The single life

[Rational Gaze]

Nah, this is my theme tune:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FVp2rw1BFQ

Here is the full song if you have the time to listen to 40 minutes of prog metal:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kAdLiizR-4

[Rational Gaze]

Have you considered any of Dennis Waterman's?

Dunno who that is. Sorry.

[Rational Gaze]

You know, I do actually know someone who meets 'The Criteria'^TM.

[CodewordConduit]

Dunno who that is. Sorry.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dennis_...ain_Caricature

Lol nevermind, I'm going bed now anyway, one too many herbal teas I think.

[CodewordConduit]

You know, I do actually know someone who meets 'The Criteria'^TM.

Good!

[Rational Gaze]

Good!

WHAT DO I DO CAPTAIN?!

[Naatee]

Most people should try living with their fiance/fiancee for a few months before deciding to marry. This experience is important to determine whether your personalities are compatible and if marriage is in your best interest.

[2cents]

Most people should try living with their fiance/fiancee for a few months before deciding to marry. This experience is important to determine whether your personalities are compatible and if marriage is in your best interest.

for a christian...???????????

[lilpixieofterror]

It's pretty simple, actually.
A lot of it is communication.
If a man expects his wife, for example, to have dinner ready every time he comes home, and SHE is working, TOO - that's a totally unreal expectation.
But it causes fights!

There needs to be an agreement on the expectation.

I would think that would be something that others might concider common sense. Basically, don't have too high or too low expectations. However; I have noticed how 'common sense' isn't so common.

As for the laundry thing, it's one of those house chores that I can't stand doing, but cooking is something I like doing (plus I'm good at it) and while doing the dishes isn't my favorate activity, I'd do it over the laundry. Hummm... maybe I should offer to do the dishes if he does the laundry.

[lilpixieofterror]

Sex, money, and in-laws are the three biggest areas fights take place over.

Fortunately, Toodles and I simply get together and discuss the issues calmly and if need be talk to others wiser than ourselves.

I think one thing CP is getting at is people cannot read minds. Don't go in expecting your husband to understand necessarily what you're hinting at or how you'd like things to be. He's not a mind reader. While he should try to draw inferences, he shouldn't be expected to know everything you're thinking and why.

Calm discussion overall works much better than argument. You can calmly tell someone that you disagree with them. You can calmly discuss the issues.

Try to make sure you're also not assuming the worst conclusion right off. Take time to consider where the other person is coming from. I often pray when I think I'm doing something wrong for better understanding and that I'll love my wife better than I already do. Marriage will help you grow in holiness if you do it right.

We've had our disagreements, but I don't ever recall either of us raising our voice. It is usually solved with one backing down or both of us agreeing to compromise on something. I grew up with a lot of that unnecessary yelling and I'd rather not deal with that anymore.

[lilpixieofterror]

Yeah, I was always on the receiving end of "you should have known", like I'm supposed to literally read someone's mind when they say things like "no, you don't have to pay rent here" and realize that means "voluntary contributions would be appreciated despite our £20k basic wage disparity and the fact that I own this house outright"; or "come home whenever you like" means "I will get a right moody on if you're home later than 12, you should want to be home earlier" etc etc.

I still get it now off him, just when we're out with our daughter. I go in the shop for a Snickers and to pay for the petrol, I come out back to the car and it's "didn't you get me anything?" and it's like you know me, you know that I will get you something if you ask, but I'm not in the habit of asking people do they want stuff because I forget sometimes and then it's viewed as a sleight or me being moody... arrrrrrgh!

So yeah just say if you want something, and if you're the type that "does" anniversaries, birthdays, valentines day then just make the other person enter everything you want remembering for the year into their phone or organizer, complete with alarm setting, while you watch. Lucky for me I didn't have that obligation as well, or I'd have exploded, ha.

Oh and something else: don't say "most women/men do this that or the other" ever, as reason to persuade your partner to do anything. So annoying!

/rant

I'ma be single for a while yet

I guess it's a little different for the two of us in some of those regards. I usually ask him if he wants something and/or I get him something I know he'll like (Coffee, with some cream and sugar). I really do doubt you are trying to be rude or anything, but that's one of those differences in personality types, I value harmony to the point that I'll go out of my way to ensure it stays that way and while I doubt you try to upset him, you just don't put in that kind of effort. Meh, that's cool and if a person is going to get all upset over something he should already know, it most likely isn't worth it anyway.

[lilpixieofterror]

Most people should try living with their fiance/fiancee for a few months before deciding to marry. This experience is important to determine whether your personalities are compatible and if marriage is in your best interest.

I wouldn't go that far at all. I would simply pay attention to clues that you find before hand. For example, if he's all nice to you, but is rude with the waitress or waiter, then you are most likely seeing how he will treat you and you can walk away before it gets too deep. Of course, some can hide it better than others, so other ways include asking the same question, mutiple times and at different dates to see if the answers line up. Those who lie tend not to remember their stories so if the answer changes all the time, then you got another warning sign. You could also see who his friends are and how his family is like. Rather we like to admit it or not, the friends we choose can reflect our true selves and we often times do act more like our parents then we'd like to admit. Of course, I'm not saying all of these things are going to be exact (after all, it is possible to have bad parents and still not be a bad person). The most important thing though is this... if it doesn't feel right, than it most likely isn't.

[ApologiaPhoenix]

Most people should try living with their fiance/fiancee for a few months before deciding to marry. This experience is important to determine whether your personalities are compatible and if marriage is in your best interest.

We usually refer to this testing period as "dating." Statistically, if you live with someone before marriage, you're more likely to have a divorce since you're already treating marriage as a sham.

[CodewordConduit]

I guess it's a little different for the two of us in some of those regards. I usually ask him if he wants something and/or I get him something I know he'll like (Coffee, with some cream and sugar). I really do doubt you are trying to be rude or anything, but that's one of those differences in personality types, I value harmony to the point that I'll go out of my way to ensure it stays that way and while I doubt you try to upset him, you just don't put in that kind of effort. Meh, that's cool and if a person is going to get all upset over something he should already know, it most likely isn't worth it anyway.

Nah I used to be willing to make a coffee for him if I was having a cup of tea, but he hates the way I make it, and always complains about it; so I just stopped offering. I used to offer to pick stuff up for him too, but he's just one ungrateful pillock sometimes, so I don't bother any more. Besides, it's never been reciprocal, he just expected me as the woman to make some sort of sentimental effort; while he built shelves or something, I dunno.

This one, the one I'm on about, openly despises women for being mad and overly emotional/sentimental; and then demands that someone like me change to be more like what he thinks is pathetic and weak. It's all very interesting, I must say, and we've had a few good discussions recently about why that might be. These would have been impossible to have when we were actually in a relationship though.

[lilpixieofterror]

Nah I used to be willing to make a coffee for him if I was having a cup of tea, but he hates the way I make it, and always complains about it; so I just stopped offering. I used to offer to pick stuff up for him too, but he's just one ungrateful pillock sometimes, so I don't bother any more. Besides, it's never been reciprocal, he just expected me as the woman to make some sort of sentimental effort; while he built shelves or something, I dunno.

If he didn't want something, he shouldn't be complaining. Perhaps he should take lessons on a line from this song (it's a country song by Brad Pasley called "That's Love"):

"If she burns the steak, you better eat it with a smile, even if it taste like a good year tire over gravy"

If he wanted it, don't whine when he gets it.

This one, the one I'm on about, openly despises women for being mad and overly emotional/sentimental; and then demands that someone like me change to be more like what he thinks is pathetic and weak. It's all very interesting, I must say, and we've had a few good discussions recently about why that might be. These would have been impossible to have when we were actually in a relationship though.

That's pretty funny, since I'm really not all that emotional or sentimental myself. Some guys can be just as bad as they accuse women as being (trust me, I know, I work with a few of them).