Should two dating christians kiss?

[tubs]

This is taken from a Christian article that I just read from http://www.crosswalk.com/510488/ because i to was struggling with this same question. It is very helpful and I think it will give you the answer you need according to Biblical standards.

"But God does have some guidelines

In Colossians 3:5 Paul reminds us not to let sexual sin or evil thoughts control us. So what does that mean in a physical relationship? Look at it this way: Imagine No. 8 (sexual intercourse) is the top rung of a ladder while No. 1 (holding hands) is the first rung. How far up the ladder can you climb while still pleasing God and honoring your girlfriend?

8. Sexual intercourse
7. Heavy petting (under clothing); oral sex
6. Light petting (over clothing)
5. French kiss
4. Prolonged kiss
3. Simple kiss
2. Cuddle
1. Hold hands

Well ... you tell me. Generally speaking a guy is physically aroused when he gets to No. 5, French kiss. While, generally, a girl is physically aroused at No. 6, light petting.

Note! By physically aroused, I'm not talking about interested in sex. Because for a guy that happens the moment he wakes up. Instead, I mean his or her body is physically preparing itself for sexual intercourse.

With that new information, you tell me. How far up the ladder should you climb?

My thoughts

Because the goal is keep away from evil thoughts ... including lust ... I'd say stop climbing at No. 3, simple kiss. Boring? Maybe - but you and your girlfriend and both of your future spouses win. There are so many people who struggle with "sexual flashbacks," a situation many marriage counselors have to help married couples through. Sexual flashbacks are simply a reminder of previous sexual activity a person has been involved with, and they usually occur when married couples are having sex. It's not very romantic to think about another woman when having sex with your wife!

So hang in there and honor God and your future wife by learning how to be a friend to the opposite sex. That's the most important skill you can take into a future marriage. (And then you'll have the rest of your marriage to practice the sex part!)"

http://www.crosswalk.com/510488/

[Catholicity]

this thread is ancient! I'm just talking into the air! Sheesh, why'd you resurrect this thing?

Its a phenomenon here on tweb must be something in the water

[theblueprint_Ni]

This is taken from a Christian article that I just read from http://www.crosswalk.com/510488/ because i to was struggling with this same question. It is very helpful and I think it will give you the answer you need according to Biblical standards.

"But God does have some guidelines

In Colossians 3:5 Paul reminds us not to let sexual sin or evil thoughts control us. So what does that mean in a physical relationship? Look at it this way: Imagine No. 8 (sexual intercourse) is the top rung of a ladder while No. 1 (holding hands) is the first rung. How far up the ladder can you climb while still pleasing God and honoring your girlfriend?

8. Sexual intercourse
7. Heavy petting (under clothing); oral sex
6. Light petting (over clothing)
5. French kiss
4. Prolonged kiss
3. Simple kiss
2. Cuddle
1. Hold hands

Well ... you tell me. Generally speaking a guy is physically aroused when he gets to No. 5, French kiss. While, generally, a girl is physically aroused at No. 6, light petting.

Note! By physically aroused, I'm not talking about interested in sex. Because for a guy that happens the moment he wakes up. Instead, I mean his or her body is physically preparing itself for sexual intercourse.

With that new information, you tell me. How far up the ladder should you climb?

My thoughts

Because the goal is keep away from evil thoughts ... including lust ... I'd say stop climbing at No. 3, simple kiss. Boring? Maybe - but you and your girlfriend and both of your future spouses win. There are so many people who struggle with "sexual flashbacks," a situation many marriage counselors have to help married couples through. Sexual flashbacks are simply a reminder of previous sexual activity a person has been involved with, and they usually occur when married couples are having sex. It's not very romantic to think about another woman when having sex with your wife!

So hang in there and honor God and your future wife by learning how to be a friend to the opposite sex. That's the most important skill you can take into a future marriage. (And then you'll have the rest of your marriage to practice the sex part!)"

http://www.crosswalk.com/510488/

Welcome to TWeb! Glad you can join us and thank you for a great post. Now...you've ressurrected and old thread! I wrote this long thing and deleted it once I found out this was created back in 2010! Not that it's wrong but, try and spare goofs like me who end up talking into the air, ya?

[theblueprint_Ni]

Its a phenomenon here on tweb must be something in the water

Ah! You caught one of my deletions. Look how old threads can spin such a nasty web! I think we should invoke Heb. 9:27 on this thing.

[Catholicity]

Ah! You caught one of my deletions. Look how old threads can spin such a nasty web! I think we should invoke Heb. 9:27 on this thing.

nahh we leave them up just in case someone decides to spark debate

[The Remonstrant]

Expert Advice

Can I not have gu[i]lt and kiss my girlfriend knowing i'm not sexually sinning by not treating her has a "sister in christ", or is it better to wait until marriage as to not ignite the flames or lust and desire? Or is it truly dependent upon the situation, and only we can decide if things are getting too fast, too hard to say no, etc?

biblical thoughts, practical wisdom, all appreciated! BTW, we have kissed about twice, but not in the past month or two because this confusion is raging through my head!

As far as a woman making your head spin when you've taken to her (and her apparently to you)... *sighs*

Initial infatuation is always complicated, easily all too consuming. I've been there, so I can understand (hey, even if it wasn't really reciprocated or I was toyed with or whatever). When you're in the thick of it, it's nearly impossible to think clearly.

First, allow me to state the obvious: be discerning. Speak, consult and listen to older, wiser, genuinely godly older men who have gone before you in the real world if you are at all able. Young punks have little to offer you in the way of wisdom (which is why I personally am offering you precious little advice in this case).

Second, no extra-biblical toilet roll list of dos and don'ts will avail. Avoid legalistic nonsense. Chapter and verse to avoid kissing at all costs before marriage? That you will not find. Yes, be obedient to Christ. Know yourself and your basic weaknesses (I believe you are already on the right track as far as this point is concerned). But some hyper-spiritual checklist is a dead end. Obviously, avoid compromising situations. What's compromising? Here, again: discernment. If, as you alluded to, your girlfriend is a bit on the frisky side, that is something to definitely bear in mind.

Third, it in one sense is a wonderful thing to be taken to a person of the opposite sex; someone who may be a potential life partner. Having just a little experience myself, let me be very forthright and tell you to be on the lookout for red flags; or, rather, not overlooking them. (What can I say? "Love" can make you blind.) What exactly are these ominous "red flags"? You'll know it when you see or hear it, but then out of your crazed infatuation for such and such an individual, you'll quickly suppress (sweep under the rug, hide, discard) that red flag. (No, I absolutely no nothing of this from experience, but it just might apply to you.) Logic easily and quickly goes out the window. Be excited about your potential life partner, but not foolish. Things may go any which way: hurt, disappointment, exuberance, disillusionment, loss, gain, &c. But however things turn out, what's important is that you are wise and hence, minimize any possible damage that may occur, to yourself and to her. Be a man and protect her heart, yes -- perhaps that goes without saying. But you need also to keep watch over your own heart (perhaps more so than your hormones). Temper your feelings with wisdom.

[tubs]

Oops! Sorry theblueprint_Ni! i didn't see the date on your thread so I thought it was recent. i wasn't intending to resurrect an old thread. i'm sorry for doing that.

[themuzicman]

Hey everyone! I've been a member on here for about 4 years, posting quite a bit but calmed down a bit after starting college. I remember all the bright intelligent minds, so I came back here for a little theological help!

My girlfriend and I are both Christians, but I'm struggling with the idea of whether or not kissing is wrong. We both know that inappropriate physical touch, premarital sex, etc, is not anything we want to do. However, in my mind the "passionate kissing" you see in movies also is wrong. On one hand, i'm torn because I know she likes to kiss, but on the other I can't whole-heartily do it if I feel like it somehow is lust or sexually wrong. I almost want to not kiss, so that when we are married I don't have to stop myself in any way. Don't get me wrong, we don't have any issue at all yet, we've only been dating 5 months, but my fear is if we start kissing a lot its going to be difficult in a year or so to not go any farther perhaps. My sister and her husband didn't kiss precisely for this reason, but they only dated 5 months before marriage. I still have a year and a half left of college, so that isnt an option although marriage is definitely where we're headed I believe.

So, in summary:
Can I not have gult and kiss my girlfriend knowing i'm not sexually sinning by not treating her has a "sister in christ", or is it better to wait until marriage as to not ignite the flames or lust and desire? Or is it truly dependent upon the situation, and only we can decide if things are getting too fast, too hard to say no, etc?

biblical thoughts, practical wisdom, all appreciated! BTW, we have kissed about twice, but not in the past month or two because this confusion is raging through my head!

This is a matter of conscience for you. If it is causing you to doubt, or to think that you're sinning, then you shouldn't do it.

[theblueprint_Ni]

Oops! Sorry theblueprint_Ni! i didn't see the date on your thread so I thought it was recent. i wasn't intending to resurrect an old thread. i'm sorry for doing that.

No worries. You found something you found interesting and responded accordingly, exactly what I did before looking at the date of the OP!

[Jin-Roh]

Hey everyone! I've been a member on here for about 4 years, posting quite a bit but calmed down a bit after starting college. I remember all the bright intelligent minds, so I came back here for a little theological help!

My girlfriend and I are both Christians, but I'm struggling with the idea of whether or not kissing is wrong. We both know that inappropriate physical touch, premarital sex, etc, is not anything we want to do. However, in my mind the "passionate kissing" you see in movies also is wrong. On one hand, i'm torn because I know she likes to kiss, but on the other I can't whole-heartily do it if I feel like it somehow is lust or sexually wrong. I almost want to not kiss, so that when we are married I don't have to stop myself in any way. Don't get me wrong, we don't have any issue at all yet, we've only been dating 5 months, but my fear is if we start kissing a lot its going to be difficult in a year or so to not go any farther perhaps. My sister and her husband didn't kiss precisely for this reason, but they only dated 5 months before marriage. I still have a year and a half left of college, so that isnt an option although marriage is definitely where we're headed I believe.

So, in summary:
Can I not have gult and kiss my girlfriend knowing i'm not sexually sinning by not treating her has a "sister in christ", or is it better to wait until marriage as to not ignite the flames or lust and desire? Or is it truly dependent upon the situation, and only we can decide if things are getting too fast, too hard to say no, etc?

biblical thoughts, practical wisdom, all appreciated! BTW, we have kissed about twice, but not in the past month or two because this confusion is raging through my head!

Honestly, you probably don't want to think of the girl you are dating as your sister. You want to treat the girl you are dating as your girlfriend.

Yes, Christians can kiss before marriage. We can even hold hands and dance.

Next question...

[Jin-Roh]

This is taken from a Christian article that I just read from http://www.crosswalk.com/510488/ because i to was struggling with this same question. It is very helpful and I think it will give you the answer you need according to Biblical standards.

"But God does have some guidelines

In Colossians 3:5 Paul reminds us not to let sexual sin or evil thoughts control us. So what does that mean in a physical relationship? Look at it this way: Imagine No. 8 (sexual intercourse) is the top rung of a ladder while No. 1 (holding hands) is the first rung. How far up the ladder can you climb while still pleasing God and honoring your girlfriend?

8. Sexual intercourse
7. Heavy petting (under clothing); oral sex
6. Light petting (over clothing)
5. French kiss
4. Prolonged kiss
3. Simple kiss
2. Cuddle
1. Hold hands

Well ... you tell me. Generally speaking a guy is physically aroused when he gets to No. 5, French kiss. While, generally, a girl is physically aroused at No. 6, light petting.

Note! By physically aroused, I'm not talking about interested in sex. Because for a guy that happens the moment he wakes up. Instead, I mean his or her body is physically preparing itself for sexual intercourse.

With that new information, you tell me. How far up the ladder should you climb?

My thoughts

Because the goal is keep away from evil thoughts ... including lust ... I'd say stop climbing at No. 3, simple kiss. Boring? Maybe - but you and your girlfriend and both of your future spouses win. There are so many people who struggle with "sexual flashbacks," a situation many marriage counselors have to help married couples through. Sexual flashbacks are simply a reminder of previous sexual activity a person has been involved with, and they usually occur when married couples are having sex. It's not very romantic to think about another woman when having sex with your wife!

So hang in there and honor God and your future wife by learning how to be a friend to the opposite sex. That's the most important skill you can take into a future marriage. (And then you'll have the rest of your marriage to practice the sex part!)"

http://www.crosswalk.com/510488/

That article has missed a very important part of feminine sexual arousal. Woman are very verbal, and can be sexually aroused by an intimate conversation. Even if if that conversation has nothing to do about sex. Therefore, it is clear we must be careful when speaking with the young women that we are dating.

[Catholicity]

hat article has missed a very important part of feminine sexual arousal. Woman are very verbal, and can be sexually aroused by an intimate conversation. Even if if that conversation has nothing to do about sex. Therefore, it is clear we must be careful when speaking with the young women that we are dating.

It also missed something else, not only are women verbal, we're often sensitive to sights smells and touch. I tend to think its important that BOTH parties agree on appropriate boundaries prior to dating

[Jin-Roh]

It also missed something else, not only are women verbal, we're often sensitive to sights smells and touch. I tend to think its important that BOTH parties agree on appropriate boundaries prior to dating

To be clear, Catholicity, I was being sarcastic in the post you quoted.

It's ironic that there's a lot of emphasis on women "not causing men to stumble" by watching how they dress. Yet I've never heard of men being discouraged from holding a good conversation or becoming articulate speakers. Can you imagine a romantic relationship functioning if a guy constantly worried about inappropriate sexual arousal when he's talking with his girlfriend?

[Catholicity]

It's ironic that there's a lot of emphasis on women "not causing men to stumble" by watching how they dress. Yet I've never heard of men being discouraged from holding a good conversation or becoming articulate speakers. Can you imagine a romantic relationship functioning if a guy constantly worried about inappropriate sexual arousal when he's talking with his girlfriend?

Sadly, at its extreme, fundamentalists will go to such great lengths to prevent their kids to cross these lines to a point that all conversations must be chaperoned.

[Jin-Roh]

Sadly, at its extreme, fundamentalists will go to such great lengths to prevent their kids to cross these lines to a point that all conversations must be chaperoned.

No need to criticize chaperoning. I'm sure the fundamentalists do it out of a very fair and thorough examination of scripture. Why else would they do it? A tacit need to control their children's lives and reinforce patriarchy?