I Don't know How To Attract Women

[gharfish]

Well, I would be cautious in globalizing your experiences. Some people are much better off remaining celibate their entire lives. I am in no way promoting this, but I am saying that one should be open to the possibility, and not look for a partner to complete/fulfill them – this should come from God, and the spouse is a sort of additional bonus.

Why are some people much better off remaining celibate their entire lives ?

I don't see a wife as being an emotionally or socially completing / fulfilling addition to a man's life. Mine isn't. Living alone, however, is for the birds. No wait; birds have the good sense to flock :)

But people will for sure judge a man who does not date and does not marry. Is he a flop with women ? Is he dating alot and is a playboy and yet will not marry...because he is a notorious playboy ?! (Is he 'secretly' gay ?)

And speaking of these men who choose to remain celibate, for the better; what are they doing with their sex drive ? The body doesn't recognize this choice very well! If they have a normal in intensity one, they are in for years of frustration and - well, problems with lust in one way or another that will dog them.


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[gharfish]

Yeah...I normally enjoy reading your posts, but that one had WAY too much info in it.

It was personal. And I am old..and you aren't. Maybe not frat material.


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[Jin-Roh]

When you say it did not work, do you mean you did not get what you wanted when you wanted it?

Yes, but that is the veritable tip of the iceberg. What I am really saying that that method was a factor in building up bad habits, bad character traits, and reinforcing bad ideas that I had to spend a significant amount of time unwinding. If I had not done that unwinding, there would never be any chance of me entering a relationship -ever. I did not realize that I needed to address all the aforementioned habits and ideas until I decided that I wanted to pursue relationships in far less oblique and macro sense.

In short, I kissed I kissed dating good-bye good-bye.

[Jin-Roh]

I don't care about sex.

That's weird.

I'd only ever have sex to have kids, or if my wife wanted to (although if my wife were a Christian, then she'd probably only want to have sex to have kids, I don't know).

I went to a Christian University. Most of the girls were just as interested in sex as the guys were. Many did want to have babies in a hurry, but others because... well they were human?

Otherwise, I have no desire to participate in sexual intercourse. I much prefer hugging, as it infinitely less gross. I do, however, valuable human company and companionship. I strongly believe that, if you find the right woman, then your relationship with each other can strengthen your relationship with God. Of course, this is not always the case, as Jesus warned.

Interestingly enough, one side of Catholic teaching is on sex is that is for purposes of pro-creation, but the another facet is that it deepens both couples relationship with God. I think desiring to have sex for pro-creation is very good, but I do not think that sex should be reduced to that and that alone in the life of a Christian.

[supton]

It was personal. And I am old..and you aren't. Maybe not frat material.


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Nah, I thought it was appropriate frat material. If I was a bit more secure (or used a bit more cryptic name) I'd share more of my experience, but this forum is a bit too open. Anyhow, I can sorta relate, I married at 26, the sexual frustration was quite high prior to that. [Although, being married with kids...] To me, though, being married filled a relational need that went far beyond sex. My wife and I could grunt "hello" to each other for a week, no talking, no sex, bare minimum of contact--and it'd still be better than being single again.

[Jon_Day]

Girls like guitar until you actually date them...then they just think of it as another thing you do instead of giving them attention.

[Seasanctuary]

Accept the social convention that men need money and women need looks to attract the opposite sex.

[Rational Gaze]

That's weird.

I have asperger's. Unneccessary human contact scares me.

Interestingly enough, one side of Catholic teaching is on sex is that is for purposes of pro-creation, but the another facet is that it deepens both couples relationship with God. I think desiring to have sex for pro-creation is very good, but I do not think that sex should be reduced to that and that alone in the life of a Christian.

That's why I said I don't know.

[themuzicman]

1) Dress nicely. Not over done, but better than average for wherever you're going. If necessary get a fashion consultant (or a female member of the family with some style) to help you out.
2) Go where the single women are. No, I don't mean a bar, but find other places where you could interact with single women (church single's group? Barnes and Noble?) and interact with them.
3) When interacting with a woman, listen to her. Ask her open ended (and appropriate) questions about herself, and pay attention. Treat her as an equal, with respect, rather than as a target. Ask follow up questions. Answer her questions fully and truthfully. Take your time. If she seems to want to end the conversation, then end it. If you want to end it, politely do so.
4) Don't "attract" women. Pursue them. Be where they are. Make an effort to get to know them. Have a few ideas of a good first date (public, non-threatening and short.. say mini-golf or afternoon coffee) and if you ask them out, be specific about what you're going to do. "Hey, you want to play a round of miniature golf on Sat Afternoon" is better than ,"Hey, you wanna to do something sometime?" Be flexible with your schedule, if she says that's a bad time, offer to allow her to suggest another time. If she refuses, she doesn't want to go, just say, "OK, some other time, then" and move on.
5) Don't look at her as an object. While women are works of art, with beauty unmatched, you need to set that aside, and use eye contact and focus on her as a person and resist the urge to check out her figure. Focus on her mind.

That should get you started.

[Jon_Day]

Tips for getting girls from Jon Day:

1. Go to bar
2. Ingest copious amount of whiskey
3. Find girl who is by herself
4. Buy her a drink
5. Make sure she sees your wad of cash
6. Take her home

If you don't have said wad of cash...this will not work...instead you should opt for finding the least attractive, lonliest woman in the bar...perhaps even a 65 year old widow.

[Scrawly]

Why are some people much better off remaining celibate their entire lives ?

A major one would be for the sake of the Kingdom of God.

I don't see a wife as being an emotionally or socially completing / fulfilling addition to a man's life. Mine isn't. Living alone, however, is for the birds. No wait; birds have the good sense to flock :)

People marry for a variety of different reasons. Similarialy people do not marry for a variety of different reasons. Surely you are wise enough to accept this. Sometimes being a disciple of Christ can be very lonely, yet we always have the body of believers to help out.

But people will for sure judge a man who does not date and does not marry. Is he a flop with women ? Is he dating alot and is a playboy and yet will not marry...because he is a notorious playboy ?! (Is he 'secretly' gay ?)

Oh, well, in that case one ought to get married.

And speaking of these men who choose to remain celibate, for the better; what are they doing with their sex drive ?

Perhaps they have a low sex drive.

The body doesnt recognize this choice very well!

Your body doesnt recognize this choice very well.

If they have a normal in intensity one, they are in for years of frustration and - well, problems with lust in one way or another that will dog them.

Then it would obviously be good for such a person to marry.

[Scrawly]

Yes, but that is the veritable tip of the iceberg. What I am really saying that that method was a factor in building up bad habits, bad character traits, and reinforcing bad ideas that I had to spend a significant amount of time unwinding. If I had not done that unwinding, there would never be any chance of me entering a relationship -ever. I did not realize that I needed to address all the aforementioned habits and ideas until I decided that I wanted to pursue relationships in far less oblique and macro sense.

In short, I kissed I kissed dating good-bye good-bye.

I see. I can actually relate to this as it sounds a lot like me and what I am currently going through. However, I am not sure if absolving myself of some of my bad character traits and unbiblical thinking habits will necessarily lead me to marriage. There is a chance that you will grow increasingly Godly, yet remain single.

[Jin-Roh]

I have asperger's. Unneccessary human contact scares me.

Yeah, I know. I can't say that I really understand asperger's. Not in the least. I am sure it is very difficult, and I have a hard time empathizing. I have only known really one person who had it, and I did not know he had it until years afterwards (long story).

I do know, though, that people will asperger's can enter into romantic relationships and be married. My friend's dad has asperger's and it shows. Also, a lot of people think that Thomas Jefferson had asperger's or something similar. If you know anything about him, you know that he very intensely loved his wife.

[gharfish]

A major one would be for the sake of the Kingdom of God.

People marry for a variety of different reasons. Similarialy people do not marry for a variety of different reasons. Surely you are wise enough to accept this. Sometimes being a disciple of Christ can be very lonely, yet we always have the body of believers to help out.

Oh, well, in that case one ought to get married.

Perhaps they have a low sex drive.

Your body doesnt recognize this choice very well.

Then it would obviously be good for such a person to marry.

This, in the original context, was kind of condescending towards me. Why ? I'm not accusing you or being unreasonable, either one. You must have taken me the wrong way. I certainly can accept that never marrying and so remaining a virgin, if for the sake of that being a vital part of what helps one be a better minister of God is a reason to remain celibate. This is an exceptional state and choice...and you have focused squarely on that.

I hate frat threads.


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[Rational Gaze]

People with AS experience and feel emotions to a much greater degree than "neurotypical" people, but we have trouble expressing those emotions.