The Hardest thing I've ever done as a Pastor - Part III / Final

[Cow Poke]

(continued)

The Chaplain and I talked as we rode along. As we pulled up over an overpass, I looked back to see police flashers lined up behind us as far as the eye could see. As we arrived at the cemetery, the funeral director met us. He told us that the “tail end” of the procession had not even left the Church yet. If you have never been to a military or police funeral, you have really missed something. The Texas DPS Honor Guard had arrived, and was forming up near the rear of the hearse. It was beginning to hit me – I would never see Blake again in this life. Then it hit me even harder… Jenny would never see Blake again in this life.

The vehicles carrying the families were a arriving, and there was my little red-headed kid. It had never crossed my mind that my little piano player would be a widow before she was 25 years old. The Sheriff approached, and we moved toward the Honor Guard as the funeral director opened the door of the hearse. The “honor wall” – two rows of police officers – was now several officers deep on both sides of the path from the hearse to the gravesite. I took a deep breath… a bagpipe began playing Amazing Grace.

It was time.

Uniformed officers and first responders were still forming up, and the Sheriff stopped just for a moment. I stopped too, and looked at him.. he was looking eye to eye at me, and I knew he had something to say.
He swallowed, then said, “I’d like you to say something for me at the graveside”. I said, “Sheriff, why don’t you stand with me, and you can say it yourself.” (I remembered his “inspirational” speech to the family prior to the funeral, and immediately wondered if that was a good idea (by now, you should be getting the message that I REALLY like this guy!)) He looked at the ground, and said, “naw, I’d really like you to say it for me.” I agreed, and the Sheriff gave me the message he wanted shared with those assembled. I agreed I would pass it on.

I, along with the Chaplain, moved to the spot where I would stand at the head of the casket. The honor guard was preparing to place the casket on the lowering mechanism. With military precision, and slow measured moves, they lowered the casket onto the stand, then stood to attention. Again, the slow-motion salute, raising their arms, index finger of their white gloved hand to the brim of their covers, hold for 3 seconds, lowered back to “attention”, then the calm quiet “facing” command, as they moved off to a 45 degree angle from the foot of the casket. It was now my turn to speak.

My “graveside” services are usually pretty short. I love to read, on an occasion such as this, where the departed is known to be a Christian, that portion of the Revelation - Chapter 21, with my own comments interspersed…


And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away; and there was no more sea. 2 And I John saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. [Have you ever seen an ugly bride? If EVER a girl looks pretty, this is the picture – a best of times – and it was just 34 days ago when this young woman (motioning to my daughter) stood before God and the assembled witnesses, and promised to love Blake even unto death… and she did] 3 And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God. [God did not assign an angel, or a representative or an ambassador – the Scripture clearly tells us that “God himself” – personally… remember that as we continue reading] 4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

I continued my comments about Blake knowing Jesus, and that Blake knew he would be with Jesus when he died… that this casket did not contain Blake, but only his tired worn cancer-ridden body.

I asked the chaplain to lead us in prayer, which he did. Then it was time for me to deliver the message the Sheriff had conveyed to me.

I stood firm, and in my former-police-officer-voice-of-authority, announced so everybody, even at the rear echelon, could hear… “Ladies and gentlemen, Sheriff J_______ has asked me to convey a message to all Officers and First Responders…” And I swallowed hard, because a lump was forming in my throat. But the lump didn’t “go down”… and I tried to swallow again, but literally could not speak. All eyes were on me awaiting “the message”. Finally, after what seemed to me like MINUTES... I managed to swallow, and I called out the simple message in a not so steady voice…

Blake has got your back!

(Please note that the “order of events” may not have happened exactly in this order – I’m having a hard time remembering exactly what happened when, but I assure you, they happened like this)

MY part of the graveside service now concluded, I stepped back to allow the honor guard to enter, but they stood fast. Before I knew what was happening, I heard a police radio squawk loudly to life, and I heard “208, Brenham”. Wow, I thought, some poor fool forgot to turn off his radio! But all officers stood firm, and it HIT me.. this is NOT a goof… this is part of the service. After a few seconds, the radio squawked loudly once more, “208, Brenham”. Again, it hit me – 208 was Blake’s “unit number” – they were calling him to duty! It was no longer possible to hold back the tears… (I glanced over at Jenny, and she too, was weeping, along with many others standing around, incuding the Sheriff)… and a third time, “208, Brenham…” and a brief pause, then “Brenham, 208 is 10-7, 10-42” (followed by the station’s call sign) Then, one last time, the radio squawked to life with a single “alert tone” – sounded when an Officer fails to answer his radio call.

Interpretation – Brenham Dispatch was calling Blake to duty, Blake was not answering… 10-7, Blake is out of service – 10-42, he is no longer available for calls. Brenham Unit # 208 will never again answer a radio call on this planet.

The honor guard snapped to alert, and slowly and methodically took up positions around the casket. Unnoticed by me, the firing party had formed up behind me, and their commander began to order his men (I don’t remember the exact commands) to come to attention, aim, fire … ready, aim, fire… ready, aim, fire… seven officers firing 3 volleys for the 21 gun salute. This honor, and some of the things that happened at the funeral, are typically reserved for an officer who died in the line of duty, but the Sheriff had simply said, “if he coulda, he woulda”, so full honors were extended. After the gun salute, a bugler off in the distance began playing taps, and the words (did you know “taps” has words?) ran through my mind…

Day is done,
gone the sun,
From the hills,
from the lake,
From the skies.
All is well,
safely rest,
God is nigh.

As “taps” was fading into the cool afternoon breeze, the Sheriff Department’s helicopter appeared from over the hill, flying straight and level toward our position. Just short of arrival, it took a decided change of course, high and to the right… a “police” version of the military “missing man formation”. I thought about the picture I have of Blake in my office – sitting in the “ride-along” spot in that very helicopter, aviation headphones over his ears and a broad smile on his face. He truly loved his job.

The NCOIC of the Honor Guard began softly speaking his commands, took a place across the casket from my daughter in a “flag folding inspection” stance, and one officer took his place at the head of the casket, another at the foot, and the other three officers formed up on a 45 degree line off the foot of the casket.

The flag folding began, as the NCOIC began reciting the “13 folds of the flag” – the officers folding the flag moved in unison with the progress of the recitation…

The first fold of our Flag is a symbol of life.

The second fold is a symbol of our belief in eternal life.

The third fold is made in honor and remembrance of the
veterans departing our ranks who gave a portion of
their lives for the defense of our
country to attain peace throughout the world.

The fourth fold represents our weaker nature, for as
American citizens trusting, it is to Him we turn in
times of peace as well as in time of war for His
divine guidance.

The fifth fold is a tribute to our country, for in the
words of Stephen Decatur, "Our Country, in dealing
with other countries may she always be right; but it
is still our country, right or wrong."

The sixth fold is for where our hearts lie. It is
with our heart that we pledge allegiance to the Flag
of the United States of America, and to the
Republic for which it stands, one Nation under God,
indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

The seventh fold is a tribute to our Armed Forces, for
it is through the Armed Forces that we protect our
country and our flag against all her enemies, whether
they be found within or without the boundaries of our
Republic.

The eighth fold is a tribute to the one who entered
into the valley of the shadow of death, that we might
see the light of day, and to honor mother, for whom it
flies on Mother's Day.

The ninth fold is a tribute to womanhood; for it has
been through their faith, their love, loyalty and
devotion that the character of the men and women who
have made this country great has been molded.

The tenth fold is a tribute to the father, for he,
too, has given his sons and daughters for the defense
of our country since they were first born.

The eleventh fold, in the eyes of a Hebrew citizen
represents the lower portion of the seal of King David
and King Solomon, and glorifies in their eyes, the God
of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

The twelfth fold, in the eyes of a Christian citizen,
represents an emblem of eternity and glorifies, in
their eyes, God the Father, the Son and Holy Spirit.

When the Flag is completely folded, the stars are
uppermost reminding us of our Nation's motto, "In God
We Trust."

(A pause as the flag is tucked and inspected and is in a perfect triangle presentation state) The NCOIC resumes...

After the Flag is completely folded and
tucked in, it takes on the appearance of a cocked hat,
ever reminding us of the soldiers who served under
General George Washington, and the Sailors and Marines
who served under Captain John Paul Jones, who were
followed by their comrades and shipmates in the Armed
Forces of the United States, preserving for us the
rights, privileges, and freedoms we enjoy today.

At this point, the officer who has possession of the flag (as you can imagine, the two officers, because of the decreasing length of the folding flag, are now face to face) holds it to his bosom, stands smartly to attention, and the other officer does the now familiar “slow motion salute” to the flag. The officer who saluted now extends his hands to receive the flag, and holds it to receive a salute from the officer formerly holding the flag. A smart about-face, and the flag is presented to the Commander of the Honor Guard, who, in turn, kneels before the little red-headed kid, and presents her the triangular folded symbol of our Nation, repeating words I did not hear, but assume along the lines “On behalf of a grateful Nation…. “ Jenny receives the flag, and the Commander stands to, and salutes, then turns and assembles his Honor Guard to retreat from the scene. The distinctive drone of the bagpipes spools up and “Amazing Grace” bursts into the afternoon air. Absolutely Amazing. And What GRACE!

It’s over.

I step to the coffin, and remove the carnation from my lapel, placing it on the coffin. I pause just a moment to think, then turn to console the family. The Chaplain, Sheriff, and others begin placing their carnations on the casket. Jenny, tears running down her cheeks, is nonetheless firm and full of resolve – she knows where Blake really is.

The NCOIC calls all officers to attention, then officially dismisses them, and they “fall out” to mingle with family and guests, then to return to their families and jobs.




Jenny is doing GREAT. This all happened several years ago, and Jenny has since remarried. Another Sheriff’s Deputy who was a very good friend of Blake’s. It’s good! He understands she will always love Blake, but “that chapter is over”. They bought a home, she works as “the number two” person at a local bank, and is hoping to have a baby sometime soon! (Some complications there, because she had had a heart condition all her life (paroxysmal atrial tachycardia - PAT) and the medication she was using was not conducive to pregnancy. SINCE then, she has had a heart surgery procedure and no longer needs the medication. I’m proud of Jenny – through all of this, she trusted God, and never lost hope.

At THIS SITE you can see a tribute to Blake, along with another officer. The "other officer", a best friend of Blake's, was killed a year later. Note that Blake and Don were both hired same day.

[Longstreet]

These posts have been wonderful Eagle Pup.

For some reason I am reminded of the Ricky Skaggs song "Seven Hills", about the struggles of a pastor as he prepares to preach seven different funerals.

My heart goes out to those of you who must preach the funerals of those close to you.

[Cow Poke]

These posts have been wonderful Eagle Pup.

For some reason I am reminded of the Ricky Skaggs song "Seven Hills", about the struggles of a pastor as he prepares to preach seven different funerals.

My heart goes out to those of you who must preach the funerals of those close to you.

I love Ricky! I'm aware of his "Go lay high on that mountain" or something like that.. but I'll have to check out "Seven Hills"

Thanks.

[eudyptes]

....thank you for sharing...very touching...

[The Curtmudgeon]

I asked the chaplain to lead us in prayer, which he did. Then it was time for me to deliver the message the Sheriff had conveyed to me.

I stood firm, and in my former-police-officer-voice-of-authority, announced so everybody, even at the rear echelon, could hear… “Ladies and gentlemen, Sheriff J_______ has asked me to convey a message to all Officers and First Responders…” And I swallowed hard, because a lump was forming in my throat. But the lump didn’t “go down”… and I tried to swallow again, but literally could not speak. All eyes were on me awaiting “the message”. Finally, after what seemed to me like MINUTES... I managed to swallow, and I called out the simple message in a not so steady voice…

Blake has got your back!

... MY part of the graveside service now concluded, I stepped back to allow the honor guard to enter, but they stood fast. Before I knew what was happening, I heard a police radio squawk loudly to life, and I heard “208, Brenham”. Wow, I thought, some poor fool forgot to turn off his radio! But all officers stood firm, and it HIT me.. this is NOT a goof… this is part of the service. After a few seconds, the radio squawked loudly once more, “208, Brenham”. Again, it hit me – 208 was Blake’s “unit number” – they were calling him to duty! It was no longer possible to hold back the tears… (I glanced over at Jenny, and she too, was weeping, along with many others standing around, incuding the Sheriff)… and a third time, “208, Brenham…” and a brief pause, then “Brenham, 208 is 10-7, 10-42” (followed by the station’s call sign) Then, one last time, the radio squawked to life with a single “alert tone” – sounded when an Officer fails to answer his radio call.

Interpretation – Brenham Dispatch was calling Blake to duty, Blake was not answering… 10-7, Blake is out of service – 10-42, he is no longer available for calls. Brenham Unit # 208 will never again answer a radio call on this planet.

Dadgum it, Pup, you've got me in tears, and I don't even know you people!

The (I'll have to read the rest of this later -- and I'm not kidding) Curtmudgeon

[Cow Poke]

Dadgum it, Pup, you've got me in tears, and I don't even know you people!

The (I'll have to read the rest of this later -- and I'm not kidding) Curtmudgeon

I'm a crusty old codger, Mudge, but you shoulda seen me snifflin and snottin' when i was writing it.
Thanks for your comments.

[robin]

Reading through all 3 threads on my lunch time at work, trying very hard not to start crying in front of all my colleagues...

Very sobering

[Cow Poke]

Reading through all 3 threads on my lunch time at work, trying very hard not to start crying in front of all my colleagues...

Very sobering

Thanks, Robin...
I almost forgot about those threads.

[Cow Poke]

UPDATE on Jenny... NEW news!!! (is that why they call it news, because it's new????)

Through all of this, Jenny has been interested in the medical profession.
She earned a BA in Criminal Justice, thinking she wanted to be in law enforcement (like her dad, husband, etc.) but that never seemed to pan out.

She had started a part time job 11 years ago with a local Credit Union, and has risen through the ranks to full time / head cashier / trainer, etc... and is being groomed to be branch manager.

MEANWHILE, she had applied for nursing school at a local college. She didn't get accepted, so she figured that "door was closed".

Then, Suddenly and without Warning!!!! she got a call from the college advising her that she was "first alternate" and a vacancy had opened up, but she only had TWO WEEKS to quit her job, make other arrangements, get all her ducks in a row and START NURSING SCHOOL!

This was quite a conundrum for her, as it would put her workplace in a bind if she suddenly quit, create a financial hardship for herself and husband, etc.... and, naturally, she called "dear old dad" for advice. I told her she needs to follow her dream. She'd have to sell a car, cut back on expenses, maybe find an evening job.. lots of "things to do", but you only have one life to live!

She was scared to death to talk to her boss, but I promised her that would be OK, and the worst thing that would happen is that they fire her, which frees her up to go to school!

As you might have guessed, when she talked to her boss, her boss was THRILLED that Jenny was pursuing her dream, and was very encouraging. I had even suggested that MAYBE her credit union would allow Jenny to continue on part time to do "daily close" after school, and work Saturdays. Guess what - her boss made that suggestion to Jenny! (It HURTS to be this smart!!!!)

Her husband managed to sell a motorcycle* he had recently purchased without losing his shirt, they have a buyer for a car that's fancier than they need - they're figuring out ways to scale back and make things work. For TEN MONTHS, they'll be on a really tight budget, and "Ol' dad" will probably have to kick in some assistance, but Jenny is SO excited about the possibility of working in the medical profession as a nurse, and, who knows where from there!

As sad as the whole episode with Blake's death, and Jenny's loss, etc. was... the fact is that Jenny nursed Blake through painful and slow death, and got to see "first hand" what she's up against. Her experience with Blake - dressing wounds, administering pain medication, etc - really put the desire in her heart to "minister to people" in the medical field.

*Interesting how God works.. her hubby HAD TO HAVE this fancy motorcycle, but then his job on the police department became .. .you guessed it - motorcycle cop - with the department providing a brand new police issue motorcycle. Her hubby says, "after riding a bike 60 hours a week, the LAST thing I want to do is hop on a motorcycle on the weekend". So he gladly gave up his "personal" motorcycle, and actually found somebody willing to pay what it was worth in this challenging economy!!!

[The Curtmudgeon]

It's wonderful and strange how God chooses to work in our lives sometimes, CP. Tell Jenny we're all rooting for her in her new challenge.

The (even if she doesn't know us) Curtmudgeon

[Cow Poke]

It's wonderful and strange how God chooses to work in our lives sometimes, CP. Tell Jenny we're all rooting for her in her new challenge.

The (even if she doesn't know us) Curtmudgeon

She actually knows that "some weird guy from the internet" came and stayed at our house, so she knows at least ONE of you is REAL!!!!

The (not saying which one I'm referencing) Country Preacher

But, yes, I'll pass that on!

[Jaltus]

That sounds wonderful. They will be in our prayers.

[The Curtmudgeon]

She actually knows that "some weird guy from the internet" came and stayed at our house, so she knows at least ONE of you is REAL!!!!

The () Curtmudgeon

[Cow Poke]

The () Curtmudgeon

She has her scrubs, books, lab assignments, and starts school on Monday! She's as excited as a kindergartner on her first day of kiddiegarten.

Thanks all, for your prayers.

The (wishes he could go to work in his jammies) Country Preacher

[Cow Poke]

Update - in case anybody cares.

Jenny has finished Nursing School, and is a practicing nurse in a Hospital and LOVES it.
She is married to a Police Officer, and is doing well.