And for TheWall, I agree about abstinence. We need more in fact than just "The Bible says." We need a whole Bibilcal worldview so we can see how it fits together. I also agree casual sex is an oxymoron. Sex is far more serious than that and people who speak about that downplay it.
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I agree that we should...and it's probably the PRIMARY reason I'm still married...without that, my wife and I would probably called it quits years ago.
Originally Posted by Apologiaphoenix
Agreed, selfishness/self-centeredness are at the forefront of the issue, and IMO, have become the new norm...but, just because you recognize the issue, doesn't mean that others do. I submit it is the issue in many marriages today, both in the church and in the world. You are employing the correct method, to continue to put your best foot forward, to build and elicit attraction both to and from your wife, but so many fail to see that it's something THEY should do. I also think the concept of what it is to be a man has changed...and not always for the better. The idea of partnership in marriage has been taken too far in many households with men subjugating themselves to their wives such that they relinquish their God designed leadership role. I truly believe that MOST women do not really want to be the ultimate leader in their household...and because God designed it that way, when the roles become reversed, because men refuse to accept their calling as the Head of the Household, their wives lose respect and attraction to them. In our house we call the power structure the Captain and First Officer model. I am the Captain, and my wife is my First Officer. She is absolutely trusted to make all manner of decisions independently, but, I have the last say, and I make the hard calls that she does not want to or have the desire to make. She also has the right and duty as a First Officer to point to potential issues that need to be addressed or to offer alternate solutions for me to consider (esp. when she thinks I may have missed important data). It's a mindset that seems to be getting lost in today's society. Women are certainly capable to be a Captain, and many ARE by default, but a great many of these do not WANT it to be that way. A Captain takes an active role in governing his house, delegating where and when necessary, but active non the less.
The problem is that we've become so self-centered that we use that to our advantage. I think there's sadly a great tendency to take someone for granted. I don't understand the statement "I'm married, so I don't have to be attractive." I keep wanting to put my best foot forward. I do not have to have a spouse. She should keep loving me and such, but I should not take it for granted. I would say it's like someone who believes in eternal security. I don't, but if you do, that doesn't mean you say "Hey, I'm saved so I can sin all I want to." Instead, I try to live with great thankfulness. God didn't have to give me a wife but he did. Everything I try to have always be new. The privileges of having a spouse are not to be taken for granted.
"It is no sin to doubt some things but it may be fatal to believe everything." - A.W. Tozer
"... there are two parties in Washington, the stupid party and the evil party, who occasionally get together and do something both stupid and evil, and this is called bipartisanship." - Everett Dirksen
I agree with this. I also think the self-centeredness is part of our culture today in that we look at everyone else as a way to meet our needs. Why not our spouse? Many men stay with their women just because "Well, I need sex." There's no real love. It's my thinking that the sex was designed to build the love between the husband and the wife and make them more motivated to please the other. In other words, an incentive to be less self-centered that we all needed. We've reached an age of individualism though where it's easy to be self-centered.
Originally Posted by Littlejoe
Of course, this doesn't mean I'm never self-centered with Allie. There are many times that I am. Marriage continually makes one die to the flesh. I like to tell people something I heard long ago also. When you have difficulties in marriage, it's God putting a big mirror up in front of you and saying "This is what you are really like!"
Honestly as an unmarried younger guy my perspective is the odd one out. Yet really lots of internal exist between our perspectives.
Lots of folks in my generation see mirage as a trap. Me I saw it as a contract of sorts. I witnessed some nasty divorces. I don't think that things like romance and such are dead, rather I think with the insanity of modern politics, the stereotyping of sexuality both male and female, fear of rejection, and the like make the problem.