Tell Your Dumb Jokes Here

[justgin]

Ok, stop me if you heard it.....


What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Not yo cheese!

[justgin]

Last night i dreamt i was writing Lord of the Rings.

I was Tolkien in my sleep.

[Brandalf85]

A guy walked into a bar.


He sound, "ouch!"

[justgin]

LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher:

"They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.

The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." he says.

"She got in the back-seat by mistake."

[justgin]

DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through.

The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving?"

[95th]

Did you hear about the guy who drowned in a bath full of Muesli?
He was pulled under by a strong currant

[justgin]

What happened when the butcher backed into his meatgrinder?

He got a little behind in his work.

[justgin]

A psychic midget escaped from prison. What did the newspaper headline say?

"SMALL MEDIUM AT LARGE!"

[fm93]

How do old grapes show their displeasure when you squish them?

They let out a little whine.

[lee_merrill]

Why don't ducks fly upside down?

Because they would quack up!

Ba-dum-bum...

[Manwë Súlimo]

Woman's rights.

[princesa]

Ok, stop me if you heard it.....


What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Not yo cheese!

err....i think it's NACHO cheese.


i still luv ya


i tell my kids the same joke over and over and pretend it's new everytime

"why did the boy throw the butter out the window?" Answer: "To see the butterfly!"

i crack up actually, "to see the butter...fly!" oh man!

The joke is actually me saying "You guys wanna hear a joke?" because i only know one.

they have learned to stop hoping for a new one and always amuse me with their lighthearted groans when i tell this one. mom and her lameness is always good for a laugh.

[Ben Zwycky]

How's this (read it aloud)...

A dance is devised in honour of a South African archbishop, together with a trumpet solo accompaniment. However, that accompaniment becomes unpopular over time and as part of the preparations for a two-day celebration of the archbishop’s birthday, a new version is written. On the second day, a musician at the peak of his career and long-time admirer of the archbishop plays the twenty-minute piece before his hero, matching the previous day’s performance by a renowned virtuoso, after which he bursts into tears. At a later press conference, he explains his reaction.

In other words, it took him from twenty-two to two to two to two to toot ‘To Tutu to II’ to Tutu, too. “To toot ‘to Tutu to II’ to Tutu, to see the joy in his eyes, it was all too much,” he later recounted.

[themuzicman]

Horse walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "Why the long face?"

[Alcoth]

A guy walks into a bar with slabs of meat hanging from the ceiling. He walks up, orders a beer and asks the bartender what the deal is with the meat. The bartender says: "If you can jump up and pull down a piece of meat, everyone in this bar buys you a drink. If you fail, you buy everyone else a drink."

He sips his beer, thinks about it. The bartender returns and asks, "So, wanna give it a shot?"

"Nah," says the man. "The steaks are too high."