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Thread: Warped perceptions

  1. #1
    Professor Zymologist's Avatar
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    Warped perceptions

    I've posed about this before, roughly, but I think I've made a little bit of progress lately, and so might be capable of a little more...objectivity (?) than I have been. Objectivity with respect to me and my messed-up head.

    I have a weird personality. For as long as I can remember, I've had trouble fitting in. Anywhere. It is very difficult for me to feel a sense of belonging, in any context. It takes time--sometimes a great deal of it--and patience (from me and others).

    One way this manifests itself is in my extreme difficulty with discussing controversial things with other people. It's really easy for me to jump to the conclusion that somebody is being dismissive of me. I see dismissiveness almost everywhere, in most topics. Particularly online--the internet seems to exacerbate it, although it's present in person as well.

    So this is me, trying to be detached and clinical about myself, or as near as I can be. I know that my perceptions are messed up, and have been for a long time...but I'm not sure what to do about it. Trying to overcome that feeling of dismissal/contempt (fill in the blank) by tackling it head-on doesn't work for me. All it does is create a bunch of anxiety, which I don't need, and then I just back out for the peace of mind.

    So, when are people actually being dismissive of me, and what do I do when I'm pretty sure they aren't, but the feeling is still there (and quite strong, at that)? No doubt people are dismissive and contemptuous, especially on the internet, but I'm pretty sure that it doesn't happen as often as I perceive it to. To date, the only workable solution has been to avoid it as best I can--hence my prior posts in here about my personality disorder. I do have avoidant personality disorder, I'm quite sure, but I'm also quite sure that it's learned behavior that I've drilled into myself. Well, I want to drill it out now.
    Hofstadter's Law: It will always take longer than you expect, even if you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

    "Metal is an apple--everything's good but the core."

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    tWebber robrecht's Avatar
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    Good for you. The Internet is probably (read: definitely) not the best place to work out these perception issues, but I will do the best I can and I'm sure others will too.
    βλέπομεν γὰρ ἄρτι δι᾿ ἐσόπτρου ἐν αἰνίγματι, τότε δὲ πρόσωπον πρὸς πρόσωπον
    ἄρτι γινώσκω ἐκ μέρους, τότε δὲ ἐπιγνώσομαι καθὼς καὶ ἐπεγνώσθην.

    אָכֵ֕ן אַתָּ֖ה אֵ֣ל מִסְתַּתֵּ֑ר אֱלֹהֵ֥י יִשְׂרָאֵ֖ל מוֹשִֽׁיעַ׃

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    tWebber Carrikature's Avatar
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    My suggestion? Take a handful of people you're willing to work with here. Make it people you're already inclined to give the benefit of the doubt. Have some discussions with those select few, either via PM or a thread limited to participants you allow. Make it clear from the get go that this is an issue. Remind yourself to continue giving them the benefit of the doubt. Tell them outright when you feel like they're being dismissive. Let them clarify and help you learn how to read their words differently. If you participate in other threads, limit your interaction to those people you trust as much as possible.

    If this is learned behavior, then I suspect changing the associations you have with words or phrases is part of undoing it. The only way to do that, afaik, is to make new associations.
    I'm not here anymore.

  4. Amen Cerebrum123 amen'd this post.
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    Professor Zymologist's Avatar
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    I think that's good advice, from both of you.

    Honestly, I've wondered if I should even post here anymore. At the very least, maybe I should avoid the serious areas altogether, and concern myself with my interactions IRL. I haven't decided what I'm going to do there.
    Hofstadter's Law: It will always take longer than you expect, even if you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

    "Metal is an apple--everything's good but the core."

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    Professor Zymologist's Avatar
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    I post this also because it might help other posters understand my thinking, on those occasions when I post something weird/antagonistic.
    Hofstadter's Law: It will always take longer than you expect, even if you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

    "Metal is an apple--everything's good but the core."

  7. Amen Carrikature amen'd this post.
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    tWebber 37818's Avatar
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    There is a book which can give you the tools to discuss anything (I think) with most anyone. (There are the exceptions and they wouldn't be you.)

    Tactics by Gregory koukl.
    . . . the Gospel of Christ, for it is [the] power of God to salvation to every [one] believing, . . . -- Romans 1:16.

    . . . that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures; And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures: . . . -- 1 Corinthians 15:3, 4.

    Whosoever believeth that Jesus is the Christ is born of God: . . . -- 1 John 5:1.

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    tWebber Carrikature's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zymologist View Post
    I think that's good advice, from both of you.

    Honestly, I've wondered if I should even post here anymore. At the very least, maybe I should avoid the serious areas altogether, and concern myself with my interactions IRL. I haven't decided what I'm going to do there.
    At least avoid Civics.
    I'm not here anymore.

  10. Amen Cerebrum123 amen'd this post.
  11. #8
    Professor Zymologist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Carrikature View Post
    At least avoid Civics.
    Probably good advice.
    Hofstadter's Law: It will always take longer than you expect, even if you take into account Hofstadter's Law.

    "Metal is an apple--everything's good but the core."

  12. #9
    Troll Magnet Sparko's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zymologist View Post
    I've posed about this before, roughly, but I think I've made a little bit of progress lately, and so might be capable of a little more...objectivity (?) than I have been. Objectivity with respect to me and my messed-up head.

    I have a weird personality. For as long as I can remember, I've had trouble fitting in. Anywhere. It is very difficult for me to feel a sense of belonging, in any context. It takes time--sometimes a great deal of it--and patience (from me and others).

    One way this manifests itself is in my extreme difficulty with discussing controversial things with other people. It's really easy for me to jump to the conclusion that somebody is being dismissive of me. I see dismissiveness almost everywhere, in most topics. Particularly online--the internet seems to exacerbate it, although it's present in person as well.

    So this is me, trying to be detached and clinical about myself, or as near as I can be. I know that my perceptions are messed up, and have been for a long time...but I'm not sure what to do about it. Trying to overcome that feeling of dismissal/contempt (fill in the blank) by tackling it head-on doesn't work for me. All it does is create a bunch of anxiety, which I don't need, and then I just back out for the peace of mind.

    So, when are people actually being dismissive of me, and what do I do when I'm pretty sure they aren't, but the feeling is still there (and quite strong, at that)? No doubt people are dismissive and contemptuous, especially on the internet, but I'm pretty sure that it doesn't happen as often as I perceive it to. To date, the only workable solution has been to avoid it as best I can--hence my prior posts in here about my personality disorder. I do have avoidant personality disorder, I'm quite sure, but I'm also quite sure that it's learned behavior that I've drilled into myself. Well, I want to drill it out now.
    You gotta change your perception of those others. They may well be dismissive of you. But so what? They are morons! Their opinion doesn't count!

    Do you think I give a flying flip if Tassman, JimL, Starlight, Shunya, Jaecp, etc are dismissive of me? Not for a second. I don't care what they think of me. They don't know me. They are mostly a pack of brainwashed idiots who all sound so much alike it is hard to tell who posted what. Are they dismissive of me? Yep. Do I care? Nope. It only bothers me when someone who's opinion of me matters is dismissive of me. Then it does hurt. But usually only until they explain themselves after I ask. Then it resolves itself. Either I shape up, or they apologize, depending if they were right or not.

    And nobody that you care about here on tweb, your fellow Christians and friends, are dismissive of you, or think you have messed up in any way. As far as the rest of tweb, they are either innocently disagreeing with you (this is a debate site) or if they are personal, then they are idjuts and you can ignore them.

  13. Amen Jedidiah, 37818, Cerebrum123 amen'd this post.
  14. #10
    Professor Catholicity's Avatar
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    Zym, I don't really fit in myself. Not here in Missouri, not in the midwest. in the Southern States where I'm from you can walk into grocery store, have a conversation and by the end you've exchanged phone numbers, emails, or facebook info. Its really easy to make connections out there whether you live in a large metro or a small town. And boy do I miss it. Here? I walk into a store and the only people I can talk to are the elderly. I've come to just avoid situations that aren't familiar to me which some would say is "avoidant" I have no idea how to socialize with anyone. People keep telling me you have to find your tribe. and I don't even know how. so I guess I'm saying that I get it and I understand what your going through. I'll be praying for you.
    A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
    George Bernard Shaw

  15. Amen Zymologist amen'd this post.

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