Tell Your Dumb Jokes Here

[Sparko]

Yo Lunch, Composer, and Your Master were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.

Yo Lunch said, "Those are deer tracks."
Composer said, "No, those are elk tracks."
Your Master said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."

They were still arguing when the train ran them over.

[Manwë Súlimo]

the second pic is hilarious as he cracked himself up, the heck is that white stuff on the last pic?

Erm, read the panel before it.

[Alcoth]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them suddenly collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed over.

The other hunter panics and, without thinking, whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." The hunter says "Okay, one second, I'll be right back."

There is a silence for a bit, then a gunshot rings out over the phone. Back on the phone, the hunter says: "OK, now what?"

[princesa]

Erm, read the panel before it.

oh my poor vision! but i get it now

[princesa]

Why did the boy throw the butter out of the window?

[Alcoth]

He wanted to see the butterfly :)

[Cowthulu]

A fundy atheist is wandering through the woods admiring the random particles that have come together to form our natural world.

Suddenly an angry bear appears up the trail and charges the atheist. The atheist turns and flees, but the bear is simply too fast. Just before the bear is about to catch the atheist he shouts out "God Help Me!".

Everything around the atheist stops, with the bear freezing mid lunge. A bright light appears in the sky above the atheist and a loud voice speaks to him. You have spent almost your entire life denying my existence, yet here in your final moment you cry out to me for help. This is quite a situation. How would you like me to deal with this situation?

The atheist ponders a moment then answers. It wouldn't be very consistent of me to convert to Christianity now after my entire life of un-belief. Would it be fair then for you to make the bear a Christian instead? The Lord replies, it shall be as you wish.

Time unfreezes and world around the atheist begins to move again. The bear stops and drops down on its haunches. It brings it front paws together in a semblance of prayer and speaks. "Dear Lord, thank you for this meal I am about to receive and bless it to the nourishment of my body....."

[Alcoth]

[Manwë Súlimo]

oh my poor vision! but i get it now

And yet, the poor joke died in the process. Thank you, princesa, Thank you for killing my joke. Now I have to comfort the joke's friends and family.

[princesa]

And yet, the poor joke died in the process. Thank you, princesa, Thank you for killing my joke. Now I have to comfort the joke's friends and family.

no,no!!! i'll fix the damage I've caused to your joke!

hey guys!!

PLEASE NOTE THE SECOND TO LAST PHOTO ACTUALLY DESCRIBES THE WHITE SPEW SHOWN IN THE LAST PICTURE!

side note - it's a bit of a small font folks so be sure to have your glasses handy!


see? all better.

[Alcoth]

A young boy walks into a barber shop. The barber sees him sit down in the waiting room and whispers to the customer whose hair he is currently cutting, “See him? That boy is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it.” The barber pulls out his wallet and puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then, putting the wallet back in his pocket, calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”

The boy smiles at him, takes the quarters and dashes out of the building. “What did I tell you?” said the barber as he turned back around to his customer. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store with a scoop of vanilla on a cone in hand. “Hey, young man! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”

[Rational Gaze]

There are two men in bed together. One turns around and says to the other: "I tell you, this wife swapping is a total waste of time."

So they asked me, "Do you want to become a Jehovah's Witness?" I said: "I never saw the accident!"

Secuity Announcement: "Would everybody please move away from the slightly Arabic looking gentleman at Gate 64."

Omid Djalili. The only Iranian comedian... in the world. Which is still three more than Germany.

Unfortunately, the dragon only speaks in Napalm. A curious ancient language that you don't really need to speak to understand.

Barrack Obama's daughter asks him: "Dad, can I have 50 cents?" Barrack Obama replies: "30 cents? What do you want 20 cents for, I don't have 10 cents! Here is 5 cents, share it with your sister."

[Alcoth]

Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger jumps out of an alley, brandishes a knife at them and demands their money.

They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Here’s that $20 I owe you,".

[Alcoth]

Jesus and Saint Peter are golfing.

St. Peter steps up to the tee on a par three and hits one long and straight. It reaches the green. Jesus is up next. He slices it hard.

The ball heads over the fence into traffic on an adjacent street, bounces off a truck, onto the roof of a nearby shack and into the rain gutter, down the drain spout and onto a lily pad at the edge of a lake. A frog jumps up and snatches the ball in its mouth. An eagle swoops down, grabs the frog. As the eagle flies over the green, the frog croaks and drops the ball. It’s in the hole. Saint Peter looks at Jesus, exasperated.

"Are you gonna play golf?" he asks "Or are you just gonna keep messing with me?"

[Alcoth]

Osama bin Laden went to heaven and was greeted by George Washington, who slapped him and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive?"
Patrick Henry then approached and punched Osama in the nose. James Madison entered and kicked him in the shin. An angry Thomas Jefferson whacked Osama over the head with a cane.

The thrashing continued as John Randolph, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans came in and unleashed their anger on the terrorist leader.

Suddenly, as Osama lay writhing in unbearable pain, an angel appeared.
"This is not what you promised me," said Osama.
"Come on, Osama," the angel replied. "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in heaven."