Tell Your Dumb Jokes Here

[rogue06]

A blond and a brunette were out hunting one day, when all of a sudden the brunette collapsed and was unresponsive. The blond had no idea what to do, so she pulled out her cellphone and dialled 9-1-1.

When she got a response, she said in panic, "Oh help me, help me! My friend and I were in the woods hunting when she just collapsed and I don't know what to do!!!!"

"Calm down, just calm down," said the operator. "Now the first thing you need to do is make sure she's dead."

"Oh, okay," responded the blond. "Hold on a second."

A few seconds later, the operator heard a gunshot go off. Then a few seconds after that, the blond grabbed her cellphone and said, "Okay she's dead, so now what?"

FIFY n/c

[rogue06]

A man went to visit his new blonde girlfriend one day and found her painting the walls of her apartment. The odd thing was that she was wearing a new fur coat and a nice leather jacket over it while she painted.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or even some overalls.

She showed him the instructions on the side of the can:

"For best results, put on two coats".

[princesa]

A man went to visit his new blonde girlfriend one day and found her painting the walls of her apartment. The odd thing was that she was wearing a new fur coat and a nice leather jacket over it while she painted.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or even some overalls.

She showed him the instructions on the side of the can:

"For best results, put on two coats".

lol, you're killing me! i love these, i love the painting the ferrari and not the porsche, priceless

[princesa]

So, a ghost went out and bought a house. What was the very next thing he had to buy?

Homemoaners Insurance




i never said i was very good at this

[Cow Poke]

A man was constantly being bugged by his blonde wife about his need to go hunting. She wanted to go with him.

He finally figured that, if he took her, she'd end up hating it, and wouldn't ever want to go back, so he finally agreed.

On the first day of deer season, they drove out to the deer lease, and he walked with her into the woods, away from his deer stand, and told her to stay there and watch for deer. He then went and climbed into his deer stand and settled in to wait for dusk.

Suddenly he heard a shot ring out, and a man yelling. Then he heard what must be his wife yelling. He quickly got out of the deer stand and went running in the direction of the yelling. What he saw and heard amazed him.

There was his wife pointing her rifle at a man who was pleading for his life......

She was screaming "It's MY deer, I shot it fair and square!"

And he was pleading...

"OK lady, you can HAVE "the deer", I promise, but can I PLEASE get my SADDLE off it?"

[rogue06]

A blonde went out on a hunting trip with his friend. After arriving at the hunting cabin and getting set up they head out going separate ways.

As the sun set the blonde returned empty handed and was surprised to see his friend had returned with a large deer. A 12 point buck.

The next morning they set out and at the end of the day the blonde once again came back empty handed while his friend returned with two larger deer - even bigger than the one from the first day.

The blonde, realizing tomorrow was the last day of the hunting trip asked his friend what he was doing to be so successful.

"It was easy," his friend explained. "Found the tracks, followed the tracks, BAM! Shot the deer."

So the next day they head out to hunt with the blonde determined to follow his friend's advice: Find the tracks, follow the tracks, BAM! Shot the deer.

As evening came the friend returned with yet another deer but the blonde hadn't come back yet. The sun went down and the blonde's friend started to worry.

Finally, an hour or so later the blonde staggers into the cabin, rifle gone, all beat up and bruised and with only one boot. His friend helps the blonde in and asks him what happened.

"Well, I found the tracks, started the blonde. "I followed the tracks and BAM! Got run over by a train."

[Cow Poke]

The two cowboys were just ambling along on their horses, when they came to a bend in the road. There was an Indian brave, laying flat on the road, ear to the ground, motionless.

The cowboys dismounted, and eased closer, as they heard the Indian say ..... "two men, stage coach, one horse black, one horse tan... riding fast....."

The cowboys were amazed, and asked "you can tell ALL THAT from LISTENING TO THE GROUND?"




The Indian replied, "NO, you IDIOTS --- they RAN OVER me HALF AN HOUR AGO!!!!"

[Cow Poke]

Charlie was the Chinese cook on a Navy Destroyer, and the crew picked on him mercilessly. Charlie seemed to take it all in stride.

One day, some of the pranksters got together and started talking about what a good natured guy Charlie really is, and it might be time to stop picking on him.

They went and found Charlie, and told him what they had been discussing, and that they planned on accepting him as "one of the guys".

Charlie, a little dubious, asked....

"you no more put cold oatmeal in Charlie's bunk?"

no, they replied.

"you no more shortsheet Charlie's bunk?"

never again

"you no more put thumbtacks in Charlie's shoes?"

they assured him that was all over, no more tricks.

Charlie thinks it over a minute, then smiles and says......



"OK, is good -- and Charlie no more pee in coffee!"

[rogue06]

A blonde cowboy...




No, no CP. It isn't that joke.





A blonde cowboy was riding a horse. Now the horse moved steadily along, but the blonde struggled to keep from falling off.

First he reached for the mane, but couldn't get a good grip.

Then he tries hugging the neck, but he began to slide down the side of the horse.

He kept trying but it was obvious it was a losing battle and he was about to fall off.

So the Wal-mart employee unplugged the horse.

[Cow Poke]

A blonde cowboy...




No, no CP. It isn't that joke.





A blonde cowboy was riding a horse. Now the horse moved steadily along, but the blonde struggled to keep from falling off.

First he reached for the mane, but couldn't get a good grip.

Then he tries hugging the neck, but he began to slide down the side of the horse.

He kept trying but it was obvious it was a losing battle and he was about to fall off.

So the Wal-mart employee unplugged the horse.

Mossy would be so proud (er)

[Astra49]

A blonde cowboy...

You having a go at me again brother?


It wasn't Wal-mart it was K Mart. And it was fun!smiley-dance013.gif

[Astra49]

A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, "Can you help me when you get home?"

"Sure," he replies. "Whats the problem?"

"Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I cant even find the edge pieces."

"Look on the box," he said. "Theres always a picture of what the puzzle is." "Its a big rooster," she said.

The husband arrives home and tells his blonde wife, "Okay, put the corn flakes back in the box."

[Astra49]

"Im not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance ... she leaned over and pushed me.

[moreta]

Why did the fireman wear red suspenders? (For Astra: braces)
To keep his britches up.


Why did the fireman wear blue suspenders?
Because his red ones were in the wash.


How can you tell if an elephant is in your bed?
You can smell the peanut butter on his breath.

How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
you can see his foot prints in the jello.

How does an elephant get in to an oak tree?
He sits on an acorn and waits.

How does an elephant hide in a cherry tree?
He paints his toenails red.

How do you kill a pink elephant?
With a pink elephant gun.


How do you kill a blue elephant gun?
Paint him pink and kill him with a pink elephant gun.

[Astra49]

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really upset.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.