Funny Preacher Moments - or things I wish I could take back

[The Curtmudgeon]

Not funny at the time -- well, not to Grandfather or Mother, but probably a pretty big laugh to the rest of the congregation -- but Mom was at least able to laugh about it years later: When she was a teenager, sitting on the front pew in Grandfather's church (I think it was in Witchita Falls, but it doesn't really matter where) she was whispering to her friend sitting with her one Sunday. Grandfather interrupted his sermon to reprimand her right from the pulpit, by name!

The (Mom was "walking small" for quite a few Sundays after that) Curtmudgeon

[Cow Poke]

RADIO sermons!

I forgot about this one...

At one of my churches, we broadcast the morning service LIVE on the local radio station.

I used to do a "children's sermon" where I would sit down on the altar steps, and all the little kids would sit on the floor in front of me, and I would tell a story. Usually, I would have some kind of prop... a toy, a phoneless wire (as opposed to a wireless phone) or something to start off my talk.

One Sunday, I was talking about "bad stuff" that people get into, and i was going to use "drunkenness" as a topic. SO, I had torn an ad out of a magazine, and on this page was a nice big bottle of Jack Daniels Whiskey. I held it up to show the kids, and asked "anybody know what this is"?

And one of the Deacon's kids yelled out VERY CLEARLY (over live radio) "YEAH, that's BOOZE, and THAT's the kind my DAD drinks!"

I glanced up at his Dad sitting in the choir, a beautiful shade of red, and slowly sinking into his pew.

Out of the mouths of babes!

[The Curtmudgeon]

I keep waiting for something like that to happen to our pastor during his Children's Time, but it hasn't happened yet (while I've been there, but that's only two years so far).

His method: He has a bag shaped like a parrot, and one kid is given it each Sunday to bring back with stuff the next Sunday -- the only restriction that the pastor has placed on it is no live animals. It's not a big bag, but I've seen some kids stuff it full. Anyway, the pastor opens the bag, brings out everything the kid has brought, asks a few questions, and then builds a Bible-based lesson around them. He's really quite good at it -- he always brings it around to what the Bible teaches, and most often works some reference into learning to know Jesus as our saviour. (He's used to working with kids, though, since he also has a clown ministry that he's very active in -- it's fun to be able to tell people asking about my church that my pastor is a real clown! )

Of course, since the kid is choosing what items to bring from home, his parents probably have ample opportunity to veto anything they don't want showing up -- like one of Dad's "empties" or the like.

The (kids today just don't have any gumption about sneaking things past their parents) Curtmudgeon

[ApologiaPhoenix]

Ben Witherington put a link up once to a preacher preaching on John 10 about how thankful he was that nothing could snatch him out of satan's hand. He said it a number of times before he finally caught himself.

[Cow Poke]

It's funny the words you cannot say, and meanings change, so you have to stay on top of your game!

[Johnny MacManky]

you betcha... and other things have come to mind that... um... i'm not sure how to say them here.

Of course, if you think something might be borderline, you could PM it to a MOD (i.e. Me!) and, even if it's over the line, well, da mods'll get a laugh...

[Cow Poke]

Of course, if you think something might be borderline, you could PM it to a MOD (i.e. Me!) and, even if it's over the line, well, da mods'll get a laugh...

When I get a chance, I'll send you the story about the visiting Mexican Missionary girl who was expressing her love for our church, but she spoke no English... the translator seemed awfully embarrassed about something "in my groin"... but i won't go into that here!

But she DID, obviously, have a potato she cared for very much, until it became MORE obvious to the translator that Araceli was saying "father" instead of "potato". (papa) That's another story in itself. Araceli was from a part of Mexico (mosquito indians) where their Spanish is quite a bit different than "Spain" Spanish.

[lee_merrill]

The Dudley Girls (that would be my mom and her sisters) got called out from the pulpit once in their younger years.

Once when I was a lad, and should have been listening to the sermon, the preacher clapped his hands real loud, this gave me quite a start. My mom later, of the Dudley Girls fame, told me "Well, now, you should have been listening." I did take note!

Blessings,
Lee

[Cow Poke]

So, I'm in the middle of my sermon, and preaching my heart out, but OBVIOUSLY a mom is having trouble with her 4 year old about 3 rows from the front. I'm doing my best to ignore this, and keep preaching, when, perfectly timed to one of my "dramatic pauses", I heard this kid <yell/whisper> "OW, that HURT!". Apparently, mom had pinched his arm, attempting to get him settled down.

As he continued to fidget, she continued to try to control (Ain't it the truth that often the "controlling" is more distracting than the fidgeting) until she could take it no more. And, with quite the dramatic upsweep, she scooped the kid up and marched toward a side door. EVERYBODY was watching, including the preacher.

As she exited the door (or tried to) the little fella's hands caught the door frame and he managed to pull his head back into the auditorium enough to yell "Ya'll PRAY FOR ME!!!!!"

After the door closed, and the laughter subsided a bit, I bowed my head and closed my eyes and said, "Dear Lord, we ask mercy for little Robert, and wisdom for his momma, Amen".

Some more laughter, then, amazingly, I actually remembered where I was i my sermon, and "pressed on!"

[Pate]

Greg Boyd was leading the congregation in prayer after a sermon that was about the church as the bride of Christ. He got a bit excited as he applied the metaphor in the prayer but there was one particular line that he might have wanted to reword if given the chance. I don't remember the exact wording but it was something along the lines of "cut away from me everything that keeps me from being the perfect bride that you want to see in me". Might have given an "ouch" mental image for the male members of his church.

[draw2much]

Oh these stories are good! I wish I had something funny to add, but I don't! Please continue! :D

[Cow Poke]

Oh these stories are good! I wish I had something funny to add, but I don't! Please continue! :D

Linda was a middle aged lady who loved the Lord, and was very much involved with our ministries to the economically challenged. She came from a very dirt poor background, worked her way to financial stability in spite of a husband who was not interested in earning a living, to say the least.

Anyway, Linda was notorious for having a "hankie" in her hand - she used her hands when she talks, and that hankie was always waving. She dealt with a lot of emotional people, so when she would give a testimony at church, the hankie was ever present to mop up her tears.

Unknown to most, Linda kept a "backup" hankie tucked into her ... um... well... she kept it close to her heart. One day, she was introducing another lady to the church - a lady who worked in our "bread ministry", and this lady was telling about a Mexican family that had come in for bread, and left with the Bread of Life. A WONDERFUL story. As the lady was telling it, she got pretty emotional, and the tears began to flow.

As she was using her OWN hankie for her OWN tears, Linda decided to share her "backup" hankie with the sobbing lady. So, there, right in front of God and everybody, she starts peeking down her own blouse, reaching her own hand down into her own blouse, fishing for the backup hankie that she must have forgotten that day!

As the church watched these antics, Linda must have suddenly become aware that she was in the spotlight, and she just froze with that "deer in the headlights" look. Then, for reasons only God understands, she leans over to the microphone, and with her hand still down her own blouse, says loudly, clearly and sincerely....

"I know I had TWO when i came in here!"


NOTE: This, of COURSE, happened on a SUNDAY MORNING, and there was a "full house" WITH VISITORS!!!! (more evidence, I think, that God has a sense of humor)

[Johnny MacManky]

[Sparko]

there are way too many preachers on tweb.

[Littlejoe]

too funny!

LJ