To Circumcise or Not

[Bent Radar]

I was blessed with a son last week. And also a hard decision of whether to circumcise or not.

Some time before he was born, I researched (googled) the pros and cons of circumcision. It looks like there are all kinds of conflicting studies, and there isn't really any medical consensus. Since there was no clear indication either way, I decided that I would just leave it alone.

But everyone in my family wants me to do it. My parents think I'm crazy to opt out of it. They say that I am doing him a great disservice, and he'll have to worry about pulling the skin back every time he uses the potty and he might get infections. They also say that when he's younger he will spray the walls when he potties because the skin will make it go in different directions. They think that other kids might make fun of him and that he will eventually want to get it done when he gets older anyway. I also have several family members telling me stories of people they know who were circumcised later on in life and that it was a bad and painful experience.

Well, obviously I want to do what's best for my son. I don't want to inconvenience him. But foremost, I am personally uncomfortable with altering his body without his consent or any clear medical reason to do so. I also I like the idea of leaving him whole and intact--the way nature intended.

I have a suspicion that the main reason people circumcise is due to cultural bias. I think maybe people see uncircumcised as abnormal.

I know that people who circumcise are doing what they think is best, and I respect that. I just want to make sure that I am making an informed decision.

I am wrestling with this, so I would like to know some of your thoughts.

Thank you.

[Crow]

I think that you and your wife should come to a decision and let your families be mad or glad, however they choose.

Personally, I don't think that men or women need to have any postnatal remodeling done in the nether areas.

[Rayado]

Here are my thoughts on it, bit by bit.

I was blessed with a son last week.

Congratulations!

And also a hard decision of whether to circumcise or not.

Some time before he was born, I researched (googled) the pros and cons of circumcision. It looks like there are all kinds of conflicting studies, and there isn't really any medical consensus. Since there was no clear indication either way, I decided that I would just leave it alone.

So far, so good.

But everyone in my family wants me to do it. My parents think I'm crazy to opt out of it.

Not really--many, many states have dropped Medicaid coverage for it; that will slowly make it more prevalent.

They say that I am doing him a great disservice, and he'll have to worry about pulling the skin back every time he uses the potty and he might get infections.

How well do you think that argument goes over with the (roughly) 2/3 of the world that doesn't practice circumcision?

They also say that when he's younger he will spray the walls when he potties because the skin will make it go in different directions.

They do that anyway. Babies just like to pee everywhere.

They think that other kids might make fun of him and that he will eventually want to get it done when he gets older anyway.

Let's take these arguments one at a time.

1. Exactly whose problem is it if other kids make fun of him? Kids will find anything--literally anything--to make fun of other kids about. If it's not that, they'll find something else. But no one is to say that your son can't be patient and help them to understand. He'd be well on his way to being a real man if he can do that.

2. If he wants to get it done later, more power to him.

I also have several family members telling me stories of people they know who were circumcised later on in life and that it was a bad and painful experience.

It's gonna be bad and painful whenever it's done, regardless of whether or not it's remembered. But: here's the deal. If it ain't broke, don't fix it applies here. There are lots of ways to prevent its necessity.

Well, obviously I want to do what's best for my son. I don't want to inconvenience him. But foremost, I am personally uncomfortable with altering his body without his consent or any clear medical reason to do so. I also I like the idea of leaving him whole and intact--the way nature intended.

I have a suspicion that the main reason people circumcise is due to cultural bias. I think maybe people see uncircumcised as abnormal.

Only in 1/3 of the world.

I know that people who circumcise are doing what they think is best, and I respect that. I just want to make sure that I am making an informed decision.

I am wrestling with this, so I would like to know some of your thoughts.

Thank you.

I think you're right to stick by your reasons. Like Crow said, if they don't like it, they can just deal with it. It really isn't their problem.

[Alien]

I am wrestling with this, so I would like to know some of your thoughts.

fwiw, I am not circumcised, I'm 69 years old, and I've never had any problems as a result of being that way.

My personal view is that it is an unnecessary mutilation visited on those unable to decide for themselves. Otherwise, I agree with Rayado.

[Bent Radar]

I think that you and your wife should come to a decision and let your families be mad or glad, however they choose.

Personally, I don't think that men or women need to have any postnatal remodeling done in the nether areas.

My wife would prefer to do it, but she's leaving the decision to me.

I guess I worry about what others think too much.

Congratulations!

Thanks, I really appreciate all of your input, it was very helpful. By the way, do you know some of the ways to prevent the necessity for circumcision later on? Is it just a matter of washing properly?

fwiw, I am not circumcised, I'm 69 years old, and I've never had any problems as a result of being that way.

My personal view is that it is an unnecessary mutilation visited on those unable to decide for themselves. Otherwise, I agree with Rayado.

It's nice to hear from someone like you. I don't want to regret my decision. I think leaving him uncut will be the decision that I will be least likely to regret. However, my wife's uncle says that he wishes his parents did it to him. He says he had to have it done in his 30's for medical reasons.

[Crow]

However, my wife's uncle says that he wishes his parents did it to him. He says he had to have it done in his 30's for medical reasons.

Most men who aren't circumcised will never, ever, ever run into any problems that circumcision could have prevented.

Removing them for this reason alone makes as much sense as removing a female infant's breasts so that she will never suffer from breast cancer. (Which is much more likely)

Circumcision isn't routinely done at birth for medical reasons. It's done for two main reasons, 1) religious 2) cosmetic. If someone does it for reason #1, that is their personal choice. As far as reason #2 goes, it's becoming less and less of a concern because more people aren't going the circumcision route.

I'll betcha by the time your kid gets "locker room" age, normal isn't going to look abnormal because there will be not only plenty of kids who are circumcised, but plenty who are not.

[Rayado]

I guess I worry about what others think too much.

Join the club.

It's nice to hear from someone like you. I don't want to regret my decision. I think leaving him uncut will be the decision that I will be least likely to regret. However, my wife's uncle says that he wishes his parents did it to him. He says he had to have it done in his 30's for medical reasons.

I don't think you'll need to regret it even if you do have to have it done. Your valuing his choice in the matter has to count for something, don't you think? I consider it analogous to pulling all of a child's teeth at the age of 8 because they might need dentures later.

[Raphael]

About the only real pro I know of is that circumcision decreases the likely of men getting HIV from unprotected heterosexual sex. Which is a big deal in Africa, but not so much in the rest of the world (and there are better methods which I'm sure you will be teaching you son)

If our next baby is a boy, we won't be circumcising him.

[Crow]

Most baby boys that get circumcised nowadays for appearance.

I grew up in an age where darn near all boys were circumcised, and therefore I developed an expectation that this is what men should look like. A preference, if you want to put it that way.

But, dang, look at the other preferences that humanity has managed to put aside. We don't tie boards on our kid's foreheads to make them flat anymore. That would look just plain bizarre to us now. Ugly, even. We don't put our kids in corsets to make their shoulders hang back and their guts stick out--take a look at a painting of George Washington's posture if you ever want to see what that accomplished.

We've moved beyond binding little girl's feet into crumpled festering messes. In Africa, female "circumcision," mutilation if you want to call it what it is, is declining.

Just because it's been done and looks "normal" to us is a lousy reason to continue to do it. There is a time in which we have to look at what we routinely do and ask "is this a good thing to do or should we stop?"

And IMHO, circumcising baby boys in the absence of an individual medical need is one of those things that our society should stop doing. Our parents did it because they felt it was a good decision based upon the information they had at the time. Many of us did it because we felt that it was a good decison based upon the information we had at the time. But we have more information available to us now. I kinda think that this is the point where we ought to say "This is unnecessary. There is really no good reason to continue. Let's stop."

[luv1another]

I chose not to circumcise my son 16 years ago.
I just asked him and he said he has never had any problem with anyone teasing him.
he said it makes no difference unless your Jewish LOL

I never had any problem with him peeing on walls when he went to the toilet.

the main thing I was told when I decided not to go with the flo was that his penis would end up all infected and stuff. I jst made sure I told him from the very beginning he had to wash it properly or it could get bugs under the skin and get very sore. he always washed it properly. I think there was 1 time when he was like 4 it got a little red but some disinfectant cream rubbed on it after a shower for a few days fixed and he had no other problems.

I would go with what you want not what everyone else wants you to do. there are a LOT of mothers choosing to not circumcise these days. He may even thankyou when he is older... I have heard that a women gets more pleasure from an uncircumcised man LOL

[Stevo]

As far as I know, circumcision only NEEDS to be done in extreme circumstances, when the skin is very very tight. However, most of these problems can be rectified, AFAIK, by simple stretching exercises. Consider also, that the tip of the penis will lose sensitivity over time, without the foreskin, which could be a problem in later life. Of course, it also might increase staying power, so that might be considered a payoff

Bottom line: if your not sure, then don't do it. All the talk about peeing up the walls and infections are way over blown. Speak to non-circumcised guys and they will probably tell you that the foreskin doesn't affect direction(and even if it does, all you have to do is pull it back!) and that infections are rare, especially if you wash.

[Chaotic Void]

I needed a circumcision done when I was three for medical reasons (I was having a progressively harder time going #1 because the foreskin was closing at the end).

Honestly, I'm not sure it matters, save for medical reasons.

[Da Blonde]

Don't do it. Unless of course, you're an Orthodox Jew and it'd be meaningful in that way.

America is about the only place where anybody much did it except Orthodox Jews. The primary reason one hears about it is "cleanliness" but it's not all that hard to clean under it. It fits in with American squeamishness.

We didn't do it with our son and I'm glad we didn't.

[Raphael]

Don't do it. Unless of course, you're an Orthodox Jew and it'd be meaningful in that way.

America is about the only place where anybody much did it except Orthodox Jews. The primary reason one hears about it is "cleanliness" but it's not all that hard to clean under it. It fits in with American squeamishness.

Uhhh, male circumcision is part of adulthood rite passages in Africa and has been for millenia.

Granted it happens when the boys are in their mid-late teens rather when they're 8 days old (and a several initiates die each year from infections from the more dodgey procedures)

[Bent Radar]

Thanks everyone. I'm still sticking with my decision whilst withstanding the peer pressure.