... building to a wonderful climax... then the dramatic pause....

and, in one of those moments I wish i could rewind and delete (except, of course, here on tWeb)...

... after the dramatic pause... i looked at the congregation and said (as God is my witness)...

... do you smell another BUT coming?

I happened to be looking over in the direction where my wife and 12 year old daughter were sitting, and she instantly went into hidden giggling convultions...

SOMEHOW, i carried on, and finished the sermon... but I shall be WAY more careful in the future with my "But GOD"s.


I'm sure some of you preachers have some interesting stories, or some of you congregants have some interesting observations!

[digits]

That is so funny. This is one of the few times I can actually type LOL and really mean it.

[Cow Poke]

I can laugh NOW, but ... for a while i thought about updating my resume'

[Jaltus]

Matthew 23:15 says For this people's heart has grown dull, and with their ears they can barely hear, and their eyes they have closed, lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears and understand with their heart and turn, and I would heal them.'

I said 15 For this people's heart has grown dull, and with their ears they can barely hear, and their eyes they have closed, lest they should see with their ears and hear with their eyes and understand with their heart and turn, and I would heal them.'

And dang it if I did not mess it up twice practicing as well. I will never preach on that passage again.

[Cow Poke]

Matthew 23:15 says For this people's heart has grown dull, and with their ears they can barely hear, and their eyes they have closed, lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears and understand with their heart and turn, and I would heal them.'

I said 15 For this people's heart has grown dull, and with their ears they can barely hear, and their eyes they have closed, lest they should see with their ears and hear with their eyes and understand with their heart and turn, and I would heal them.'

And dang it if I did not mess it up twice practicing as well. I will never preach on that passage again.

Laughing... note in margin: Avoid preaching this passage at all cost!

[Cow Poke]

When I was fairly new to the ministry, I was baptizing once - Baptist Church - total immersion, ya know...

I was already standing chest-deep in water in the baptistry, and Janet, a 50-ish year old woman, was "next"... i held out my hand toward her, and she came down the stairs into the water...

It was a picture-perfect baptism up to the part where I lowered her into the water, and I noticed something odd... her HAIR floated away, and she came up out of the water BALD! I nonchalantly reached out, scooped up her wig, and put it on her head, somewhat backwards. She hugged me, and went back up the stairs, thrilled to be baptized!!! The congregation giggled a little, applauded, and life went on!!!!

Janet had had chemo, hence the wig. She was FINE with this, but her twin sister was OUTRAGED and threatened to quit the church!!! What was a fella to do???? Eventually, her sister got over it.

Janet and I laughed at this for many years.

[The Curtmudgeon]

Well, it didn't happen during a service, but one of my "favourite" (for lack of better term) pastor stories is, again, my grandfather. If you are familiar with the great poem, The Deacon's Masterpiece, or The Wonderful One-Hoss Shay by Oliver Wendell Holmes, you'll remember the lines:

The parson was working his Sunday's text, --
Had got to fifthly, and stopped perplexed
At what the -- Moses -- was coming next.

Grandfather was driving me over to the local shopping mall, probably to see a movie. He was retired, but was occasionally called on by local pastors to fill in when they needed (or wanted) a Sunday off, so he was mentally working on a sermon while driving. When we got to the mall, he suddenly realised it and turned in -- a right turn from the center lane, across a car that managed to stop about one foot away from me in the passenger seat. We came to an agreement that he would only work on his sermons at home from then on.

The (I forgave him, but I can't read or remember Holmes' poem without laughing about that incident) Curtmudgeon

[Cow Poke]

That's great.. I love it! Yeah, sermon formulation should occur in manner that does not endanger human life.

[Alan3838]

When I was new to the ministry I was doing a sermon on Peter's faith in Christ despite his own failures. When I got to the part where Peter jumped out of the boat to swim to Jesus becuase of the joy Peter had seeing Christ after His resurection. I made a comment on Peter's joy, then without thinking, I said, to a few hundred people, "don't you all wish we could be a bunch of Peter's"? I have never made that mistake again.

[Cow Poke]

When I was new to the ministry I was doing a sermon on Peter's faith in Christ despite his own failures. When I got to the part where Peter jumped out of the boat to swim to Jesus becuase of the joy Peter had seeing Christ after His resurection. I made a comment on Peter's joy, then without thinking, I said, to a few hundred people, "don't you all wish we could be a bunch of Peter's"? I have never made that mistake again.

Yeah, I'm always careful preaching about Peter!

[Manwë Súlimo]

I saw a clip on YouTube once of a youth pastor was trying to say "pitch his tents" and it came out as "pinch his....", well I can't say the last word without getting modded; but it's a euphemism for breasts.

He went COMPLETELY scarlet red.

[Cow Poke]

I saw a clip on YouTube once of a youth pastor was trying to say "pitch his tents" and it came out as "pinch his....", well I can't say the last word without getting modded; but it's a euphemism for breasts.

He went COMPLETELY scarlet red.

I used to stutter pretty bad, until High School... when i'm around a stutterer, it comes right back, and it's embarrassing... but SOMETIMES during preaching, i get "stuck", and if i try to correct myself, it gets worse... i'm better off just "brushing it off" and moving forward...

I was using, for example, a discussion about "setting the table" - and i was trying to say "salt and pepper shaker"... it came out ... salt and shekker paper... and i tried to correct it, and it only went down hill.. salt and ............. shaper... i shoulda stayed home that day

[Cow Poke]

I remember the story (in seminary) of the young preacher who decided to be a BOLD baptist, and ask a woman to pray in church. (Not commonly done in Baptist Churches, you know)

Well, he knew it was going to be a watershed moment, and he knew he'd really rankle the ire of the church leadership, but he was determined he was gonna make history.

SO, when the appropriate time came, he stepped to the pulpit and looked RIGHT at Ms. Peabody, and boldly asked....

Ms. Praybody, would you please Pea?

[KingsGambit]

Thanks for the laughs. I needed them today.

[Cow Poke]

you betcha... and other things have come to mind that... um... i'm not sure how to say them here.