Should two dating christians kiss?

[jimmybob479]

Hey everyone! I've been a member on here for about 4 years, posting quite a bit but calmed down a bit after starting college. I remember all the bright intelligent minds, so I came back here for a little theological help!

My girlfriend and I are both Christians, but I'm struggling with the idea of whether or not kissing is wrong. We both know that inappropriate physical touch, premarital sex, etc, is not anything we want to do. However, in my mind the "passionate kissing" you see in movies also is wrong. On one hand, i'm torn because I know she likes to kiss, but on the other I can't whole-heartily do it if I feel like it somehow is lust or sexually wrong. I almost want to not kiss, so that when we are married I don't have to stop myself in any way. Don't get me wrong, we don't have any issue at all yet, we've only been dating 5 months, but my fear is if we start kissing a lot its going to be difficult in a year or so to not go any farther perhaps. My sister and her husband didn't kiss precisely for this reason, but they only dated 5 months before marriage. I still have a year and a half left of college, so that isnt an option although marriage is definitely where we're headed I believe.

So, in summary:
Can I not have gult and kiss my girlfriend knowing i'm not sexually sinning by not treating her has a "sister in christ", or is it better to wait until marriage as to not ignite the flames or lust and desire? Or is it truly dependent upon the situation, and only we can decide if things are getting too fast, too hard to say no, etc?

biblical thoughts, practical wisdom, all appreciated! BTW, we have kissed about twice, but not in the past month or two because this confusion is raging through my head!

[LilPunkishOfTerror]

Greet one another with a holy kiss! (Romans 16:16)

but yes generally, I don't see how kissing is a problem

[hedrick]

I think it's up to the intent. God made us physical beings. We communicate using bodies as well as minds. What are you communicating? There's kissing that says "I really like you" and kissing that communicates lust.

[Sundance]

Gotta keep tongues inside mouth.

[candlesandfish]

Seriously, kissing is kissing. And not kissing when you're not going to be able to get married for another year and a half at least seems like a really bad idea to me, because you need SOME outlet of physical affection or you'll go nuts and it will backfire on you. Keep your hands to yourself and keep it from getting overly passionate and I'm sure you'll be fine.

[Obsidian]

imo, a guy needs to kiss a girl before he marries her so he can gage her sexuality and know that she isn't a prude. But it sounds like you already know she is less prudish than you, so I don't know. Maybe she should be asking us the question and not you, and then I can give her my same answer in reverse!

[Jin-Roh]

The physical side of the relationship is an inevitable side of any relationship.

I kissed a girl I was on a very casual (and even accidental!) date with.

There is no "rule" about how far is to far, because every relationship is different and every couple is different. I think it is totally possible to avoid kissing prior to marriage, but I would certainly not find that fulfilling. Many other devout Christians couples I know would say the same.

Besides, how would ever expect a girl to move her comfort zone from "let's not kiss on the lips" to "come to the holy of holies" within the 24 hour period on the wedding day? I know of at least one pastor who actually encourages couples to push the envelope, not look for limits, as the couple gets closer and closer to marriage for this reason.

I don't think the Bible has much to say about this issue, unless you are looking for really, really strained (and likely proof-texted) interpretations.

[RBerman]

1) For most couples, five months is not enough time to know if you ought to get married.
2) If you are convinced you ought to get married, waiting eighteen months is cruel and unreasonable.
3) Every relationship's kissing rules will be different. What does your pastor counsel you?

[Philosophickle]

Is she hot?

[Carrikature]

Two things:

1) I don't see a problem with kissing, but draw a line and hold to it. If you are both clear on where the line is, it will help eliminate issues of going too far.

2) I have known people who didn't kiss until they married, and they thought it was great. I've also heard the argument that it is a lot for a woman to go from no kissing to "anything goes" on the wedding day. Just to screw with your head even more.

[Philosophickle]

2) I have known people who didn't kiss until they married, and they thought it was great. I've also heard the argument that it is a lot for a woman to go from no kissing to "anything goes" on the wedding day. Just to screw with your head even more.

Trust me, it's never "anything goes". There's always a line somewhere.

[Carrikature]

Trust me, it's never "anything goes". There's always a line somewhere.

Sure. That is rather beside the point, though.

[zemmiphobiac]

As has been said, the meaning of a kiss depends on how the kissers interpret it. I think it's important that a couple know exactly how each other feel about how far physical affection can go prior to marriage. If either of you feels uncomfortable about kissing because it seems too sexual, then don't do it. Otherwise, it depends upon personal preference. For instance, I've always thought it'd be rather romantic for a couple to save their first kiss until they get engaged, but since I don't think that kissing before then is at all wrong, I won't be disappointed if it doesn't turn out that way.

Also, supposing a couple decide not to kiss until they're married, I don't see any reason why it'd be necessary to go 'all the way' on the wedding day. Providing that the husband respects the wife enough that he doesn't push her beyond where she feels comfortable, I imagine it'd be quite enjoyable to let the whole physical affection thing develop at a natural pace starting from the wedding day, whether it takes 24 hours or a week to get to the 'holy of holies', as Jin-Roh put it. I doubt that many people will share my sentiments, but I'm throwing it out there anyway

[OneSizeFit]

sin away so forgiveness can abound in Christ!
or get maried.

[LilPunkishOfTerror]

sin away so forgiveness can abound in Christ!
or get maried.

screwball award! this is not the purpose of forgiveness! doesn't Paul explicitly say the opposite of "sin away"?