Funny Preacher Moments - or things I wish I could take back

[Cow Poke]

Mrs. Smith (her real name) was a very nice older lady who was SHARP!
She was probably 75 or so, still drove, worked as a volunteer receptionist at our Church, and always seemed to be in a pretty good mood.
A real delight.

One day, several of us (Staff members, a couple of deacons and several members) were having coffee at the church, and Mrs. Smith came in looking a bit flustered, and a bruise on her left cheek. My secretary exclaimed, "Mrs Smith - what HAPPENED... are you alright??!?!"

Mrs. Smith launched into a story about a mixup at the mall, where she had been accosted by some young thug who tried to get her purse. She explained that she had just cashed her social security check, and was not ABOUT to give up her cash and rings and personal things.

She began to tell how she fought back, but her assailant was persistent, and she kept whacking him with her cane and making her way to her car while he tried tugging and grabbing at her purse. The whole room was spellbound by her story, as she described how she finally made it to her car, and pushed the keyfob button to unlock her door, still whacking him with her cane.

Obviously, we threw questions - wasn't anybody around? Did you push the panic button on your keyfob.... but she continued her story of defending herself against this young thug.

She finally managed to get herself into her car, and was kicking at the face of her assailant as she was trying to get the car door closed so she could lock it. "I was determined" she said "that I was not going to be beaten in that parking lot by some young punk, so I continued to battle, and I was IN MY CAR, and he had a hold of my left leg, and he kept pulling on it like he wanted to get me out of the car..."

My secretary, breathless, said, "so you got away, Mrs. Smith?"

And she smiled and said, "well, yeah, but he pulled my leg for quite some time just like I'm pulling yours".

My secretary actually threw her donut at Mrs. Smith! We all cracked up.. it was a great laugh.

Later, Mrs. Smith said "I thought it would be a lot more fun than telling you I tripped over my bath mat and smacked my face on my toilet"

[JB]

[fm93]

Say...I could have sworn I read a similar story in the Laughter section of an issue of Reader's Digest. In the RD story, it's worded as "Mom", where you said Linda.

Unfortunately, I don't remember which issue of RD it was, nor do I remember the name or town of the person who submitted it, but it would be pretty cool if those stories are of the same account.

[Cow Poke]

In order to understand this, you'd have to know some background.

Whenever we have meetings at Church - committee meetings, deacon meetings, business meetings - it's traditional for somebody to "open in prayer", then, at the conclusion of the meeting, to "close in prayer". Simple concept. Whoever is "in charge" of the meeting, or called the meeting, usually requests another member to "open in prayer".

We had an older deacon - a wonderful guy - who was pretty much "stone deaf". Whenever we had a meeting that included - I'll call him Bob - I would make sure that I ended up sitting near him, and speak loudly and clearly so he could hear. He was a really nice old fella, but I knew he missed out on a lot. Bob's deafness was legendary.

One day, I needed to have a special meeting with the deacons right after morning service. There was a particularly sensitive issue I needed to discuss with them regarding an alleged child molester. (Whole 'nuther story) ANYWAY, we stepped into a Sunday School Room at the back of the main auditorium, and there's a main hallway that runs by there. We all (7 of us) sat around a table.

I wanted to make sure Bob could hear me, but I didn't want people in the hall to hear, so I looked directly at Bob, and NOT using my usual "overly loud" voice, I very clearly and distinctly (but in a somewhat quite voice) said, "Bob, if I don't talk loud, can you hear me OK?" Bob immediately nodded then bowed his head and began to pray "Dear Lord, bless this meeting, and give us wisdom...."

Obviously Bob hadn't heard a word I said! The chairman of deacons was seated next to me, and I could feel his body convulsing as he tried to hide his giggling... You had to been there! When Bob got done praying, the deacon chair and I traded seats so I would be right next to Bob. (we obviously got our answer)

[Sparko]

In order to understand this, you'd have to know some background.

Whenever we have meetings at Church - committee meetings, deacon meetings, business meetings - it's traditional for somebody to "open in prayer", then, at the conclusion of the meeting, to "close in prayer". Simple concept. Whoever is "in charge" of the meeting, or called the meeting, usually requests another member to "open in prayer".

We had an older deacon - a wonderful guy - who was pretty much "stone deaf". Whenever we had a meeting that included - I'll call him Bob - I would make sure that I ended up sitting near him, and speak loudly and clearly so he could hear. He was a really nice old fella, but I knew he missed out on a lot. Bob's deafness was legendary.

One day, I needed to have a special meeting with the deacons right after morning service. There was a particularly sensitive issue I needed to discuss with them regarding an alleged child molester. (Whole 'nuther story) ANYWAY, we stepped into a Sunday School Room at the back of the main auditorium, and there's a main hallway that runs by there. We all (7 of us) sat around a table.

I wanted to make sure Bob could hear me, but I didn't want people in the hall to hear, so I looked directly at Bob, and NOT using my usual "overly loud" voice, I very clearly and distinctly (but in a somewhat quite voice) said, "Bob, if I don't talk loud, can you hear me OK?" Bob immediately nodded then bowed his head and began to pray "Dear Lord, bless this meeting, and give us wisdom...."

Obviously Bob hadn't heard a word I said! The chairman of deacons was seated next to me, and I could feel his body convulsing as he tried to hide his giggling... You had to been there! When Bob got done praying, the deacon chair and I traded seats so I would be right next to Bob. (we obviously got our answer)

Eh?

[Cow Poke]

Eh?

I've had SO much fun working with Senior Adults.. . now I ARE one!!! (say WHAT?)

[Johnny MacManky]

I've had SO much fun working with Senior Adults.. . now I ARE one!!! (say WHAT?)

I'll grant the "senior", but adults ain't somefink we often find on tWeeb.

[Cow Poke]

I'll grant the "senior", but adults ain't somefink we often find on tWeeb.

Well, yeah, there's that....

[Johnny MacManky]

This ain't funny, like CP's stories, more a moral of humility. Last night I was reading a buke and it told of a chap who 'came to Christ' later in life. He'd often be asked awkward questions by his previous buddies in sin. He sought out an old fella in the church he attended who gave him all the answers. He told his mates "there's an old fella in the church called Fred. He knows all about that stuff.

Of course, this Fred wasn't just any "old fella". He was (the late) Frederick Fyvie Bruce!

[Cow Poke]

The same Mrs Smith (her real name ) in (http://www.theologyweb.com/campus/sh...0&postcount=31) was a real hoot. She was one of our volunteer receptionists, and worked on Tuesdays. One day, she was leaving the office, and I walked her to the door. We stood there chatting a bit, and she said her goodbyes and turned to leave.

As she was stepping out the door (remember, she's in her late 60's early 70's at this time) I said to her, "Well, Have a nice day". She stopped dead in her tracks, turned slowly around to face me, put her bony little finger right in my face, and in a very scary mean looking voice, said "young man, Don't you tell ME what kind of day to have"!

I was stunned - didn't know what to say. Then she started laughing and said "GOTCHA".

[truthman]

I used to preach at the nursing home on Sunday afternoons after I'd finish at church on Sunday morning.

One Sunday, after I had only preached in that environment a couple times, I was leading the ladies in hymns. Now, you have to know that I'm not musical at all, and neither is my wife, so even though there was a piano there, it collected dust on my Sunday to preach.

Anyways, I led hymns in acapella. I don't have a great voice, but we get by. Well, I always took my family with me, I believe they should partake in my ministry. Well, during one song, my 2 year old somehow got her hands on a pair of sunglasses and was sitting in the back row, but slightly out of view of my wife. My precious little girl had these sunglasses on and was making fishy faces at me. So, while I'm trying to sing At the Cross, I kept breaking into one of those half laughs. You know the kind, where you're about to laugh but you have just enough strength to hold it in.

Well the ladies thought different. They thought I was getting emotional and maybe about to cry because of the lyrics. I could tell this because they started to show a little emotion too.

I never broke out in a full laugh and pulled through it somehow. I was sweatin', let me tell you!

[Sparko]

i did a half laugh just reading that.